*whispers* the ultimate ship. satan and jesus. imagine the dinners. imagine how awkward the dinners are. 

“Is this really appropriate, Jesus?”

“I don’t know dad, was casting Lucy into the pits of hell appropriate?”

“Now, c'mon Jessie, no need to bring that up.” *satan pats Jesus on the back and Jesus sighs out and mutters sorry. 

“You’re supposed to love everyone, dad, and by hell, I love Lucifer. So be nice.”

The Hottest Chicks in Hard Rock tour is back … and so is the chorus of disappointed woman metal fans who feel they deserve better. At what point does does embracing and celebrating one’s sexuality go from empowering to exploitative? Do you think it is fair to condemn the women who choose to take part?

Ugh … speaking of A Little Bit Better! I reject reducing music to sex and reducing people to sex. There is nothing wrong WITH sex, but it’s only a very small part of a whole identity and, as a physiological function, makes as much sense to define people and art with as “Chicks Who Poop Good Tour.” (I’m really hoping that one takes off!) I would also reject “Chicks That Kick Ass” even though that, at least, implies some kind of talent beyond good genes. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it until everybody gets it: Gender is not a genre. Theme tours based around femaleness are awful, to me, because they reinforce the TOTALLY WRONG AND SILLY idea that “female” is a legitimate genre or quantifier of creative style.

Though well-intentioned, I dislike all-woman tours and fests run by feminists for their focus on gender, too. I don’t want a “special place” in the world. I want a human-sized piece of the general space.

Read: In-depth interview with Jucifer’s Gazelle Amber Valentine

Photo: F. Mullin

The Sludge Lover’s Alphabet

By Billy Goate

Lists are a ton of fun, and also controversial, so I thought…why not start Monday with a list that will get everyone talking. For the record, there’s a metric ton of incredible sludge out there, so picking one band to represent with, say, the letter D or H was tough (so don’t get your undies in a bunch if your fav isn’t here), while some letters no one really wants much to do with at all, like Q, X, and Z. Also, there may be some controversy about what bands are truly “sludge.” In the last three years of doing interviews, I find that bands are truly not interested in this discussion. It’s more of a nerdy obsession of writers and fans (including yours truly). Musicians are artists and will always paint outside of the boundaries we assign for them, especially in the heavy underground. There’s a lot of genre blending going on, for example, in the Seattle scene right now and this is becoming more and more the norm. The best way to think of sludge, then, may be more as a color in the tonal palate of heavy music. Alright, with that said, hope you enjoy the list and maybe even discover some new bands in the process!

A is for…

Acid Bath

B is for…


Film by Billy Goate

C is for…


D is for…


E is for…


Film by Frank Huang

F is for…


G is for…


H is for…

High on Fire

Film by Billy Goate

I is for…

Iron Witch

J is for…


Film by Billy Goate

K is for…

Kowloon Walled City

Film by Billy Goate

L is for…

Lung Molde

M is for…

Meth Drinker

N is for…


O is for…

Ocean Chief

P is for…

Primitive Man

Q is for…


R is for…

Regarde Les Hommes Tomber

S is for…


T is for…


U is for…


V is for…


W is for…


X is for…


Y is for…


Z is for…


John Winchester/Lucifer

amayakumiko said: This.. is oddly compelling. QUICK, what’s your back story for them? (Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, was gone for a couple a days)

For the Lucifer/John thing I did for the domesticity meme (which my boyfriend has decided is called Jucifer), I actually am probably gonna do a short fanfiction for it. 

Anyway, the back story is that one day when John was out hunting he found one of the ‘victims’ of his hunt, who’s been beaten and stripped and is burnt. The guy’s really badly hurt, but he opens his eyes and when he sees John he starts screaming before he passes out again. So John takes him back to the cabin he’s staying in for his hunt (he left the boys with Bobby for a week and went up into the mountains) because it’s too far away to get the guy to a hospital, and the guy’s hurt pretty bad. 

John takes care of the stranger, who ends up with the most raging fever John’s ever seen, and the stranger ends up using up all of his medical supplies (and time, John got the hunt done early, but now he’s been up in the mountains long enough that he should have been back already, and he doesn’t have a way to contact Bobby). Finally the fever breaks and the stranger wakes up. He’s mute for a while and when he does talk, it’s very little. 

Finally John figures out that the guy doesn’t have any clue who he is, and that the stranger is trying to cover for not knowing. But he does know things, like he knows all about demons, like more than anyone John’s ever known. John realizes what  great resource he is, and the guy passed all the tests, so he seems human. 

So John packs up his stranger and takes him to Bobby’s. Bobby is about fit to be tied when John shows up because he’s been gone fore three weeks when he said he’d been gone one, and his boys are beside themselves. But Bobby calms down some when he sees that John really couldn’t have left the stranger.

Bobby’s the first one to get a name out of the stranger: Nick. And Nick is truly very useful. He stays with Bobby and the boys, and John decides to stay at Bobby’s for a bit because he feels guilty for how worried his sons were, and John can’t shake the fact that Nick seems just not right. 

And what shocks the boys the most is how well the boys take to Nick, and how loving and caring Nick is with Sam and Dean. Sam seems to like Nick even more than he loves John, and so John does feel jealous. 

And John and Nick have a big argument, but another hunt comes up. So John heads off again, and the boys stay with Bobby and Nick, and this continues for a while until Nick just decides to come with John and the boys the next time they leave. And John realizes that he does trust Nick with his sons. Even though Nick nearly burnt down Bobby’s house that one time he tried to cook something and he doesn’t know about credit cards or how to handle money, or how to shoot Nick learns quickly and he’s incredibly strong. He separated a vampire’s head from its shoulders with his bare hands.  

So John knows that Nick will protect the boys while he’s hunting, so Nick starts staying with the boys and getting them off to school (which Dean resents, because he’s nearly 10 and has been taking care of his brother for most of his life). And John hunts. And it’s like having a family, and Nick says he feels like it’s important for him to be there with them, to protect them, especially Sam. 

And John starts to really care about Nick, and see him as family, and one time, when John comes back late and the boys are asleep Nick starts fussing at him, and they get into this argument and John asks why Nick cares and Nick kisses him. They just stare awkwardly at each other and spend the next day pretending it didn’t happen.

But one day a monster tracks the boys down while John and Nick have gone to get groceries. They come back and this thing has the boys and John can just shoot it or it will kill Dean. And Nick just strides to it and grabs its face. “Cover your eyes” is all he says and the Winchesters do and there’s this amazing flash of light. When John opens his eyes and he sees the monster’s down and Nick… well, it’s Nick, but he just seems different, the way he holds himself. 

“What are you?” John asks. 

“Lucifer,” Nick answers and looks over at John. And Sam starts crying and Nick goes to comfort him and John panics, thinking Sam’s going to be hurt, so he shoots Nick, and Nick just shakes it off and scoops up Sam and tries to comfort him. 

After that John takes the boys and tells Lucifer to leave them alone. But Sam figured out that Lucifer will come if he prays, and so John keeps coming back to a motel where Sam is asleep in Lucifer’s lap, and Dean’s doing homework while dinner is warming on the oven. 

And it turns out Lucifer won’t lie to them, and Dean, because Lucifer spends so much time with the boys, asks Lucifer all kinds of questions. Dean’s the one who figures out who killed their mom (Azazel, under Lucifer’s instructions) and a lot of other things, like how Sam is supposed to have been Lucifer’s vessel in a few years, but something happened and he got a body and got dragged out of hell.

And John hates Lucifer even more for what happened with Mary, but Sam doesn’t know and keeps asking Lucifer to come back, and Lucifer never denies him anything. And Lucifer always looks a little sad when John throws him out, but he goes. And Sam gets angry and cries whenever that happens. 

And so finally John figures out where Azazel’s gonna be now that he has the name, and he goes to kill him, but Azazel’s too strong and is about to kill John, but suddenly Azazel’s whole face lights up on fire, and Azazel drops, completely burnt. And John sees Lucifer there, and Lucifer’s pissed, angry and righteous and powerful like John’s never seen him. And once the demon drops John sees Lucifer’s eyes lock on him and John realizes that Lucifer’s pissed at him. 

“You could have just asked me. I would have gotten rid of him for you. I would have done anything for you,” Lucifer told him. 

“How could I know that?” John asks. 

“Have I ever, ever lied to you? Or Dean? Or Sam? I answer with truth only. I also do what you ask. You’re…” And Lucifer stops and he just looks lost for a minute and John just sort of gets it. “Come on, I’ll take you back to your boys.” Lucifer helps John up, but when he turns to go John pulls him back and kisses him. 

And it just sort of clicks after that. Lucifer conjures a house up for them in Kansas and the boys head back to school, and John still hunts, and Lucifer gets mad when he gets hurt, but he never interferes… and it sort of works.