I know most people don’t care too much about these side characters, but good god I was so, so invested in them when I was in the BLEACH fandom full-time. They’ve got such wonderful backstory and interaction and ughhhhh my Feelings.
If the Squad 11 duo decided to make it official and become a couple, how might Ikkaku ask out Yumichika?
1. The Squad 11 method.
Namely, never saying the truth out loud because everybody involved already knows about it anyway.
Renji: Whoa! You guys are dating?
Ikkaku: How do you always do that?!
2. The “go out with me dance” method.
Much like Ikkaku’s lucky dance, only this is a sort of mating dance designed to get the other person to go out on a date. Yumichika will see it for the first time when Ikkaku uses it on him, but that doesn’t mean he won’t know what it means.
Ikkaku: [interpretative dancing]
Yumichika: Yes! Yes of course!
Kenpachi: I don’t know what’s going on in my squad anymore.
3. The “paperwork” method.
Ikkaku writes a series of sweet notes (or as sweet as Ikkaku can get) and hides them amidst Yumichika’s paperwork and workspace.
Yumichika: Ikkaku, did you take the time to write and hide 37 different love notes?
Yumichika: Why didn’t you just spend the time doing the paperwork so that we could actually go out?
Ikkaku: Because if I thought that way, then I’d be paperwork guy!
4. The “Yachiru advised” method.
Ikkaku might ask Yachiru for her advice on how best to ask Yumichika out. In which case he’d presumably hide in a wall, jump out suddenly, and ask that way.
Ikkaku: You don’t seem surprised.
Yumichika: I can sense your spiritual pressure, you know.
Ikkaku: Oh yeah.
5.The “feathery” method.
Knowing how much Yumichika likes feathers, Ikkaku could painstakingly glue three dozen feathers to a piece of plasterboard, spelling, “Will you go out with me?”
Ikkaku: Sorry they, uh, ended up looking kinda damp and frayed.
Ikkaku: I’m not great with crafts.
Ikkaku: You’re upset that I destroyed all those feathers, aren’t you?
Yumichika: You’re just lucky you’re cute, Ikkaku.
6. The “just follow me” method.
Ikkaku could just say, “Yumichika, follow me!” and then go marching off without explanation. Yumichika would come along, of course, and then Ikkaku could lead him straight to a date! Or to bed. Whatever.
Yumichika: Ikkaku, this room is…beautiful.
Yumichika: How did you manage that?
Ikkaku: I, uh, asked Matsumoto for help.
Ikkaku: That okay?
Yumichika: I was wondering why there was so much booze…
7. The “weekend getaway” method.
Ikkaku invites Yumichika on a romantic getaway…in the world of the living, of course.
Keigo: Y-you guys! What are you doing at my house?
Ikkaku: Hey man. We need your house.
Keigo: Oh, you need to stay here again?
Ikkaku: Yup. And you need to leave. So we can use your house. To do it.
Keigo: I hate being friends with soul reapers.
8. The “heart-shaped hollow’ method.
Hollows seem to come in all shapes and sizes. So presumably, somewhere out there, there’s a hollow shaped like a heart. If Ikkaku could find it it and give it to Yumichika, that would be the most romantic Squad 11 present ever.
Yumichika: A heart-shaped hollow, for me?
Ikkaku: Damn straight. You can slice that bad boy into a million pieces with your zanpakuto, while I watch!
Yumichika: Squad 11 is definitely the best.
9. The "just checking” method
Or assuming that Ikkaku and Yumichika have been dating this whole time, maybe all he needs to do is check.
Ikkaku: Hey Yumichika, we’re a couple, right?
Yumichika: I sure hope so.
Yumichika: Otherwise all the sex we have is seriously weird.
10. The “open and honest” method.
It would warm this blogger’s heart if Ikkaku and Yumichika could just manage to be honest with each other. For once. Mostly Yumichika.
Ikkaku: Anyway, that’s what was going through my head when I lost that fight. How ‘bout you? Anything you want to confess while we’re being honest?
Yumichika: A, uh, kido sword. I have one.
Ikkaku: Fuck you!
Ikkaku: How could you assume for so many years that I would care about a thing like that?
Ikkaku: I say - any sword that comes from your soul has got to be all right!
In my ship letters series, a character writes notes to all of his shipping competition, telling them to stay away from his or her beloved. Today, Ikkaku is going to tell all of his rivals to stay away from Yumichika!
1. To Kenpachi:
Captain, you may not know this, but Yumichika only joined Squad 11 because of me. See, I’m sort of chasing you (in a totally non stalkery way), and he always follows me. So just because Yumichika is in your squad, that doesn’t mean that you have a shot with him. Because I’m his motivation, not you. And also I think his sparkliness freaks you out. Which is dumb! Yumichika’s sparkliness is awesome! So clearly I’m a better match than you.
Sorry I called you dumb,
2. To Charlotte:
You and Yumichika may both care a lot about beauty, but you have very different ideas about what beauty is. And that makes you less compatible, rather than more! Whereas me? I would never argue with Yumichika about what constitutes beauty. I just accept that if Yumichika says something is beautiful, then it is. End of story.
Plus, Yumichika killed you. Why am I even writing to you?
3. To Orihime:
Yumichika once called you beautiful. Some people might consider that shippy, but I do not. He found you aesthetically pleasing, but not in a erotic way. More like he might see beauty in a statue or in a well-made cake or in Byakuya’s hair. That doesn’t mean he wants to sleep with you! And I don’t think you have eyes for any shinigami other than Ichigo, so that works out!
Still, you should be flattered that Yumichika called you beautiful.
4. To Riruka:
I hear that you like things that are clean and cute. You don’t like things that are ugly and dirty. So Yumichika might seem like an attractive guy to you. But let me make this clear: Yumichika thinks that blood, dirt, and sweat are beautiful. That’s something he and I have in common!
5. To Matsumoto:
Yes, okay. So you are the most beautiful woman in Soul Society. And Yumichika is the most beautiful man. Some people might think that’s a reason for you two to date. But you know what? The real world doesn’t work all neatly like that! The real world is messy! In the real world you might love a creepy-looking skinny guy who never opens his eyes, and Yumichika might love an enormous bald dude who doesn’t wear socks. Real love is messy and illogical. That’s how the real world works!
Don’t you agree?
6. To Byakuya:
You and Yumichika are both beautiful. And you both love flowers, I guess (do you know why people talk about Yumichika loving to eat flowers? I have NEVER seen him eat flowers!). But Yumichika is a peasant from the Rukongai, and you are a noble. I don’t really see this happening. Especially since I don’t believe you two have ever spoken in canon.
Sometimes canon counts!
7. To Ganju:
You once made Yumichika’s hair poofy. He will never love you.
8. To Renji:
If I am Yumichika’s type (and I am), then you are too. We are both strong muscular dudes who prefer to act! Of course, you lack the deep and longstanding connection that I have with Yumichika. Plus you have hair and wear socks. So really you’re not THAT much of Yumichika’s type. So if you really want to date a pretty boy, I suggest you look to your captain and leave Yumichika to me.
9. To Keigo:
You opened your home to Yumichika and me. That was very generous of you. Still, if you ever put the moves on Yumichika, I WILL KILL YOU.
10. To Hisagi:
Dude…I don’t really know what your thing with Yumichika is. I know you guys fought once, but Yumichika never wants to talk about it. I assume that’s because it was a super lame fight and Yumichika hated it! And Yumichika would never date someone whose fights are lame.
But seriously if you could tell me why Yumichika always licks his lips when he sees you and why that makes you shudder, I’d really love to know. Not that you’re any competition! Because you’re not.