Jason in the wild

  • Jason Todd: Batman, this is Red Hood. I'm calling to let you know how disappointed I am in your story. How horrible you shit on me and-
  • Roy Harper: YOU LIED! YOU FUCKING LIED! WHY'D YOU DO IT!?
  • Jason Todd: STOP IT, ROY!
  • Roy Harper: YOU LIED!
  • Jason Todd: STOP! STOP! GOD DAMMIT!
  • Jason Todd: Batman, this is Red Hood calling. I'm calling to let you know how disappointed I am in your story. There’s many things that I read in here that were false, like you saying that I wore Yeezy Boost 350s to the docks with my leather jacket, when I wore vintage brown Dr Martens.
  • Roy Harper: 29 DOLLARS!
  • Jason Todd: EVERY TIME YOU FUCKING YELL I HAVE TO RE-RECORD IT!
  • Jason Todd: Batman, this is Red Hood calling. I’m calling to let you know how disappointed I am in your story and the light you shed on me when I am going through such a hard time in my life. I opened up to you so that way the world could potentially know what a great, amazing, talented, strong -
  • Roy Harper: *starts crying*
  • Jason Todd: - healthy, boy that I am – not even a boy – young man. I am petrified! Petrified with this story!
  • Roy Harper: *grunts*
  • Jason Todd: I’m so disappointed, and I’m letting you know that I will clear this up. Have a nice life. Goodbye.
  • Roy Harper: That was beautiful. You did such a good job of expressing yourself.
Finger Guns - Jason Todd x Reader

Anon asks: “Okay but like imagine Jay and his SO lying down and making out on a couch (fully dressed no NSFW stuff happening) and then like one of Jay’s bros or Roy bust in and start pacing and ranting and so like Jay sits up but his so is still laying down and so the person ranting doesn’t realize they are there, but then like after a couple minutes Jay’s SO sits up and is like "Is this very important or can it wait?” and like Jay starts laughing. IDK I thought this was cute and funny.“

Warnings: swearing, nothing other than that I believe but tell me if there is

a/n: oh my god this is so short, but I’m actually pretty pleased with it. Also I used Roy because if it was one of Jason’s brothers he’d just be like "go. fucking go.” anyways, I hope you enjoy this anon! As always, I am open to rewrite it if you are not pleased.


Laying back on the somewhat uncomfortable white couch, your mind is elsewhere as you tug slightly on your boyfriend’s hair. Lips locked in a kiss that had lasted for what felt like hours, you weren’t focusing on the sound of a motorcycle coming to a stop outside of your apartment. You weren’t focusing on anything but Jason’s lips against yours and your growing need to take this situation to the bedroom. Or the kitchen table. Or you know, any stable surface in the apartment, you really did not care.

“Jay, let’s go.” You murmur, trying to urge your boyfriend to stop prolonging things, to stop teasing you. Really, you knew you weren’t going to get through to him, Jason was cruel when it came to things like this, testing your patience each and every time, without fail. But alas, tonight it seems you would finally get your wish.

Jason nods, rushing things along as he attempts to unbutton and unzip your jeans. He’s half-way through the process when… BANG! The door slams open hard and loud, making you jump so violently you can feel your teeth collide with Jason’s and your foreheads bang together.

“What the fuck?” You mutter, rubbing your head and feeling your now bleeding lower lip. Turns out when you jumped a mile in the air Jason reacted by accidentally biting your lip, really, really, hard. Before either you or Jason can even blink, Roy Harper comes bursting into the room, pacing and ranting at 500 miles per hour.

At his friend’s distress, Jason immediately sits up, eyebrows knit together in concern, causing you to give him a look that reads ‘what-the-shit-Jason-we-were-literally-about-to-fuck-what-is-going-on’. Now listen, you loved Roy, Roy was your best friend, you were ecstatic whenever Roy came over, but right now was terrible timing. Looking between the two man-children you consider family, your irritation builds as your arousal dies. You were still laying down, hoping that maybe Roy would get over his rant quick enough where you and Jason could get back to what you were doing. But no, no that was not going to happen. You laid back on the couch for another 15 minutes before finally sitting up, an eyebrow raised in the way that scared men to their cores.

“Okay, so is this important or can it wait? Like cause unless you’re bleeding out or the world is ending, it can wait.” You deadpan, re-buttoning your jeans, adjusting your shirt, and finger-combing your hair into place. At your sudden comment Jason bursts out into hysterical laughing, giggling so hard that he actual falls on to the ground. This situation really was a unique one. You sit on the couch, resting bitch face at 100%, Jason lays in hysterical fits of laughter on the floor, and Roy paces the room with what you now see is an arrow lodged in his thigh. Unique situation, not uncommon. This shit had to happen like 3 times a week, at least that was your estimate.

“Why are you laughing?” Both you and Roy simultaneously ask Jason. The aforementioned incredibly hot zombie tries to reclaim his breath, giggles still pouring out of his swollen lips. “B-because…Y-Y/N is ready to…murder you.” Jason manages to squeak out through wheezy laughs, clutching his stomach because laughing so hard had made it hurt.

Roy, with a somewhat hurt expression on his face, turns to you, green eyes confused. “Why do you wanna murder me? I already have an arrow in my leg…” He asks, looking like a little lost puppy. Sighing, you realize that even though he completely ruined what could’ve been a very fun time, he did have an actual arrow in his leg…oh god and he has one in his back too. You didn’t notice that.

“Because Roy, you are a pain in my ass, and a complete cockblock. But you know what? I love ya, gingersnap, so I’ll take that arrow out of your leg and the other one out of your back, okay?” You explain, getting up and lightly kissing Roy on the cheek. His eyebrows raise in understanding, as his eyes grow mischievous. “Well, I mean I could go? Leave you two to it.” He speaks, smirking at you.

“Yeah babe, Roy can take care of himself.” Jason says, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you against chest from behind. Apparently, he had composed himself from his earlier laughing fit.

“Yeah, how about no? This whole situation has turned me off like a fucking light-switch, and Roy has arrows in his leg and back, I don’t think that’d be comfortable to drive home with.” You articulate, shrugging Jason’s arms off of you as you go to get the first aid kit.


While checking up on the supplies, you hear muffled arguing, so you creep to the door, hearing what you can.

“Nice going man, I could’ve gotten laid, but noooo.”

“You dropped to the floor laughing, and you think I ruined your chances?”

“I will fucking shoot you.”

“Go ahead!”

“Blam, blam, blam!”

“Really Jaybird? Finger guns?”