In-case-of-an-emergency

“People call me a bigot for insisting on a human pilot over an AI, but believe me, I sleep a lot better knowing something as squishy as I am is in control, and going to suffer the same consequences in case of emergency.”

weirdly specific aus that have happened to me
  • i work at an injury prevention clinic and i told you to treat your injury with RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation) and the next day you brought me five different brands of actual rice and asked which would work better
  • we don’t know each other but you proposed to me for a klondike bar at a student involvement fair and i actually said yes
  • we were innocently driving down a dark highway in separate cars when a police car pulls behind us and turns on its lights, so we both pull over into a Starbucks parking lot because we didn’t know who the cop was after, but it turns out he was after the car behind us and now we’re just staring at each other in a parking lot and flashing one another big smiles and thumbs-ups for driving safely and obeying the law
  • excuse me, i’ve been sitting in this seat since the semester started, and i know that college doesn’t have a seating chart, but that is still my spot that you’ve taken and i will gladly take it back if you could just scoot your boot somewhere else, and no, giving me your number will not change my mind
  • the fire alarm went off in the science building during our chemistry lab and our teacher told us to stay while he went to check to see if it was a drill or not and left and it’s been 10 minutes and he hasn’t come back, and you and I wonder whether we should keep titrating because we’re finally getting it or evacuate
  • i wanted to see if my leg would fit in the hole of the chair and it did, but now i’m stuck and you had to help me out. two weeks later, i decided to see if i could do it again, and i got stuck again, and you just stared at me and starting laughing. you still helped me out though.
  • you were playing wheelchair basketball and i’m the medic working the game in case of injury or emergency, and you ran over my foot with your wheelchair, and i think you broke my toe??
  • you tried to scale the building and got your shoe stuck in the ivy/vines on the brick work, and now you’re knocking on the window and asking me to toss your shoe up to you
  • you said you didn’t think i was brave enough to kick you in the balls, so i did to prove you wrong, and now you’re on the ground in pain, and i don’t know whether to smile victoriously or cry
  • i tried to jump off the bench into your arms, but you weren’t expecting me, and you just saw this large object flying at you so you backed up quickly, and i’m on the ground, there’s two of you, and oh my god, do i have a concussion?
  • you were being polite and holding the door open for me, and i jogged to the door so you weren’t standing there for a while just holding it open, but when i got there, you slammed it shut and i banged my face against the door. only then did i realize that a squirrel tried to get inside through the open door, so you shut it to keep the squirrel out, but now you opened it back up and are apologizing because i have a bloody nose, and you feel awful and are walking me to the nurse’s office.

I’ve got a contribution to make to the “humans are space orbs” tag:

Humans are widely considered to have uncanny survival instincts. They can explore a planet that killed the last several explorer parties, and call it a lovely outing.

Humans privately think that the rest of the intelligent races are ‘Too Dumb To Live.’

None of previous doomed expeditions thought to communicate where they were going before they left, in case there was an emergency. None of them thought to keep radio contact with their ship, or even bring basic safety equipment. They’re so used to being safe, that they have no concept of being prepared “just in case.”

Humans consider things like “don’t eat that strange mushroom until you know it’s not poisonous,” or “don’t drink that dirty pond water” to be common sense. We’re amused (but mostly disturbed) when we’re praised for having “ultimate survival instincts” when by earth standards, it’s mostly taking simple precautions and recognizing when an action is stupid and reckless.

What I Read This Week

(22/4/17)

I probably the best reading week I’ve ever had, thanks to my incredibly wonderful friends who wrote fics for me for my birthday (they made a collection which you can find here! I am so, so thankful for them all 💙) as well as some other great updates!

Easy Now with My Heart by braveten, Teen, 12k (WIP)
“Fast, Yuuri. Pow pow.”
“Pow pow?”
He giggles—Victor Nikiforov, figure skating champion, Olympic athlete, Yuuri’s idol, who is currently sick and delusional, giggles—and puts his hand on Yuuri’s chest, pillowing his head there, too. “Pow pow,” he repeats as he feels his heartbeat. “Pow pow, pow pow. Fast, see?”
Oh. I LOVE THIS SO SO MUCH <3

Batter Up! by Shadow_sensei, Teen, 2.9k
Victor and Yuuri are celebrating their birthdays together and decide to bake their own cakes, competing against each other to see which of their cakes will be the one to win over the party. Neither have baked a cake in years. SO cute!

Look How We’ve Grown by maydei, Teen, 7k
Victor’s been alive for thirty years, but every day with Yuuri brings new surprises. Life. Love. Fun. Family. Yuuri’s presence in his life has brought them all, and Victor wouldn’t trade it for the world. LOVE!

they say its your birthday by ebenroot, Teen, 3.6k
“Clowns are creepy. We’re not having a clown, Victor.”
“What if I dressed up as a clown?”
Yuuri is pensive for a moment, then he pushes his glasses further up his nose in a disapproving manner. “Then I’m afraid I won’t be able to have sex with you until that mental image of you in clown makeup is purged from my mind,” Yuuri says with a shrug. BABIES AND CAKE OMG 

Duckling by missmichellebelle, Teen, 3.6k
The ballet classes are, inevitably, Victor’s idea. THE MOMS IN THIS OMG I love the end, so adorable!

The Best Kind of Present by Reiya, Teen, 2.4k
Yuuri is having a crisis over what to get Viktor for his birthday. Thankfully, Viktor already has a pretty good idea of what he wants… This is SOO AMAZING!!!

(Only By You) My Heart Always Moves by lily_winterwood, Teen, 6k
This is their first birthday together, and he’s already screwing it up by not having a present for Yuuri. Yuuri, who had fought tooth and nail for them, who had traversed the seven seas to return to him, who had taken the words they had shared in the early months of their intimacy and turned them into something beautiful, something perfect. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

To Loving Tension by whalefairyfandom12, Mature, 
“Hey, Yuuri?” / “Yes?” / “Did you know people write fanfiction about us?”
Yuuri froze, any traces of sleepiness vanishing with his previous tranquility. / “What?” / “Mm. Phichit sent me a link. It’s tagged with endurance, hair pulling, blowjobs, possessive behavior, and they are in love.,” Viktor mused. “It sounds realistic so far.” OMFG… just… you have to read this omg!

A Hitman’s Guide to Emergency Gift-Giving by exile_wrath, Not Rated, 1.9k
1) In case of emergencies and not know what to give your husband for his birthday in twenty-four hours, the decapitated head of one of his lifelong enemies always works. REALLY awesome one-shot!!

let me be your lover by Tianetti, Teen, 2.7k
A terrible case of the sniffles. I LOVE SICKFICS SO MUCH HECK

Laundry Day by cryingoverspilledvodka, lucycamui, Explicit, 7.3k
The Katsuki-Nikiforov household takes a morning off to do laundry. Living together, it’s not just the bed that needs breaking in. THIS IS SO 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You by flowercrownyuri (elevensong), Teen, 2.5k
When Yakov gets bronchitis and can’t go with Yuri to Skate America, Victor fills in as a last minute backup coach. The problem? Skate America falls right before Yuuri’s birthday, and Victor won’t make it back in time to celebrate. Yuuri knows this, accepts it even, but he should know that nothing stands between Victor and what he wants. This is SO CUTE OMFG and Victor is so extra I love him <3

The Greatest Birthday of All by paxton1976, Mature, 3.2k
When Yuuri and Viktor decide to have a belated birthday celebration, their gifts change their future for the better. I LOVE this fic, thank you Pax!!

Frozenheart & Hiddenfire by Thehobbem, Not Rated, 9.7k
Being the youngest child in a family means you get to leave home and find Riches and Adventures your older siblings could only dream of - but Yuuri Katsuki wants nothing more than stay home and hide from Destiny. Which will be much harder to do once a certain ice wizard comes into town. SO good I love Victor in this!!

Perfect Collision, We Call it Art by LittleLostStar, Gen, 884 words
Here’s the thing about Yuuri Katsuki: everyone underestimates him.
It’s not really their fault, and in his healthier moments he’s able to acknowledge that it isn’t his fault either; it’s just how anxiety warps the world around him, like a miniature black hole or the world’s shittiest invisibility cloak. It coats him in a shimmering mirage of shyness and insecurity, and more often than not it’s basically impossible to remove. It’s hard to shine your brightest when you’re dragging all of that around. So the masquerade is kind of a no-brainer. I can’t wait for more!

Accidental Crush by Ashida, Mature, 4k (WIP)
A university AU in which Yuuri’s phone is plagued with spam text messages and the one time he decides to text back results in the best thing ever. Omgomgomg 

dear true love by cityboys, Teen, 63k (WIP)
Victor is a writer pretending to be on a break; Yuuri is a pianist pretending to not be on a break.They meet, somehow, in the backwaters of Saga Prefecture, Japan. That update… my heart! </3

Butt Stuff by Plumpie, Explicit, 13k (WIP)
AU in which top Japanese male figure skater Katsuki Yuuri is recovering from an invasive (and frankly, quite embarrassing) surgical procedure, and his visitation nurse turns out to be terribly, terribly attractive. If only they had met under less humiliating circumstances.

our doubts are traitors by astoryaboutwar, Explicit, 20k (WIP)
the powered assassins AU in which betrayal comes first, forgiveness second, and love was always somewhere in the equation. WOW… that update!!

(˃̶͈̀_˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾( ノ_ಠ)₍₍ (̨̡ ‾᷄♡‾᷅ )̧̢ ₎₎

Here’s to another week of great fic reading! Be sure to give the authors some love!

Tips for Surviving College (With a Mental Illness)

Don’t compare yourself to other students. Just don’t do it. Because of your mental health, there will always be things that are more difficult for you than other students. Waking up early, keeping track of assignments, staying focused and motivated, socializing outside of class, joining clubs. All of these are things that can be harder for students with mental illness. It’s important to just pay attention to yourself and make sure you’re meeting the goals you set for yourself.

Walk as much as you can. Go for short walks around campus, walk to class instead of taking the bus or driving, walk around the library in between studying. Just get up and walk. It’s important to get in exercise where you can and walking is a great way to boost endorphins.

Know the attendance policy for each of your classes. Within the first week of class try to figure out how each professor takes attendance. Is it at the beginning of class, end of class? Is there a seating chart (seriously) or is it just writing in your name? Is there a daily quiz? Perfect attendance isn’t always attainable so it’s important to know not only how many days you can miss or be late, but how you can get around that. If you’re just having a bad mental health day it’s good to know when you can get a friend to sign you in so you don’t lose attendance points.

Have a “backup buddy” in each of your classes. On the first day of class or at least before the first test, make sure you get the phone number and email of two classmates. Not only is it good to meet new people, these are the people who will be your lifeline. Did you miss class or just completely zone out and need the notes? Do you need someone to sign you in? Did you abandon your bullet journal and forget all of the due dates? It’s crucial that you have TWO people you can reach (in case one or the other can’t help you) when you have a question you can’t ask your professor.

Know your professors!!! Introduce yourself first day of class (so it can be short and sweet) or go during office hours (so there aren’t a lot of people). Professors are a lot more willing to help you out if you’ve at least tried to establish a relationship with them. You’ll be closer with some more than others but if you ever have to send out a panicked email it’s important your professor can put a face to the name. If you ever have an emergency and need an extension it’s a lot more likely to get one this way. Bonus: also get to know your TA or GA if they’re the ones grading your assignments.

Take your medicine, see your therapist/psychiatrist. College is too stressful to go without the medical treatment that you need. If you can’t afford treatment, most universities have counseling clinics where you can get free or cheap treatment from grad students. Many university health centers also have psychiatrists you can see cheaply. At my university I see a grad student LPC for free and get to see a psychiatrist for $10 an appointment. Your therapist can also write letters in case your professor or school needs proof of treatment or anything like that.

Register with your school’s disability services. I’ve met a lot of students with depression or anxiety who had no idea that disability could apply to them. Mental illness is a disability! Registering with Disability is invaluable. You can get access to tutoring, support groups, peer mentors, and most importantly: accommodations. If you get really bad test anxiety you can arrange to take your test privately either proctored by someone in disability services or in your professor’s office. Extensions can sometimes be made for assignments in case you have an emergency like a panic attack or other life disrupting episode. 

Whether you need accommodation or not, I strongly urge you to register with disability in case something happens. If you need to drop your classes or were unable to and end up failing because of your health, being registered with disability can mean your bad semester can be “forgiven,” essentially meaning you can go on medical leave.

Have a family member or friend for a support system. Outside of your therapist or DS, have someone who you can vent to. Have someone to buy you ice cream and tell you everything is going to be okay. Have someone who can tell you you’re beautiful and perfect the way you are, whether that’s your mom or even someone on tumblr. There are people all around who care about you.

Know that you are wonderful and brave and have already accomplished so much just by getting into college. About 1 in 4 adults have a mental illness: you are not alone. Even if it might feel like you’re the only one having a hard time, there are hundreds of students all around you going through the same thing. 

Catherine Vincitore Della Morte

  • Second of the three siblings.
  • 20 years old.
  • The most sociable sibling, great at parties and soirees. 
  • Loves her siblings to death.
  • Could smooth talk her way through almost anything.
  • Trained to read people.
  • Absolutely hates the idea of using her body to get what she wants. “I have my brain, I don’t need anything else. My looks is just an added bonus.”
  • Kinda sadistic especially when performing torture.
  • Catherine currently has 332 confirmed kills.
  • Her first knife was given to her by her great uncle who also loved to use blades. This is what she used to get her first kill. 
  • LESBIAN.
  • Part of the Volleyball Varsity Team.
  • Interested in Natalie Wu Meihua, which is a complicated relationship :v
  • Natalie works for one of the Royaux’s enemies, and she constantly crosses with Cath.
  • At the same time they are also school mates and have both agreed that campus is neutral grounds.
  • Loves to cook, but is also unhealthy as shit and dislikes vegetables. Eats them anyway because “How else am I gonna keep looking like this.”
  • This means she makes her siblings eat vegetables too.
  • Wears pants most of the time but doesn’t mind dresses. She wears pants just in case of an emergency and she needs to move around.
Obsession


Scenario: The temp agency sent you to a new job that was supposed to be something simple that came along with easy money: lots of easy money. But simple is far from what you get when you realize, being the secretary for Jeon Jungkook, comes with his own form of demands.

A/N: this is part one of the obsession series. I blame Jungkook with his stupid sultry looks and how damn good he’s looked in suits the whole BS&T era. I ended up writing this last night sitting in my car for almost two hours.This is honestly going to be dirty and kinky and I’m not gonna apologize. I hope you all enjoy!

Genre: Jungkook x Reader

Words: 3100

Disclaimer: As always, any gifs used are not mine and belong to their rightful owners!!

Warnings: Smut, oral, and slight rough play

“I am a professional. I. Am. A. Professional. I’M A GODDAMN PROFESSIONAL!”

Your hands smacked down on the marble of the bathroom counter. The words you’d been muttering to your reflection over and over like a damn mantra somehow becoming less effective. You felt like you couldn’t breathe in the high-waisted pencil skirt, which wasn’t a ludicrous assumption since you could barely walk properly in it with, or without, the heels.

The reason behind your anxiety ridden pep talk: Jeon Jungkook.

One of the youngest high-ranking executives in the company, he was known for being incredibly smart; thinking outside the box to close deals and create new overseas partnerships, charming, and a decorated athlete. Before you’d been assigned to the company as his latest secretary, the only time you’d actually ever seen him was on the cover of magazines and photographed next to expensive people with beautiful faces to match. Jeon Jungkook held a life you envied.

Keep reading

Damen/Laurent Rec List

Because @playingfetchwithdinosaurs was finally seduced into reading this amazing series and then she came to me because she needed more. Also, coincidentally, @notagoodplace4gods finished yesterday CP, but told me only today that she was freaking out over their love and she needed more so here I am giving more to them ;)

💖: my absolutely favorite stories about those Kings

Canon AU

In the Gardens by JustDrinkTea 2,101

“I doubt your disappearance would go unnoticed,” Laurent countered, head tilting slightly. He was teasing. Damen couldn’t get enough of it.

“Is that an excuse to not go?”

“It’s a challenge.”

💖 Sent Away by Josselin [Part 1 of Sent Away] 2,504

A series of vignettes of young Laurent’s life when he is sent to be fostered in the Akielon court.

Courtship by songofthe52hertzwhale 5,425

Damen just wants to court Laurent. Nobody in Vere makes it easy for him, least of all the man he hopes to marry.

💖 Dear Aledosia, by wendlaa 12,368

“Oh,” Laurent finds himself saying. Damianos has excused himself from his conversation, and has begun to make his way through the crowd. Here stand the Princes of Vere, after all. The ethereal Veretian Prince brothers. Laurent lifts his eyes towards the ceiling, arching his brows. “Heavens,” he says, voice tight.

Auguste chuckles. “You have a minute head start.”

Laurent ducks away.

Keep reading

Studying with an invisible illness

Studying when you’re sick is one of worst things. Trying to study when you are always sick is even worse and having teachers or lecturers constantly debate your well-being or how sick you actually are, can be one of the most depressing situations. I have suffered with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since I was 16, all through my A-Levels and through my first year of University. I passed everything! Perhaps I didn’t get the perfect grade, but for me that is not the most important thing anymore. Here I have listed some of the tips which help me study:

1.       Don’t overdo it! Set yourself a goal, maybe two or three pages of reading or a page of notes on reading. The worst thing you can try and do is bash on regardless. It is important you understand your body and your limits.

2.       Study in small bursts. I find that studying in small sets of 20 minutes with a 20 minute break are great for me. It allows me time to focus on what I need to do, but I don’t tire myself out studying for hours and hours on end. Naturally, these times can be managed to your own personal needs.

3.       Set up a nice space. I can’t stress how important it is that you are comfortable when you are studying, especially when you’re not feeling that great. If you know you are going to study in bed, make up you have everything you need in arms reach, including snacks and drinks. If you are going to study at a desk, the library, a café, the same rules apply! Make sure the chairs are comfy, that there is enough light and that you are comfortable leaving your stuff (in case of bathroom breaks or emergencies.) It is also worth noting that some pain medications can take up to 30 mins to work, so plan ahead and take them before!

4.       Certain classes will need prioritisation. This was super hard for me. In A-Levels, I studied what I wanted to study, despite certain teachers trying to persuade me otherwise. I chose three relatively hard subjects; English language, German and Psychology. Both my German classes were at 9am, a time which I super struggle to get up for. Therefore, I knew I had to prioritise my German studies over my English studies, classes which I attended regularly. It is important to note that keeping a healthy balance between all subjects is important too!

5.       Podcasts and audio books! Not feeling that great but still need to study? Find podcasts and audio books on relevant topics and listen to them while lying down or in bed. (I used to make my own recordings of my psychology book to listen to when I needed to take a day off.)

6.       Don’t be afraid to take a day off. When I was at the peak of my illness, I was still trying to force myself to get to all my classes or to study. Now I realise that I don’t have to feel guilty for taking a day or two to recover. I try not to let these become weeks, but sometimes it happens. And that is ok. If you are constantly punishing yourself, you will never feel good about the amount of work you do complete!

7.       Planning to go to University? This links in with my previous point. Don’t feel the need to rush into everything so quickly. You can take a year off. You can recover. You can do things you love to do in this time. I took a gap year, in which I mostly spent a lot of time with my Mum and sister before going to University. It helped me so much.

8.       Suffer from brain fog? Use memory techniques such as colour coding words, highlighting important information, mnemonics, reading aloud and quizzes. When I suffer from brain fog, I find colour-coding and visual aids the most helpful. Study groups which break down subjects into easier, more manageable bites of information are also super great!

9.       Stay away from caffeine! A lot of people I know depend on caffeine in order to get themselves started. While caffeine can help boost your energy levels for a small amount of time or focus your brain, too much caffeine can have negative effects on your sleep, which may make you feel worse the next day. Try and limit your caffeine to two or three cups a day if you absolutely need a cup of coffee!

10.   Don’t panic. You are doing the best that you can. If you fail, it is not the end of the world. I wish somebody had told me this sooner. If you fail an exam, you can do it again, at a later date. If you fail a year, you can do it again. This happens to people who aren’t sick all the time. So don’t worry. Just do your best.

LANCE HEADCANNONS

So imagine that everytime the paladins came back from a mission and probably (?) slept, Lance would sneak around grabbing everyone’s equipment and weapon and clean as well repair any damages, as he realized despite Altean Weapons being high quality, they are also high maintenance every now and again. He had learned how to repair it with Conan’s weird old timey memory of how the old paladins were always so reckless with the mechanics of their stuff. Not as reckless as the current paladins tho.
Also Lance being Lance always leaves him last to repair and sometimes doesn’t even do his stuff so long as he can put all his fellow paladins stuff to it’s place. Sometimes it would be difficult, especially with Shiro and Keith but still managed to find a way.

And sometimes it takes Lance all night so that he only manages to wash his face and moisturize it. Which leaves him feeling gross but he can’t help but worry that if their stuff isn’t repaired it will fail them one mission and they could get really hurt. Or worse.

This being like how the blue paladin would act at home. Lance would also do with his siblings. Packing their lunches and putting some of his saved money in their wallets to make sure they had just in case of emergency. And getting their bags ready, making sure they did all their homework and always doing the dishes right before going to bed so to make sure his mom doesn’t wake to a mess.

And making sure no one knew it was him doing it all. They’d probably all think he was joking or messed up their equipment.

Same with his family, his siblings all thinking it was their mom who gave them money and making lunchs and packing their stuff and his mom would always think it was his eldest siblings doing the chores.

okay but seriously in a modern au enjolras’ phone screen would be a nightmare.

like he’s always at protests so it’s gotta fall every once and a while (because, let’s be real, he’s always gonna have it on him in case of an emergency- i.e. his friends getting hurt and needing an ambulance) so the screen would be completely shattered.

i feel like he’d even manage to break otterboxes, too, with the amount of running around and general carelessness with his own wellbeing in comparison to others.

imagine his friends buying him a new phone case practically every week because he believes more in donating his money to people who need it or funding protests and projects rather than buying a new case.

imagine grantaire attempting to paint the cases in hopes that would give enjolras at least slight attachment to them and help him not break them as quick.

and,,it doesn’t really work.

but enjolras probably keeps a collection of the cracked painted cases because he admires r’s work so much.

imagine courfeyrac literally duct taping his phone to his hand, or jehan suggesting a purse.

enjolras would take the purse but he’d get annoyed with it while he runs or marches and he’d probably hand it to someone else and get his phone stolen.

just…enjolras and phones. probably not a good idea.

the night before (pre-wedding night super short ficlet; Emma has trouble sleeping)
G
~800 words


She can’t sleep.

It’s stupid how much she’s come to rely on his warmth and the steady thump thump of his heart beneath her ear to lull her into dreamland. A few years earlier, she never thought she’d ever rely on anyone for anything, and yet here she is, lying in the big bed that belongs to her and her very-soon-to-be husband, a little jittery with nerves, full of excitement, and just too restless, too wired, and too dreadfully lacking of his physical presence to even close her eyes.

Tomorrow they will be married. Freaking married.

“I do.” She rolls the simple words around on her tongue like she’s tasting a fine wine, repeating them aloud in various cadences. “I do. I do. I… do.”

She sucks in a breath.

“I, Emma… take you, Killian… to be my husband.”

It feels so strange to say. She feels like she’s being shoved into the starring role of a play, having only glanced through the script once. It’s terrifying. But also not. In a way, it’s almost a relief to know that it will be over soon.

She doesn’t like thinking of it that way; it’s not that she isn’t looking forward to it. She most certainly is. It’s her wedding day. Like, him in a tux – she thinks he’ll be in a tux – and her in the classic, regal white gown that her mother helped her pick out. Her wedding day; as in, flowers and walking down the aisle with her parents at her side.

Her wedding day. The day she marries the man she loves oh so much, who loves her back. The day they become husband and wife.

Keep reading

First of all, sorry for the slow responses! I forgot that I had to work a shift today, so I wasn’t around all afternoon. Which didn’t leave much time for me to write, but here I am, so lets do this (until I inevitably disappear to get some sleep)! Also I’ve gotten some very lovely asks but I wanted to write this down before I forgot. I thought of this headcanon while I was working and it’s too damn good not to share:


Alright, this happens at some point after CW but before Thanos shows up. The team (without Bucky, who’s still in Wakanda, working on getting his head cleared) is back in the US, having signed some form of revised accords. Steve is no longer team leader, but otherwise they’ve gotten off fairly easily with little repercussions. The tension between the old and new Avengers is obvious and especially Tony is met with outright hostility. It doesn’t help that Rhodey still isn’t in any shape to join the fights and is rarely around.

One day Clint signs Tony up for a parenting class. It’s another not-nicely-meant joke because of all the criticism Tony’s gotten for letting Peter fight. Only, the thing nobody expected? Tony actually goes. Because apparently he’s just that masochistic (apparently part of him still desperately wants to fix, to work things out between them). It earns him a lot of harsh ridicule, but Tony finishes it all the same.

Thing is, the Team Cap is so busy making fun of him, they don’t even notice when things start changing. Little things. When Steve walks into an argument between Clint and Tony and asks the latter “What have you done now?” disappointedly, Tony doesn’t snap something, get defensive or flee. He says “Have you ever noticed that you’re always immediately assuming I’m the one who has done something?”. It earns him another hurtful comment from Clint, and the incident is forgotten.

Until. Until, one day, during a debrief, Steve snaps. “She’s just a kid, Tony!” he yells when Tony keeps insisting on harder training for Wanda.

There’s a moment of silence, before, “Oh. Really? Does everyone agree with that?”

“You’re still not done catching up, Stark? So much for the futurist,” Clint sneers, and the matter is dropped. Or so it appears.

For the rest of the meeting, Tony is quiet. Thoughtful. In retrospect, they should’ve taken it for the warning it was.

That evening, when Wanda orders a new dress online, FRIDAY dispassionately informs her the transaction is impossible, as the price goes beyond her monthly allowance.

After a fruitless shouting match with the AI, she goes to Steve. Who (after a just as fruitless shouting match) goes to Tony. Who shrugs. “You told me she’s just a kid. Nobody, not even she herself, disagreed. I’m treating her like one.”

Suddenly, M-rated movies are inaccessible whenever Wanda is in the room. Once her curfew is reached, all electric devices go into sleeping modus (unless in case of an emergency of course). Talking with Tony, screaming at Tony, proves to be completely useless. Tony refuses to budge. Repeats lessons from his parenting class, about enforcing rules and teaching children boundaries.

And it doesn’t end there. The entire team is cut off from Tony’s money–Steve has to admit, he’s entitled to that, and maybe the team has gotten a bit too used to throwing Tony’s money around. That’s not the bad part anyways, they all have their own salaries from the government, they can still live. Just maybe a little more limited than before.

But suddenly the services they’ve become accustomed to are cancelled. They have to buy groceries themselves. There is no cleaning crew after Wanda throws a temper tantrum–she has to clean it herself or one of her ‘staunch defenders’, as Tony calls them, has to do it for her. New furniture doesn’t magically appear out of thin air, they have to buy it. And suddenly–suddenly the costs are starting to add up.

There’s a list pinned to the fridge one morning–on paper even–with their chores, going from doing the dishes to the laundry, that rotate every week. Who hasn’t fulfilled his one has to do all the chores the next week. FRIDAY keeps track of it, and barring missions and injuries, there are no exceptions.

Being grounded is an honest to god possibility now, including all electronics, for when they break one of the House Rules. And they are all enforced ruthlessly.

They all try to talk to Tony about it–they aren’t children, they don’t have to put up with this shit, it wasn’t funny to begin with, when is he gonna stop this already–but he remains unmoved.

It’s all “You told me Wanda is a kid,” and “I am allowed to set rules, considering you’re living under my roof. And there really is no excuse for breaking them, you are all aware they exist and why. They’re reasonable and you know it.”

And the most damning of them all. “If you’re so grown up and independent, you know where the door is. Walk out. This isn’t a prison, and you’re always welcome back, provided that you’re following the rules. You can walk away any time you want.”

Suffice to say, Clint is getting a lot of shit for signing Tony up for that parenting class. (Tony tells him he really appreciates it because clear communication is important.)

Ten Ways to Say “I love you” - Jim Kirk

Summary: There are a lot of ways to say something without actually saying it.

Warnings: language

A/N: a little long. also if jim kirk called me starlight, i’d probably cry n profess my love right then and there. forgive any n all typos. enjoy it and lemme know what you think! 


One

The absurdly bright lights lining the corridors of the Enterprise pricked your eyes— you were forced to squint as your legs carried you. The air pouring through the vents pinched any of your skin that remained unclothed. You flexed and contracted the oddly tired joints in your fingers— you could hear tiny pops and the soft sounds felt like battering rams against your eardrums.

You cursed yourself for two reasons: losing your left boot as the time-consuming search for it resulted in your inability to replicate a much needed mug of coffee, and drinking so much with Leonard the night before. While you accepted the former was entirely your doing, you split the blame on the latter— half of it was your fault, and half was Leonard’s. It’s those stupid puppy eyes, you told yourself.

You leant your shoulder against the transparent wall of the turbolift you solely occupied and crossed your arms over your chest. Your teeth were gritted— as if grinding your teeth to nubs would give you the day off and rid you of the heavy weight crushing your skull.

The doors slid open before your desired deck and you didn’t bother stifling a sigh that carried the weight of two starships. You dropped your gaze to glare at your scuffed boots rather than subject the new lift patron to your scowl and dagger eyes.

“Rough night?”

You lifted your head at the sound of his voice and met his eyes. You frowned immediately and nodded twice. “Bones and I had paperwork.”

“What would you say the ratio was this time?” he asked, his crossed arms rumpling the command gold fabric that was firmly stretched over his chest. He was smiling slightly in amusement as he took in your appearance— messy hair, half-zipped left boot, heavy lidded eyes.

You shrugged and eyed the ceramic mug in his hands. You could have moaned at the smell steaming out of it. “I’d say about two charts to one glass.”

“How many charts in total?”

“Fourteen each,” you winced at the revelation and took your eyes from Jim’s when the amusement painted his features red.

Seven glasses of whiskey in one sitting,” he said with a laugh. “No wonder you look like that.”

You narrowed your eyes. “How dare you! I look adorable— like a celebrity running errands.”

“‘Cept you’re about to start an eight-hour shift.”

You sighed so your shoulders slumped. “My rough night’s turning into a rough morning— I didn’t even have time to replicate coffee because of my stupid missing boot.”

Jim glanced down at his mug and thrust it in your direction without thinking twice. “Take mine.

Keep reading

topaz-rabbit  asked:

You know how Mr Alan Ituriel joked about being Black Hat's dad. Okay, what if that were true, and Mr Ituriel was his dad and raised him since he was a barely sentient eldritch squid baby monster thing. How's that possible if BH is probably really fucking old. Easy Mr Ituriel would be some immortal that one day was like"yep, I'm going to raise this demon. Sounds fun." But he's the most suburban of dads ever, but never tried stifling BH's evil tendencies, he encouraged them even.

(Continued) Like Mr Ituriel has seen his son kill several men, and was just like ‘eh, kids will be kids.’ He is an immortal that gives no fucks. He is one of the few humans BH can say he’s ‘fond’ of (will never say it out loud) The one time he visited his son, because he’s a proud pop pop of his sons success and see how he’s doing because HE NEVER CALLS. So as a slight act of payback, he tells EMBARRASSING stories ‘Remember when your powers started to come in Hattie? You scared yourself silly!’

((I am torn between staying consistent with my personal theories and completely abandoning them for this great hc. So let’s just say I’m gonna be very contradictory with whatever the fuck I post, because oh man Normal Dad Alan Ituriel is a very good idea indeed.))

  • Alan, an immortal demi-human with abnormal morals who lives in the Mexican suburbs, is walking by an alleyway or something when he hears some kind of blood-curdling screech
  • naturally his first instinct is ‘oooh what the fuck is that let’s go find out.’ so he looks in a dumpster, and finds one dead-looking prostitute with some kind of Alien-franchise-esque parasite abomination thing crawling out of her chest cavity. It’s covered in blood, seems to be only made of wriggling black tentacles, and hissing.
  • “Aww, cute! Come on little guy, let’s get you cleaned up.” He kinda scoops him up with a shopping bag; he may be immortal, but fuck touching whatever fluids those are. Alan casually carries his writhing, screaming horrorterror baby home in a yellow plastic bag, and promptly throws it into the tub.
  • (Cue the insane bathtime montage where Alan locks it in the bathroom and sprays it with the showerhead until it’s clean enough to touch. BH tries to “kill” him (his hand) several times. Alan laughs.)
  • Once BH is thoroughly doused, he resembles a drenched eldritch cat, a soggy, angry bundle of wriggling flesh, multiple eyes, and gnashing teeth. He has not stopped trying to bite Alan.
  • Alan grabs him by the “scruff” and he immediately starts fighting back. He puts him in a cage until BH tires himself out from screaming and pounding at the bars. The two just stare at each other for a moment, silently regarding the other.
  • Alan sits in front of it and throws a small piece of raw meat into the cage. BH devours it in seconds. Alan unlocks the cage. BH instantly tries to attack him again. Alan puts him back in the cage. He waits a few minutes for the tantrum to end, then repeats the process.
  • eventually BH realizes he can get more food if he stays still for longer. so he stops fighting back and let’s Alan lure him closer, piece by piece. Eventually Alan has BH practically in his lap, literally eating out of the palm of his hand. With more food in him, he’s calmed down a bit. Alan smiles. Okay, this is pretty cute.
  • Only Alan would find BH eating cute tbh, it’s quite fucking disgusting how much raw meat has been spilled all over the place
  • Eventually BH is sated, becoming sleepy and much more complacent. He bites very, very weakly when Alan picks him up. Alan kind of cradles him like a baby, then pets him like a cat. The tentacles quiver. “Weird.” He thinks that means he likes it? BH falls asleep in Alan’s arms. “Cool.”
  • Fast forward a couple months, when BH exits the “larval stage.” That outer casing of tentacles is basically a cocoon, and BH eats and grows and eats and grows until he goes from small cat-sized to human-toddler sized. Then he stops fucking moving.
  • Alan freaks out thinking that he’s killed his adopted son after poking him with a stick for a day doesn’t do anything. Then, the outer casing splits open. BH re-emerges from his “pupal stage” as a fully-grown juvenile, basically a one-year old child. He looks like a miniature version of his current form, but without the dapper clothes or any teeth, and with two open eyes. Alan literally squeals and hugs him. BH tries to bite him again. Some things never change.
  • From there it’s basically like raising a baby, with a couple more eldritch aspects. BH grows twice as fast as an ordinary human. Alan dresses him in adorable baby clothes, not because he needs them, but because it makes him look “soooooo cuuuuute!!!”
  • BH’s teeth grow in, and Alan has to use metal teething rings when normal plastic doesn’t work. BH’s learns how to walk with Alan holding his hands. BH’s claws grow in and Alan files them down for him so he doesn’t hurt himself.
  • It takes about a month or so for BH to start talking. Normally he makes little eldritch blurbles that would make a human’s bones melt. Alan just repeats normal words that sound vaguely similar. Eventually BH gets the hang of it. (BH always claims that his first word was “evil”, but it’s his and Alan’s closest-kept secret that it was actually “papá”)
  • Black Hat’s powers come in during his “evil puberty.” He wakes up one morning feeling a little odd and… shimmery? It feels like his body isn’t quite there, like he’s almost floating outside of his flesh. Then he looks down, focusing on his arm. It solidifies more, feels less fuzzy. He focuses again, bringing the fuzziness back, and watches as it changes
  • “DAD HOLY FUCK”
  • Alan is kind of nervous as BH demonstrates how he can turn his arm into an actual, functioning snake. He gets even more nervous when BH starts sleep-teleporting. Alan wakes up with BH on the roof, BH in the garden, BH on the floor of his room, and BH a couple streets away. He always manages to find his son though, he just has to hurry before BH wakes up. (The first time Black Hat woke up after a sleep-teleport, he was confused and scared and started ripping dimensional holes trying to get home. Alan found him about a town over, but it had been quite the scare.)
  • Shortly after this, BH’s “edgy” phase started. (“MY NAME IS MR. WUT NOW DAD”) Alan never really tried to talk him out of it, instead just giving him the eldritch version of “The Talk.”
  • “Now I know that lately your body has been going through some… changes, and I know that might be scary. But any, uh, urges you feel are completely natural, and–” “DAD FOR FUCK’S SAKE I KNOW ALREADY, OKAY?? I’ve been murdering people for like, five months now.” “Oh, okay, if you ever need any, protection, or help hiding a body, you know you can always ask–” “GET OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM!

It’s a great relationship they have. BH moves out a couple years later to start his business, and refuses to call Alan (out of pride? probably??) Alan doesn’t let him get away that easily, and each year he makes several unannounced visits. It almost always results in some kind of one-sided yelling match between the angry Black Hat and his cheerful dad, as his horrified employees listen on…

The nonsense continued throughout Thursday night and Friday morning. Matt K. Lewis, the Daily Beast writer and CNN personality, took note of the references to God in Trump’s statement on the airstrikes and salivated over the president’s moral seriousness. Even worse was Mark Landler’s “news analysis” in the New York Times on why Trump, who has shown a strong affinity for dictators and little concern for suffering, greenlit the attack. Failing to mention that the president was in the process of banning refugees from America, Landler painted a laughable picture of a man consumed with grief because of images of children dying. ("On Syria Attack, Trump’s Heart Came First,” the Times tweeted.) Not only does coverage like this badly distort an important issue like Syria, but it serves as a reminder (as if one were needed) of exactly the boost—not to mention the political capital—Trump would gain in the case of a national emergency or terrorist attack. As if a Trump with normal powers wasn’t horrifying enough.

A list (hardly complete, just what I happened to have in my AO3 bookmarks, others should please add) of low-conflict NurseyDex fics for @des-zimbits and @stultiloquentia.

love you as the plant that never blooms, by horchatita394 & wishingonalightningbolt

This one glosses over pretty much their entire first year in a paragraph and then dives into it with them already being friends and coming back to Samwell to start their second year. Ace Dex finding out he’s more gray ace than he thought.

The Mechanics of Poetry, by @omgericzimmermann

One of my favorite fics ever. Dex invites Nursey back to Maine with him the summer after freshman year and finds out he doesn’t actually know how to drive. That’s pretty much the extent of what amounts to conflict between them, the rest is just some excellent slow-burn falling in love.

row upon row, by akadiene/@fatlardo

Starts after what appears to be an accidental drunken night together, but then Dex gets a call that his grandmother has died and he needs to go home. Nursey drives him. (Obviously he knows how to drive in this one.)

What are you waiting for?, by @marswithghosts and Unravel Me, by @annundriel

This is a porn star AU, so, you know, NSFW like whoa. Nursey is a cocky shit who enjoys teasing Dex, the cameraman, but there’s not really antagonistic conflict between them.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?, by @marswithghosts

Dex works an IT helpline, Nursey is the idiot from the business side of the office who keeps having the stupidest problems with his computer. But then they meet at the office Christmas party, and he confesses maybe he’s not that much of an idiot after all.

Static, by @storiesfromtheden

Dex is a workaholic executive. Nursey is the spoken word poet who finds Dex’s erstwhile personal assistant’s abandoned phone. Dex seems like he’s in kind of a jam, sending this Lucy person increasingly annoyed and desperate texts, so Nursey decides to help him out… and then refuses to give the phone back. You know, just in case Dex has another emergency before he finds a new assistant. That’s totally the only reason.

Nursey & Julia, by Schuyler

ETA: Augh, I almost forgot one of my favorites! Dex moves to NYC for grad school, and Nursey just happens to have an apartment they can share. (Or at least his great-aunt did, and now Nursey has use of it.) Features a lot of Nursey trying to cook to show Dex he cares isn’t useless.

Petals and Thorns, by *cough* me

This is the Dex is a punk star, Nursey is a florist (and poet) AU, and since they’re both adults who grew out of their defensive phases before they ever met, I figured I could just dispense with the arguing. (Also, because Dex was in a punk band, he was a lot more in-your-face about his life/preferences from a much younger age, rather than repressing.) There is loving sarcasm, coffee, a roof garden, and a trip to South America. (Pretty much all my NurseyDex on AO3 probably qualifies, honestly, because the fighting is the least interesting part of their relationship to me, but I’m already embarrassed enough about including myself on my own rec list, so… *turns red, runs away*)