KIND OF SHAKING

Burn Staging

At the end of ‘Renyolds Pamphlet’ two ensemble members set the bench for Eliza as the Burn melody comes in under the dub step type stuff. Eliza starts walking out on “somebody ruin they own life” and she sits down on “his poor wife” and the lighting is all blue and moody and it has a gel over it so it kind of looks like moonlight is shining through trees in her backyard. (Thats where I picture she is at least.) She sits on the bench holding her letters and looks at them and touches the words as she talks about “palaces of paragraphs” and she searches and scans for some kind of sign. The whole song she looks so hurt. On “You and your words, obsessed with your legacy” she stands up looking at the letter and circles around to the back of the bench. On the “Youu, youu, youu” she kind of shakes her head and pulls the letter towards her like she wants to hold it close to her chest but she can’t make herself do it because it hurts too much. When she first brings up the idea of erasing herself from the narrative she looks at the letter, front and back, and then at the other ones in her other hand and when she talks about future historians she looks at the lantern thats sitting on the bench and kneels down beside it. You very clearly see the thought process of her deciding to burn the letters. Then she sets one on fire as she “watches it burn” and she holds it and looks at it as it burns, and to me it looked like she dropped it when the flames got too close to her hand, like she wanted to feel it being destroyed before it hurt her, and she drops it into the bucket on “the world has no right to my heart”. Then she grabs the rest of the letters from where she set them down and right before she throws them in the bucket with the other burning letter she looks them over and you see her decide that she wants nothing to do with them and finally puts them in on “With only the memories of when you were mine”. Her face is very emotional, she’s sad and hurt and angry and then she stands up and looks at the letters as they burn, and her eyes have tears in them, and when she says “I hope that you burn” her faces goes blank, she gives up, she’s gone numb and its heart breaking and then she grabs the lantern with a final look at the burning letters and walks offstage leaving the pieces of our hearts shattered on the theatre floor. 

something crazy happened today oh my god

 i was in a subway when my music suddenly stopped and i saw the guy in front of me w my iphone in his pocket leaving the wagon so i ran after him and i somehow caught up with him (i work out 4 times a week and it finally paid of this is crazyy!!) so i was like ‘excuse me, i know you got my iphone in your pocket’ (i might be the only person who apologize and use the formal you to talk to her pickpocket but whatever) and obviously he was like ‘no no blabllabbla’ and i wouldn’t give up and people started to gather around us (2 women came up and were like ‘is this guy bothering you i’m gonna call the police rn’ god bless them to be honest) so he ended up giving me my iphone back?????

i legit didn’t know i had it in me to do all that you know, i’m tiny and i have a lot of anxiety so like???? i’m impress w myself good job standing up for yourself buddy but also i’m still shaking and i wanna talk to my mom

Florence + The Machine Album’s era by Painting

Between Two Lungs: The Abduction of Europa by Jean-Baptiste Marie Pierre

Ceremonials: The Lady of Shalott by John William Waterhouse

How Big How Blue Bow Beautiful: Examination of a Witch by Thompkins H. Matteson

Dad The Human

The new two episodes spoke to me on an emotional level. Finn had never met his dad until he was around the age that I had met mine, which was at 15. I was super excited, and thought, hey, this guy is gonna be the father I never had. I became disenchanted pretty quickly when I came to terms with the fact that he was the man that abandoned me, and was a deadbeat loser. 

Seeing these episodes brings back a flood of memories and emotions that I wish didnt exist. 

It’s painful to watch someone make the same mistakes I did.

The worst thing is that his dad doesn’t give a fuck about him. At all. To him Finn was just some kind of opportunity to get the hell out of dodge. He even tried to fuck with Finn’s emotions, and ended up doing that successfully.

Just like my dad.

Wow, this week is an absolute mess…

HAH! You-You remember that one time, back before Winter Soldier, when some people were, like, shittin’ on Cap because “OMG WHAT DOES HE EVEN DO? WHAT DOES HE EVEN CONTRIBUTE?” and then Winter Soldier came out and they were like “OHHHHHH!” And it was the best MCU movie ever?

anonymous asked:

OMG! mer Rung angrily scooting to where mer Froid resting and just suddenly throwing rocks at him! Froid getting surprised then sees Rung and they start hissing and puff up at eachother. Ratchet and Kup watching this from a distance and are all "WTF???".

Kup and Ratchet are just sitting there watching them roll around. Ratchet asks Kup if this kind of thing is normal and Kup kind just shrugs and shakes his head. He tells ratchet mer fights are not uncommon but he has never seen a Mer like Rung bite Froids Tail so hard before. 

Its a lot of screeching and hissing and by the end of it the two are huffing and just sitting in the sand tiredly tossing the same rock back and forth at one another. 

2


❝   —-     HELL,   I kill all kinds of people   &  shake  HANDS  with their friends,  afterwards.        YOU KNOW HOW MANY BOYS USED TO HAVE OL’ FINN’S BACK?  ❞

                                                                                                                    WRITTEN BY JAY.
                                                                                                        ind.           semi - priv.             sel.

                  * DO NOT REBLOG IF YOU ARE A NON - RP BLOG.

i changed clothes without anybody else staying in the room with me just in case for the first time in a while and i feel really nice about it! also i was finally able to take a shower, which is really nice ; v ;

Tell them you have changed. Tell them you have moved on. Tell them you are more soft, more kind, more gentle. Tell them you are not shaking anymore. Tell them you don’t have scars on your body like you use to. Tell them you are more into studies than into your personal drama. Tell them the only anxiety you suffer is the upcoming test. Tell them you laugh more often. Tell them you are more into light and nature than dark and dungeons. Tell them you are proud of yourself. Tell them you are growing and learning new things. Tell them that now your art is bright and happy emotion than papers filled with how you scarred or wanna die or feel lonely or what happened. Tell them you are now writing chemical equations and formulae than just scribbling nothing. Tell them your notebook top have smiley faces rather than drawing of hands bleeding. Tell them your phone now have hundreds of your pictures rather than just being limited to two-three. Tell them you have made more than just a friend after they walked away. Tell them you wake up all night not out fear but to learn. Tell them that now while studying you use your phone like before but to see beautiful texts, poems, pictures rather than ways to hurt yourself, or how to get out of depression. Tell them you are better off now than you were with them by your side and they’ll understand that they made a huge mistake. They’ll realise what they have lost. They’ll realise what they gave away. They’ll realise, they’ll realise.

So close to finally and ultimately saying to myself, “I’m nonbinary.” My hand is hovering over the big red button. And it’s kind of shaking, y’know, like in the movies.

A lot of my struggle with this investigation has been how I’ve worked up everything as construct in my head. Everything I know about gender, sexuality, attraction, has been impressed upon me. I get to the point where anytime I try to consider my own feelings, experiences, and impressions up to this point, it all boils down to how I was socialized by the culture around me to eventually experience that. Like I can’t take anything at the weight my mind-scale says it is because I’ve psyched myself out to question the validity and the nature of any of my gendered identity as I knew it. If none of my subjective experiences have any weight because culture has its thumb on the scale, then how do I way them against other people’s, or against evaluations of labels I’m considering taking?

Also, I keep expecting it to feel different. Like, I’ll say, tentatively, that I’m nonbinary, and I expect to suddenly feel free from my socialized masculine inclinations. I keep expecting some kind of change. So I have to tell myself that’s not what it’s about. The whole thing revolves around how I feel and what that means. It’s not a change of feeling to fit the label, it’s a change of label to fit the feelings. 

I’ll always be a guy to some people. Right now it’s everyone, soon it’ll be everyone but y’all, and then eventually, hopefully, it’ll be everyone but the church. I’m not even going to expect or speculate about somehow casting off the male title entirely in the mormon setting. Too much change has to happen before that can happen for me to consider it ever happening right now. 

After all of this, though, there’s also that really nice happy relief, that feeling that I like a lot, when I say in my head, “I’m not a boy.” Just considering that is really… I don’t know what the adjective is, but if it exists I know it’s got a positive connotation. 

I don’t expect, if I press the big red button, to suddenly be disconnected from my socialized masculinity. I don’t expect to lose all of my ‘male’ behaviors or to experience a radical change in non-appearance oriented presentation. I wish it meant that. But hopefully, once I press it, I’ll slowly wean off the maintenance of those things and stop accumulating masculine things. 

Okay. Think I’m done writing. And I think I’m going to go change my tumblr bio.

Today was actually pretty good once I woke up from my nap. Went to church with the boyfriend and met his parents (less scary than I expected) and also we maybe kinda sorta totally had our first kiss like exactly 24 minutes ago and I’m still smiling and it was so nice and he’s so nice and I’m just…. happy. So there’s that.