on autism moms
I’ve joined lots of “autism moms support groups” on Facebook to try and teach people (who are often, but not always, allistic) more about autism and Autism $peaks, and I’ve noticed something that for some reason surprised me (even though it shouldn’t have).
the vast majority of the people in these groups care deeply for their autistic children and would give up their lives for them, just as they would for their allistic children.
and I post a lot about the grief and pain which stems from both of my parents crying out of grief when I was diagnosed with autism at 15 years old. thinking about that hurts just as much as thinking about when I tried to come out to them as nonbinary. maybe more. to this day I don’t have a clue why either of them cried beyond simply ableism. but something I’ve learned about many parents of autistic people, even including self-identified “autism parents”, is that a main reason they cry and a main reason they experience pain when they find out their child is autistic is that most of them are learning for the first time that their kid is living in a world that isn’t built for them. they’re afraid their kid is being or will be bullied, they’re afraid their kid won’t get a decent education due to lack of accommodations, they’re afraid that they as parents have been doing things wrong. you do get the occasional person who restrains their kid, or who videotapes them while they’re having a meltdown, or sends them to 40 hours of ABA a week. but when those types of people (aka the stereotypical Autism Mom™), the other people in the group are already at the child’s defense and trying to find a way to help the kid and get the Autism Mom™ to stop doing whatever it is that’s harmful and abusive before I, the autistic person who joined the group specifically to combat things like that, have to say anything. there are even people who are educated about Autism $peaks and tell people about what they’ve done and list organizations that actually helps Autistic people. there is still a very long way to go in these groups, but these people are, much more often than not, good people who try their best to help their offspring.