Is this just a thing adults do

Waiting for Daybreak

The clock in the corner of your computer screen just hit 12:00 AM, making today May 16th, 5617. You’ve turned 18 years old today! You’re a real live, bona fide adult! And you aren’t anything less than absolutely fucking stoked. Think about all of the incredible adult things you’ll be able to do! You know… get a job… go to college… and some other stuff… Yeah, no matter how you cut it, it still sounds like a lousy gig. So you’re mindlessly scrolling through your dashboard on Bumblr to help you ignore the mass of responsibilities piling up on top of you. But that’s just how it is, right? Though, we have a story to tell here, so why don’t we decide this young lady’s name, shall we?

[Use replies to input commands.]

anonymous asked:

alex's career ending injury would honestly be an interesting character growth moment. i bet alex would start to be really insecure. lexa says that shes still so proud of alex no matter what. but alex feels so shitty about herself that she doesnt believe that lexa is telling the truth (she thinks lexa is just being supportive bc lexa knows thats the Parent thing to do. and lexa isnt Actually proud) also alex having connected more to lexa her adult life but now she connects to clarke bc insecurity

Yeah Lexa comes into Alex’s room to console her and Alex can’t meet her eyes and Clarke is holding Alex and she whispers “give us a minute, babe” and Lexa is CRUSHED because for the first time in her life, her baby can’t confide in her because she’s so upset that she shattered Lexa’s dreams. She can’t look Lexa in the eyes, she doesn’t come out for their morning runs, she becomes a shell of who she used to be for a little while. Lexa has to tell her that she’s her little girl, always, no career will ever change that. Lexa doesn’t care about football, or glory. She wants Alex to be happy and safe and that’s an obstacle they’ll overcome together.

aneclipsedhabitue  asked:

Tentoo x Rose and shattered glass (bc Some drunk adult just dropped their wine glass and some shards got in my ankle rip i hate drunkards)

She stares at the broken glass for an hour after he leaves, unable to move or think or try to do anything to fix what just happened- how their insecurities and old pain had bubbled to the surface and led to both of them screaming at each other for things that weren’t their fault.

(it’s okay he loves you it’ll be all right it’s just a fight he loves you breathe)

When he comes back, hours later, he curls behind her in bed and whispers apologies and words of love of how he’s never going to leave her and she’s perfect and everything is going to be all right…and it is.

Send me a pairing and a prompt- I’ll write you a 3 sentence fic!

Listen, I’m a salty™ bitch but there’s a difference if all you’re doing is harassing others, sending hate, or talking shit just for your own personal gain or amusement. If you have a problem with someone, be an adult. Go to them. Talk it out. Don’t be a pussy about things. To everyone who has gotten hate recently or doesn’t feel safe in their own personal space on tumblr, I love you. You don’t deserve it. Fuck the haters.

10

I decided to draw this thing based off of a bigger idea I had when the PPG reboot started using memes (so like… right from the beginning). Kids HATE memes/fads when adults or corporations who have no clue what they’re doing or why it was supposed to be cool or funny in the first place use them. ‘Cause then they just suck out your life essence and make you wanna die. So… clearly they should be used as a tool of evil! To destroy children! And what better lame-o to use a tool like that than THIS chimpy lame-o!

Anyway… enjoy/be terrified!

anonymous asked:

Hey I love the kind of stuff you post! I was just wondering if you knew of any other people that post stuff along the same lines you do? Like how to and adulting things?

YES YES YES! Here are my main squeezes: 

@college-help-and-hacks: One of the first blogs I followed when I started my own blog.

@collegelifehacks: About 75% of the posts are college related, but the rest are general adulting and A+.

@diyadulting​: We’ve got a lot of the same things going on (including cats).

@foodffs​: The absolute best recipe blog on Tumblr! Ranked.

@growup-gloup: New fav, this blog is just starting up.

@hipdomestic​: Another blog that is not updated enough, but has an archive that will straight up shock you.

@howtogrowthefuckup: Super popular, super informative, basically what I strive to be.

@howtoimpersonateanadult: Extremely similar to what I’m doing, we’re hardcore mutuals.

@lifehacksthatwork: I get all of my infographics from this tumblr/site. Occasionally they’ll post hysterical comments.

@poorpersonsgiude: Stalking this blog is my No. 1 hobby.

@studydiaryofamedstudent: For all your studying/homework needs.

@writing-reference: Does not post too much nowadays, but has an absolutely insane archive with everything you could possibly ever need ever.


I am sure I forgot somebody! Please comment if I left you out. 

anonymous asked:

I'm 14 going on 15 and I hate how so many people who take a character that was just my age, and make creepy art and fic about him. I'm about to turn his current age and have been propositioned since I was 11 and was always told that adults who try things like that are perverts. So why is it when a bunch of 20 somethings pushing a teen who is around my age into a sexual relationship with an adult and do explicit crap, it's not perverted and gross? What about the teens who are feeling sexualized?

First off, thanks for writing me and being polite in your message. 

The first thing I want to address is this: you should never be made to feel sexualized. Unless it’s with someone you want to be sexual with, like a crush of yours. Even with someone you consider a crush, if you don’t want to feel that way and don’t want to do anything that can be considered sexual (be it even a kiss), you should never feel forced. This is not just now because you’re a teen, this is something that all of us go through and need to keep in mind even in our 20s, 30s and so on.

I’m so sorry that you feel that way in real life because some adults are absolutely disgusting. They are. Adults that prey on children are absolutely disgusting and horrifying and you should call them out, tell your parents or your teachers or the police. I’m not kidding here. I know it’s hard and you might feel like you’re going to be made fun of, or that they won’t believe you, or that they will side with the adult, or that will belittle you and tell you it’s not a big deal. If you tell someone you trust, they won’t do all those things. Go with your guts. Tell, even if someone only threw nasty words at you or catcalled you (and I really hope you never went through anything heavier than that). In those cases there won’t be much that you can do, but telling someone will help.

What I can tell from your message, is that you (subconsciously or not) equate sex with generally being nasty and perverted. This will probably be unnecessary, but I’ll say it anyway: sex is not inherently gross or disgusting or creepy. If you feel that it is, then it means you’re not ready to enter a sexual relationship, and that’s perfectly fine and normal. I won’t tell you that that’s only because of your age, because some people never (or very rarely) show any interest in sex (it’s called asexuality and it falls under the LGBT+ spectrum). Whether you do end up growing to want sex or not doesn’t matter here. 

What matters is that now you clearly don’t want to see sex and anything to do with it in your fandom experience and that’s fine. Tumblr offers you ways to make your experience better and show you only the content you want to see. Block any nsfw tag. Don’t follow blogs whose description clearly states that they post nsfw (like mine). Tumblr is a big and scary place if you just take everything it throws at you (be it ship hate, nsfw stuff, etc). The thing with it is that it can’t cater to everyone’s tastes, so you have to be active about blocking the stuff that YOU don’t want to see. Other 14-going-on-15 year olds might be okay seeing nsfw fanart and posts and that will be their Tumblr experience, but you should definitely take measures to protect yourself from what you don’t want to see. 

Now, the thing about Otayuri is that no matter how you twist it, it’s not illegal to ship it, even in a sexual way. You should definitely read this post about it, because the thing is, as much as we can project our feelings and real-world stuff into anime characters, they’re not real. 

I assure you that if Yuri on Ice was a flesh and bone show things would be different. I don’t really watch any current TV shows with teens in them so I can’t speak for what other fandoms do with their ship, whether they’re sexualized or not. I can only speak for this silly and amazing anime that’s been consuming my life for the past seven months or so.

Anime and cartoon characters are a safe way to explore things about real life. Whether it be sex or depression or anxiety or simply falling in love, we can all identify with an anime character and see our flaws, our fears and our history in them.

The thing you have to remember is that we (I’m speaking for the slightly older part of the fandom since I’m in my twenties) have been Yuri’s age. We’ve very likely had crushes on boys or girls that were a bit younger, our age or slightly older (like Otabek is). So I think for most of us, shipping Otayuri is a way to remember what it feels like to be a teen and be in love/have a huge crush. We will never be that age again, and maybe there’s things we regret not doing, crushes we wish we had confessed. By shipping Otayuri in an active way (meaning: drawing fanart or writing fanfiction) we can explore things we experienced as teens (or wish we had) and pour a little bit of ourselves in Yuri’s (or Otabek’s) character. 

Those things might involve anything from simple fluff or rough sex, because, accept it or not, some people at 15 or 16 were (are) having sex of all kinds. Sweet, loving, rough, vanilla, kinky, you-name-it sex. So not to explore that aspect in a healthy way (through fics or fanart) would be lying about what reality is, it would be denying that we ever thought about or had sex at that age.

Much like with blocking tumblr content, you can choose what kinds of fanfiction you read. Only read General and Teen and Up tagged things, read about fluff and about falling in love in a sweet innocent way. Read anything tagged “Ace!Yuri” (it means asexual, the thing I was telling you about before). 

But please understand this: when we sexualize Yuri, we’re mostly sexualizing our (often past) selves. Not other teens, not other real-life people. Yuri doesn’t exist in real life, and many of us see bits and pieces of ourselves in him. When we write about him we really write about ourselves, be it because we want to see how we (maybe a little sassier and bitchier version of us) would have confessed a crush to our best friend, or would have handled the aftermath of having just shoved our gloved fingers in said best friend’s mouth in front of thousands of people. Fanfiction is a study about versions of ourselves that never existed, but might as well have.

Another thing I need to make clear: Otabek is not an adult. I assure you that the morning of your 18th birthday you won’t feel like an adult. You’ll feel like the you from yesterday and it will be anticlimactic af, you’ll be like “That’s it?” and yeah, it will be it. Just because the law in some country or state says that 18 is the age of consent (which is set to 16 or 14 years old in many other countries) it doesn’t mean that you’re automatically an adult at that age. You can be 18 and have had sex since you were 14. You can be 18 and completely uninterested in sex. You can be 18 and have a 15 year old mental age, or you can be 16 and be mentally more mature than some 20 year olds.

What canon has shown us, is that Yuri and Otabek are much closer to each other’s mental age than the 2 years + a few months difference they share. I encourage you to find posts about why there’s no power imbalance between Yuri and Otabek, because they compete in the same sport and they have had similar experiences in life.

In conclusion, if you feel irked about nsfw fanart and fanfics and discussions when it comes to this particular ship, please don’t read it/watch it. But what I can assure you is that none of us are trying to sexualize you or your peers. When we sexualize pixels on a screen we don’t see those pixels as a flesh and bone version of a human, we only see an idealized character whose age we are or have been and whose personality and experiences we want to safely explore.

Also really important: when we write/draw NSFW, we don’t write/draw it for teens to read. I repeat: WE DON’T CREATE NSFW CONTENT FOR TEENS. We’re not your parents or guardians, we write NSFW for whoever feels like they can handle seeing nsfw content. If you’re a teen that goes on the nsfw tag and then complains about it (I’m not saying that’s what you did here, I’m speaking generally), it’s only your fault for going in a tag that you weren’t comfortable to begin with.

TL;DR: 

  • Speak up if you feel sexualized IRL in a way you don’t like;
  • Learn how to use tumblr safely, block tags, understand that tumblr doesn’t do those things for you. Make your fandom experience exactly the one you want to see;
  • Don’t trust adults who tell you this ship is somehow illegal: it’s not;
  • Understand what’s behind fiction and fanfiction as a way we have to explore real life things (often too personal to write about as ourselves, so we project those things in characters we like);
  • Understand that adulthood is not something that happens from one day to another;
  • Learn to discern what content is meant to be consumed by a teen and what content isn’t;
  • Be safe.

why do people still think the “i look cute and innocent.. but i have a twisted dirty mind xD o_0″ thing is like. edgy or surprising at all. 

like no offense but when you see some grown adult playing up how sweet and cute and innocent pastel baby uwu they are, you can pretty much instantly tell that theyre probably kind of a pervert in really unpleasant ways. and its not “shocking” or even slightly surprising its just kind of….. gross and insufferable

8

sparrabeth + elizabeth’s fascination with jack upon first meeting him

HAHA WOW THIS WAS SO ARDUOUS TO MAKE.

Playing around with the screen tones in Clip Studio Paint and simultaneously loving how many awesome features this program has and dying over how many things I have left to discover and test out.

Artwork ©: alazic02

Do not repost.

Dear #savebendy ,

theMeatly posted this comment 23 hours ago on DAGames’ video
“WHY AM I SO SCARED?! | BENDY CHAPTER 2 SONG EXPLANATION | DAGames“

I know this video and the comment aren’t directed at the #savebendy movement, but I still wanted to share it with you.
And I also don’t want to put any words in theMeatly’s mouth, I only want to show you and point out some things…


#savebendy spreads toxicity and hate. It suppresses people’s creativity and imagination. Exactly the opposite of what theMeatly wants, as you can see!

I follow him on Twitter as well and see him retweet art his fans have created …

  • That isn’t always canon!
  • Or just simply shitposts people made that are BATIM related.
  • Or Cosplays! AMAZING COSPLAYS!
  • Humanized versions of the characters!
  • Drawings made by younger people that aren’t that good yet! But we believe in them!
  • He retweets music videos and covers!
  • Heck, some of the art I saw him retweet could even be slightly shippy(AlicexBendy)

    But of course I don’t want to say it actually IS ship art, in case the artists do not like that. Just because Alice and Bendy are portrayed in the same picture doesn’t make it ship art!
    And I have yet to find art that includes OCs, but I doubt that theMeatly has anything against OCs based on his game!
    I DOUBT IT HARD!

None of that stuff is “cringy” as some following the #savebendy movement might say. All these people put effort into the things they make and they are passionate about it. They burn… they soar!

Okay, maybe not the shitposts. But everyone needs a laugh once in a while ;)

And with that, all I have left to say is:
Drown out the hate and…


#BATIMFOREVERYONE

CREATE ART!
MUSIC!
ALTERNATE UNIVERSES!
SCULPTURES!
FANFICS!
YOUR OWN CHARACTERS!
ANIMATIONS!
ADULT ORIENTED WORKS!
I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU DO! JUST CREATE!
BE CREATIVE! USE YOUR IMAGINATION!

And most of all…

Originally posted by ash-muffins

Also check out DAGames’s Youtube channel and Let’s Plays :)
I’m sure he’ll appreciate it! He also puts effort into creating entertaining content for everyone! Not only music! :)

“BATMAN IS NEVER JEALOUS” - Bruce Wayne x Reader

#5. “Who the fuck is this guy!? “My brother….” “Sure! Sure he is!”

Here we go for jealous Bruce Wayne, because that’s what this prompt inspired me to write. Boom, hope you’ll like it I’m a bit unsure about this one, feedbacks are welcome : 

(My masterlist blog here : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com)

_______________________________________________

Damian was a bit confused. Usually, on patrol, they would like…do things. Catch criminals. Stop bank robberies. Save widows and orphans.

Yes, Damian was utterly confused as to why tonight, his father and him were following…his mom. Not Talia. You. He never considered Talia his mother, he came to that realization the first time you made him hot cocoa and cookies after he had a rough day, and just…talked to him. Asked him how he was feeling. Just genuinely cared for him, something Talia Al’Ghul never did. 

She was his mother, but you were his mommy. 

And so, tonight, as he was jumping from a building to another, following you through the dark street of Gotham, he wasn’t really sure what was going on. 

Oh my God…Were you a criminal ? Was he going to loose you because his father was going to put you behind bars ? But he loves you ! How could he ? 

If it came to that, Damian decided that he would fight his dad, giving you enough time to escape. Yes. He would save you. There was no way he was letting his mommy go in prison, no matter what she did…

His father was talking to Dick about something happening in North Gotham. He then proceeded to call Tim to ask him to go to the docks join Jason because some big drug deal was going on…And once again, Damian wondered why they were tracking you instead of taking care of the real issues. 

He looked down in the street, you were at a small cafe, ordering a huge cup of coffee, that he knew was probably the blackest beverage ever. You liked it that way. But that’s it. You were getting coffee. Sure it was 10:30 pm but like, you couldn’t always just stay at the Manor right ? You’d be bored ! 

Besides, you were a writer, you often came to get coffee at night with your notebook, you always said it brought you lots of inspiration (he loved your stories, and was your number one beta reader). 

It wasn’t an unusual thing for you to be out, getting coffee (even if Gotham was dangerous at night, you knew how to defend yourself thanks to your Husband’s training, and besides, one of your sons kinda always had an eye on you anyway…just to be sure), so again, why were they here ? Why weren’t they on the docks, with Tim and Jason, to fight some real criminals ? 

Bruce refused to let Damian patrol alone so far, which is why he was with him, but usually, he’d explain what was going on you know ? Not able to contain himself anymore, Damian asked : 

-Father…why are we spying on mom ? 

Keep reading

My Introduction into the LGBTA+ Community

This came to me while in the shower. I nearly forgot about it but now I can’t forget it and I think it’s important.


Back when I was a small eighth grader, my Christian school asked me to go to a local fair and hold a book reading for kids. I was super excited and said yes right away. I got there, read a book or two, then I had a half hour break. I walked around and saw a sign that said ‘ART!!! X% OF PROCEEDS GO TO CHARITIES TO HELP LGBTA+ MINORS!!“. I don’t remember the exact percentage, but I remember thinking "Art??? I love art!!”

I walked over to the tent where there were two people. One girl with dark purple hair, and another 'girl’ (in quotes for a reason) who had a shaved head. They were in highschool and I was terrified… They were the big kids at a PUBLIC SCHOOL!!! I asked them what lgbta+ meant because I wanted to know where my money was going.

They said “Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transexuals, ace/aro, and others!” And I’m like??? There’s more than just gay??

They laughed and said yes, asked me my orientation (straight then) and introduced themselves. (I’ll use their traits as names) Purple was a girl, and pansexual, which she explained meant she could love anyone no matter what. (Anyone? I asked. Yep! She said smiling. I just care if you’re kind). She has a girlfriend who was a lesbian.

Artist (the persons who art was being sold) was nonbinary and bisexual. They explained what they meant, and how bi was different from pan. But I was confused about nombinary. I told them I didn’t understand how you could be nothing! They smiled softly and told me this.

“It’s okay if you don’t understand! It can be confusing. All the matters is that you’ll treat me like everyone else.”

We talked until I had to go back, but on all my breaks I went back to them. I told them how my mom was at my stand and wouldn’t be happy if she knew I was there. They told me about highschool and art and lgbta+. I ended up buying two pieces from her. One I’m not a huge fan of bc I grew out of the style but the other I still have hanging up after almost five years.

At some point, I had to leave. They hugged me, wished me luck in life, and we parted ways.

I was packing up when I saw a huge floppy sunhat come into my tent. It was Purple and Artist, who got a huge hat so my mom wouldn’t see their “boy hair cut”. They said hello, pretended not to know me, but slipped me a slip of paper, smiled, and walked away. I opened it to see a drawing of a hotdog Artist drew me (I let calling every dog a hot dog because it was very hot outside). On the bottom was a small heart.

This is so important to me. Those people could’ve easily brushed me off as just a kid who is sheltered and bigoted. But they didn’t. They took me in for the day and (most likely painfully for them) explained everything and answered all my questions. I don’t think I’d be on terms with my sexuality without them.

Long story short, always be nice. Have patience, be kind, and never get short with kids, teens, or even adults who just want to learn or are under informed. Or even if they don’t understand some things, like how I was at first with nonbinary.


Always be patient, always be kind. Anything you say or do can impact someone forever.

8

“I will always hold Cat near and dear to my heart and appreciate her help in my personal growth from teenager to adult. I know she seems like a simple, daft character (and she is) but she played such a huge part in my life I just wanted to express my appreciation for her and share some of the things I love most about her. I think a lot of people could take a page out of her book…she wouldn’t judge anybody by their appearance…she believed the best in people…she wasn’t afraid of anything or anybody…she never let people’s judgements hold her back from doing what she wanted, acting how she wanted, dressing how she wanted, dyeing her hair however she wanted…she never held back her enthusiasm or joy for fear of appearing some sort of way or for fear of jinxing the good that is real (which is something I personally do all the time but I wish I could shake that and celebrate every little thing like she does). One of my favorite things about Cat was that she never lost her sense of wonder.” - Ariana Grande

THINGS I LEARNED DURING MY GAP YEAR

hi everybody! it’s definitely been a while, huh? i hope everyone is well and has been/ is studying hard for their end of year exams! good luck!

since my gap year is coming to an end, i decided i wanted to make a few posts about it to help some of you guys, who have been asking me about my experience, out. these are a few things i’ve learned during my gap year.

► it’s ok to be the only one taking a gap year

this was a really big thing for me. no one i knew decided to take one at the end of our secondary school career. i was the only person in my big old school, as for as i’m aware of, that chose to do so. i have to admit it’s really weird to be the only one in your friend group not going to university and experiencing that exciting time. in belgium it really isn’t a common thing to do either. especially not after secondary school. but! and this is a big but: you will. a gap year doesn’t mean you’re never going to go to uni/ college and experience the same as your friends! it’s a year out to work or discover what you really want to do in life. and if it just so happens you find out you prefer working straight away, that’s totally cool! whatever suits you! i just hope my friends learn to accept others who choose to work instead of studying instead of making them feel like they’re just too “dumb” for uni/college. we all choose different paths in life. let’s all try to live with that.

► keep yourself busy

one of the things most adults told me was to keep myself busy during my gap year, because otherwise i’d become incredibly lazy. for my part, this is so true. there were a few weeks at the start of october that i wasn’t working, and i became such really lazy. i slept in almost every day and i didn’t feel motivated to do anything. i also felt quite isolated and lonely. you don’t have to work to keep yourself busy though! you could travel, pick up a hobby, get better at something you’ve already learned, etc. as long as you’re keeping yourself busy and making the most out of your gap year! why would you be taking one otherwise?

► you will lose friends and make new ones

don’t be afraid of the fact you’ll eventually lose some old friends. the people who don’t invest in your friendship as much as you do don’t deserve you honestly! i started feeling lonely too, since a few of my friends never made any effort to keep in contact with me, or meet up with me, even though i tried time and time again. it’s totally normal and will happen to everyone.this doesn’t mean you should just give up on all your friendships though! but trust me: you’ll know what i’m talking about at some point in your life. at work i met a group of really great young people like me, and we have become a really close group of friends. we take out breaks together, go out after work and hang out on our days off. they’ve really given me the kind of friendship i was looking for, and i’m really grateful for that.

► don’t feel so guilty about having fun

this was a biggie for me. i can’t really explain it, but i started feeling guilty about having so much fun. in school there weren’t that many times i went out or hung out with my friends because i was focusing on studying, so whenever i made plans this year, i felt really weird about it. almost as if i was having too much fun? this is a really silly feeling and i’ve learned to let that part of me go. it’s important to bond with your friends and yourself by exploring places and making memories. don’t feel bad about it.

► money, money, money

i think everyone has a hard time figuring out how to budget and save the first time round. (if not: you should write a book for all of us who did struggle!) i’m in a position where i can save a very large part of my money each month because i only pay my parents a little each month. keeping in mind, my goal was double of what i started with, i’m incredibly close. i’m using all my money to pay for my tuition fees for 2 years and part of my rent, so i’m doing a great job so far, even if i do say so myself.  it’s not so easy for others, and it’s so normal to struggle if you’re not used to working and earning a steady income each month. don’t be too hard on yourself about this: you’re young and clueless.

► in the end: it’s only one year

it’s really easy to get it into your head that this year is going to be hard and will feel like it lasts forever, but time honestly flies. when i first starting on the first of july time seemed to go so slowly. every day seemed to last an age, and i wondered what it would feel like to only have a few months left. i’m at that stage now, and every day seems to fly by. i was told it would take me six months to get used to working, but it only took me 3. by the time october came around i was so used to getting up at a certain time, finishing at 6pm, coming home, eating, practicing on the piano and going to bed. it doesn’t seem that exciting, but we’re all creatures of habit and routine. i feel like i’ve changed a lot as a person, but also like i haven’t at all. in some aspects i’m much wiser, but at the same time i still feel like a lost kid. a year really isn’t a long time at all. 

those were just some things i’ve learned so far. i still have a total of 9 weeks left until i’m packing up and flying to barcelona to start an incredibly exciting chapter of my life. who knows what will happen! i’ll be making a few more posts about gap years, so if you’re interested in taking one, just keep an eye out!

lots of love, lou.

The sun is just about to begin its descent into the sky by the time Even settles enough to not feel like he was going to run for the hills at every noise. The air, heating every day but proving warm enough even in early June, is still and calm.

Unlike Even. But then again, when is Even ever truly still and calm?

He’s trying though. Right now, he’s trying so hard to unlock his muscles; to keep them loose and relaxed as he sits on the edge of the bridge just paces away from Bakka. 

It was their bridge. The boys’ bridge that they had spent years running and climbing along.

“Even.” 

The voice is wary but clear and Even looks up, once again resisting the urge to flee; to stalk off and comfort himself in Isak’s arms in their apartment that they made for just the two of them. Away from the outside world. 

But he can’t do that because everyone has to stop running at some point.

So he hunkers down and pushes off the bridge until he’s facing full on one of the people he’s let fall victim to his head. “Elias. Hi.”

Elias nods in response, throwing a hand over his shaved head and down his neck, “Hey. I- uh. I didn’t expect to hear from you.”

“Yeah.” Even takes a breath, “Yeah. Sana mentioned that she talked to you a bit and that you said hi and I just… I wanted to see how you were doing.”

Elias shrugs, “I mean, not bad. Growing up- looking for jobs and places to live that aren’t my parents’. All of that adult bullshit we swore would never happen.” Elias stops and chuckles, “Though I hear you’ve managed to do that already.”

Even blinks before he lets out a laugh and gets it, “Oh yeah. The apartment. We were really lucky to get it for so cheap. It’s super small and has the weirdest little quirks- but it’s great.”

“And you’re living with,” Elias scratches behind his ear, “Isak?” And at Even’s nod, he winces, “Sorry about that… the whole punching thing. I didn’t- it just happened.”

It just happened, Even has to grin at that. That had been Isak’s first response as well. I’m sorry, Even, it just fucking happened.

“Don’t worry about it.” He waves it off easily enough, thinking about the churlish, but guilty expression on Isak’s face when they got home from the hospital that night and Isak held a pack of frozen peas to his face. “Honestly Isak’s more embarrassed about it than anything. He asked me if he should like make an apology card or something for Mikael so you could give it to him.”

“So Isak knows you were coming to meet me today?”

“Of course.”

They are both silent for several seconds. It’s enough time for the easiness that had reappeared as they talked to fade out again, leaving two uncomfortable boys who hadn’t spoken in over a year. But it was also enough time for Even to re-situate himself on the bridge and for Elias to join him. 

When a group of birds abandoned the tree just to the right of the boys in a noisy swoop, Elias spoke again, “What happened, man?”

And wasn’t that just the question of the century. He thinks back to those blurry last weeks at Bakka and tries to answer as honestly as he could because Elias deserved that.

Even shakes his head slowly, “I messed up. I got sick and I didn’t know it and everything just started happening so fast…. and then with Mikael and the other stuff and I knew it was only going to be a matter of time.”

“What was?”

“That you guys were going to leave. You were going to see me and you were going to leave me alone. So I guess I left first.”

There was silence again. Thick, thick silence held together by the weight of what was left unsaid. There is a bit of rock next to Even; a group of rough pebbles that he picks up and squeezes between his fingers. When the pain reminds him that he’s still here, he tosses the over the edge of the bridge and into the shallow water below. 

When Elias breaks the silence again his words are quiet, but brimming with something that Even can’t quite place, “Do you remember first year of Bakka? You dared me to climb a tree and I did.”

He did- he remembered. “Yeah and then you fell out and broke your arm.”

“And you stayed with me for the hour and a half it took for my parents to find out and come get me.” Elias lets out a huff of air through his nose, “You stayed with me. So why would you think that I would leave you? That any of us would leave you? You were my best friend, Even. Yousef’s too. And then you were gone.”

He can’t answer. He can’t, he can’t. He should go. But he can’t do that either. 

So he sits there and stares out along the path that the bridge leads to. He stares out of it and imagines what would have happened if he had stayed at Bakka. But there is no Isak in that scenario, so he immediately dismisses the thought.

He feels Elias’s hand on his shoulder when it becomes clear that Even isn’t going to answer. And for a few moments it’s enough.

not to be dramatic but one of the reasons why I love zayn so much (and, I think, one of the reasons why his fans can resonate so deeply with him and have such a strong emotional connection with him) is how unbelievably grounded and calm and relaxed he comes across in print articles, in videos, and in person. like, here’s a guy who, as that es article said, has spent the entire part of his adult life in this intensive bubble kind of thing while he tries to get on with his life and do the things that he loves, and yet he is still just zayn from bradford who’s goddamn proud of making his own pies from scratch and who will offer an interviewer a cigarette and who wanders down the street carrying his skateboard and who unashamedly loves the minions and gets upset about the gummy bears. sure he’s a guy who’s worth like god only knows how many millions and millions who has houses across the world and who’s broken music records and launched a line with versace and all of this stuff, but at the end of it all, he’s just zayn and I need to stop now before I start crying with how much I love this goofy kid wow