Turbolift 2

(I thought I’d have a go at putting our favourite couple into embarrassing turbolift situations. It sort of slipped away from this slightly, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. This is for @jhelenoftrek for her birthday!)

The old voyager crew laughed at Tom and Harry’s tales of their turbolift escapades. The crew met up regularly now they were back on Earth and it was always a pleasure for them to catch up.

As the crew went their separate ways, Chakotay held his arm out to Kathryn, encouraging her to walk with him back to their jobs at HQ. It was always the part of the day they both looked forward to. Walking in comfortable silence, simply enjoying being together.

Since his ill-fated romance with Seven had ended a few months ago, the pair had slowly been growing closer. Neither wanted to rush things and so they were content to spend time together, have dinner and escort each other back to their places of work.

They stepped into the waiting ‘lift together and turned to face outwards. The doors closed and Kathryn stepped closer, her hand reaching for his. Chakotay smiled to himself and rubbed his thumb over the soft skin of her hand.

The lift slowed, announcing a new occupant about to enter. As the doors opened to reveal a stuffy old Admiral, Chakotay snapped his hand away and turned on Kathryn.

“How many times, Kathryn? I will not have sex with you! You need to stop this! The doctor was right! You’re a sex addict!” he exploded.

Kathryn gaped at him. The Admiral’s bushy eyebrows rocketed up into his receding hairline.

Chakotay stormed past him and down the corridor before bending over in fits of laughter.

Kathryn stood aghast, the colour rising up her neck and across her cheeks until she felt she could power a warp core for years.

The Admiral entered the lift and called for his required deck.

Kathryn stood fuming in silence, what the hell was Chakotay thinking? The earlier conversation with Paris and Kim was just starting to dawn on her, when the Admiral coughed politely and looked at her.

“I’ll have sex with you,” he announced, sweat beads forming on his forehead.

Kathryn gaped inelegantly. She quickly recovered herself, cursing Chakotay as she did.

“Thank you, but no,” she answered haughtily. Damn, Chakotay!

She was never more grateful to get out of a lift in her life. As she strode down the corridor, she cursed Chakotay and smacking her commbadge, she told him as much, incensed by his laughter that floated over the line. She then commed Tom and Harry, threatening to demote them both for their ridiculous stories.

As she sat behind her desk, she planned out her revenge.

It was several days later when they found themselves in a lift together again.

As the doors opened to admit a young woman, Kathryn turned to Chakotay, hands on hips.

“I’m flattered, Chakotay, but I don’t know how many times I can say it. I’m just not into those kinds of food kinks,” she said as loudly as she dared.

The young woman gaped at them.

“Oh, that’s right,” Chakotay smirked, his face showing no sign of embarrassment. “You’re more into Salamander sex! Silly me, I forgot! Don’t worry, I won’t ask again. I’m quite happy with my aubergine.”

The young woman gave Kathryn a filthy look and she felt herself flush a deep shade of red.

Damn it!

A few weeks passed and Kathryn was frustrated by her lack of chances at getting back at Chakotay. Whenever she tried, he was always too quick for her and managed to either embarrass her first, or respond with such a retort, that she ended up red faced and fuming.

She had to admit though, she was enjoying it.

It was early morning as Kathryn entered the lecture hall to hear the reverred Professor Ormskirk speak about his findings in the Beta Quadrant. She knew he would be here, he’d been talking about it for weeks. Towards the front, she spotted Chakotay already sat waiting and with a smile, slid into the seat next to him.

He greeted her happily, delighted that she had decided to join him on her day off work.

They chatted softly to each other over their week so far, the weather, the crew, until Kathryn spotted an opportunity. Sat in front of them was an elderly, balding man, sat with his friend, they were chatting away with excitement about what the Professor might cover in his talk.

Kathryn suddenly leant forward and kissed the man soundly on his balding head. She snapped back quickly into her seat, before the man or Chakotay reacted. He turned around and Kathryn adopted a shocked look at Chakotay.

“Chakotay! I am so sorry, sir, I don’t know what came over my friend! He must really like you!” Kathryn said, whilst Chakotay sat in stunned silence. The soft tint of embarrassment began to colour his bronze skin. He gaped in horror at the man, who scowled at them, before turning back round, grumbling under his breath to his friend.

Kathryn collapsed over in laughter and even Chakotay found himself laughing too, thankful the man hadn’t punched him in the face.

They sat together, shoulders shaking with silent laughter throughout the entire speech. The man in front kept casting glances back at them, which set them off again, until tears poured down their faces.

As the talk ended, Kathryn bent over to collect her bag from the floor, when Chakotay shot up onto his feet.

“Kathryn! Please stop groping me! It’s so inappropriate! Seven years I have put up with it! But, no more! I’ll have to report you to your probation officer!” he exclaimed loudly.

Kathryn sat slowly upright as every face turned to look at her. Her eyes level with his crotch, she had to admit this looked bad! She felt the embarrassed flush spread across her cheeks as Chakotay turned and stormed away.

The silence in the room was deafening as she got up, and with as much dignity as she could muster, made her way out of the auditorium, every eye following her as she did.

Chakotay was stood waiting for her, outside the auditorium, eyes sparkling. She gave him a playful shove before they dissolved into more fits of laughter.

Once they recovered themselves, Kathryn held up her hands, “Alright, Commander, you win! You are far better at this than me!”

Chakotay laughed and shook his head, “I think you gave fair game.”

“Did you even hear any of that talk?” Kathryn asked.

“Hardly any!” Chakotay admitted, eyes still full of mirth. “I was too busy trying to plan my revenge! Plus, there was a Bolian man to my left who kept giving me a strange look.”

Kathryn laughed, “I’m sorry for spoiling it,” she said.

“Oh, no! I had a great time with you,” Chakotay replied quickly, his eyes filled with something she dare not hope to name.

“Do you fancy going for some lunch?” Kathryn asked, hoping he would agree.

“That….” Chakotay began.

“Excuse me?” They were interrupted by a voice behind them. Turning round they came face to face with an eager looking Bolian. “I couldn’t help but overhear you both in the auditorium, if you ever fancy……a bit of saucy group fun, we have a small, select group, who meet each week and we would love two excellent examples of humans like yourselves to join. If you don’t mind me saying, you both look and sound like the sort of people we would love to meet. I think you’d be a hit, especially with the older members!”

Chakotay looked at Kathryn and they both smirked. Kathryn, tried to straighten out her face and said, with as much dignity as possible, “Thank you, for that…..extremely generous offer, but we are not looking to…..expand our horizons just yet”

Next to her, Chakotay snorted and quickly managed to cover it with a cough.

“Well if you change your mind…..we meet every Tuesday, Halem Halls.” The Bolian whispered conspiratorially.

“We…..will keep you in mind!” Kathryn managed to choke out as Chakotay let out a strangled whimper next to her.

The man nodded to them, casting an appreciative glance over Chakotay. Kathryn had to turn away. They watched the man walk off down the corridor before exploding in laughter. Chakotay held out his arm to her and as they entered the nearby turbolift, all that could be heard was their hysterical laughter.

Voyager characters as memes

Kes:
Always drink plenty of water uwu

Neelix:
Bone app the teeth👌🏻

B'elanna:
I’ll kick anyone’s ass. I’ll kick your ass, I’ll kick my own ass.

Harry Kim:
Tfw no gf

Tom:
Ayyyy lmao

Tuvok:
Looks into the camera like he’s on the office

7/9:
While you were partying I was studying the blade

Emh:
Audition song

Janeway:
Kermit drinking Lipton in the sunlight

Chakotay:
Boi he bout to do it

Naomi wildman:
Smug girl who set house on fire

Seska:
Suprise bitch I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me

  • looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you: picard
  • looks like a cinnamon roll and actually is a cinnamon roll: kirk
  • looks like they could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll: archer
  • looks like they could kill you and actually could kill you: janeway
  • could kill you by feeding you too many cinnamon rolls: sisko
star trek au wherein...

Julian Bashir and Kathryn Janeway switch favorite holoprograms, but each show’s holosuite plots stay the same.

i.e. on Voyager, Janeway almost exclusively plays the Jane Bond holoprogram; falls in love with a Bond Girl; M briefly comes to life and leaves the holosuite.

meanwhile on DS9, Bashir is spending all of his time as the governess for bratty children and Garak breaks into the holosuite to lecture him about superior Cardassian parenting techniques. the bodies of the ds9 staff are possessed by mean children. somehow bashir still shoots garak.