Some priest angst inspired by Fleabag and The Rite.
“Is it really a sin for us to be in love with one another? If there’s a God, would he really frown upon our love?“ Emma asked, squeezing the hand of the man she loved with her entire being, “I’m in love with you, I have been for a while. Killian, I love you.“
He began to speak, his eyes wide with emotion at her confession, but she shook her head and looked away, “Don’t. Don’t say anything. Let’s just leave that there for a moment. I love you.“
He squeezed her hand and gave her a sad smile, a tear rolling down his cheek as he spoke up after a few moments of silence between them, “It’ll pass.“ he said in a failed attempt to lighten the mood, “Love isn’t a sin, but I’ve taken vows. How could I ever make a vow to you knowing I’d broken the most sacred of vows already?“
“So it’ll always be him? You won’t allow yourself happiness because of your job?“ she replied bitterly, trying to keep herself together even though it felt like the world was ending, “I’m not enough?“
“It’s not a job, it’s my life.” he reminded her gently, “I’ve given my heart and soul to helping others through my faith and I’d be lost without it. You are enough, you are perfect and if things were different… If I hadn’t made these vows, I’d want you as my wife, but I’ve made my choice and this is my calling.“
She sighed and let go of his hand, getting to her feet and turning away from him to gather her thoughts and tidy her appearance, “What do we do now? Where do we go from here? I can’t imagine my future without you in it.“
He got to his feet too and moved behind his desk, focusing on the painting of Christ that hung above the fireplace, “I’ll see you every Sunday at services, if you choose to continue attending, and I’ll pray for your happiness. You deserve someone who can give their entire being to you and I… well, I can’t.“
She cleared her throat and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, “It’ll pass.“ she repeated his words, shaking her head in resignation and moving to leave.
“Emma?“ he called, turning to face her as she reached the door, “I love you too.“
She looked back at him and their eyes met, two souls destined to be together but kept apart by faith, duty and vows. She gave him a nod and a smile before she left him alone in his office, knowing that no matter how hard she tried to be happy, he’d always be the soulmate she yearned for.