Week 1

Our first instalment of ‘what pineapple related crap is Chloe posting this week?’ is this snazzy candle holder painted exclusively by yours truly a couple of days ago.

Now to recap: starting from after Thursday’s final scene cos I value my life too much to get into spanner-gate etc.

  • We’ve got mopey Rob at Brook Cottage (WITH ACTUAL SUGDEN FAMILY INTERACTION - SHOOK) crying into his brekkie. Commiserations babe but you kinda brought this on yourself
  • Classic in denial Rob misguidedly telling Diane he can fix things and then proceeding to tell Aaron how Aaron feels *major projection of own feelings klaxon*
  • Aaron being heartbroken and walking away for his own wellbeing and sanity - we’re all super proud of you hun!
  • Meanwhile we have Rebecca showcasing at least 4 of her personality types (and managing to truly outdo herself in the headf*ck stakes) by saying she’s surprised (?!) and sad about them splitting (?!) to Debs; making out that she wanted them all to be some kind of modern family (the f*ck?) and acting like she hasn’t actively tried to split them up on numerous occasions since she arrived to Vic in the Woolie Kitchens MINUS ANY KIND OF PHYSICAL SIGN THAT SHE IS CARRYING A HUMAN FOETUS IN HER WOMB excuse me while I lie down and try to process that
  • Then we have NO AARON WHATSOVER (how are you feeling? what are your thoughts I wanna know?!?)
  • More mopey Rob throwing paper airplanes in the B&B (Valerie Pollard’s spiritual home, rip) and making us swoon by saying Aaron was his whole life *hearteyes* - you and me both Rob
  • Robert calling Doug and Diane boring (but Robert, did you know Doug can carve a carrot into a penny whistle, what you saying?)
  • Pissed Robert telling the alleged mother of his child to her face that she has had multiple sexual partners in a less than ideal fashion and finally (FINALLY) bringing up the paternity issue we’ve all been harping on about since April(!)
  • Finally we have the best camera shot in weeks and something all Robert fans can agree on - those jeans are A++ (thank you Emmerdale wardrobe department) and that shot includes a magnificent arse - in both senses of the word 😉

When Tom is getting shit from Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan


Quick Video of me sketching Reece 

Someone asked for some Chirrut POV from A Single Monk in Good Standing Must be in Want of a Bro, so I did something (approx. 600 words):

“It’s done,” Janos says, quiet but urgent. “It’s done, he’s noticed.”

Contrary to what some elders might say, Chirrut is capable of tact and caution. Right now he displays those skills excellently, for he limits his reply to an equally quiet, “Where is he? How is he?”

Keep reading

British Memes Gothic
  • There is a Nandos on every street. They are all cheeky. You do not know what makes them cheeky. Each houses a garrison of lads. You do not want to enter, but you cannot resist a cheeky Nandos. The smell of banter and peri peri overwhelms you.
  • A meerkat is trying to sell you insurance. You have forgotten what the insurance is for. All that matters is the comparison. If you are good and do not protest, the meerkat promises, you will get a free meerkat toy.
  • Freddos are too expensive. No-one you know remembers a time when they were the right price. You stare at the sweet shelf, lost in the glamour of the Pick'n'mix and the little chocolate frogs.
  • The DFS sale is now on. It is always now on. Has it ever been off? No matter. It is now on. If you hurry, you can get a year of interest-free payments.
  • Jamie Oliver is on the television. Jamie Oliver is in your school. Jamie Oliver is in your kitchen, cooking an eight-course banquet in 30 minutes. It’s full of big flavours. He always has enough herbs. You do not ask where he gets them from. You can only be thankful it’s Jamie Oliver and not Heston Blumenthal.
  • Everyone watched Dick and Dom when they were a child, no matter their age. Do they age? Where have they gone? What was the nature of their bungalow? Are they of the same deathless kindred as Bruce Forsyth? You suspect Graham Norton may also be involved.
  • There are four candles. Everyone you mention them to thinks you’re talking about utensils.
  • A car races past you. Behind the wheel is a man screaming about POWER. This is the worst day… in the world.
  • When you sleep, you can hear Stephen Fry behind your eyelids, asking you about the significance of the march hare to the Aztecs. You say that they worshipped them. Klaxons blare from all around.


okay not exactly the entire song… I couldn’t find any full recording of his performance for this song so I had to make do with the short audio clips that I have and compile them together with a backing track. 

So please understand if the singing gets cut off suddenly; it’s because I do not have the entire recording.

Bonus clip: (7 years later)

anonymous asked:

What do you think about SI employees obstructing the rogue Avengers from seeing Tony after CACW?

I think SI employees would absolutely obstruct the rogue Avengers from seeing Tony.

Like the first moment one of them steps foot into the lobby, the secretaries have sent out a red alert. The rogue Avengers were going to meet with Tony, but they find him rushing out of the conference room, wild-eyed, shouting, “EVACUATE! EVACUATE NOW!” and suddenly there are klaxons and everyone’s running and Tony gets lost in the shuffle and the security guards are barking at them to get out NOW. (Later, the secretaries send a very stern reprimand at R&D. “DO NOT RIG SOMETHING TO EXPLODE WITHOUT MR. STARK’S IMMEDIATE ATTENTION AGAIN. MRS. OLSEN IN PUBLIC RELATIONS WAS ALMOST TRAMPLED.”

The second time the secretaries send out a red alert, Tony walks into the conference room to meet them but doesn’t manage to do more than open his mouth when Friday cuts in, “Boss, all of the servers went out in HR and it’s possible we lost everything for the next two weeks” and instead of words coming out of Tony’s mouth it’s just a high-pitched scream as he turns on his heel and runs for the elevator to get to the servers because it’s gonna be a clusterfuck if his employees don’t get paid. Friday gets a very polite email from the secretaries thanking her for her help.

The third time, Tony actually gets through some civil pleasantries before an intern bursts through the door and shouts “MR. STARK HELP!” And Tony’s on his feet and following this intern going “What? What’s wrong?” But the intern doesn’t really know because he panicked but luckily one of the other interns sees him and clutches her chest and wheezes, “My inhaler!” “WHERE IS FARAH’S INHALER?!” Tony shrieks. (”I didn’t know you had asthma,” the intern says, and Farah gives him a blank look because she doesn’t.) The interns get a pizza party. Tony assumes it’s because of a breakthrough or morale but it was for thinking on their feet to get him out of that conference room.

The rogue Avengers are, of course, starting to suspect, so when another intern rushes in just before Tony has to say something, Clint grabs them by the arm and asks them angrily what’s going on. And then he is blindsided by Tony’s fist, so much so that he doesn’t even have the chance to stumble before he goes down, and Tony snarls, “Don’t you touch my employees. Yes, dear, what is it?” And Esme stutters and thanks him and then says their numbers have turned out all wrong and their manager is out for lunch but the data is due in ten minutes and they don’t know what to do, and Tony would really rather help this intern about to burst into tears than someone who would threaten them. “You had your chance,” Friday tells them ominously after Tony and Esme are out of earshot. She unscrambles Esme’s data and when they see it they do burst into tears because they swear it was wrong a minute ago Mr. Stark!!! “I believe you,” Tony says, giving one of Friday’s cameras the side-eye, and Esme ends up with a thousand dollar bonus in their next paycheck because Friday really should have chosen a less anxious target.

“…You knew, boss?” Friday asks meekly.

Tony scoffs. “I knew the minute R&D called me about the explosive situation. Protocol calls for immediate evacuation, not the entire R&D team milling about anxiously for me to arrive.”

Friday still has a lot to learn, but luckily the secretaries compile a digital list of protocols for each division for her, even Accounting, and they still like to deal with paper.

Newcomers Pt 13

Much of the city’s inhabitants on the eastern side had been moved to the western side when the enemy first arrived. Thousands of Benemar families were now held up in temporary housing close to the eastern wall. When the first klaxon sounded many of them thought it was reinforcements come relive the city and drive back the invaders. But then the wall had erupted inwards as something powerful had fired upon it at close range.

Silence, the strange kind that comes when such a colossal sound has rung through everyone’s ears, then the thunder or at least what many thought was thunder. Dust was kicked up high into the air masking everything around the breach. But something was moving within it, a shape and it was big. It emerged out of the dust and stood in the street looking down at the the city’s inhabitants with it’s square shaped head standing some hundreds or so feet above the ground. Nothing, no one spoke or screamed or moved.

On it’s arms though something was moving, a hatch by the looks of it from the ground and from it extended dozens of rotary guns. And they unleashed their fire power upon the crowed.

Hundreds were killed in seconds and a second Bastion followed the first through the breach and added it’s own to the fray as infantry ran through it’s legs to secure the city.

The first began moving, it’s steps crushing vehicles and anything else unlucky enough to be in it’s way, it was moving towards the centre of the city and the second turned south.

On the eastern wall the three Bastions were now advancing at full speed, still slow by some standards but their strides were long, the city’s artillery opened up to bar them entry to the city but they were set upon by Human bombers. The anti air fire they enjoyed was now suddenly silent as most of the guns were destroyed by the rebels. Then the Benemar’s worst fear came, the eastern gate opened, Camo troops had struck soon after the first klaxon and secured the gate before any warning could be sounded so the Benemar believed it was still under their control. The gate itself was huge and in fact a section of the wall that could recede into the main part. But it was too narrow for the Bastions to pass through so they made their own entrance. And like virus infecting a healthy body the army spread and killed everyone they found.

Geedol had tried to organise a defence but saw all his carefully laid plans fall apart in his hands. He ordered units to move and engage only to hear they were under attack or destroyed, marked fall back positions only for rebels to appear there or Camo troops cutting them off. He put the com on loudspeaker so he could more easily follow the battle but it was carnage, the enemy had struck everywhere at once. With the enemy in front, amongst and behind them and after only two hours he turned to his second in command Setom and said two words.

“We’ve lost”

Jenkins ran firing his rifle with incredible accuracy, he was fast, faster than before and he did not know why. He saw everything so much more clearly now, he had been hit a few times but felt no pain only a mild discomfort at the shot. Then he remembered, the Gal symbiont was still attached to him, was this the reason why? It was smaller now having consumed most of his waste cells and healed his wounds and even moved to his back at the nape of the neck. This was the most comfortable place for them and it did not get in the host’s way as well, almost all the Humans now had these symbiont Gal on them. The normal Gal were still fighting alongside them but something was different about them too, the Humans and Gal were separate species yet sine the symbiont Jenkins could almost…feel their intent and movements and the Gal reacted to this as well. More than once he turned to fire at a Benemar that he could have no idea was there but had been spotted by a Gal. He did not have time to think on these things, the Benemar were fighting to almost suicidal lengths to try and push them back or hold their postions. Cathy ran past him leaping from a boulder and grabbing onto the side of a building that was made of pure steel so how she did it was beyond him. She pointed her rifle with one arm and gunned down a number of defenders who were hiding behind cover and causing a nuisance. She leapt down and smiled at Jenkins before moving on. She too was feeling the difference but unlike him was enjoying it.

There was no real resistance, the eastern garrison where the majority of the Benemar warriors were was overrun when the Bastions came through the walls and what little defence could be mustered on the western side was simple walked over. All the other gates were either sealed or under Human control, there would be no escape for the inhabitants of Geeda, arguably the greatest defensive city on the planet…fell in 3 hours.

After the battle the Humans began to feel uneasy, they had agreed to the symbiont as they had saved their lives from fatal or near fatal wounds but now something was very very much amiss. Jenkins wanted answers.

He found the Conduit, a large Gal that acted as the voice of the Nerve and all Gal on the planet, it alone was capable of speech having learned and evolved from contact with the Humans.

Jenkins walked up to it being flanked by Cho, Cathy and Karen, the Conduit turned to regard him, he could feel his intent.

Jenkins grabbed it and pulled it off it’s feet and pinned it to the ground with his knee on it to stop it flaying around.

“You have got explaining to do!” he screamed at it.

“Commander take it easy!” Cho shouted grabbing his arm but did not try to pull him off.

“The Gal are supposed to be non compatible with other races, your genome is too alien and deadly to others, by your own admission you say you are genetically created. So why are you now suddenly able to bond with us?” Jenkins face was inches from the Conduits who looked up silent but terrified.

“Commander we are allies and this is not going to help us” Karen said quietly, she was just as desperate for answers, they all were. A large crowed of Humans had gathered and were eyeing the Gal with a degree of hostility. The alliance hung in the balance.

All the Humans had felt it, the strength, the speed the connection to not only the Gal but one another.

“Not, created, modified” the Conduit said.

“What?” Jenkins demanded.

“Gal genetic material is only 5% artificial, the rest is compatible with Humanity”


“I can explain that” said someone who they did not recognise.

“Who are you?” Cho asked.

“I am Dr Cassion”

“…the researcher from the lower decks?” Cathy said “I thought you never left the ship”

“Yeah well the plot demanded I be here” he said walking over to Jenkins “I can explain everything”

Jenkins let the Conduit go and it got to it’s feet slowly.

“Well, start talking”

Dr Cassion straightened himself and stood on a small platform so he could just about be seen by all who had gathered.

“What I am about to say will be hard to accept but it is true, me and the Gal have confirmed it”

“Confirmed what? Get to the point” Cathy shouted.

“Humans and Gal are the same species”

No one spoke, the faces of the Humans showed they clearly did not believe him.

“With respect doctor you are going to have to do a bit better than that” Cho said.

“Well it is rather…extensive but the main point is our genetic code’s are almost identical, almost not completely. You all know the story of when Terra was first forming many billions of years ago and how it was struck by countless asteroids and comets and it is theorized that they held the building blocks that made life possible on Terra”

“We learned that in school what’s your point” shouted a Human from the crowed.

“Our genetic material was taken from a comet that crashed into an Alliance planet some centuries ago” the Conduit said “The genetic material found was unlike any the Alliance had found before and they harnessed it into us, the Gal”

“So what you’re saying is they are Human?” said Cathy pointing at a Gal next to her.

“No” replied Doctor Cassion “More like genetic cousins like the great apes are to Humanity but the Gal’s naturally mutates when they come into contact with us and this makes them compatible. In a sense they are reacting to the more natural form of their genetic code”

Everyone stood in silence, some looked at the Gal who would turn to regard them in turn for, the Gal already knew as they do not have any sense of individuality and are all connected but they were worried how the Humans would react.

Because as the Gal evolved in reaction to when in contact with the Humans so too were the Humans reacting to them. Becoming stronger and faster and in a sense were already considered apex predators but were now becoming the apex of the apex predators.  

“YEAH!!!” Cathy shouted and picked up the nearest Gal “New additions to the Terran family!”

Her cheer was added to by the others who embraced the Gal not only as allies now, but as family.

Normal horoscope

Aries: You are worthless, in the sense that the concept of value cannot be applied to you.

Taurus: Your teeth are a bread knife. Literally, someone performed very illegal surgery on you while you were asleep.

Gemini: I asked the stars about you and they got real quiet and changed the topic.

Cancer: Someone filled your pepper mill with ants earlier today. Stars wouldn’t say why.

Leo: Defend your inner worth by hitting people with a shovel if they are mean to you.

Virgo: The system you use to organize your makeup has reached godelian incompleteness and has gained sentience.

Libra: The stars were wearing their nice pants today. I think theyre trying to impress you.

Scorpio: You are the warning klaxon before a neuclear attack.

Saggatarius: Once, you were hollow inside. Now someone has filled you with a nice apricot jam.

Capricorn: You will completely misinterpret random events as omens and signs, except for the crow eating itself, you’re spot on with that one.

Aquarius: Dye your irises black. They will allow you to see.

Pisces: There is a weathered wooden sign that will direct you to the quiet you desire.

I saw this post and I just want to die lol.

Pepper looked at Tony, down at the briefcase in his hand, then slowly dragged her eyes back up to his. “…I have all the paperwork we need.”

“I know,” Tony told her, as if he was offended that she might ever think he might believe her incompetent.

“…Is that the armor?” she hissed, appalled. “Why would you ever need the armor for a board meeting? Oh my God. Tony.

“It’s not the armor,” he hurried to assure her.

Pepper wanted to yell at him. Instead she just let out a frustrated sigh and grabbed his arm. “Come on! We’re late.”

“Um, I was about to walk into the conference room! You’re the one that started interrogating me about my briefcase!” Tony complained, but let himself be dragged.

Halfway through the meeting, when a man older than salt was droning on about financing a project, Pepper felt something cold and damp tap against the outside of her knee. She glanced down at it, then shot Tony a mortified glare and hissed, “Is that a juice box?!”

“Apple,” he affirmed quietly, tapping it against her knee again.

She glared at him a moment longer before she took the juice box and–God, he’d already taken the wrappers off the straws so they wouldn’t make crinkling noises–stabbed the straw through the foil hole.

Natasha stared at the briefcase sat beside Tony. She hadn’t had anything to eat for breakfast before the alarm klaxon had rung, and she was hungry.

Tony noticed her staring and grimaced, because honestly, debriefing was the worst. They could have at least ordered something in for the team. Sighing quietly, he glanced at Fury, then carefully kicked the briefcase over to her.

Natasha frowned, confused, because she knew it was the briefcase armor. Still, she opened the case, just a crack.

The briefcase practically spat a bag of french onion Sun Chips into her hands. They were packed in a Ziploc bag so as to not make much noise. She gaped. Tony had food even in this briefcase?

She glanced up when a piece of paper was slid over to her, Steve’s artistic scrawl asking, Are those chips?

Natasha scowled, clutching the chips in her lap possessively. She nearly jumped out of her seat when the briefcase spat out another bag of chips and then snapped closed.

She kept the french onion one and shoved the barbecue Sun Chips at Steve, then kicked the briefcase back to Tony.

“Tony!” Steve shouted when he saw the man tucked behind a piece of debris. “Get the suit on!”

“It’s coming!” Tony called back.

Steve turned to gape at him. “You have the briefcase right there!”

Tony stared at him, hand inside the briefcase. He slowly drew his hand out.

“Oh my God, are those pistachios!? What is even in there?!”

“None of your beeswax, Captain Nosy!” Tony snapped back, twisting the bag tighter and tighter, then drew back and threw it at the nearest AIM soldier. “Say a prayer, Steve!”

Steve sputtered. “For what?!” he asked, even as he did mentally say a prayer for… whatever. He gaped when the bag of nuts burst into flame, making the AIM soldier scream and flail before throwing himself to the ground.

“My pistachios,” Tony said sadly.


Tony sneered at him even as he stood, armor wrapping around his body. “Of course it is, Steve.”

Steve yelled. No words. Just anger.

Newcomers Pt 12

For hours the battle for Geeda’s airspace raged, the anti air fire was immense and filled the sky with thousands of shells often fired blindly in the hopes they would hit a Human craft. They often did but the Human bombers refused to let loose their own payload blind for fear they would hit their own troops within the city and their new allies the freed slaves or rebels as they were coming to be known. Unfortunately they did not hit many of their targets, the city’s anti air fire was just to intense to risk.

Then the Human/Gal forces marched on the city with three of their Bastions leading the way who towered over the infantry and tanks like giants. The hundreds of thousands of Humans and Gal with their vehicles and the Bastions moved across the planet like a black tide. And sat, just outside the range of the city’s guns. The city fired their artillery mounted on the walls but as expected they fell short and the Humans refused to advance any further. But they did respond. Three bastions took a number of steps forward, it brought them into range of the Benemar guns but it meant they could fire theirs. Their two cannons on their backs were the only ones that could reach the city, it being some miles away they arched their guns. And fired.

The blast was like thunder that shook the bones, many Humans and Gal were knocked from their feet from the shockwave of the cannon’s discharge. Then a few seconds later, it’s second cannon fired. It took nearly 30 seconds for the first shells fired to reach the city and when it struck, the Benemar felt like their war god itself had struck their walls. Despite the range the Humans were very accurate and many artillery placements erupted in flames or were incinerated but sometimes a shell would be too high and hit the town collapsing buildings or would be too low and hit the wall causing immense damage but did not bring it down.

Chief Geedol had been the garrison commander for nearly all his adult life, in fact his family name comes from this very city and they had guarded it for countless generations. In fact it was his ancestor that had beaten back the Humans the first time they were here and this city had been the only one not to fall during that invasion. Now he watched from his control tower at their second attempt to take his city, he smiled to himself. The air raids had been inefficient as he had seen that the city’s anti air defences had been lacking some years ago and reinforced them. The holographic map of the city and it’s surroundings was placed in the middle of his commanding room. The enemy had not advanced and still relied on these Bastions to siege the city.

“What are they planning?” he said to himself.

“Do they really intend to take down the walls with only those things?” asked one of his staff.

“No, they do not seem to be targeting the wall” Geedol said “More they seem to be aiming for the guns even if they have only knocked out a few”

“We have begun moving guns from the northern and western walls as the enemy cannot approach from those sides due to the river. They will add to our arsenal as replace any losses we have sustained”

Chief Geedol watched the holographic display, it also tracked shell projections and where his units were. From this room he could command the entire battle without looking out the window.

“What damage have we done to their Bastions?” he asked.

“Minimal, they are at the very edge of the range of our guns and any hit we do manage to score is mainly due to luck”

“What is the size of the enemy army” asked Setom who was Geedol’s second in command.

“Hard to say, but we estimate that it must be close to 2 million enemy warriors both Human and Gal”

“Just fighting one of these foe’s is hard enough but for them to work together is troublesome” Geedol said “But what are they waiting for?”

“Chief?” Setom asked.

“They could have attacked days ago but still they sit there and continue to exchange shells with us, the wall is not coming down and we are replacing the guns they destroy so what are they doing?”

“Could this have something to do with the slave breakout the other day?” Setom asked.

“What did you say?”

“The slave breakout, a large number of slaves got out of the pens and freed the others, we have yet to locate them”

“Why was I not told of this!?” Geedol said advancing on Setom.

“We did not think it worth your attention, we already have teams searching for them”

Geedol’s eyes bulged and he spat on the ground “They’re here, they’re already in the city” he said his voice barley a whisper.


“Send every available warrior to hunt them down I want them found”

“But chief I-”


Oma hid his cell of rebel fighters from view near one of the gates to the city as suddenly a huge number of Benemar warriors came into view, some jumped off their transports to reinforce the gate and other sped away.

“Well this complicates things” he said to himself.

“What do we do now?” asked a rebel.

“You stay quiet and hidden, I am going to take a look around”

Oma activated his camo armour and slid away, what he was really doing was getting to higher ground as the buildings inhibited his com’s ability to transmit.

“Sergeant Faye this is Corporal Oma, do you read me?”

“I do Oma” her voice came through as calm and collected as ever.

“I’m guessing you have noticed the Benemar’s increased actions”

“We have, other cells are reporting the same thing”  

“Do you think they are onto us?” he asked.

“It is possible and likely, our actions could not remain hidden for long”

“What do we do? Move up our schedule or stay on it?”

“My orders were to delay, but as a great general said, it is a bad plan one that cannot be changed, so we are changing it. Begin sabotage operations to their garrisons and storage facilities”

“Yes ma'am”

The city of Geeda erupted in multiple small fires almost simultaneously, these attacks were not effective in damaging the city or it’s infrastructure but it did sow the seeds of fear in the population. They had been told the enemy was miles away only to find them in their streets even if they were only rebels but they were wielding Human weapons. This confirmed Chief Geedol’s suspicions that they were already within the city walls and were up to something but something else gnawed at him. These attacks did nothing to harm the defence and no actual Humans had been seen with them. Where were they, where were they hiding and what were they planning?

For hours he stared at the holographic map before deactivating it and rolling out a paper one that had not been used in many years hoping another perspective would give him some insight. He looked at the outlay of the city, turning the map to look at it from another angle and thinking himself as the attacker. How would he assault the city, what would he do? Then he saw it, his jaw dropped and he looked out of the tower towards the east where the enemy was arrayed to attack the city in plain view. Plain view, they were not even trying to hide, in fact they were making every attempt to make themselves seen. He turned to the one direction they were not watching, the western side of the city, all the guns from there had been moved and it had little to no garrison and most of the civilian population was evacuated there. But the river? It was basically a small ocean in it’s own right and there was nothing coming across it, even still the current of it was strong, very strong so much that their ancestors called it the river of blood. What could….another thought came.

The reports had told of ten Bastions being deployed to the planet, five marched east and five marched west towards him. But why were only three firing on the city? “Where are the other two?”

A klaxon sounded, not any Benemar klaxon this was unmistakably an alien one and it shook buildings and shattered windows. He turned his head to the west knowing what it was before he saw them, the two remaining Bastions rising out of the river. As if this was the signal all the gates save for the eastern gates erupted in flames and were buried sealing them shut. Behind the two Bastions came more Human constructs and infantry. To the east the main army that had been waiting for so long was finally advancing and the sky became black with the shadows of thousands of enemy fighter craft.

What they thought their sanctuary, was now their prison.