sooooo this is something me and @moppingleshitoutofyou came up with a while ago, hope yall enjoy!!
you can check out some of my other mini fics here
Lance didn’t really know when it started. There were too many incidents to pinpoint its exact origins. It could have began when he tried to jump out the window when he was six to prove that he could totally fly Marcos. Or when he was nine and ate a bee when Lily said they were dangerous, because how dangerous can a chubby little bumblebee be? It was like it was always there, this little voice urging him to prove his worth through dangerous tasks.
it wasn’t until he was fifteen when the real trouble began.
Once again, the origins of the power he was given was unknown to him. He sorta just woke up one day and bam, he felt the emotions of everyone in the house. To say it was overwhelming would be an understatement. He could practically taste his mother’s worry and his sister’s sadness and he just wanted to help them you know? Ease their pain, because no one deserved to feel those emotions. Perhaps it was then that he became aware of the feelings his felt since he was a kid. He had a form of lachesism, or at least that’s what the therapist his parents forced him to go to told him.
It took countless hours of research to figure out what the hell lachesism even was, since it wasn’t something that simply popped up in everyday conversations. And the whole emotions things? Yeah, it took a while to figure out how that fit into this mess.
In fact, he was still trying to figure it all out when he went to the Garrison, which was yet another mess because he could feel all of the students’ emotions too. His family’s emotions were barely a sliver of what he had to endure every day. There was just, just so much sadness here. It was like a new wave hit him every time he moved, encasing him in this bubble of hurt. It was too much at times, causing him to spiral into anxiety attacks when Hunk was asleep.
Yet, he thrived in the pain he was forced to endure everyday. Maybe it was the fact he was given this power to know what everyone was feeling, but he finally felt like he was worth something. Who else could stand feeling other’s emotions constantly thrown at them, if they were not at least worth something. Call it middle child syndrome, but Lance finally felt like he could make a difference. He could help these people! All he had to do was try to keep them happy and their sadness would begin to melt away.
Thus, class-clown Lance was born at the age of 16, who was always there to crack a joke. He learned to talk more to make others feel comfortable and laugh loud enough for everyone to feel included. Finally, Lance felt clarity in his mind for the first time in years, and he was able to truly believe he had worth.
However this only solved the problem for a bit, as smiles can only go so far. Soon the sadness returned, albeit weaker than before, but it was still there. This unsettled Lance more than he thought it would. How could he help now? How could he prove he was more than just a cargo pilot? He was already struggling to keep up with Keith and now this?
It was when Lance was comforting Hunk after a panic attack did he realize just how far his powers could reach.
The two had been cuddling when Lance felt this pull, this tug towards Hunk’s emotions that he never felt before. He followed it of course and the feeling was indescribable. It was like he drowning in Hunk’s emotions, each feeling circling around him, urging him to touch, to feel. Shakily, he mentally reached out for the anxiety that kept bubbling up and it was like he sinking in this void of emotions that was endless. It wormed itself inside of Lance until it was gone, residing within him rather than Hunk. It was terrifying.
But Hunk’s smile after it was over, his slight laughter as he stated he felt better than he had in years, made it all worth it.
After being swept up in the whirlwind that was Voltron, Lance knew once again that he had worth. It wasn’t in his shooting capabilities or in his powerful bond with his lion or even in the persona he still continued. No, it was in the way he took away Pidge’s worry and soothed it with reassurance, how he slipped into Shiro’s room at night and removed the terror that plagued him to allow him a decent night of rest, and in the way he harbored Allura and Coran’s homesickness for the world they lost and offered them the feeling of family instead. This was his purpose, his way of showing his worth in subtle ways.
It took a toll on Lance though, the emotions he took away finding a home in his chest, weighing him down. He could feel the anxiety in his fingertips, the fear in his bones, and the never ending sadness in his mind. But it was worth it wasn’t it? He was protecting his teammates from the pain of these awful emotions, keeping up the spirits of Voltron through his pain. It was worth it.
Blue didn’t think so. She’d often lecture Lance on overdoing it and how it truly wasn’t worth it, but couldn’t she see that it was? By him feeling this, surviving through this, he was able to see Pidge laugh freely and Hunk grow into his role as a paladin. Watch as Keith became more open to the group, his previous doubts now backed up with trust in his team.
Oh cub, can’t you see how it weighs you down, how it tears you apart? She had asked one morning, specifically after a nasty panic attack. Can’t you see you’re worth more than this? That you’re more than just Lance, that you’re my paladin who doesn’t deserve this? Can’t you see?
But in the grand scheme of things, his wellbeing doesn’t matter, only that Voltron can still form. He was simply helping the process and he would be there for his team no matter what.
Despite this, Lance began to close in on himself. He spent hours upon hours with Blue, strengthening his powers so he could become more. He learned to manipulate the emotions, how to expel them onto others, making them feel the pain he suffered through each and everyday. He still went through his daily cleaning, helping each Paladin in whatever form they needed before heading back to his hangar and remaining there till night. The persona Lance built back at the Garrison had begun to crack, but it was fine because he was becoming stronger right? Now he could truly protect his team. He was no longer an emotional dump. He could send those emotions to whoever he pleased. He had worth.
The team began to get worried, however. They noticed how Lance began to close up, disappearing for hours on end. They knew they had to do something about it, but how?
“Maybe we could corner him?” Keith suggested, shrugging.
“No, no, he wouldn’t tell us what was wrong if we did that. How about we call him up to the bridge?” Hunk replied, glancing at Shiro, who was pacing.
“I don’t think that’ll work Hunk, you’ve seen Lance. Our best bet might be to go down to his hangar and speak to him there, the Blue Lion might help back us up,” Shiro sighed, looking down the hallway to where the hangars were,”I know he might freeze up but it’s the only option that gives us the backup of a lion.”
The team nodded, Hunk simply turning silently, before beginning their dissent towards the hangars, nervousness tickling the back of their necks. It wasn’t long until they all stood before the door of the Blue Lion’s hangar. With a quick glance at the team Shiro was about to open it when it opened on its own silently, shocking the team slightly. Blue hummed quietly in the back of their minds before disappearing, allowing the paladins to enter her hangar.
Hunk almost fainted at what awaited them, the rest gasping at the sight before them.
There in the middle of the hangar, sat Lance surrounded by a hurricane of black that swirled faster with each passing second. His eyes were squeezed shut, not seeing the paladins, yet they all felt like he just knew. It was when he opened his eyes that all hell broke loose.
Here’s Part Two !