How the captains would comfort their lieutenants after a nightmare


As requested by anon. :)


The lieutenants have had a bad dream, and they are going to their captains for comfort! How will each of the captains respond?


1. Squad 1

Sasakibe: Captain….I just had a nightmare.

Yamamoto: It is all right, Chojiro.

Yamamoto: You can stroke my softly comforting beard just as long as you need to.

Sasakibe: Thank you, Captain!!


2. Squad 2

Omaeda: I had a nightmare, Captain!

Soi Fon: Was it me bashing in your head with a metal rod for disturbing my sleep?

Omaeda: No…

Soi Fon: Huh. So you aren’t prescient after all.

Omaeda: Maybe I’ll go back to bed.


3. Squad 3 (past)

Kira: Captain Ichimaru…I just had a nightmare.

Gin: Tell me about it, Izuru. I will help you understand it.

[much time later]

Gin: And that, Izuru, is how every aspect of your nightmare relates directly to your own psyche.

Gin: But don’t worry, Izuru. Just because you symbolically dreamed that all of your friends turned on you and you were forced to murder them in cold blood, that doesn’t mean that it will happen.

Gin: It simply means that your heart believes that it will happen.

Kira: C-Captain…

Gin: I’m sure you will sleep much better now!


4. Squad 3 (current)

Kira: Captain, I had a nightmare.

Rose: Tell me about it!

Kira: …why are you getting out a notepad?

Rose: Because dreams are excellent song-writing material!

Kira: Never mind I am fine.

Rose: Izuru!


5. Squad 4

Isane: Captain Unohana?

Unohana: Come sit with me, Isane.

Isane: How do you always know when I’ve had a nightmare?

Unohana: A captain senses these things.

Unohana: When that captain is me.


6. Squad 5 (old)

Hinamori: A-Aizen-taicho, I’ve had a terrible dream!

Aizen: I know, Hinamori.

Aizen: That is why I showed up at your door in the middle of the night with your favorite cookies and some warm milk.

Hinamori: That is so sweet and not at all creepy!

Aizen: I am so glad.


7. Squad 5 (current)

Hinamori: I had a bad dream, Captain.

Shinji: Oh dear. So no more monster movie nights, then?

Hinamori: I don’t think it was the movies, Captain.

Hinamori: I think it was the snacks.

Shinji: But spicy fish oreos are the snack of the future!

Hinamori: Captain no


8. Squad 6

Renji: Captain, sorry to bother you, but I’ve had a nightmare and now I can’t sleep.

Byakuya: I am more than familiar with terrible dreams, Renji.

Byakuya: Sometimes I dream about how I could not save Hisana. Sometimes I dream that she is disappointed in me. Sometimes I dream that I never found her sister.

Renji: I dreamed that I was being chased by pudding!

Byakuya: …

Byakuya: Goodnight, Renji.


9. Squad 7

Iba: T-terrible dream!

Komamura: What is wrong, Tetsuzaemon?

Iba: I dreamed that all of the sunglasses in the world disappeared!

Iba: I-I know that sounds ridiculous, but…

Komamura: I will sit with you.

Iba: C-Captain!


10. Squad 8

Nanao: I’m sorry to bother you, Captain, but….I had a nightmare.

Kyoraku: I’m so glad you came to me, Nanao-chan!

Kyoraku: Do you want to tell me about it?

Nanao: …..maybe? But I should not disturb your sleep. I’m sorry.

Kyoraku: Nanao-chan I nap all day.

Nanao: Oh right.


11. Squad 9 (past)

Hisagi: Captain Tosen, I had a nightmare and now I am too afraid to sleep.

Tosen: Nightmares are your mind’s way of processing your fear.

Tosen: You are allowed to fear them, but you must still sleep.

Hisagi: B-but what if I go right back into the nightmare??

Tosen: Then your fear will be well and truly processed. Like cheese.

Hisagi: What

Tosen: Eat your fear cheese, Shuhei.

Hisagi: Um captain, are you talking to me in your sleep?

Tosen: Yes I think I am.


12. Squad 9 (current)

Hisagi: Captain Muguruma, I had a nightmare and now I am too afraid to sleep.

Kensei: Nightmares can’t hurt you, Shuhei.

Hisagi: I know but

Kensei: Me being tired and grumpy, though. That can hurt you.

Hisagi: Can I sleep on your floor at least?

Kensei: ……..sure whatever.


13. Squad 9 (current again)

Mashiro: KENSEI KENSEI KENSEI

Kensei: W-what’s going on? Why are you here? Why are you yelling at me?

Mashiro: I HAD A NIGHTMARE

Kensei: THEN WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME?

Mashiro: BECAUSE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO COMFORT ME

Kensei: GO BACK TO SLEEP

Mashiro: KENSEI

Hisagi: I hate it when my parents fight in the middle of the night.


14. Squad 10

Matsumoto: [wakes up gasping]

Matsumoto: C-Captain! I just had a terrible nightmare!

Hitsugaya: Hm.

Matsumoto: Don’t you want to hear about it, Captain?

Hitsugaya: Not really.

Matsumoto: So cold! Shouldn’t you be helping me out here, Captain??

Hitsugaya: Matsumoto, you had a nightmare while NAPPING in my OFFICE!

Matsumoto: What’s your point?


15. Squad 11

Yachiru: Ken-chan, wake up! I had a nightmare!

Kenpachi: Your nightmare candy stash is over there.

Yachiru: Thanks, Ken-chan!

Kenpachi: Sometimes I wonder if you’re really having nightmares.


16. Squad 12

Nemu: Captain, I had a nightmare.

Kurotsuchi: Does it affect me in any way?

Nemu: No.

Kurotsuchi: Then go away.

Nemu: Thanks, Captain.


17. Squad 13

Rukia: Captain, I had a nightmare!

Ukitake: And now you can’t sleep?

Rukia: Yeah.

Ukitake: I know that feeling. I have trouble sleeping a lot. My favorite solution is WARM MILK AND HONEY!

Rukia: Why are you shouting…?

Sentaro: I’ll get it for you, Captain!

Kiyone: SHUT UP I’M GOING TO GET IT

Rukia: …

Ukitake: I find that if I shout they’re always within hearing-distance?

Rukia: So….they watch you sleep?

Ukitake: Maybe? I’ve never inquired too closely.

Rukia: Are we the most functional or the most dysfunctional squad?

Ukitake: [shrugs]

THE ASTROLOGY SERIES // VIRGO ♍
(written by Kira)

For each of my articles I will be focusing on one of the signs of the zodiac. Find out more about… Virgo:

NAME | Virgo (The Virgin) ♍

DATE | 23rd August until 22nd September

ELEMENT | Earth sign (only compatible with other earth and water signs)

RULER | Virgo is the ruler of the intestines

PLANET | Mercury is the planet ruler

CUSPS | Leo-Virgo August 21st-26th and Virgo-Libra September 21st-26th. This means that the person born on or within these dates may possess parts of both signs.

Read on to find out more about Virgo’s characteristics and compatibility:

Keep reading

6

- Kira wake up process… -

{Kira woke up in a bad mood today!}

Question (from me): “Hey Kira… it’s time to wake up! Get out of bed!” 

- Answers:

Photo 1. “What?! Who are you?! Where am I?! Hum…”

Photo 2. “Yhea, yhea… I’ve heard you! Just two more minutes…”

Photo 3. One more… Am i speaking chinese to you?!

Photo 4. “Damn! Are you deaf or something?! God!! 

Photo 5. “Get lost!…

Photo 6.Jerk!

Final Result: She stayed in my bed! She’s the boss! :)

Shit the unseated squad members say (about their lieutenant)


As requested by  imneveraperfectperson. :)


We already imagined what sorts of things might be said about the captains by the unseated squad members who only know them from a distance. But what about the lieutenants? What do the squad members who just don’t know them very well think about them?


1. Squad 1

“Do you think the other squads look down on us for having the boring lieutenant?”

“Guys, he’s not boring! He blew up a boiler once!”

“Because he was trying to make tea, though.”

“I guess that is still a little boring.”

“I heard he’s sleeping with Yamamoto. That’s something, right?”

“WHY DID YOU PUT THAT IMAGE IN MY HEAD?!”


2. Squad 2

“Oh man, these heated floors the lieutenant got for head quarters are SWEET!”

“Uh, personally I like the automatic doors. Open! Close! Open! Close!”

“We’re the only squad with air conditioning, you know.”

“Such a pity that Captain Soi Fon is probably gonna murder him any day now.”

“Well if he dies Tuesday then I’ll win the pool!”


3. Squad 3

“Is it true that Lieutenant Kira broke out of jail once? And helped our old captain murder a bunch of people?”

“I dunno. Probably.”

“Why is he still lieutenant?”

“Head Captain must like blonds.”


4. Squad 4

“I love love LOVE Lieutenant Kotetsu’s braid! So punk!”

“She’s actually touched Captain Unohana’s sword, you know.”

“She makes me feel better about how tall I am.”

“Squad 4 should have more respect! The lieutenant fought Kurosaki Ichigo once, you know!”

“Didn’t he punch her?”

“Still.”


5. Squad 5

“Guys, I’m serious. The lieutenant is immortal!”

“She did get stabbed by Captain Aizen…and by Captain Hitsugaya…and by everybody else from what I hear…”

“Can’t believe the Squad 5 brass has the secret to immortality and hasn’t told anyone.”

“Yeah. Rude.”


6. Squad 6

“So….Lieutenant Abarai. Sleeping with the captain or no?”

“Uh, definitely! Why else would Captain Kuchiki keep him on even after the lieutenant disobeyed and fought him?”

“Not to mention letting him have all those tattoos.”

“Guys, wait. I heard that Kurosaki Ichigo had a thing for Abarai!”

“Well no wonder the captain and Kurosaki fought, then.”


7. Squad 7

“But why is he so into those sunglasses though?”

“I swear I heard him talking to them once.”

“Is it true he likes to sit around in bathrooms with a bunch of other shirtless men?”

“Our captain is a wolf. Who are we to judge?”


8. Squad 8

“So…like…how much work would get done in this squad if Lieutenant Ise wasn’t around?”

“Is there a number less than 0?”


9. Squad 9

“Lieutenant Hisagi is so hot!!! I can’t believe he gets away with that…naughty tattoo! He’s such a rebel!”

“A rebel? Are you kidding me? No way! I heard he’s, like, scared all the time.”

“Yeah he’s totally one of those butterflies who has scary wing markings so that predators won’t realize they’re harmless and tasty.”

“I used a computer after him once. The last search was ‘Is it possible to consume energy drinks intravenously.’”

“…Whatever he’s still hot.”


10. Squad 9 (again)

“What is Mashiro though?”

“Where did she come from?”

“Is she actually our lieutenant or is it just that nobody is brave enough to tell her she isn’t?”

“Are we allowed to have two lieutenants?”

“Well I guess not ‘cause I heard that Mashiro and Hisagi were fighting in the woods.”

“Poor Hisagi. I’ll miss him.”


11. Squad 10

“So…is Lieutenant Matsumoto seeing anyone?”

“Dude! You can’t date the lieutenant! She’s WAY out of your league and also WAY stronger than you!”

“I-I didn’t say *I* wanted to date her! I was just wondering!”

“I heard she used to have a thing with Ichimaru Gin.”

“Creepy murder guy?”

“There’s no accounting for taste.”


12. Squad 11

“So…has the lieutenant ever given YOU a nickname?”

“What?? No way! Not to someone like me!”

“I thought she was giving me one once. Turns out she was talking to the rock behind me.”

“Bro…”

“It was  pretty cool rock.”


13. Squad 12

“No really! The lieutenant was MADE by the captain! Like, in a lab!”

“No way that’s true.”

“Uh her hand can turn into a drill. It’s super true.”

“The captain wouldn’t make someone so, you know, cute!”

“Dude. Dude are you trying to get yourself killed here?”


14. Squad 13

“Did you know Lieutenant Kuchiki killed the previous lieutenant?”

“Yeah! And then dragged his dead body back to his family! Just to show them what she could do!”

“Did you know she killed an espada with just her shikai?”

“The head captain himself tried to have her executed. But she was rescued. By this gang she created from the world of the living.”

“I heard her bankai literally fucking kills her. So that she can kill you.”

“S-she’s so scary…”

“Just don’t piss her off, man. Just don’t.”