a guy who’s sexy and rich like Christian Grey, handsome like Braden Carmichael, serenades me and is emotional like Kellan Kyle, fights for me like Gideon Cross, loves me like Gabriel Emerson and is my best friend like Travis Maddox?
I wished I meant more to her. I wished she loved me, like I loved her. I wished my heart didn’t pound when I stared into her eyes. I wished my lips didn’t ache to press against her skin. But wishing didn’t change anything.
WHERE CAN I FIND a guy who’s sexy and rich like Christian Grey, handsome like Braden Carmichael, serenades me and is emotional like Kellan Kyle, fights for me like Gideon Cross, loves me like Gabriel Emerson and is my best friend like Travis Maddox?
I made a playlist that reminded me deeply of Thoughtless by SC Stephens. Most of the songs in here would remind me of the pain Kellan felt, some would remind me of Kellan and Kiera’s “love”, and some, well, they just felt right.
Saving Grace (Take 2)- The Maine *my theme song for the novel*
Mary Jane- The Click Five
Love The Way You Lie (cover)- Colton Dixon *his version’s more appropriate*
Miserably Loving You-Artist Vs Poet *best played in dramatic scenes*
More Than Lust- Paradise Fears
My Heroine- the Maine *play it just the hot scenes because, you know*
No One Does it Better- You Me At Six
Don’t Let Me Go- The Summer Set
Say You Like Me- We The Kings
It Ends Tonight- The All-American Rejects
Everything I Ask For- The Maine
Into Your Arms- The Maine
Living Proof (Acoustic)- The Downtown Fiction
She’s Killing Me- A Rocket To The Moon
Dirty Little Secret- The All-American Rejects
All Or Nothing- We Are The In Crowd
Angel With A Shotgun- The Cab
Painting Flowers- All Time Low
A Wonderful Surprise- The Downtown Fiction
Give It To me- The Maine
Vegas- All Time Low
All I Need Is You- The Click Five
Walls- All Time Low
August 28th 3:30 A.M.- Automatic Loveletter
When I’m At Home- The Maine
Kiss Me Again- We Are The In Crowd
Listen to your Heart- The Maine
I don’t really expect anyone to agree or listen but hey, it’s best if you listen to them when reading the book to *increase* the already-unfathomable feelings ;)
She blinked, and I could see the exhaustion in the bags under her eyes. I patted my lap again and gave her a warm, non-threatening smile. I just want to hold you. Like she could hear me, she nodded, then adjusted herself so she could rest her head on my lap.
She turned into me, like she didn’t care about the movie anymore, and I put my arm over her body, cocooning her in my warmth. I ran my fingers through her hair, soothing her…soothing me. She was asleep in minutes, her breath light through her parted lips. I didn’t watch the movie either, just stared at her face, memorizing the lines, curves and freckles. She was perfect. Simple, yet extraordinary.
Careful to not wake her up, I brought my knuckle to her cheek and ran it down her skin. It was like touching silk. She twitched, but didn’t move away. A smile spread on my lips as peace spread through my body. Denny was an idiot for leaving her…but I was extremely happy he had.
**Timeline: At the end of Thoughtless, when Kellan and Kiera are dating but not yet having sex**
Lying together on Kellan’s bed, I nimbly took off his shirt and ran my fingers down the lines of his chest while we kissed. He smiled and pulled me tighter. As the intensity of our kiss increased, I ran my hands under his jeans and boxers and grabbed his backside. He laughed a little and grabbed me in kind, over my jeans. I sighed contently and started sliding my hand around his hip. He caught it as I passed along his hip bone.
“No Kiera, we’re going slow…remember?”
“We’re going slow…not stopping.” I pulled away and gave him a serious look. “I want to know that you still want me. I want to know that I drive you as crazy as you drive me.”
He kissed my nose. “You do…you do, Kiera. I want you so much. You have no idea how hard I am for you right now.”
I leaned in to kiss him, my hand trying once again to slip around and feel him. “Exactly, Kellan…I have no idea. I want to feel you.”
He groaned against my lips. “If you touch me, I won’t be able to keep resisting this beautiful body in my arms…we’ll skip right past slow.” He pulled back to look at me pointedly. “And it was your idea.”
I wanted to laugh, but instead I yanked my hand away, frustrated. Kellan noticed my expression and the next thing I knew his hand was deftly unzipping his jeans. My face was surely comical as I watched him slip them down his hips. “What are you doing?” I asked quietly, my heart rate starting to spike.
“I don’t want to disappoint you. If this is really what you want…I’ll let you feel.”
My breath started increasing to an embarrassing pace as I trailed a finger down the deep line of his abdomen. His stomach clenched as my finger passed over tender flesh. He let out a sharp breath as my hand slipped under his boxers. I exhaled and leaned myself against his shoulder as I wrapped my hand around the hard base of him. I could feel how much he wanted me with each throbbing pulse. He was ready, so very ready and I started to wonder how long our “slow time” was going to last.
“God, Kellan…you do want me.”
He sighed and laughed a little. “I told you I did.” His voice was husky and slightly strained. It was achingly erotic. I started moving my hand up and down the length of him.
I pulled back and kissed him, fiercely, hungrily. He matched my intensity and we both groaned together. But even still, his hand reached down to wrap around mine on him. Lacing our fingers, he stopped my movement. The image of him touching himself made an ache go straight through me. I nimbly changed the positions of our hands so that his was beneath mine and he was wrapping his fingers around himself.
He pulled back to look at me, confusion and desire on his face. My breath was fast and unsteady, nearly uncontainable, much like my racing heart.
“Oh God, Kellan…you do it,” I whispered.
The corners of his lips lifted as he looked over the clear passion in my face. I cringed at the idea of asking him what I wanted, but I did it anyway. “I want to watch you come…and I want you to do it.” My face heated in pure embarrassment but he smiled crookedly and cocked his head.
“You…want to watch that?”
I nodded exuberantly and kissed him so hard I almost bit his lip. “God yes…is that moving too fast?”
He shook his head against my lips and I could feel the smile there, and the quickened breath. Without saying anything else, he adjusted his boxers with his free hand and moved our interlaced fingers down the length of him. With a firm, practiced grip, he ran his hand up to the end and over the tip. He moved with the confidence of someone who knew their body very well, and I groaned at the thought of him touching himself like this when we were apart. I wanted to ask him, but couldn’t bring myself to say those words; my cheeks were still heated from just asking him to do this much.
As our fingers ran back down his body, he let out a low, enticing noise and dropped his head to my shoulder. His lips found the crook of my neck and he started moving our fingers with more force and purpose. We were still on our sides facing each other and my hands were still wrapped up with his as we slid them along his length. I enjoyed the hardness and softness of his tender skin, but this wasn’t really the fantasy I had in mind. While he groaned into my neck, I released my hand from his so only he was left stroking the thickness.
He paused for a moment when he felt my hand withdraw, and kissing his ear, I whispered, “No, keep going. I want you to do it.”
He groaned and kissed my shoulder, muttering my name. His hand took over caressing himself and I stared unabashedly. My breath quickened as I watched the repetitive motion. An ache built between my legs and I could feel how wet I was, just watching. And listening. Kellan moaned into my skin, sucked in quick breaths through his teeth. The effect, combined with watching his masterful strokes was nearly too much for me.
“Oh God, Kiera…oh God.” He lifted his head to kiss me, his arm giving himself long, hard strokes that were getting faster, more insistent. Between his lips, I peeked down at him, still wanting to watch. He was starting to throb and I imagined that length pumping inside of me and not his hand.
“Kellan…” I moaned as my hand traveled down my stomach.
Kellan shifted his hooded eyes to take in my action. His breath caught and his hand lost the rhythm for a second before continuing. “Oh God, Kiera…yes…touch yourself too.”
Spurred by the ache in his voice, beyond the point of being embarrassed by the impressive sight of his close-to-coming body, I unfastened my jeans and slipped my fingers inside. I gasped at how wet I was and then groaned when I touched the area most connected to my own ache.
“Fuck,” I heard him mutter beside me and I could only moan in response.
The sight of him pleasuring himself and the sounds of it in my ears caused me to come almost instantly. I’d barely rubbed myself when the wave hit me and I arched my back, groaning hard and letting a “yes” fall from my lips.
As the tension was releasing throughout my entire body, I heard Kellan’s breathing speed up to panting. I made myself ignore the desire to linger in the peace flowing through my body with my eyes closed. I forced them open so I could watch what I really wanted to watch—him coming.
Kellan grunted and muttered, “Oh God,” as his hand worked over his body. Mine started re-responding to the sight and I realized I was still touching myself. It felt good again and I kept it up, flicking a glance at Kellan’s eyes staring at my fingers in my jeans in a near trance. And then his jaw dropped open and his body started to still. “Kiera, I’m…oh God, I’m…”
I quickly looked down so I wouldn’t miss it. His stomach clenched and his lower body stiffened, but that barely got my attention. It was the fluid pulsing out of him that made me gasp and climax again.
We came together, muttering names and pleas and other words too quiet to hear. His lips fell to mine once he was empty, my jeans dark from where he’d spilled on me. I surprisingly didn’t care. That entire experience had been one of the most erotic things I’d ever seen. Carefully, I retracted my hand from my jeans and broke apart from Kellan’s lips. While he gazed at me with half-lidded eyes, I swiped my wet finger into his mouth. He groaned and closed his eyes, sucking on the appendage I’d offered him.
She handed me the necklace, and my fingers were shaking as I took it. The guitar was perfectly crafted, delicate, but sturdy, and there was a large circle diamond in the center that sparkled in the lights. It was me, and it was Kiera…the perfect embodiment of what we were, or rather, what we’d never be. I couldn’t think of anything better to give her, to help her remember me, and what we’d gone through. “I’ll take it,” I whispered, not even looking at the price tag.
“Excellent,” the woman beamed. “I’ll go ring you up.”
While she walked away, Evan stepped up to me. “Kellan…you can’t expect her to wear that. It’s too obvious.”
I shook my head as I stared at the glow emanating from the diamond. “I don’t expect her to. I don’t expect anything. But this is what I want to give her.” My eyes were watering when I looked over at him. “This is how I want to say goodbye.”
I gave her a soft, “Thank you.” Thank you for ripping my heart out. Thank you for showing me something I can never have. Thank you for looking so beautiful this morning, it makes me want to tear my eyes out. Thank you for not seeing me as anything more than a release.