Ife-Head

Shoutout to autistics who have suffered trauma

To the autistics with PTSD or cPTSD

To the autistics who get flashbacks that trigger meltdowns

To the autistics who get triggered by everyday things

To the autistics who need to stim to deal with their triggers

To the autistics who who have terrible memories because of their trauma and feel fake because most autistics seem to have excellent memories

To the autistics who can no longer use certain comfort objects or stim toys because of associations to their trauma

Whether your trauma is fresh or long since passed, whether it derives from one instance or many, whether it affected you from the very beginning or took years to have an effect on you, you are so valid. Your trauma is real and the effects it has upon you are real.

No matter what your trauma, you didn’t deserve it. It was not your fault. I know all the maybes and ifs in your head, but it was not your fault. 

You are so beautiful and so strong and so powerful. You have survived so much and are still here to grace the world with your presence. 

It may not get better today, or tomorrow, or next week, but one day things will get easier. One day you will be truly happy again despite the monsters in your past. 

Stay strong. You are so loved by so many. You have an amazing community here to support you whenever you need. 

Voicemails

Anxiety paced back and forth in his room. He was ready to leave, but he decided to give Prince one last chance. He was the top number in his phone, the selfie of them smiling at the zoo with the rabbits was still the Profile. He pressed the button and waited for Prince’s apologetic voice to be in his ear at any second. Ring. Any second… Ring. Come on Prince. Ring. Please pick up! Ring. Ring. Ring. “You’ve reached Prince sanders! Leave a voicemail.” Prince’s message ended, and the generic ‘please leave a voicemail after the tone’ recording started up… Beep. “I- I can’t take it anymore, Prince. You don’t tell me anything, you’ve been disappearing for hours, you have phone calls you don’t want me to hear, and now you forgot our anniversary. I’m done being patient. I have packed my things, you can keep the house. Good-goodbye.” Anxiety hung up and burst into tears. It felt like hell, leaving, but everyone has a line, and Prince had finally crossed it. Before he could change his mind Anxiety grabbed his bags and left starting the car and heading to Logic and Dad’s place… Maybe they could help him restart
Prince opened the door to their little apartment feeling excited. “Anx baby! I’m home!” The others usual greeting was missing today… “Anx?” He pulled out his phone (it had been on silent all day) and went to call Anxiety, but saw that he had already called. Worry flooded Prince’s mind. What if something had happened?! What if Anxiety had been hurt?! A million other What Ifs ran through his head as he opened the voicemail.
He listened…
The voicemail ended…
He sat down…
A small box fell out of his fingers, and a ring with a diamond shining merrily on the band rolled away, as Princes world fell down around him.

G-Dragon scenario: going to MAMA together

WORDS: 1716

Summary:

So he is your boyfriend and you are dating for 3 years, you’re few years younger than him and you debuted 8 years ago. Your relationship is public and a lot of people ship you. 

You both attened MAMA awards and he is worried about you working too hard and shows skinship in public.


Originally posted by gdragon04

Your makeup artist was just finishing your makeup for the red carpet. You were wearing short pink/white dress that matched others’ outfits too. Since you were the leader of your group you had to talk to the members and remind them of some things.
You got a call while you were talking to the youngest member. It was Jiyong. You wanted to answer, but you had to remind her to watch how she sits and not to touch her face, because of makeup. You called him back, wondering what he called for since it was the day of the MAMA show and you were nominated for a lot of awards and you were really nervous.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Are you nervous?”
“Yeah… A bit… Like a lot…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be there with you since our groups will sit at the same table, you are very welcome, Jagiya.”
You had no idea you sat with Big Bang at the same table.
“What?? Are you serious?? That’s awesome.”
You tried to sound as happy as you could, but you had so many thoughts about the performance and what to do if something happens. There were so many ‘ifs’ in your head you sounded really sad and worried and he could tell just by hearing your voice.
“You don’t sound very happy. If you’re worried about the performance, don’t. Because I know you’ll be great and your members are really talented so you have nothing to worry about.”
You calmed down for a few moments when you heard his sweet words.
“Thank you Jagi~ I have to go now, see you there, okay?”
You said goodbye and canceled the call. You went to the car with other members, they were all nervous so you cheered them up and told them they were great at rehearsals. You arrived at the Red carpet and someone opened the door for you. You stepped out and saw fans screaming. The other members quickly came out of the car and you walked to the MC where you took pictures and said hello to the fans and viewers on V Live. You shortly said thank you to the fans and every member did some fan service and sent hearts to the fans. That made you forget about all of your concerns.
You went in the ceremony hall. It was huge. You saw 5 different stages and so many seats you couldn’t imagine how many fans will come, you sighed and went to change your makeup and dresses in a dressing room. You saw some other dressing rooms- BTS, GOT7 TWICE, EXO, Red Velvet… and the one next to you was Big Bang. It was a little odd because they gave you dressing room right next to 2 boy groups- Big Bang and EXO. Both of them are your favorite groups.
You weren’t in a big rush so you made a video diary with the members and recorded some behind the scenes of MAMA, you also visited some of the groups where you had friends and at last, you came to Big Bang dressing room. They were all really happy that you came and Seungri loved filming with you, but he had to stop being on the camera all the time so you turned off the camera.
“Let’s take a walk, we came only a few minutes ago and we’re performing the last,” Jiyong suggested
“Just don’t do romantic stuff outside, because there are cameras everywhere, okay lovebirds?” Seungri added and Taeyang nodded.
He ignored them and you went out of the room. You walked to the other side of the hallway.
“Are you okay now” he held your hand.
“I’m just… What if we mess up? What if they won’t like us? I don’t even like this outfit, I can’t believe we have to perform in this…”
He was really worried because you started talking about how unsure of yourself you are. He couldn’t listen anymore, so he hugged you.
“You are worrying way too much. You’ll do fine. I’ll be there for you. You’re not on your diet anymore, right? You have to drink a lot of water, okay? And never ever be insecure about yourself, okay? You’re so perfect, I can’t even imagine more perfect girlfriend than you.”
You calmed down and he washed away most of your worries, you smiled and thanked him. You wanted to kiss him, but you remembered there could be someone watching you. You went back and it was time to start the award show. Together your group and Big Bang went to your tables. You saw all of the idols sitting behind you. You saw your friends from other groups and you heard your fans screaming you group name and then when you sat next to Jiyong they started screaming your ship name. You couldn’t help but to smile. It made you really happy the fact your fans were 'shipping’ you together. You were really surprised when they announced Best new female group winner because it was your group. You stood up and accepted the award and thanked the fans and your staff. You enjoyed when other groups performed and danced their choreography and sang with them. Jiyong was very surprised to see you dance so much and sing at the same time. He saw you had an adrenaline rush and stopped you.
“If you’re gonna be dancing like that you’ll be tired when you perform so just sit down and watch, okay?”
You looked at him and nodded. You sat down and he said something in your ear.
“You were really cute tho.”
You giggled and a lot of fans noticed that and started screaming even more. You were so happy that your boyfriend was so nice to you. He always cared about you and give you advice. You loved him with all of your heart and you could’ve never imagined being with someone else than him and he thought the same.
He was your everything besides your group members. You couldn’t stop thinking about him, so you forgot you were still staring at him. He shook you and you laughed, realizing you were staring at him and he smiled back.
Your manager finally came to tell you you’re performing after these 2 performances. You looked at Jiyong and he made a fist saying 'fighting’ which helped you a lot, knowing he supports you. You sent him a kiss and pretended nothing happened when you saw others were watching you.You quickly came to your stage and prepared for your performance. You performed right after Taeyeon. You are a major fan of her and her friend. The time was for you to rock the stage.
“Let’s do this shit, girls. We’re the best!” you said to your members.
They were very confident when they heard your words and then you all focused on the performance. It was a remix of your most known songs and this year’s hit. The performance was very hard, but you managed to do everything exactly like you practiced. After you finished you were out of breath and could barely walk, because you were also the dancer of the group so when others changed their positions on the other side of the stage you were dancing. Jiyong was very worried about you when he saw how you held your member’s hand while walking back to your table. He stood up when you were here and helped you sit and gave you water. You really had big wish you wouldn’t be wearing a mini skirt right now so you could sit comfortably, but if the fans liked the performance as you heard, then it was totally worth it.
“Drink more water.” he kept saying.
He saw you are really close to fainting and he was really worried when he had to leave for his performance.
“Show them who you are, okay? KINGS OF KPOP FIGHTING~!” you cheered on them and you screamed and danced their whole performance and sang with them. You like Daesung’s parts the most and you fangirled about all of them with other members. They didn’t see you were shaking from tiredness until now when it was too late.
You didn’t know what happened, you just opened your eyes and you were in the dressing room with your group, but they had to go back because you were also nominated for the next award. It was a break time so you convinced your staff and manager you were okay and to let you go at least to be there until the end.
They agreed but gave you a bottle of water and told you to drink every 10 minutes. You came back the same time as Big Bang and of course, your members made a big deal and told him about you fainting.
“WHAT? I TOLD YOU NOT TO DANCE IF YOU CAN’T. OMG JAGI.” He was angry with you for a while, but he talked pouty and cute when he was angry at you.
At the end all of the groups came to the stage and waved to the fans, then you talked with some of your friends and at the end, Seungri introduced you to Exo and you talked with them until Jiyong saw you and came to hear what you’re talking about. You said goodbyes and after that he picked you up and carried you to the backstage, making everyone scream, because the famous G-Dragon rarely showed so much skinship in public. He made you cry from laughing so hard and you had to go and fix your make up. Your members came few minutes behind you and told you how they talked with BTS and some other groups.
Although you had some problems through the day, at the end of the day you were laying in bed all tired with your boyfriend Jiyong who kept talking about how worried he was.
“SHUT UP OR I’LL SHUT YOU UP. I’M TRYING TO SLEEP.” you said aggressively.
“TRY ME~” he said back to you, making you kiss him.

Tell me about your irrational fears and childhood dreams. Tell me about your scars and all the wounds that never seemed to heal inside of you. Tell me why you find comfort in the night sky and why you never walk away from fights. Tell me what you think about when you’re awake at 3 in the morning, and all the what ifs swimming in your head. Tell me what makes you laugh, and what made you cry in the past. Tell me about your first heartbreak and your last try at love. Tell me about your mother’s laugh, and the food she cooks for you. Tell me about your first fight with your father, and the first time you saw him cry. Tell me about the 5-year-old you were, and the 50-year-old you want to be. Don’t tell me your favorite color, tell me why it is. Don’t tell me where you grew up, tell me what it was like growing up there. Don’t tell me about yourself, tell me who you are. That’s the conversation I want to have and the things I want to hear.
—  a. gale, Can’t we skip the awkward small talk and dive down into the depths?

@unchartedtombs
Requests might technically be closed, but I don’t care. Hopefully these suffice ^^;

Yoosung:
-He’ll be scared too.
-But, he’s more relieved that you weren’t hurt more than anything else.
-Even though he’s shaken too, he’ll comfort you through it.
-It’s scary when something like this happens, especially so close.
-You’ll likely have to comfort him too. He’s scared too after all.
-He’ll probably want to play some games because it usually helps distract him from things. Old habits die hard.
-But instead of LOLOL, he’ll play something multiplayer so you can both have a distraction together.
-He’ll play whatever you want with you, even if it’s not a video game.
-He’d be down for playing board games or card games if that’s what you want.
-Really, lighthearted games will help both of you cope with this.

Zen:
-The second he hears about it, the first thing on his mind is you.
-He won’t calm down until you’re in his arms.
-Which means if you’re not home, he calls you as many times as it takes for you to pick up and tells you to come home.
-Once you’re in his sight again, you won’t be out for a very long time.
-He’d probably lose sleep over all of his worries and what ifs playing through his head. So, if you’re having trouble sleeping too, you can stay up together and chat.
-He also says that if there’s anything you want to do, like play a game or watch something, you can.
-He calls to take off of work, but it wasn’t needed. The director had cancelled rehearsals for at least a week already.
-He refuses to let you outside alone. It’s too much of a risk in his mind.
-If you absolutely have to leave and he can’t come with you (like if you have work), he will sit at home and worry about you all day until you come home.1
-More than anything, even if he is scared and panicky too, he won’t let you know that. He’ll smile for your sake.

Jaehee:
-She closes the cafe the minute she sees the new reports and you both go home together.
-Once you’re both safely home, there’s a very somber feeling hanging in the air. You can both feel it.
-It might be a bit difficult to lighten the mood again.
-She clings to you and whispers that she’s incredibly grateful you’re safe and that you’ll always be safe because she’s with you.
-To break the sad atmosphere, she suggests playing little games around the house, ranging from card games to sleepover games.
-It’s a nice little light in a dark time.
-You can just laugh at yourselves and forget about all the bad things a little too close to home.
-Overall, although the whole situation has been very shocking to both of you, she’s happy you’re still here with her, safe.

Jumin:
-He will keep you indoors until everything is 100% safe.
-Maybe even after that.
-He’ll be too scared of you getting mixed up in whatever is happening. He doesn’t know what he would do if something happened to you.
-You won’t be out unsupervised for a while.
-Jumin is very calm about it, despite being afraid to let you out of his sight.
-His calmness definitely helps you and keeps you from panicking.
-If you do begin panicking, he’ll sit and listen to your worries as long as it takes.
-This kind of thing isn’t easy to accept and get over. He knows that.
-Anything you need, he’ll see to it.
-Cuddles. With him and with Elizabeth.
-Both help you relax.
-You don’t have to worry about feeling alone or defenseless because Jumin is here for you.

Saeyoung:
-He heard about the attacks mere minutes after it happened. He got all of the information.
-If you’re both home at the time, he immediately goes to you.
-If you’re out, he’s panicking. He’ll call you and tell you to come home as fast as possible.
-Whichever one it is, when he sees you, the first thing he does is hug you.
-He’s scared that something so dangerous and scary happened so close to you. He’s not so much worried about himself as he is about you.
-He keeps up with every single news update, but doesn’t let you do the same. The last thing he wants is for you to worry.
-Don’t worry. He’ll keep you informed if it will help ease your anxiety, but he’ll also make sure you have something to distract yourself with.
-Movies. You guys watch funny movies until you finally pass out late that night.
-It’s something light in a dark time. It’s better than nothing.
-He stares at your sleeping face, resting against him, and remembers how thankful he is that you weren’t hurt today.

V:
-He counts his blessings.
-You weren’t hurt.
-That’s something he is extremely thankful for.
-The whole experience of something so scary happening so close has shaken him up.
-He’ll hug you and remind you how much he loves you and he’s so relieved that you weren’t at the wrong place at wrong time.
-Things like this really remind you how scary and unsafe the world is. V knows that. So, he makes a huge effort to assure you that the world may be scary at times, but it’s also beautiful.
-He’ll accompany you out in public if you want him to, without question.
-He feels a bit helpless with his poor eyesight, but his hearing as heightened because of it, which means he is still confident he can protect you if needed.
-He assures you he won’t need to, but he would protect you, even if it was the last thing he does.
-There’s a lot of hand holding for at least the next few weeks. He needs to feel you next to him.

Saeran:
-The first thing he checks is if you’re okay.
-If you weren’t already together, he’s going to get to you as fast as he can, whether you’re just in another room or you’re out in town.
-Either way, he has to see with his own eyes that you weren’t involved in the attacks and are completely unharmed.
-He gets really quiet, which simply means he’s very worried.
-The news about the attacks scared him too, but he doesn’t express it besides following you like a shadow. He did that before sometimes anyway.
-He’ll let you talk if you want to. He’s a good listener.
-If you ask for anything, he’ll do it for you.
-He knows you’re scared, so he’s going to make sure you know you’re safe with him, even though he have doubts about his ability to protect you. He’d still try with everything he has.
-Lots of quiet, small physical affections, like resting his head on your shoulder and hand holding.
-It’s therapeutic for both of you.

Not Your Soulmate

AU: the one where your soulmate’s ghost haunts you when they die.

Relationship: Soulmates

Fandom: Young Justice

Character: Wally

Warnings:

Like most people you never met your soulmate till his ghost appeared to you. It was late at night and you were studying for an exam.

“Wow, you have a really good study system going on.” You heard a voice say from over your shoulder. You groaned thinking your roommate had brought one of her boy toys back for some late night fun.

“Elena! Come get your fucking boy toy and leave! You and I had a deal!” You yelled and went back to reading over your notes.

“I am not a boy toy!” The voice seat. “And I di-” You let out a loud groan.

“Look either leave or I call the cops bubby.” You spun around in your chair with a cell in your hand. You, however, didn’t see a physical body instead you show a boy in the Kid Flash he was so faded that you could see through him to your other wall. You dropped your cell phone as tears ran down your eyes. Your soulmate had been Kid Flash, the sidekick you looked up to growing up, and he was dead.

“I’m so sorry.” You whispered out. Wally had pulled off his mask and knelt down in front of you.

“It’s fine. Really I was surprised too. I also thought Artemis was my soulmate. But she couldn’t see me and I got pulled to you.”

“Man, that sucks.” You looked at him seeing his bright green eyes as a few tears fell from them.

“Ya, it does. But at least I have something to talk to.” He smiled at you but you could still sense the sadness from him.

Keep reading

You were both the one I never had and the one that got away. I wanted to love you, but over time the idea faded. It’s been six months since I let you go and spilled my heart into his hands. He made sure he caught every bit, and I couldn’t be happier, but now you’ve told me that we had a chance. The only thing you’ve succeeded in is making the ‘what ifs’ multiply, filling my head with the same questions I finally got comfortable enough to not even have to ask. I wish you never let me know.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: a girl who had a crush on her best friend then got over him, (slowly and painfully) but then got a great and wonderful boyfriend and after 6 months her best friend came back admitting he liked her and now she doesn’t know what to do.

“I want to go. I don’t know where, I just know I don’t want to be here.”

“Is it really that bad here?”

“Some days it’s fine, I mean I have my friends and family here, but most days my heart yearns for adventure. I want to see things, not just hear about them. I want to experience things, not just read about them. This life -this town- is a tartarus of forgotten and abandoned dreams. I know if I stay I’ll just be a shell repeating the ‘what ifs’ in my head in an endless, insufferable, loop. I don’t want that, I can’t do that. I want to go, and so I shall.”
—  J.A.Y.
Let’s make a baby part 7 D|H

A/N : Part 7 of the LMAB series is here ! This is just a little taste of what is ahead. I’m telling you chapter 8 and 9 will be pretty dramatic… masterlist  

“Okay listen, how about this” Dan started and giggled. We were both snuggled up on the couch in the lounge. I was reading a book while he was scrolling through tumblr and replied to his fans on twitter. The phandom’s reaction to the baby news has been incredible. Of course there were some negative comments but the majority really looked forward to the birth of boo. There was a lot of fanart and tweets. Youtubers from all over the world have congratulated us and even the BBC sent us a bouquet of flowers. I looked up from my book to face Dan who tried to get my attention, by saying he had a great idea. “With if we call the baby Winnie and the second name will be Boo” he suggested with glowing eyes. I busted into loud laughters, holding onto my belly. His serious face broke into a grin and he couldn’t help but crack up too. “We are not going to call our baby Winnie Boo” I chuckled after I had calmed down a bit. “I think it’s a great name” he spoke seriously and I kissed him to shut him up.

It was now the fifth month of my pregnancy and there was another ultra sound coming up next week, we were still convinced that we won’t find out the gender of the baby. Me and Dan were going to love the little thing no matter if it’s a boy or a girl or both or none. It really didn’t matter at all. I was fine for it being just boo for now. We talked about names quite frequently though. Most of the time however we just listed really stupid names or the once we didn’t like. I also had a few check ups at the doctors and gladly everything was fine.

It was Friday morning when I woke up early because of my stomach demanding food. Dan was still asleep and since he looked so peaceful I didn’t wake him up to have breakfast with me. Just as I swallowed a spoonful of cereal Dan’s phone started to ring loudly. Looks like he left it on the kitchen counter before he went to bed. I got up as quickly as I could and answered it. It was most probably Phil or his mother. But instead the display showed a little emojii smile instead of a name. “Y/N Y/L/N” I spoke. To my surprise there was a woman on the phone with me now. Her voice was was smooth and deeper than mine. She still sounded young as she said : “Could I speak to Daniel Howell, please ?” I tried to think really hard but I was 100 percent sure that I had never heard this voice before. “Unfortunately he is still asleep. Is there something I should pass on to him” I answered politely, trying to hide my curiousness. “No, thank you. I will call again later today.” the young lady replied before she hung up and left me staring at the now dark display. ‘Well that was weird’ I thought and got a bit uncomfortable. Nothing like that has ever happened before. My mind went crazy. There were a lot of what ifs rushing through my head. I calmed myself down by saying that Dan knew a lot of people because of his job.This could also be his childhood friend or his cousin right ? Nothing to be worried about.

One hour later my boyfriend had finally woken up. It was a sunny day outside and I wanted to go for a walk together. He wore his sweatpants and still had messy bed hair when he walked into the room. He looked unbelievingly hot like that. “Morning” he said his voice was raspy and deep.

30 minutes later we were walking through St. James’s Park in London. The air was still cold but fresh. The weak sun was out. Me and Dan were holding hands as we peacefully strolled down the path next to the huge trees. Suddenly I remembered the phone call from earlier. “I answered your phone while you were asleep.” I began and I saw how his forehead crinkled. “It was a young woman who wanted to talk to you. She said she’ll call you again” I explained. He nodded and changed the topic soon after. We were mid conversation when his phone started to ring again. It was 'smiley face’. “I got to catch this” he told me before he walked away a few meters just so I couldn’t hear him anymore. I watched him, his huge hands made the Iphone 6 plus look small or at least normal. His mouth was moving quickly. The hand that wasn’t holding his phone was buried into his pocket. His pink lips formed words but I couldn’t understand a thing, just the way he wanted it. I exhaustedly sat down on a little park bench. My heart started racing as I realized that Dan was hiding something from me. After years of honesty and trust, there was a secret that I was not privy to. I could be wrong. Maybe it’s just a business talk but before Dan returned my mind had already created horrible scenarios…

Guilty - Pietro x reader oneshot

Requested by Annon - I hope i did this okay, it was actually really hard to end… :w 


    He stood there helplessly as he watched her crumple to the floor. Despite his speed (Y/n) had managed to get in front of him, she took the bullets, she saved him. He fell to his knees by her side, pulling her onto his lap - shaking as he moved the hair from her face. He could hear Clint shouting into Coms for help and the sounds of battle faded from his mind, “Why did you do that (Y/n), why, why?” he pleaded trying to reposition her in his arms

“fast healing, remember?” she managed, coughing and her face paling by the second.

“No (Y/n), come on stay with me” he whimpered clutching onto her

“I’ll be fine, Pietro - I’ll walk it off like Cap said” she managed a smile before she fell into unconsciousness. Tears fell from Pietro’s eyes and splashed onto her cheeks. He quickly brushed them away and looked around before picking her up and running to one of the hellecarrier busses.  He laid her down on some of the chairs and knelt beside her, taking her hand in his squeezing it as he saw the rise and fall of her chest get even slower. He was not going to lose her today, not without telling her how he felt.

She was raced off to the medical wing almost as soon as the landed on the hellecarrier, Pietro tried desperately to stay be her side but he was pushed away in the panic on board, he stood helplessly outside the operating theatre before sliding down and slouching against the wall, rubbing his face with his hands before they made their way to his hair pulling it slightly. If he had moved quicker could he have saved her? could he of moved her out of the way? A collection of ‘what ifs’ swelled in his head before he ran off, he didn’t know where to but he had to be anywhere but here.

———————-Time Skip———————-

    (Y/n) had been transported back to the avengers tower a few days ago, after Bruce had recovered himself. Wanda and Steve often sat with her and sometimes the others but Pietro couldn’t stand the sight of her laying there, pale and weak knowing that he could have done something to help you. “Pietro, please go and see her. you were best friends she’ll need you most when she wakes up.” Wanda would plead with him but to no avail, “its not your fault you know. She made the choice and she saved you. I think you owe it to her”

“I could of moved quicker, I could have moved her out of the way and saved us both.”

“Pietro you know that not even you could move that fast” she sighed, getting tired of him constantly blaming himself

“No, Wanda I could have done more. I cant see her like that it hurts to much - you don’t understand”

“What do you mean?”

“I love her, Wanda, I love (Y/n).” he shouted sitting down hiding his face in his hands sniffling, Wanda smiled at him sadly ,

“All the more reason then”  she waited for a second and left, leaving him to consider.

    Slowly he got to his feet and walked to the medical room, stopping outside her door and taking a deep breath before going in. his breath hitched in his throat as he saw her, she was pale but still beautiful. After what seemed like forever he moved to her bedside and sat next to her, taking her hand and stroking the back of it with his thumbs. “(y/n) what were you thinking? God if I could go back and take the shot instead I would, if I could I would take your pain away but I cant and I’m sorry but this way I can comfort you and help you bring back that smile I fell in love with. See I never told you and I wish I did. (Y/n) I have always loved you, at first as a best friend and it soon became more. I need someone who I can protect. I need you, I love you, I adore you. I thought I had lost you but you’re still here holding on. I love you (Y/n)” by the end he was crying. He kissed her hand lightly and rested his head against it.

"that’s so cheesy” she wheezed and laughed. Pietro’s head snapped up, “You know I think I might feel the same” her eyes opened and she looked at him smiling.

“How much did you hear?” he asked sheepishly standing up

“All of it, I just didn’t care to stop you” he laughed and kissed her forehead, “Stay still, I’ll fetch Dr Banner”

“No. Don’t, stay with me a while.“ she coughed and moved over slightly. He sat next to her and leaned in,

"I meant it all you know” he whispered

“I know you did” she leaned forward as much as she could and he met her lips with his.

anonymous asked:

I have an appointment today with a new therapist I have never met and I'm terrified. I have to talk about everything that happened all over again to a whole new person. My brain keeps telling me not to go. I have so many what ifs running through me head... Any advice? Opinions? Do you think I should go?

You should definitely go. I know it’s scary but it’ll be ok I promise.

Mass Effect Companions After the End

After the news came in, after the galaxy had recovered to a degree that communication was back up and running, the news vids -stuttery and glitched, low-signal frequencies only- announce it to the galaxy: Shepherd and Anderson gave their lives to save the galaxy, to defeat the Reapers. 

And although the companions are glad for their lives, for the galaxy, there is grief. In amongst the rebuilding efforts, they all grieve.

Wrex is back on Tuchanka, along with Grunt, both of whom are working to restore the population - Grunt does more of that, whereas Wrex -somewhat at Eve/Bakara’s behest- is working on rebuilding, and clan relations. Still, his firstborn (the one who survives past infancy to the naming stage, anyway) is a girl, a little krogan who balls her fists and screams loud enough to wake him every time, who kicks dust clods and likes varren. He is proud of her, and her name is Urdnot Shepherd. Later on during the rebuilding process, there is a statue of Mordin and Shepherd, the saviours of Tuchanka. 

Grunt has several clutches and proudly emails Joker every time, to relay the information to the rest of the crews. Joker has no idea where he got the email, but reads out the typo-riddled messages each time. EDI does the math, every time, on Krogan growth, but doesn’t have Shepherd to terrify with statistics any longer, so she keeps them to herself.

Tali’s efforts are torn between coordinating rebuilding efforts on her homeworld, and, using skills learned from Shepherd, advocating to the council on behalf of the Quarians and helping scientists fine-tune the alternative to the relay, get communications back up, and restore electronics to countries war-torn. Eventually they get a place on the council. She gets that home on Rannoch, a small bungalow where she spends a quiet time thinking on geth and Legion, making amends to them. Eventually she visits Shepherd’s grave on Earth to talk about it all, as though Shep was still there. She leaves, touching the stone with a bare hand, whispers thank you. She is sick for a week but it is worth it. 

Ashley stays on earth with her sisters, thankful that they survived although her mother did not, mourning for Shepherd- not a sister in blood, but in heart. She tells Sarah stories of Shepherd, just as she once told Shepherd stories of Sarah. Of the time Shepherd punched Khalisa, the famous reporter. Of her single-handedly going up against Batarian black-ops. Of all the times she and Shepherd drank in the shuttle bay, talking of classical literature and life as a marine brat. On the anniversary of her death, they all knock back drinks, and she reads Tennyson to her gravestone. 

James is quiet for a time, waiting for N7 to contact him in all the hubbub after the conflict. In Shepherd’s memory, he applies, and is top of the class. He never forgets how Lola threw him, and it becomes a story to tell the new recruits - it garners him respect, and makes him seem more human to his squad. In private, he exchanges messages with Cortez still, about the great Commander and all she did for them. Occasionally they go clubbing, for old times sake. Eventually, Cortez remarries. A man he met at a club.

Miranda and Jacob, even after baby Nelly is born, and eventually Miranda becomes godmother to her. They stay in contact, Miranda always keeping an eye on her sister, but also now on her new godchild. Cerberus message her occasionally, and she escapes every time, giving Jacob warning to relocate. Miranda stays on the side-lines, every-watchful, but content with it. She doesnt feel comfortable unless her hackles are raised. Before Jacob’s dad dies, he sends him one last message - a message of forgiveness, and is thankful that, all those years ago, Shepherd stopped him from shooting him down.

Joker grieves a lot in private, fewer jokes, crows feet around his eyes, no more the happy smiles. EDI Notices and jokes for the two of them, not understanding the intricacies of human grief, but studying, learning as she goes along. Eventually, she gets it, that Joker needs the quiet sometimes, a place where he doesn’t have to joke, but eventually he jokes around her again. She feels a weird sensation in her chest - relief- and jokes back. Jokes, she knows, holding Shepherd’s advice close to her processing core. Joker doesn’t forget that it was Shep who got them together, Shep who coaxed him into dancing, Shep who kept him alive. He never jokes about his old commander, speaks only sincere words of praise. He keeps flying, he could never abandon the Normandy.

Chakwas retires, to a small colony in the Traverse, and opens a clinic to run till the end of her days. After seeing Shep’s body, she decided she had seen enough of military injury and wounds, enough death. But, the children of the colony love the stories she tells them as she gives them their shots; such tall-tales of being kidnapped, of the great Commander Shepherd hanging up on the council, of Chakwas seeing her fall in love with a Turian. Like a fairytale, like a myth, but one Chakwas lived. 

Samara, after the war, returns to run the monastery with her daughter, seeing it as her new duty, a new way to uphold the code. New Ardat-Yakshi come to her, and she treats the with respect. The Monastery is strict, but fair, and Samara rules with a new code. One in memory of her daughters, who died. She wakes up in sweats, thinking of Banshees that could have been her daughters, and swears to do better by them. Ever-private, she does not speak of Shepherd. She frequently prays for her. 

Hackett never lets go of the “what ifs” in his head, of wondering if he sent Shepherd to her death. Many deaths hang on his conscience, but Shepherd’s most of all. 

Kolyat is at the funeral, having learned more about Drell religion. He reads a canticle from their scripture, and speaks of how his father felt on Shepherd. That she was a brave, noble woman who did much, that he cared for her deeply. May her soul find peace.

Aria announces the day of her death to be Shepherd Day, 50% off drinks and red sand at the bar, and quietly toasts the woman who helped her get all of it back. 

Liara buried the beacon but still had files on her computer, files containing articles and news vids about Shepherd.  She, the Shadow Broker, digs up all the old vids she can on Shepherd and keeps them private and close to her heart. When she misses her friend the most, she watches them, to look out for the smile, the glint of her eye, the bounce in her step. Shepherd is always a part of her, but it isn’t enough, she has a long, lonely century without her best friend there to guide her. She coordinates between the council and the broker as an agent, getting them resources, militia as guards, food. The council are indebted to the broker, more than usual. Some nights, she falls asleep watching videos of their first victory, of Shepherd emerging from the rubble of Sovereign’s wreckage, and wonders: what if? 

And Garrus, Garrus takes it hardest, but also takes it quietest. His grief is split between rage and sadness, spent in bars, in shooting looters right between the eyes, in practicing at the range. Nobody is sure what to do, he goes quiet, bundled up in his own red tape. He speaks, on occasion, to Joker and Liara, but rarely to anyone else. Spends time in the gunnery calibrating guns over and over, guns they don’t need, but that he is too shellshocked to leave. Tinkering gives his brain something to focus on. Enough is enough when they find him sleeping in there, and they send him on mandatory leave. He spends it on the Citadel, tracking down a bootleg Shepherd VI. It makes him laugh, but he hears enough of her in it to keep it. He plays it on nights where he feels loneliest. The woman he loved, the woman he loves, was all that made the galaxy bearable. The one thing he got right. The galaxy feels empty without her. Eventually he visits her grave, rests her old sniper rifle against it, and talks to her. Just, talks. About how his sister and dad are ok, but that he’d trade the both for one more day with her. About how he is being nominated for next primarch, just like she said, and that rebuilding Palaven is a task he doesn’t know if he is up to. But, that he wil, he’ll do it for her, because she believed. She was the only one who believed. Who encouraged. Who got him, and who he got right. He leaves flowers on their anniversary, and doesn’t move on.

And somewhere, on a beach in heaven somewhere, a hyperactive Salarian Scientist, a sick assassin, and the woman who saved the galaxy collect shells together. They run tests.

Addendum: kaiden is dead but boring so he does not run tests on the shells.

All he wanted was to forget.
Her name, the way she looked at him, the feeling of her skin.
Everything about her was all he could think about
and every thought hurt a little more than the last.
Her face as they parted was all he could see when he closed his eyes.
He was no artist
but he was sure he could paint it from memory.
There were so many words he hadn’t said
but so many he had said which made no difference.
So many wishes and hopes,
shouts and whispers,
and touches which meant so much more than words
All of that and he was still alone.
But she was alone too
and that was what he really cared about.
The incredible woman he knew
somehow had forgotten who she was.
He wished he could have stayed and held her
and told her exactly who she was to him.
He wished she would have believed him
all those times he promised he was there for her.
There were some things a person had to figure out
on their own, he supposed.
Who they were just happened to be one of them.
But all the things he never said kept echoing through his head.
What ifs and maybes that were not worth thinking about.
But even as he flew back home
to all the questions that were sure to come,
even as he left her behind,
he felt like a part of her was still with him.
He ran his fingertips over the letter in his pocket
and thought that maybe it would be better to remember.
—  L.B.
Acceptable in the 90s

I suppose one of the benefits of having been fannish in the 90s is that what a creator thinks of your interpretations and ships is essentially irrelevant to you. As long as they’re not sending you cease and desist letters, it hardly matters if a writer thinks your ship is ridiculous/gross/offensive/wrong. The author, while very much alive, is dead. Obviously we can (and do!) still love them and enjoy hearing what they have to say, but when it comes to how you ship and what you see inside their story, their voice and their power is limited to the narrative. And even then: if we don’t like what the narrative says, we can, and will, fix it.

I think it’s a sign of social progress that slash shippers get to behave and feel the way het shippers did in the 90s; entitled to the ending they want to see, confident that canon will reflect fanon, perfectly happy to lay their interpretation against any other in broad daylight. That’s good progress, and I think we should celebrate it. 

There will always be ships and scenarios that seem canon-inconcievable to most, and that’s as it should be. “What if” has always been an important question in fandom. Everyone’s got different “what ifs” in their heads, and everyone’s got different answers to them. That’s the wonderful diversity that fandom brings. The challenge of finding a way to link up two characters the original narrative has no interest in pairing is an intriguing one to many. Pursuing that challenge is something else worth celebrating!

In the end, the stories in our heads, no matter who put the seed in there, are ours, and we can manipulate them any way we like. No matter what anyone else, powers that be included, think about it.

anonymous asked:

I saw your tags about Qui Gon and now I'm wondering if you think that if Qui Gon did live that Anakin wouldn't have fallen to the dark side? Because ever since if watched the first episode movie and every time I see a Qui Gon and Anakin thing I always think that if he lived it wouldn't have turned the way it did. Especially because the only person who really believed in Anakin was Qui Gon while the rest of the jedi were afraid/kept him a distance.

Anon don’t even go there THIS WILL HAUNT ME TILL THE DAY I DIE, THIS IS SUCH A TORTURING WHAT IF OF THIS ENTIRE SERIES???

QUI-GON SURVIVING TPM WOULD LEAVE SUCH AN ENORMOUS IMPACT ON NOT ONLY ANAKIN’S LIFE BUT OBI WAN’S TOO. Qui-Gon’s faith, acceptance, affection and understanding for Anakin IS A HUGE THING. THE WAY HE WEARS HIS JEDI SKIN AND HIS JEDI RULES, he’s not blind, strict devotee of the Order (the way Obi-Wan is and remains;-/), he’s a pragmatic individualist, rebellious spirit and free thinker and Yoda’s contemptuous “Qui-Gon’s defiance I sense in you, need that you do not” <333 indicates that the Council always had issues with Qui-Gon’s loose interpretation of what loyalty to this body means and how occasionally he practices is. Qui-Gon is the follower of the Force not the Order, whenever he finds it he cherishes it (NOT EXPLOITS IT OR SERVES IT),  and he’s absolutely open-minded about it and the fact Qui-Gon  managed to teach himself how to become one with the Force must mean he dabbled in the Dark Side and still managed to keep himself pure and uncorrupted.

The way he is with Anakin OH MY GOD, there’s affection, faith. Everyone is so skeptical of this boy since the beginning, Padme, Obi-Wan, but Qui-Gon just firmly states: he will win the race, he will manage, there’s protectiveness there but mostly PRIDE, Qui-Gon sees his resourcefulness, his sharp intelligence, his passion, his heart, his dedication AND NOT ONCE HE CHASTISES HIM ABOUT IT (there’s a deleted scene where Ani has a fight with Greedo (x) and the way Qui-Gon interferes, there’s nothing of Jedi’s usual haughty holier-than-thou attitude, there’s wisdom and empathy and practical lesson he gives him and Anakin instantly listens, follows and takes it in, because it’s not disciplining with know-it-all ignorance but it’s offering him advice addressing the exact issues he’s going through). Qui-Gon as a person just makes you want to do good for him, as a Jedi Master by default too.

So, yes, in short I AM ABSOLUTELY SURE Anakin’s fall would never happen if Qui-Gon was the one guiding him, because Qui-Gon’s guidance wouldn’t leave so many gaps unfulfilled for Anakin to seek attendance to in wrong places and with wrong people. His presence in Ani’s life would mean freedom of acting and wanting and feeling the way he was made for.  Qui-Gon had all the attention, understanding, curiosity, fluidity and balance Anakin needed. Qui-Gon was the father figure Anakin lacked, the guardian of life and Jedi wisdom he sought and the inspiring role model Anakin needs in his life to be motivated and grounded at the same time.

(I used to have issues with Qui-Gon’s persistence in referring to Anakin as THE CHOSEN ONE - putting shackles of label on him, but his interest in this boy started with the way he’s selfless, kind, smart and skillful and only then it spiraled beyond WHO HE IS AS A PERSON, plus Qui-Gon’s absolute devotion to the concept of Anakin being the bringer of balance (his last words are about this after all HOW THIS DEFINES HIS ENTIRE LIFE AT THIS POINT) is not only a testimony of his general faith in Anakin, it’s such an amazing prospect of training for Anakin, because Qui-Gon’s idea of balance might have been THE GENUINE ONE, not just some myth everyone talks about but knows nothing about and is terrified of  but ACKNOWLEDGING THAT YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO EMBRACE BOTH SIDES AND TAME THEM IN YOU TO CREATE THIS ONENESS WITH THE FORCE). The difference is when the Jedi Council refers to Anakin as the Chosen One they mean it as doubt and suspicion and unnatural state of things, when Qui-Gon does it it’s with devotion and pride of someone witnessing a miracle.

Also Qui-Gon becoming Anakin’s master and Obi-Wan never having to fulfill the promise he gave him to train the boy opens endless what ifs on how this would influence Obi-Wan. Even though Obi-wan in his blind devotion to Order seems incorruptible I want to believe so much the resentment over being PUT ASIDE in favour of this dangerous, annoying boy Qui-Gon instantly adored would have grown in him, and seeing Anakin rise into this respectful, charismatic, heroic icon with Qui-Gon devoting his entire life to make it happen wouldn’t have left him emotionally unscathed. And so bitter, jealous, frustrated Obi-Wan (perfect model Jedi, nothing else nothing more) meets luring him into the Dark Side Dooku in AOTC, let’s talk about this possible scenario HAAAAA!

anonymous asked:

Remember that soulmate au you did? (Beautiful btw) but what if Neil ' s mom had burned it off or something? If you're still doing hc, can you do one with that? Thank you, and sorry for bothering you!

omg thank you so much for this, it’s not a bother at all!  Sorry it took me so long to fill this out

Anyways,, I’ve wanted to write something from Neil’s POV in this AU for sooo long and I’m happy I finally get to do it!  without further adieu….

(Okay sidenote this got really long oops, but anyways enjoy!)

  • Nathaniel was 11 when his mother and him ran in the middle of the night
  • He was 11 when the first of his father’s men came looking for them
    • Nathaniel had run while his mother fought them off
    • she had come back bleeding and bruised but safe
    • it was the first time she looked at him and told him to do whatever it takes to stay alive

Keep reading

January 16th
At this point I’m just counting the days until you graduate, I can’t bear to see your face everyday at school because I feel my heart sink every time you see me and turn the opposite direction.

January 28th
You were never even mine but it kills me to think about your lips on someone else’s, and staying up until 2 AM talking about your fucked up family.

February 7th
I broke it off to save myself from hurting but I can feel the heartbreak in my throat every time I see you, and I don’t think I’ll stop hurting anytime soon.

February 15th
Someone asked me about you today and for the rest of the day I felt like I could break down at any minute.

February 27th
I know I should be getting over you but instead I keep writing all this damn poetry about you.

March 1st
You had a hickey on your neck today, my best friend tried to tell me that it wasn’t but I know.

March 2nd
I thought not talking to you would make you leaving easier but now I just have these “what ifs” going through my head and you. You’re in my head a lot, and I don’t know how to get you out.

—  the last few weeks have been hell