In Shape

Monsters from Guillermo del Toro movies rated based on how good of boyfriends they would be

Any of the ghosts from Crimson peak

no. they are dead and scary not in a hot way. yes even the two at the end.  0/10

any of the kaiju from pacific rim

they are big rowdy boys so banging them is inadvisable, but, really, how much do we actually know about them? they could learn to love. 1/10

The Pale Man

absolutely not. eats kids and represents the selfish greed of those in power. -1000000000000/10

The Faun

shifty as heck, always speaking in riddles and half truths. i don’t trust him but i’d bang him. 4/10

(this is where we start getting into creatures that we know are equipped to have sex)

Hellboy

he’s immature, for sure, but he has a good heart and loves kittens. Plus he’s got a rockin bod and a tail, so i’m not sure what else you could want in a bf. 8/10

Abe Sapien

i love this sweet sweet nerdy fish boy. he’s a bit shy and maybe has some boundary issues but all in all he’s a good boy. 9/10

The Gillman (AKA The Asset)

what is there to say about this beautiful boy that hasn’t already been said? he’s sweet, kind, sensual, and has a booty that just won’t quit. when will he steal me away to the Amazon to live forever in his strong arms. 10/10

Unexpected Themes In Things I Watched In 2017

Laura Dern in dramatic wigs

Armie Hammer worshipping a tiny brunette

The aqua 1960s

Purple Florida

People named Doug Jones

Taika Waititi inventing the buddy comedy

Kid protagonists I want to adopt immediately

Nosebleeds + Timothée Chalamet

Lovely chameleon Michael Stuhlbarg