Share one, non-tumblr thing that motivates and inspires you. It could be a book, a person, a song. Share it with us.
Dancers. Those who are talented when it comes to dance. Salsa, ballet, ballroom, modern… any type of dance, really. Dancers have such an intimate relationship with and understanding of their own bodies. Watching someone talented dance is mesmerizing and it makes me want to be able to move my own body with grace and control. I’ve got a natural ability when it comes to dance, I think, and it’s something I would absolutely love.. LOVE.. to do more of once I’m in better shape.
An intimate relationship does not banish loneliness. Only when we are comfortable with who we are can we truly function independently in a healthy way, can we truly function within a relationship. Two halves do not make a whole when it comes to a healthy relationship: it takes two wholes.
According to her sister Vivian Dandridge, Dottie thought the world of Harry Belafonte. She often confided her romantic fantasies about him, and thought it would be wonderful if they married. Dottie’s manager, Earl Mills, said that an on-again, off-again romantic relationship between the two initially began during the filming of Bright Road, and went on for several years. Mr. Belafonte had never confirmed this. He’s simply said “if I wanted to be her leading man in private, I would have been her leading man in private.”
to asexual aro boys: society says that you have to want sex and romance, but it’s okay if that’s not something that you’re into. you don’t have to give in to pressure. you deserve to be comfortable with who you are. you aren’t missing out.
to gray-aro boys: your identity is real. if you find that your labels help you define yourself and your attraction, use them. you’re not hurting anyone, and you are welcome in the aro community.
to gay aro boys: you are not contributing to the sexualisation of gay relationships. you are not to blame for harmful stereotypes. your love is wonderful just the way it is.
to bi/pan/polysexual aro boys: likewise, you are not responsible for stereotypes that say bi/pan/polysexual people are promiscuous. it’s okay if you just want casual sex, and it’s okay if you want intimate, non-romantic relationships (or if you don’t). they matter, just like you.
to heterosexual aro boys: your identity does not make you a raging misogynist who just uses women for sex. you are a person with thoughts and feelings just like everybody else, and others are wrong for making assumptions. your identity is important, even if others try to convince you otherwise.
to trans and nonbinary aro boys: you are not any less of a boy for being aro. you know yourself better than anyone else, and no aspect of your identity invalidates another.
to neurodivergent aro boys: it’s okay if your aro identity is influenced by your neurodivergence. it’s also okay if it’s not. it deserves recognition either way.
to aro boys: your identity is beautiful and valid. you don’t need to change for anybody.
How Your Attachment Style Impacts Your Relationship
Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress to, sadly, how they end. That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship. An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.
This model of attachment influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. When there is a secure attachment pattern, a person is confident and self-possessed and is able to easily interact with others, meeting both their own and another’s needs. However, when there is an anxious or avoidant attachment pattern, and a person picks a partner who fits with that maladaptive pattern, he or she will most likely be choosing someone who isn’t the ideal choice to make him or her happy.
For example, the person with a working model of anxious/preoccupied attachment feels that, in order to get close to someone and have your needs met, you need to be with your partner all the time and get reassurance. To support this perception of reality, they choose someone who is isolated and hard to connect with. The person with a working model of dismissive/avoidant attachment has the tendency to be distant, because their model is that the way to get your needs met is to act like you don’t have any. He or she then chooses someone who is more possessive or overly demanding of attention.
In a sense, we set ourselves up by finding partners that confirm our models. If we grew up with an insecure attachment pattern, we may project or seek to duplicate similar patterns of relating as adults, even when these patterns hurt us and are not in our own self-interest.
In their research, Dr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Cindy Hazan found that about 60 percent of people have a secure attachment, while 20 percent have an avoidant attachment, and 20 percent have an anxious attachment. So what does this mean? There are questions you can ask yourself to help you determine your style of attachment and how it is affecting your relationships. On August 13, I will be hosting a CE Webinar with Dr. Phillip Shaver on “Secure and Insecure Love: An Attachment Perspective.”You can start to identify your own attachment style by getting to know the four patterns of attachment in adults and learning how they commonly affect couples in their relating.
Kyungil: Wait are you going to wear that today?
Yijeong: Um yes I’ve been dressing like this for like a week.
Kyungil: *stares at Yijeong*
Yijeong: Why? I look like a loser.
Kyungil: You look sexy. *gets up and grabs Yijeong by the waist* You should only dress like this when you’re with me and Jaeho.
Yijeong: Well isn’t someone jealous. *goes on tippy toes to kiss him*
Kyungil: *pushes him down* The door is open, do you want us to get caught.
Yijeong: Oh and like you having me this close to your body isn’t a give away.
Kyungil: *let’s go of of Yijeong and blushes* Whatever go get ready.
Yijeong: *smug AF*
In the process of learning to tolerate our fears, interrupt old defensive patterns, and let go of our attempts to manipulate our partners, we focus our attention on increasing our awareness of deeper layers of our experience. Finding intimacy begins with discovering ourselves, not with fixing or controlling ourselves or our partners.
We have to be visible before we can be seen.
We have to be available before our hearts can be affected.
And we have to be present before we can be intimate.