Keeping Up With the Kardashians Ratings

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Welp. The ratings are down and are we surprised? Scott being drunk every episode is getting pretty predictable. As a result, Ryan Seacrest has asked me to step in and save the show. This Sunday catch me on KUWTK and get an exclusive behind the scenes look at me shooting the video for “Only One”. 

an entertainment news show deciding it’s a great idea to propose to the wayne family a keeping up with the kardashians-style tv program for maybe six months because it’ll be good for gotham both as pure recreation and a city-beneficial action since all the money from the ratings will support homeless, veterans, orphans etc

and it just so happens the cameras have ganged up on bruce wayne and dick grayson just before they enter a gala event and bruce is trying to keep his cool and smile and be suave on air as always and dick is just straight up agreeing to it, no pause or anything, nodding excited alongside the interviewer because “it’s not like we have a batcave underneath the manor to hide :D”

Showing off your boobs is fine. Perfectly fine. The problem is when you live in a society where everyone thinks your boobs are ALL you have to show.

Like, I will show a man my breasts. Oh, who cares? At the end of the day: They’re just boobs.

But I will also lecture him about why he should be reading Jane Austen and understand how under-rated a novel Mansfield Park is.

That means more. 

The Raunch Culture will never understand this, though. Not ever.  That’s why it is a failure.  It has no concept of subtlety. 

4

Break the Internet

Kim Kardashian’s latest cover shoot for Paper Magazine is turning heads…

We’ve been in two minds about the shoot. Our first thoughts (naturally) were Damnnn, look at that Shiny Donkey. And not necessarily in a negative way. In the complimentary way Rappers talk about the female leads in their videos. Or the way a man throws money eagerly to show appreciation of his favorite Pole Dancer.

On one hand, Kim K wants to reassert her sex symbol status and on this occasion has succeeded. Her interviewer described her ‘golden whiskey skin’ as

“..free of wrinkles, crow’s feet, laugh lines, blemishes, freckles, moles, under-eye circles, scars, errant eyebrow hairs or human flaws of any kind. It’s like she comes with a built-in filter of her own”

But then surgery will do that wont it?

And She is 34 and a new mother and is therefore fast running out of time to flaunt her physic. And As younger siblings Kylie and Kendall reach maturity and their fan base continues to grow, her lack of discernible talent is becoming more apparent. Sure, she’s a clothing designer but then who isn’t these days? To sell clothes all you need is a fan base. 

Beyonce, for example, felt the tension when she took a break from music to focus on being a mother. She knew her throne was in jeopardy. So came out with a whole album, as well as accompanying videos, followed by the On the Run tour with her husband (&Child in Tow). Now that’s how you reassert your dominance. 

Rihanna, admittedly lacks vocal credentials but her team continue to bring the hits. And even though her Fashion program never took off, it’s apparent she has keen sense of style. Her photo shoots and outfit choices tred the tightrope of Couture and Soft Porn - And that’s what High Fashion is. So even if you don't necessarily like listening to her, you defiantly enjoy looking at her, with the Mute button on.

However, Kim K has little to fall back on which is why she’s resorted to selling Sex again. Circa 07, She and Ray J know better than anyone how being naked can give that much needed boost to your career (not so much for RayJ of course)

What we don’t understand though, is for a couple trying so hard to be respected, as opposed to the Media Monkeys they are continually portrayed as, why would you risk it all? They fought so hard to get onto the cover of Vogue. This was to the reluctance of Anna Wintour and the Vogue Fan base whose comments included 

“Disgusting! These two are the epitome of VULGARITY. You will never recover from this low …” “RIP Vogue” “Anna Wintour … it’s time to step down …”

so to go Full frontal now just seems to be a step too far. Even desperate? but suffice to say, she achieved the desired result and broke the internet. If only for a few hours.