I see you, Fan fic Writer!

Writing “The _______ AU that no one asked for” like its mandatory. Let me tell you something.

I’m always asking for it. It doesn’t matter if it’s an over-saturated trope or a weird one that you just made up.

Got a Soulmate AU? I want it. A Crossover AU? I want it. That one, I don’t know what the hell that is, but I want it.

Never think no one is asking for you’re ideas because I’m practically begging for them.

Honestly my favorite part of Homestuck is that for a solid chunk of the story amongst all of the then-disguised characters harassing the then-main characters one in specifically deals with the main-est character backwards, so he starts out knowing everything about him and hating and insulting him and as we follow the main character his harasser gets less and less mad until it turns out that during their first conversation from the harasser’s side the main character is so used to him he acts friendly and the harasser asks him out, finds out he’s straight, and promptly starts talking to him backwards in time for the sole purpose of being too embarrassed to talk to him with that knowledgeable and honestly same

theory

ok so with Hiveswap out ive been thinking about Homestuck a lot lot more. I refuse to let myself fall into the state of obsession I was once in but I had a thought and I couldn’t not share it. I was thinking about the role Zodiac signs play in Homestuck and that lead me to think about the Tarot. Where I had a realization, the 22 sburb players and the 22 major arcana have waaaaaaay too many similarities. Here’s my thought process:

John: “The Fool” not only is it the first Arcana but also John tends to know nothing as we mainly learn the rules of the universe through him. Also his character is mega centralized around comedy and practical humor, Sassacre’s text being the prime example.

Rose: “The Moon” this is due to her mysticism with dark yet benevolent forces such as the Horrorterrors as well as Grimdarkness

Dave: “The Hanged Man” the part of Dave’s classpect that makes him so powerful is his use of the Doomed Dave’s (prime example being Davesprite) existence. They can lead him in the right direction and assist him as well as harm him but they are always sentenced to death regardless.

Jade: “The World” her classpect manipulates the physical and spacial properties of the the universe, as well as her actions in minimizing the worlds of the inciphisphere and leading them to the new session.

Aradia: “Death” The role the concept of death plays in her character as well as her constant infatuation with the concept of funerals and corpses speaks enough.

Tavros: “The Chariot” so obviously Tavros uses a lance and a wheeled machine but beyond that, Tavros’ entire character development, as well as his role as a Page is based around moving forward and looking straight ahead.

Sollux: “The Lovers” a little less obvious but hear me out. Sollux’s whole character is centered around duality, and every major point of conflict for Sollux is based around failed romance, his matespritship with Aradia that lead to her death, as well as his budding moirallegience with Feferi that lead to her death, and his (½) death.

Karkat: “The Emperor” Karkat makes a very clear point in being the leader of the situation, his rancorous nature, as well as his strife specibus being sicklekind also speak to this.

Nepeta: “The Hermit” Nepeta often keeps herself isolated due to Equius’ wishes, she even lives in a cave.

Kanaya: “The Sun” this is due to her relationship with the green sun as a rainbow drinker as well as her being the only troll to ever enjoy sunlight.

Terezi: “Justice” I find this one is fairly obvious from her introduction scene with the scalemate trial as well as her confrontation with Vriska.

Vriska: “The Wheel of Fortune” her powers and her weapon both rely on her good fortune. Her strife specibus revolves around the idea of rolling a dice, or alternatively, spinning a wheel

Equius: “Strength” Not only is there the obvious implication in his muscles, but Equius always has infatuation with the strength of others, as to why he despises many lowbloods and refuses to lay a hand on highbloods.

Eridan: “The Magician” From the first moment we see Eridan he constantly refers to his hobby with magic, his strife specibus for a period of time is wandkind, and even though he states he doesn’t believe in magic, he also is known to state many other things about himself that are clearly denial. The part he plays as an angel slayer also brings black magic to mind.

Feferi: “The High Priestess” Originally I believed Feferi was the Empress but with more thought I find that role goes better toward another player. Feferi, although royal, never rules, instead she heals all, not just the royally blooded.

Jane: “The Empress” Her assosciation with the “batterwitch” and The Condensce, the real Empress of Alternia, is enough to speak to Jane being represented by the Empress Arcana.

Roxy: “Temperance” Her entire arc around recovering from alcoholism.

Dirk: “The Tower” His early character revolves around being hard to approach and distant from the rest of the group.

Jake: “The Hierophant” His intrigue with ancient ruins and treasure. His whole reputation as an adventurer really.

Calliope: “The Star” Kind and bright she supports the Alpha kids from afar and spreads positivity.

Caliborn: “Judgement” Lord English plays the role of a god-like figure, administering what ever it wants to do and believes it should.


Thoughts? It seems too damn convenient for it to just be a coincidence.

EDIT: oops, forgot, Gamzee is the Devil Arcana for obvious reasons

this is an unapologetically self-indulgent johndavekat AU I’ve been developing with @auxanges, where dave and karkat are competing to become the knight to a certain heir to the throne. who will win john’s heart? dave?? karkat??? both???? (the answer is both)

@auxanges is writing a fic based on the concept so there will probably be more content related to this cheesy as fuck AU soon


EDIT: CHAPTER ONE IS ON AO3! Please go check it out if you’re interested!

Homestuck Beach Headcanons

John: hot sand hot sand hot sand *makes it to the water* cold water cold water cold water (this goes on for like an hour before he settles finally). Brought one of those fake shark fins and straps it to the top of his head. He fools no one. Brought approximately 53 kites and loses All of them because Dave said “hey I bet your kites can’t hold up against your windy thing”. He was right. Tells Karkat that the ocean speaks to ppl through conch shells, he holds one up to his ear, nods, “sorry Karkat, the ocean says you’re an idiot”. Karkat is horrified and John is dying trying to keep a straight face.

Dave: has a SBAHJ swimsuit and a SBAHJ surfboard. Challenges Jade to a surf-off. “Are you sure, Dave? I’ve had a lot of practice and it’s not as easy as it looks! I’ve got it, Dave reassures her. How difficult can it be. She warned u, bro. She warned u about the surf. He does not get back in the water. Fills a bucket with crabs of various shapes and sizes throughout the day, at the end he calls Karkat over to where he’s standing by the waters edge. Hey. Hey Karkat. Look what I found. He pours the crabs out at Karkat’s feet. Karkat looks unsettled. Dave. Where did you even find all these crabs Dave. They’re your children Karkat. I did this for you.

Jade: spends the whole day in the water and also she is a surf goddess did I mention that? Doesn’t put any sunscreen in and everyone is concerned but she barely even tans. After getting out of the water she does the Wet Doggo Shake™ Jade can u pls just warn us before u do that pls you’re getting us all soaking wet. Smells suspiciously like wet dog but everyone is too polite to point it out. Helps Dave collect his crabs bc she has an uncanny knack for finding them (she’s sniffing them out with her doggy nose but doesn’t tell Dave bc she wants to show off).

Rose: builds sand castles with Kanaya bc Kanaya is deadass terrified of the ocean. They surpass sandcastle tbh it’s more like a sand palace. Rose found a bunch of nice purpley shells to decorate with and also some rocks that look suspiciously arcane and vaguely powerful. High tide somehow wipes out the group’s chairs but doesn’t touch the sandcastle. Hm. Chastises Dave for building dicks out of the sand. Is there something you’d like to tell us, Dave? *Dave sweating* what’s a penis I don’t even know anyone named Karkat. Rose smiles innocently. Of course not. Throughout the day, Rose brings water for Kanaya to drink and also to dump on her so she can regulate her body temperature. Since she’s a cold-blood her body temp is lower so she overheats v easily.

Kanaya: is deadass terrified of the ocean. Does the detail work on the castle she and Rose are making, carves out little stairs and turrets and makes flags out of spare ribbon she keeps in her bag. It’s beautiful. She cries at the end of the day when they have to leave it even though they’ve taken lots of pictures. . Karkat comes up to her with a conch shell and holds it out to Kanaya, “john told me the ocean said I was an idiot Kanaya what is it saying I can’t hear anything” She takes the conch shell and listens. Mmhm. Yes. Oh My. “What did it say???” It Was Really Quite Rude, I Shouldn’t Repeat It. Karkat is about to cry. Kanaya and Rose secretly fist bump.

Karkat: oh boy this has really been A Day for him. He’s nervous around the ocean already but apparently it thinks he’s an idiot??? He loves the crabs they remind him of his lusus, it was slightly horrifying that Dave put a bunch of them in a bucket for obvious reasons. Wants to be buried in the sand, Jake helps him dig a big hole and he and Dave and Dirk all work together to make it big enough and fill it in afterwards. Dave writes “im gay” underneath Karkat’s head poking out and Karkat yells at him for taking pictures. Sollux falls asleep on his towel and Karkat writes “beefucker” on his forehead.

Terezi: before they got there everyone told Terezi not to lick the sand. Guess what she did. Also, accidentally popped the beach ball with her teeth because she was licking it. There’s a theme here can u find it. Is in the water a lot because Vriska is desperately trying to regulate her body temperature and has v little energy to say mean things which everyone is grateful for. To make her feel better, Terezi engages in wildly uncreative insults that Vriska can easily latch onto without having to put much energy in. “Hey Terezi is the water cold?” I don’t know john, is your FACE cold? “Terezi that doesn’t even make any sense”, your face doesn’t make any sense! She cackles as if this is some High Brow Humor every single time.

Jake: has an irrational fear of seagulls, they keep coming for his food and that makes him nervous because the monsters on his island were one thing but this? This sly and wily creature? Dirk is like,,,buddy,,,it’s just a seagull? It’s just a bird? “They’re eating my fries, Dirk, I won’t stand for it!” Jake has a little ukulele that he knows like five songs on, he sits outside by the boardwalk and just strums it sometimes after dark. One night, two little kids come by and give him 6 dollars in crumpled singles for his playing and he started crying he was so touched.

Jane: is having the TIME of her life, and is also the Mom friend. She’s simultaneously kicking ass at beach volleyball and reminding everyone to put on their sunscreen and reapply every two hours please! She’s also having a good time experimenting with cooking seafood some nights, though once she made the mistake of bringing in crab and Karkat did Not take it well. It took an hour to calm him down. Jane felt awful and made it up to him by buying him a nice hoodie w a happy crab on it. Bought a cute little blue boogie board and hangs out with Jade and Roxy in the water, she’s not very good at it but she likes swimming around a little.

Dirk: he’s that one friend that goes way too hard in casual games tbh. Like, they’re just playing a friendly game of volleyball Dirk can you please stop spiking it every five seconds. The grind never stops, Roxy, don’t hate the player hate the grind. Jane looked at him w so much disappointment in her eyes after he said it that he felt the force of her stare physically and had to take a step back. Tries to show Jake that seagulls aren’t scary by feeding them, but they start attacking him for his fries which does not help prove his point at all.

Roxy: “the babe” Lalonde has been ready for a beach trip her entire life. She is checking out the lifeguards, she’s checking out the other gals and dudes strolling about the beach, she’s got her best friends with her, what more could she want??? She buys a cutesy pink surfboard and Dave makes fun of her for it and she smiles sweetly. Oh sorry Dave? I forgot you were so good at surfing?? No one knows how or when Roxy learned to hang ten but THERE SHE GOES. She finds a lot of pretty shells and rocks and sand dollars and is just enthusiastic about everything tbh. She brightens everyone’s mood always.

Calliope: cherubs can’t float so Roxy’s overprotective ass won’t let her near the water unless someone is with her and making sure she’s safe. This is Fine with calliope bc that means that she’s never alone and therefore she’s never lonely and really that’s all she’s ever wanted so!! She’s v content to watch Jade and Roxy surf, she will sit w Jane sometimes when she isn’t in the water. She also likes digging for sand crabs with Karkat bc she likes their little legs. She wants to dig deep enough to find a lobster and no one has the heart to tell her that’s not how it works.

Sollux: this idiot. This boy. My sweet sweet son. Makes the horrible mistake of falling asleep on his towel. He was underneath the big umbrella when he started, but as the sun moves and he’s not putting on more sunscreen?? John, Dave, and Karkat take it upon themselves to not only write “beefucker” on his forehead, but also draw dicks on his whole body in sunscreen so he burns (trolls turn a darker shade of their blood color) and ends up with these pale gray dicks surrounded by a horrible dark, mustardy burn.

What Your Homestuck Ship says about you

Rosemary: You did it. The only solid 100% no ambiguity about it ship to make it to endgame. A wedding, a happily ever after, a decent amount of screen time and development; other ships wish they had what you had.

DirkJake: One of the few “big kisses” in the comic. You breath a sigh of relief that it never officially sunk and you hope they work through their problems.

DaveKat: You enjoy friends to lovers plots and that satisfaction that you ended strongly.

DaveJade: You had almost given up hope only for a small bone to be thrown at you at the comic’s end.

DaveJadeKat: You’ve got an aversion to conflict and a smart savvy way to rectify your warring ships.

JohnDave: You’re a stable individual, there’s a lot of you. You appreciate the chemistry inherent in the two leads of every story.

JadeKat: Patronshipper at your core. DaveJadeKat was a surprising victory for you.

Karezi: You probably hate the RetJohn, and the lack of a concrete conclusion bothers you.

Daverezi: They hooked up and broke up entirely offscreen. Why Hussie? Why have you done this?

DavepetaJade: The unexpected blend of DaveJade’s chemistry and JadeNep’s animal motif. A colorful and pleasant surprise topped off with a kiss; you weren’t expected, but you’re here. The color scheme isn’t tacky!

JohnVris: In the back of your mind “I will Remem8er You” is playing.

GamKar: There is a duality to you like Gamzee’s faces :o( and :o). You’re either happy for the touching moments or frustrated with how it was handled. Much like the enigmatic clown himself.

GamTav: The term cinnamon role is perhaps overused… but not to you. No matter what relationship dynamic you like, Tavros will always be one.

SolKat: One’s grouchy, and the other’s… also grouchy! Winning sitcom formula! Frustratingly little Post Act 5 interaction!

AraSol: You are hopeful. For all that’s happened in this hell comic, you are hopeful.

Equara: You watch your inbox like a hawk. Should you let your guard down… that anon will appear.

SolFef: You are sad often. You wish for a conclusion or an interaction, but there are none.

EriSol: It was a rollercoaster, and you appreciate it, hopefully. If not, wow, man that was a weird one, and I guess the Sprite reunion was cute? 

CronKri: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

EriFef: Sprite reunion FTW. There’s some feeling of conclusion to be had there at least.

SlickPaint: A ship so cute you go :) but with an ending that makes you go >:(.

JohnRose: You’ve been here a while. Anti Shippers are your bane.

JohnRoxy: You didn’t expect to be here, you didn’t expect this development; but you are thankful for it.

CallieRoxy: You like cute things, fluff, adorable au’s, etc.

JaneRoxy: DirkJake shipmates for life! A cute color balance for a cute ship.

Fefeta: You like Roxy. You search for appropriate puns. 

Vriska/Terezi: You are either happy as hell for this ship or annoyed that the finale snubbed you. 

JohnKat: There’s “that” meme going about, you think it’s funny. You are a Promstuck fan.

VrisKan: Your interest in Homestuck ebbs and flows, but you’ve also been here a while. Even if you’ve moved on, some part of you will always remember that elongated heart from when Vriska got decked.

KatNep: Nepeta’s convo to Jaspersprite is one of the most powerful moments in the comic and nobody can tell you otherwise.

Johnrezi: The ship you never knew you liked.

Les8fins: You have complicated feelings towards Aranea and even more complicated feelings about who Meenah should end up with. You like angst.

Meowrails: You are legion for you are many. All fans have been touched by this ship.

DaveRose: You are a game developer. Homestuck’s future is in your hands.

tfw youve missed the prime years of homestuck (i got into this shit in 2014) and youre desperately comissioning and making and putting together cosplays for conventions, and making fanart, and coming up with outrageous fan theories, and rereading old fanfiction, clinging desperately to the idea that “maybe this post will bring them back” and “maybe the upcoming game will spark something and we can all party like its 2012-2013” and “please come back for the love of gOD I WASNT HERE AND IM NOT DONE Y E T”

A Eulogy for all the Homestuck ships that didn't make it.
  • JohnKat: Sunk by a meme. Tragic.
  • DadMom: Sunk by a violent stabbing, also Tragic.
  • JadeJohn and DaveRose: Goddamn, Hussie pulled a George Lucas on us there. "You like that ship? Well they're related now, whoopsie!"
  • JohnDave: Well, you'll always have A03 at least.
  • JadeRose: The forgotten Beta ship. You were cute.
  • DaveTavros: You were a thing apparently? Well the fanart was cute.
  • Gamrezi: You'll always have the Shelby Cragg AU's at least.
  • TaVris: Hmmm....
  • GamTav: I have so many sad and complicated feelings towards you. It's hard and nobody understands.
  • GamKar: There was so much unexplored potential and too much offscreen development.
  • JohnRose: Never liked you, but you deserved better than a bunch of people throwing a fit over a t-shirt.
  • Erisol: I'll miss the <3<, and your Sprite.
  • Equara: God remember that anon that really really really hated this ship? Remember the harassment and gore submissions? That shit was wild... and creepy. Don't do this over fictional relationships kids.
  • JasproseJane: Never saw that one coming did we?
  • JohnVris: I will Remem8er You!
  • AraSol: Confirmed? Sunk? Aw well, you had a good run.
  • SolFef: Goddamnit Eridan.
  • EriSolFef: "We coulda had it aaaaaaall"
  • Rufioh/Damara: A foot note in the backstory that could have been explored more.
  • Daverezi: Sunk offscreen no less! A true shame.
  • Karezi: Retconned out of existence and the two don't even talk anymore. Ouch.
  • EquiKar: Fuck all of you this was cute.
  • VrisKan: Sigh. Rest in Peace Vriskan, may the shippers sing you to your grave.
  • Les8fins: Damnit Aranea!
  • Les8fins 2.0: Dammnit Meenah!
  • Meulin/Kurloz: Wow, that was an odd couple wasn't it?
  • Grimluck: I want to believe.