LIKE I CAN'T

Thoughts about Harry Edward Styles Right Now

Right now all I want to do is my press my forehead against his and tell him how extremely proud of him I am. I want him to know I’m in love with him and that I think he’s done so incredibly.

I want to wrap my arms around him and feel his heartbeat. I want to whisper that he’s made so many people better, without even trying. I want him to know his positivity and his confidence are infectious. I want him to know that he’s done something truly amazing here.

I want to sit on a couch with him, my legs over his lap, and I want to tell him that he’s answered so many of our questions, that’s he’s given us such a personal insight on his life and that I couldn’t thank him enough for any of this.

I want to talk with him about some of the things Gemma said.

I want to assure him that he’s going to do amazingly as a solo artist.

I want to tell him I love him and I want him to know that millions of us do, that he’s never, ever alone. That all of us would drop anything at the drop of a hat to be there for him.

I just want him to know these personal things about us now that we know these personal things about him.

This boy - this man has changed the entirety of 2016 for me.
This year has been so shitty.
From politics to school to my mental health to friendships crumbling.
And right now? It’s all irrelevant.
I seem dramatic, but this is someone that I’ve watched and known and loved for six years transitioning from boy to man. And that’s amazing. He has such a kind heart and such an amazing background that never used to get talked about.

He’s honestly just changed my year and I think I can spend the next three months happy, because of him. Probably longer.

We’re doing something at work for banned book week and this pic of me is going to be on our company twitter lmao. The coworker who took my picture just asked me if I could provide a snippet on why I like Toni’s writing and the honest answer is because she writes for black people and explicitly does not cater to the white academic gaze/literary canon but I’m probably going to end up saying the depth of her characterization lol

anonymous asked:

Omega!Fushimi and Beta!Misaki in live in a world where omegas are expected to be with alphas and betas are expected to be with other betas.

Fushimi would probably be pretty pissed at being an Omega while Yata’s a Beta, like I could definitely see Fushimi having a complex about being ‘lower’ because of his genes. Maybe when they meet in middle school they don’t actually know what they are because the distinctions don’t start showing in any traceable way until slightly later, like second or third year middle school is when people finally start learning which they are. Yata’s all in the mindset that of course they should both be Alphas because societal view of Alphas is that they’re superior, they’re the strongest and most amazing and Yata’s all for that. Fushimi doesn’t actually care and in fact would probably rather be a Beta because Betas aren’t slaves to their hormones and Fushimi has less than no interest in sex or babies. Then when they finally discover their designations Yata’s a bit bummed at not being an Alpha but Beta’s cool too (and maybe he’s secretly relieved because the whole ‘breeding’ and 'sex’ part of being an Alpha made him a bit embarrassed okay). He figures Fushimi’s probably a Beta too and is surprised when he learns Fushimi’s an Omega. Yata tries to be positive about it but they’re both secretly a bit upset, because they both know that Omegas belong with Alphas, so Yata as a Beta has no chance with Fushimi. Yata tells himself that it doesn’t matter because he and Saruhiko are just friends anyway but the idea of some guy coming in and taking Fushimi away pisses him off. Fushimi’s just in a silent spiral of self hatred because he doesn’t want to be someone’s baby machine and beyond that the only person he wants to be with is Yata, which is impossible for him now.

So the two of them join Homra and a few people make comments about it being a little odd that a Beta and an Omega are such good friends, though no one thinks anything’s wrong about it. There are also a lot of Alphas in Homra who keep looking at Fushimi funny and even though no one would ever do anything to him it makes Yata a little on edge, like what if Saruhiko finds his Alpha here. Fushimi just feels sick to his stomach half the time because his body keeps reacting to all these Alphas but his mind wants nothing to do with any of them. And the whole time here he is with Yata, who he wants and can’t have, and finally he snaps and joins Scepter 4. I could see that affecting Yata double this time too, because Munakata’s probably an Alpha and Yata can’t help but wonder if this is the guy who’s going to hook up with Fushimi. Munakata though only wants Fushimi for his talents, Fushimi being an Omega is irrelevant to him and that’s one of the things Fushimi likes about him (not that he admits to liking anything about Munakata).

Eventually the whole reconciliation happens and they move back in together but it’s still all awkward because they’re both super in love and hyper aware that they aren’t, technically, compatible. Fushimi normally takes heat suppressants so he doesn’t have to worry about inconvenient sex needs but maybe he forgets one day due to being so busy at work and Yata gets home to find Fushimi just half-naked and sweating in bed. Yata’s super worried and tries to tend to him but Fushimi just grabs him and kisses him. Yata immediately pulls away because he thinks he’s taking advantage of Fushimi in this state. Fushimi keeps reaching for him though and maybe Yata does end up giving him a handjob or something because Fushimi’s so desperate. Later when Fushimi’s back in a more calm state of mind Yata apologizes, like he knows he’s not an Alpha and probably shouldn’t touch Fushimi like that but the truth is the idea of someone else touching Fushimi like that pisses him off. Fushimi finally tells Yata to shut up and stop apologizing, Yata only did what Fushimi wanted him to do, what Fushimi’s always wanted him to do, because Fushimi doesn’t need some ridiculous Alpha. Fushimi admits that he doesn’t care what his stupid genes want, he wants to be with Yata. It would probably be hard for them for a while afterward, like I don’t think any of their clans would judge (they’d probably all be 'about time’) but sometimes when they’re out together random Alphas will smell Fushimi and just glare at Yata. Fushimi gets pissed off at getting sniffed pretty quickly and Yata just grabs him and gets all protective because fuck off, he’s mine. (Also depending on how we’re doing the Beta thing here, like if it’s a situation where only Alphas can impregnate Omegas that’s just an extra bonus as far as Fushimi’s concerned, all the sex with Misaki he wants and no worries about stupid babies that he has no interest in. Imagine some random Alpha trying to win Fushimi over by mocking Yata for not being able to breed Fushimi like a proper Alpha would and doesn’t Fushimi want someone who can give him the children that he’s probably always desired, and Fushimi and Yata just share a look and start laughing because the idea of Fushimi being all starry eyed over kids is hilarious.)

In exactly a week I’ll have brithday, yay! I’ll be 27 wtf, people live that long?

I don’t think I’ll do anything fun to celebrate it, though. I need to be at work and prepare for my studies. And besides I have like one friend irl. And last but not least I’m very broke and need to save money for a doctor because my stupid knee hurts again.

Still, if you have some spare cash and want to buy this loser coffee/dinner/cake (which is totally better than sex), here’s my Ko-fi page. I don’t earn much, so every donation is very appreciated.

And because I’m secretly a dragon, feel free to add some books to my ever-expanding hoard. Amazon knows best what dragons like.

Anyway, I hope you’re gonna have a great week!