Joanna Santos has written an important blog post about the way theories that reduce transgender and genderqueer lives to an effect of sexual desire and arousal stop many trans and queer people from finding out who they really are. 

It is time for us to liberate ourselves from theories that say – for instance – that all crossdressers are fetishists, or researchers that argue that all trans women who love men are effeminate gay men preying on straight men.

Joanna has managed to untangle herself from this toxic way of thinking and has found peace with herself:

…I have come full circle and after a long period of reflection and angst…, I have come to return to the state where I began my life. I have returned to being as true as I can to a nature that was always there but within the confines of the reality that I now live as an ageing adult.

She strongly believes there is hope for the future, as she sees some significant changes in the way we look at  trans people.

When I was growing up the people we then termed as transvestites were considered sick and perverted people which is why I held a highly negative image of cross gender expression. Young people now identify as gender queer, androgynous, non-binary, etc in an attempt to describe the feeling that they do not fit perfectly into a rigid stereotype and many dress the way they feel. Their daily life is far from perfect but it’s better than when I was growing up and hopefully it’s a reflection of our growth as a society.

Read the whole blog post here!

Work tonight was so great :) I work at a shoe store, and about an hour after clocking in a little boy (maybe 6 years old?) comes up to me going “excuse me?” and when I asked if he needed help with something he just said “you’re beautiful” and walked away. Kids generally scare me because they can be so brutally honest and I never really wanted to hear an honest opinion of what I look like, so having that happen (especially since I recently gained 25 lbs) made me so so so happy :) it was really sweet!

Then, a few hours later, a male presenting person came in and went to the women’s aisle (I don’t know their gender identity and don’t want to assume so I’ll use they/them. They could be male and like heals, they could be female but not yet in a position to or comfortable  with presenting as such). They were in like their 30s or 40s and looking at heels, so at first I wasn’t sure if they were looking to buy something for their spouse or what, but I thought they were acting really nervous and off so I kept an eye on them. I starting thinking maybe they were shopping for themselves and wanted to offer help without getting a negative reaction (the last thing I needed was for me to have been wrong and to have some grown man start yelling at me and throwing around homophobic/transphobic/misogynistic comments). When I came back to that aisle I saw them putting their shoes back on (apparently having been trying on a pair of heels) and when I walked past I pointed out a pair that I knew came in higher sizes and said they were really cute (black wedges that were indeed really cute). They smiled and agreed and when I was sure they were shopping for themselves, I offered to help with sizing and explained that the only difference between the women’s shoes sizes and men’s were that you add 2 to a men’s size to get women’s, or subtract 2 from women’s to get men’s (for example, I’m a 9 in women’s sized and a 7 in men’s).

When I was checking them out, they pointed out that they got the shoes I had suggested and thanked me twice for helping. They were still speaking quietly like they didn’t really want anyone to hear, but it made me feel so GOOD to know that I made their experience at least a little more comfortable. And I am so thankful that I was the one working, because I’ve already had conversations with my coworkers where they made transphobic comments about “men who come in shopping for women’s shoes.” I wouldn’t want someone who was brave enough to buy clothes to truly express themselves/make themselves happy to have to put up with that.

But yeah, it was a good night. I was given a compliment and I helped someone feel more comfortable while doing something that might have been outside their comfort zone.

Sorry for the random rant about my night. I’m just so happy with how it went that I wanted to share :)

anonymous asked:

I don't understand why demisexuals need their own category. they're literally just pansexuals

Oh dear, 

Alright anon let me give you a little explanation of demisexuality.

Demisexuals:

  • Are a part of the Ace Spectrum
  • They do not experience sexual attraction until they are deeply emotionally or romantically connected to someone.
  • How romantically attached they have to be depends on the person.
  • Being demi is like having a locked door, and only one person has the key.
  • Demis can have a seperate romantic identity (I, for instance am homo-romantic).

Pansexuals:

  • Are not part of the Ace Spectrum
  • Being pan is like having no door at all (meaning no gender defined attraction)
  • Pans can have a seperate romantic identity
  • They are not bi either
  • They experience fluid sexual attraction, not limited to any gender.
  • Meaning they can be attracted to not only ‘traditional’ genders but also  transgendered, androgynous, and gender fluid folk

In summary anon:

Pansexuals have sexual attraction that is not limited to any gender, Demisexuals have sexual attraction that can only develop after they have a strong romantic attraction and may be only for a certain individual.

They are in no way the same.

Okay, so...
  • I was participating in the Day of Silence, & the boy that sits next to me in French asked me why I wasn't talking. I showed him a card explaining what I was doing to him,& he passed me a note.
  • Boy:Are you bisexual?
  • Me:*slides it back*
  • Boy:*writes more & passes it back* Are you a lesbian?
  • Me:*getting annoyed* That's my business.
  • Boy:So you are?
  • Me:Just because I'm supporting them doesn't mean that I am one.
  • Boy:*tries to write something back, but the teacher sees him*
  • Teacher:Put that on my desk.
  • (I was shaking my head furiously at her mouthing the word "no", but she didn't see)
  • Boy:Oh, I was just-
  • Teacher:On my desk. Now.
  • Boy:It's-
  • Teacher:Now.
  • Boy:*reading note* Are you bisexual or a lesbian?
  • (I covered my mouth, started blushing, & hid my face)
  • My biggest secret may have just been blown. Ever since I found out I was gay, my mom has been telling me to hide it because we've all been going through a lot right now, & I haven't even told my dad yet.
  • But please don't pressure someone into telling you their sexuality. If they say they don't want to tell you, don't say "so, you're gay?" Don't force it out of them. Don't even say they can trust you & you won't tell anyone. If they don't want to tell you, they don't want to tell you. It's not your business.

I am not sure if trans Blacktivist, Ryley Pogensky, is fair in everything he has to say about white trans men. Whenever people start to generalize in this way, I hesitate. 

But he has my attention!

He says:

As I get older, I feel like it falls on my shoulders more and more to be a voice that younger transgender and non gender conforming kids can hear and hopefully look up to. While sitting and listening on Huffington Post Live last week to a white trans man talk about how important fitting into cis male culture was for him I wanted to gauge my eyes out…

I sat and felt my brain both numbing and firing up. When a white FTM person talks about their experience it is press tour worthy. When a Black trans* woman is murdered, it is a passing headline. And what is that white FTM person talking about? Themselves.

They aren’t talking about how cis society needs to get its shit together and support and protect all trans lives. No, they are talking about how special their individual story is. It is no coincidence that this story is held together by masculinity. Because this is after all America, and American journalism a space that has always been dominated by white men.

You can read the whole article here!

Ryley blogs over at Queergrub.

Photo: Bruce Weber

When you are surrounded by extremely homophobic people it’s really hard to be okay with your sexual orientation, but when even members of the lgbt community are questioning the validity of your identity, saying its not real or another stupid label it’s practically impossible not to feel shitty about yourself.

@hautebutch crew. What a pleasure to walk for Karen of @hautebutch at QFW in Oakland, CA. #queerfashionweek #butch #handsome #androbois #androgyny #andromodel #boisofinstagram #boi #bois #tomboi #tomboy #tomboylook #tomboylookbook #lgbtqa #menswear #mensfashion #agendermodel #highfashion #model #runwaymodel #modeling #malerunwaymodel #malemodel #masculine #genderqueer #queer (at Oakland, CA)

I finally came out to my parents.

I finally decided that it was time my parents knew that I like both men and women.  I was super nervous and terrified that they would lash out or argue with me about it since they tend to be a little homophobic, but I was pleasantly surprised when the response was “You are who you are.”  They might not approve of me liking women, but they still love me and accept that this is who I am. 

This is a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.  Now I just have to have a discussion with my little brother about the lgbtqa community with my little brother. 

To all queer artists, writers, and creators of all kinds:

Don’t be afraid to include queer themes in your work. In fact, saturate your work with queerness. Shove it in your audience’s faces. Create queer side-romances, create straight characters who break down gender roles, include trans characters who have more purpose than portraying the struggles of the trans community.

Create so many queer works that they are accepted into mainstream society. Go forth and normalize queerness.

anonymous asked:

Demi isnt real.

Real, I apologize for using the word real. Allow me to make a correction.

I indicated, by using a reblog button, that the world was made up of many real objects and entities, and I gave descriptions of these disparate parts. I even went so far as to ascribe action and agency to some of these entities, to specify that a certain entity was in fact real.

But, as we all know, nothing can be fully understood to be “real.” Any description of the world I give is simply the world I experience – which is to say, a narrative I force onto whatever horror or void lies behind the scrim of our perception.

I offer my deepest, most humble apologies for the previous, erroneous, report. I affirm once again that nothing is real – including this correction, and least of all, your experience of reading it.

Psst
Back during civil war times there were a lot of confederates who thought that slavery was a holy practice and that people who wanted to free slaves were disgusting and would go to hell.

Keep that in mind next time you claim that being gay is a sin.