A/N: An anon request for a Spencer and JJ (I decided they aren’t together) where she is pregnant with Henry. In a later episode, Spencer mentions that he memorized a birthing manual just in case she went into labor in the field, so that’s what’s about to happen. Enjoy! :)
He was constantly memorizing things. It kept his mind occupied, and with an eidetic memory, he could hold almost anything in his brain, so he could in essence, be prepared for anything. Months back, when JJ first told the team she was pregnant with a baby boy, he’s memorize a pregnancy manual on the chance that she went into labor in the field. Problem was, there were certain things that no matter how much book learning one had, it helped little in the case of practical applications.
JJ wasn’t supposed to be due for another month, so while most of the members of the team were in the middle of yearly reviews, Spencer and JJ went to ran an errand on behalf of the director. And now…
The car broke down.
They were in the middle of nowhere.
An ambulance wouldn’t be able to get to them for another 20-to-30 minutes…
…and JJ’s water just broke.
“Ahhhhh!!!!!” she screamed, clutching her stomach as a contraction hit her. “Oh, god, Spence, what are we gonna do?” Her head snapped toward him in a panic. This baby wasn’t supposed to be due for another four weeks, but there was absolutely no doubt that these were full on contractions and not false contractions. The ripples subsided and she was able to take a deep breath to try and clear her mind.
Immediately, Spencer hopped out of the government car and told JJ to move to the back seat. “How far apart are your contractions?” he asked, hoping that maybe they were far enough apart that the ambulance would get there on time.
“About three and a half minutes,” she said through staggered breaths. “That means I’m close, aren’t I?” Another contraction started up and she screamed, clutching on to her stomach with one hand and the car seat with the other.
Oh shit. He was going to have to, at least partially, deliver JJ’s baby. He could recite the book in his head, but having to apply that to a living, breathing, screaming human being…that was completely different. “Yea, it does,” he said as he removed her pants. “Sorry, but we’re going to have to do this here.”
“Lovely,” she groaned as her head fell back into the seat. “You think the Bureau’s gonna make me pay for messing up the car?” She was trying to inject some humor into the situation so she wouldn’t lose her mind, but it wasn’t working very well. “Do we have any water? Anything?” The sweat built up on her brow with each tightening of her stomach. No one could possibly prepare a woman for how much this hurt.
While another contraction rolled through her body, now about three minutes apart, Spencer ran to the back of the car where they had a 24-pack of water bottles. “This is going to have to do,” he said, pouring one of the bottles on his hands to clean them as best he could. “Now, I know this sucks, but I’m going to have to check how dilated you are.”
“How do you know how to do this?” she asked. “Actually why am I asking that? You’re Spencer.”
“I memorized a birthing manual for what I thought was the off chance you would go into labor in the field, so you’re going to be fine,” he said confidently. He definitely didn’t feel that way, but he wouldn’t allowed to let his scared, pregnant friend in on that little fact. “Now, can you turn to your left side? It’ll keep pressure off of the vena cava, a blood vessel that delivers oxygen to the baby.”
With all of the effort she could muster, she pushed up and turned her body to the left, watching as her stomach hardened and then softened. Contractions were gross and scary. “Okay, JJ,” he said, a little more frantically than he wanted, “Look at me. You are at ten centimeters, which means when you feel the next contraction, you have to push.” She was really hoping that the ambulance would get here before that happened, but if she had to trust anyone other than a medical professional, it was Spence. “I know you’re scared, but I’m not going to let anything happen to you or the baby, okay?”
“Okay,” she nodded as the contractions started again. Bearing down as hard as she could brought a blood-curdling scream from her throat. “Oh my god.”
Her breathing was erratic. She would definitely lose oxygen if she didn’t steady herself. Reaching up, he grabbed her hand. “JJ, breathe in through your nose and then out through your mouth in short bursts. He needs oxygen and so do you.” She did as he instructed, feeling slightly better as the next contraction started. “Okay, again, bear down for 10 seconds…10…9…8…7…6…”
As she bore down, Spencer could see the baby’s head. God this was so surreal. “I can see his head, JJ. You’re doing great. Take another deep breath and try and relax for another 20 seconds.”
It was barely five seconds later when she felt the burning need to push again. “That wasn’t 20 seconds…you lied,” she said. “You’re supposed to be my best friend, why would you lie to me?”
“It was a guesstimate,” he said defensively before realizing she was joking. “I’m pretty sure he’s going to come out in the next push or two. You’re almost there. Push!”
The baby was coming. JJ continued to push as Spencer stared in awe slash horror at the miracle of birth. How she was still breathing was a miracle to him. With one final push, JJ’s baby boy made his way into the world. He pulled off his suit jacket without a second thought and swaddled the little boy as best he could, placing him in his mother’s arms as he told JJ to push once more. “Oh my god,” she cried, gliding her pointer finger over her newborn’s face. “He’s so beautiful. Thank you, Spence.”
“No problem,” he said reflexively. Also a little white lie. He was about to piss himself, but it didn’t matter. The baby was here and he seemed to be okay. As if on cue, the ambulance siren went off in the distance. “Now they come.”
“You’re the best uncle in the whole world,” JJ sighed. “Thank you for keeping me calm.”
“Calm?” he laughed. “I don’t know if you screaming bloody murder counts as calm.”
“I had a human exiting my body, Spence. Don’t even.”
The ambulance pulled up behind them and the EMT’s checked JJ out to make sure she was okay. Everything was fine. Of course, Spencer had done everything correctly. “I’ll call Will on the way to the hospital and have him meet us there,” he said, watching as JJ and the as-yet-unnamed baby boy were loaded into the ambulance. There was barely enough room, but Spencer managed to get in and stay out of the professionals’ way.
Within 15 minutes, they arrived at the hospital, mom and baby perfectly healthy and happy. “Oh my god,” Will said from down the hallway, as his girlfriend and baby rolled into the hospital. “Thank god you’re okay. What happened?”
“The car broke down and my water broke. Uncle Spencer here saved the day.”
“You delivered my baby boy?” he asked, his southern twang even thicker under stress. “Thank you, Spencer. Thank you for taking care of them. I can never repay you enough.” While JJ was rolled into a room, Will hugged Spencer as tightly as he could. “Don’t worry, JJ and I will make sure that you are his favorite uncle for as long as we live.”
It was a surreal experience, but he thanked whoever was listening that he was there when she needed him. “Seems only fair. Do you two have a name yet?”
“Henry,” JJ smiled, looking at Will with a nod. “We were going to ask you anyway, but now that you delivered him too, will you be his godfather?”
Reaching out, he cradled the baby boy in his arms. “Henry, hi. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m glad you’re okay.”