Being a queer person entails a very specific struggle that isn’t talked about enough: being believed about being a queer person in the first place. Especially for those of us who are bisexual.
This is already a huge problem for people that identify as gay or lesbian, but this becomes a far larger problem when you identify as anything that isn’t binary, especially as trans or bisexual. God forbid you not identify as the gender you were assigned at birth or you (gasp!) are attracted to more than one gender.
Sometimes the hardest person to believe is yourself. I know.
this is my face. this is my faultline. the mirror becomes a map. i swim to the past – new year’s rosewood in Alhambra, spice bazaars of Coromandel, a man with knees as scarred as a bomb shelter, a fog dressing the Turkish oaks in translucence of bridal lace, a hand dropping from a train window like the axed limb of a willow, dusk of palanquin-bearers, fingertips blackened to juniper buds, the mute snow drizzling over a Brooklyn terrace as if a slim garnish of coconut slivered over paan, the Rorschach of my soft tumor. this city is a factory of celluloid. all that film coating my skin. all that dust teetering to cleft & spittle. i enter the grotto of the mirror. my mouth slowly opening - an unpinned moth, the half lidded eye of a lotus blossom in july rain.
Hey, so, I'm non-binary. I've identified as greygender for about a year now. But like I don't think that's really accurate anymore??? Like I'm definitely non-binary, but I don't think the identity "greygender" is quite right anymore and that freaks me out a bit. I might be genderflux or like demiboy or something?? I really don't know? Help?
Hey, it’s ok to question your gender and find that old labels don’t fit anymore. You haven’t given lots of information so I can’t give specific genders, and it’s 100% up to you to find what fits. But, some things you might want to look into are: neutrois (a neutral gender), agender (no gender), maverique (a gender that is distinctly different from male or female). Some people use nonbinary as their identity, not just an umbrella term, so that might fit you.
Everything is a self-portrait. A diary. Your whole drug history’s in a strand of your hair. Your fingernails. The forensic details. The lining of your stomach is a document. The calluses on your hand tell all your secrets. Your teeth give you away. Your accent. The wrinkles around your mouth and eyes. Everything you do shows your hand.