JESUSFUCKINGCHRIST

peter-pan-princess  asked:

"this is part one of maybe three or four" *uploads chapter five* PRAISE THE LORD FOR LORI GETTING ATTACHED LIKE SHE DID WITH IGU

Why are you like this?

There will be two more chapters 😂😂😂 does it even matter what I say anymore jesusfuckingchrist!

So this happened last night...

So I was over at my folks’ place, chatting with them about one thing and another, including the fact that I was taking a trip to Atlanta in April for @221bcon. Which, what I’ve told them is that it’s a fan con all about Sherlock Holmes and the various adaptations, etc. They know that I go to these a few times a year. And then my stepdad pipes up with this:

“You know, I’ve always liked the Sherlock Holmes stories. Maybe someday I could go with you to one of those cons. It could be, like, a father-daughter bonding experience.”

Me, in my head: OMG JESUSFUCKINGCHRIST NOOOOO! 😲😱😬😵😵😵

Now, he’s pretty awesome - I kinda won the stepdad lottery, and I love him to pieces. But he’s a 66 year old cis het white dude, and while he’s pretty darn liberal in an old-hippie kind of way, I’m pretty sure he’s never heard of shipping or fanfic, let alone slash. And. Um. Yeahhhh. He’s also my DAD. I do not want to go to, say, the PWP fic panel, or -oh gods!!!- the ABO panel, and chance running into him. I would DIE. I would be DEAD of MORTIFICATION. And yes, of course there are lots of panels that are not shipping-related, but. I don’t want to have to EXPLAIN these things to him. No. No no no no no. There are so many reasons why not.

So. While this is running through my head, scenario after scenario each worse than the next*, I am desperately vamping for time.

Me, aloud: “Wow. Ah, yeah, doing a con together sounds like fun. But, um, the Sherlock cons only happen a few times a year, and they’re all pretty far away - the closest is in Seattle, and I usually go for like 4 or 5 days, and I don’t know if you could, um, work that into your schedule? HEY! How about we go to one of the gaming cons that they have here in L.A.? That could be really cool - they have them just about every 3-day weekend, we both know a lot of people who go to them, and there’s not a huge time commitment, we could just go down for the day. And it’s been a long time since we played a D&D session together, hasn’t it?”

Him: “Oh, yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun….” and the conversation moved on from there.

WHEW!!!!!!! 😅😅😅😅😅😅

I am SOOOO looking forward to this con!!!!


*some of the options: Not being used to so many non-cis folks, he accidentally misgenders someone. Not used to being around so high a percentage of queer folks, he accidentally says something deeply heteronormative. Not used to being around so many folks so much younger than him, and not being part of fan culture, he doesn’t fit in and feels awkward and out of place, or he tries to learn about the culture to fit in better and asks questions in the manner of an anthropologist and thereby makes others feel awkward. There are more, but they’re just variations on a theme, you get the gist.

Feminists do not hate men.

Feminism is not the hatred of men.

Misandry is the hatred of men.

Feminism is the movement aimed at defining, establishing and defending the equal political, economic, cultural and social rights for women.

The word hate isn’t even used.

The word men isn’t even used.

Feminists do not hate men.

I want to beat you to death with a blunt object,
I want to grab one of those high-end fashioned mannequins by the ankles and bash your rib cage in.
I want to sharpen 50 pencils, bind them with a rubber band, stick the lead end in your mouth and punch the erasers.
I gonna strap you to a bed of nails then strap that bed of nails to the hood of my car so i can watch you suffer as we drive over speed bumps in the mall parking lot during an earthquake.
I want you to somehow survive a terrible car crash and somehow not survive a small fender-bender on the way back from the hospital.
—  Poetry - Bo Burnham