LOOK AT YOUR STUPID FACE YOU'RE SO DUMB

advice for (people i actually know with) the zodiac signs
  • aquarius: don't be so trusting. giving people the benefit of the doubt is all well and good, but some people really are just assholes. you are such a sweet, joyful, glowing presence and most of the people who cluster around you adore you and would never mistreat you, but some people like to attach themselves to nice people and then walk all over them. it's not bad or mean to be a little suspicious of people's excuses and motives, especially if they always seem to have good reasons to blow you off.
  • pisces: don't let the bastards get you down. i know you hate conflict so i'm not going to tell you to bite back when people are sniping at you (unless you want to, in which case, i fully support that) but i also know it's frustrating to just sit there and wait for someone to get done bitching you out. here's the thing: only you have all the information, only you can make decisions about your life. and even if you make a wrong choice? well, it was yours to make, not your mom's or your friend's or whatever. nothing the critics say matters. what's important is that you take care of yourself. remember that.
  • aries: be pushier. i know this is totally anti-stereotypical aries advice, but i also know you. passive resistance and stubbornness are your superpowers, but that can turn so easily into mute, inert refusal. be more active, make demands, don't let yourself be silenced so easily. it makes sense to pick your battles, but if something is really important to you, don't be afraid to be vocal about it even if it pisses people off. sometimes outright aggression is the only way to get things done.
  • taurus: it's okay to be rude to assholes, you know. if someone's being a dick to you, smack them down. you'll feel like a badass after and it might make them leave you alone, two birds my friend. being nice and polite is important, but the world will not stop turning if you piss someone off. you really don't need to be so circumspect. not everyone is as reasonable as you are.
  • gemini: it's ALL RIGHT to not always get along perfectly with everyone 100% of the time. people still love you even when they're annoyed with you about something. you deserve to have your needs met, it's not a burden. you are honestly incredibly important to so many people, i know you feel like a crazy whirlwind constantly making mistakes but you bring so much love and joy to the people who care about you. you don't need to be afraid that they'll hate you if you mess up.
  • cancer: not everything has to be part of your plan for it to be ok. sometimes random shit happens and it's awesome. don't be afraid of the unexpected; don't be afraid to step off the path you have all laid out for your life. i know your comfort zone is incredibly important to you and you build high walls around it for a reason, but stick your head out the gate now and then. good things come in weird packages sometimes.
  • leo: you *can* trust people, you know. your friends don't *only* like you and value your presence because of how cool and fun you are and how much they dig the energy you project. i know you hold a lot of things back for a reason, but the image people have of you won't suddenly crumble if you confide in them a little. they care about you and i bet they'd love to hear more about how you're doing.
  • virgo: like, make your bed. it won't actually give you control over the whirling vortex of terror that is your life, but at least now you have somewhere tidy and comfortable to sit and that in and of itself will help you relax. this is really easy for me to say, but let go of trying to fix everything. sometimes carving out a little oasis of order amid the chaos is all you need.
  • libra: just because an idea is fun doesn't mean it's good. you're really awesome and people love to be around you because you're great company, but sometimes your cleverness and wit get you into trouble and you're left feeling guilty and upset for proposing something that wound up being a little less hilarious than everyone had hoped. you have good instincts, but remember to weigh the odds of a thing going badly before you do it.
  • scorpio: you deserve to be treated well! like, really well. you have no idea how important you are to the people who love you, but so many other people in your life treat you badly. if you're giving somebody more than they're giving you, if they make you feel tired or hurt or anxious or upset, walk away. you deserve people who light up your life the way you light up everyone else's.
  • sagittarius: you should cut loose more! it won't make you look immature or dumb. i don't mean go out and get faced if you don't want to but like, have another beer, take a dance class with your girlfriend, do that thing you refuse to do because you're nervous you'll say something stupid and look bad in front of other people. you're already a cool person, and that will still show through if you chill out a little.
  • capricorn: spend more time outside your bubble. i'm not saying your bubble is bad, but there's so much worth learning about the world and other people. you don't have to toss all your dreams and wishes out the window, or agree with everything you hear or see or read, but it's good to challenge yourself. the more you know, more informed you are in making decisions about your own life, and if your plans and convictions hold up they'll be that much stronger for the testing.