In-the-Fabled-East

artist opportunity for 2014:

FABLES: Open Call for Public Art
 Fourth Arts Block

LINK: fabnyc.org/fables.php

Submission Deadline: January 2nd, 2014

a public art opportunity for artists to explore the Lower East Side’s living cultural heritage, rich historical legacies, and current issues in public storytelling through visual art. 5 artists (or artist teams) will be selected through an open call process by a panel of jurors, to produce artwork located in outdoor sites throughout the Lower East Side neighborhood. Each selected artist will receive between $1,500 to $2,500 as a combined artist fee and production budget. Applicant artists should live, work or have a strong connection to the LES (note: being a LES resident is not a requirement). Ideal applicants should be invested in a story collecting or investigative process that will delve deeply into the neighborhood’s legacy and/or current culture. Exhibits should contribute to community identity and sense of place, drawing on the stories of the LES and its residents. This may include memorable cultural experiences, local traditions and collaborations, vanished cultural traditions, new beginnings, or underground movements. Artwork proposals can include: murals, collages, wheat pastes or other flat medium. In some cases interactive new media or projections will be considered. This project is supported in part by an award from the National Endowment for the Arts/ Art Works. This program is also supported, in part, by public funds from the New York City Department of Cultural Affairs, in participation with The City Council.

image: “Saints of the Lower East Side” by Tom Sanford, photo by Udom Surangsophon

TORTOISES ARE SHIT AT CLIMBING TREES

WHEN THE BABOON GETS MARRIED, HE INVITES HIS BEST FRIEND THE TORTOISE. UNFORTUNATELY FOR THE POOR TORTOISE, THE WEDDING HAPPENS AT THE TOP OF A TREE. TORTOISES ARE FUCKING SHIT AT CLIMBING TREES, SO EVERY TIME HE TRIES TO TAKE A BITE OF ANY OF THE FOOD HE FALLS OFF HIS BRANCH AND HAS TO CLIMB UP IT AGAIN. IT’S FUCKING EMBARRASSING.

THE TORTOISE VOWS REVENGE, SO WHEN HE GETS MARRIED HE BURNS ALL THE GRASS AROUND THE AREA, LEAVING FUCKLOADS OF BLACK ASH. WHEN THE BABOON ARRIVES AND SITS DOWN, HE GETS ASH ALL OVER HIS HANDS AND THE TORTOISE TELLS HIM HE’S BEING REALLY FUCKING RUDE AND SENDS HIM ALL THE WAY TO THE FUCKING RIVER TO WASH THAT SHIT OFF HIS HANDS. BY THE TIME THE BABOON GETS BACK, HALF THE FOOD HAS GONE. WHEN HE SITS DOWN AGAIN, HE GETS MORE OF THE FUCKING ASH ON HIS HANDS AND THE TORTOISE TELLS HIM TO STOP BEING SUCH A DICK AND CLEAN HIS HANDS PROPERLY THIS TIME.

THIS HAPPENS FIVE TIMES, AND BY THE END THERE’S NO FOOD LEFT AND THE BABOON IS FUCKING STARVING. TORTOISES ARE FUCKING DICKS. DON’T PROVOKE THEM.

There was once a prince who was tormented by a flea. He finally caught it under his shirt.
‘Do not kill me!’ said the flea. 'The harm I have done you is very small!’
'All the harm that was in your power to do, you did!’ replied the prince, and squashed him to death.
—  Armenian fable