when depression first made a home of me in elementary school, i had a friend who took my hands and held me tightly as she said, “hang in there. better days are coming.”
she was right. i have had days, weeks even, where there’s a spring to my steps, where i am confident and lighthearted and clearheaded. i have had days where i am simply happy, and i think, i am so glad to have lived to see such days.
i think of my friend, and the way her small hands gripped mine, when depression starts gardening in my mind again. everything dies. all my thoughts turn to suffocating black smoke and i can only cry to try to stop the burning in my throat. better days are coming, i remind myself, but i don’t believe it. i can’t see it. living is a marathon, and i am exhausted. there are often days where my dog is the only thing that keeps me going, and in my darker moments, i don’t know if i’m grateful for that or not.
but. better days are coming. i say it over and over and over until i could maybe believe it, because it is the only kindness to be found in this awful mindset. and i will take whatever light i can find, however little there may be.
@murdermayhemandjack Since I’m not going to like. Reply directly because I want both of these to stick together because this??? Like, guys, right here is why those books are so, so important, especially with Jack and Hector and how they interact with each other.
Like. Again, let me say this with a megaphone. JACK SPARROW AND HECTOR BARBOSSA ARE ACTUALLY FRIENDS
The last time Jack saw Hector, he was being forced onto that rumrunner’s island. The last time he actually physically laid eyes on Hector Barbossa, Hector Barbossa was uncursed, unharmed, and completely fine, outside of the mutiny on Jack part. The times that he and Jack were a (admittedly lopsided) team, Hector would make those comments, things along the lines of just kill them and be done with it or whatever, but they were remarks made in irritation, not in seriousness. When Hector Barbossa, on the deck of the Pearl, looks Jack right in the eyes and says, “Now, see Jack, that’s exactly the attitude that lost you the Pearl. People are easier to search when they’re dead.” This was not in irritation. This was in seriousness.
Like, I cannot begin to describe how wrong that must have hit Jack to hear Hector say that without what had always been previously irritation in Hector’s voice. Yeah, it’s been ten years, and yeah, Jack is totally going to kill this bastard as soon as he can, but you know. Here’s a man he thought was his friend once. Here’s a man that, when they met, was literally grieving a pet monkey. Here’s a man that he fell into a quick and easy friendship with over finding a ship full of rogue pirates. And the Hector Barbossa he finds on the Pearl is not that same man.
But you read the books. You watch AWE. And then look at Hector in CotBP. He talks a bit differently. He moves differently. His reactions are always, always slightly…I don’t know. Off. I feel like Jack could see that, that Hector wasn’t reacting the way the Hector he remembered would react to things, so yeah. He did things that would attempt to normalize the situation. Eating the apple was kind of two-fold, imo. It got under Hector’s skin, but it was playful. Which is why I will pound my fist on the table forever and say CotBP Hector is not the real man. You know who the real man is? The actual Hector Barbossa? Remember that guy that told Jack on Black Sands Beach that, “The world used to be a bigger place”? Yeah. Say hi to the actual guy behind the rest of it. Like. Hector was ten years into that curse by the end of CotBP. He was probably hanging on to everything he had left of himself with both hands, and I think Jack knew that. Because Jack knew him too well before everything went sour.
For this special occasion, something very special happens! Something very happy happens! :D
Host gets his eyes back! His sight! Described in the drabble below! <3
Now you can ask Host with actual eyes questions! You can also start threads with him! If you do, you can find him in his study most likely to get to see he has his eyes back. He will still keep them covered around the other egos, unless he trusts them a lot. So yeah, don’t simply assume your muse finds him without hidden eyes, leave that choice to me please and thanks <3
It’s a nice happy event, and will last for however long I want! It’ll probably be blog-canon in the end, so yeah! :3
i have my ipod song library of 839 songs playing on shuffle and somehow it’s playing all the music i want to hear ??? the apple ipod nano generation 3 was the Peak of technology, all other devices are Frauds
after a stupid long time, i’m finally able to post my rmit grad film, for fear of little men! this thing represents 8 months of delirious work surviving off pizza shapes and academic fear alongside my friends, please enjoy