the types as bitches i hate in college and also ive had a lot of wine

ESFJ: that social butterfly bitch that doesn’t understand anything ever without asking twelve clarifying questions before you can explain shit, like i was gonna explain that obvious feature of your new iphone in four seconds chris, how about you chill and stop acting like IM the weird one

ISFJ: that boring nice bitch who has probably never had a unique individual thought in their life. they’re like, solely reactionary beings, the true wobbuffets of real life.

ESFP: that crazy bitch whose super weird but everybody likes because theyre just weird enough to be likable but never hangs out with you consistently because theyre too involved with theatre or ecstasy or some shit idk

ISFP: that sarcastic bitch whose somehow still obsessed with fandoms and superwholock and probably owns a horse back home or something

ENFJ: that starry eyed bitch who loves everybody and wants to save the world or some shit, idk, my eyes glazed over a quarter way through your monologue; besides, it all just pans out to you feeling bad about yourself because you can’t live up to the impossible standards you set for yourself anyways so am i really missing anything???

INFJ: that passive aggressive bitch whos always gotta remind you that they’re the most rare mbti type, and act all ethereal and distant and shit when we all know ur a dime a dozen on a college campus anyways

ENFP: that emotionally dead bitch who convinces everybody that theyre not because theyre so enthusiastic and tells you their whole life story the first time you meet them to cause shock and awe but also to get you lowkey emotionally attached

INFP: that sensitive bitch who wants to be a writer or an artist or something but is too obsessed with memes to get very far 

ESTJ: that polysci bitch who runs for class president when everybody knows damn well you don’t do any real anything on campus and the dean regards you with as much contempt as i do

ISTJ: that awkward bitch who knows they’re not that fun so they try really hard to put themselves out there and just makes it awkward and weird for the whole party

ESTP: that loud bitch who gotta be the center of attention all the time and everybody likes for some reason

ISTP: that angry bitch whose a wannabe sociopath and always telling you how much they hate people and want to murder people for, like, literally no reason like calm down edgelord tom.

ENTJ: that problematic bitch who starts shit right at the end of class because success and proving that they know shit is the only thing that makes them feel anything anymore

INTJ: that condescending sarcastic ass bitch that rolls their eyes whenever somebody raises their hand and is probably one dumb question away from bringing a gun to school

ENTP: that annoying bitch who starts arguments in class with everybody because they think its fun or wanna prove they know useless knowledge or logic or some shit idk stanley and idc just stop arguing with the professor its psych 101 and i want to go home

INTP: that quiet bitch who spends the whole party looking around in the corner and asking their friend if they can leave yet and only talks during class to explain something semi useless and tangental to the topic at hand 

the types as things Albus Severus should've been named

I’m back after hiatus to shitpost in honor of July 31st & resurrect some old memes yay

ISFJ

INFP

ESFJ

ESFP

ENFJ 

INFJ

ESTP

ISTP

INTP

ENTP

ENFP

ENTJ 

ISFP

I STJ

INTJ

ESTJ

The Types and Why They Procrastinate

Because they’re not emotionally ready to deal with the task at hand: INFP, INFJ, ISFP

Because the task wasn’t very exciting: ESFP, ENFP, ISTP, ESTP

Because someone needed their help. More like a couple someones, actually: ISFJ, ESFJ, ENFJ

Because they think the task isn’t worth their time: ESTJ, ENTJ, ISTJ

Because they didn’t find the task intellectually stimulating: INTJ, INTP, ENTP

Mbti Types as Millennials You’ll Meet

Disclaimer: this post is purely for amusement & LOLs ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ 

ISTJ: TRADITIONALIST 
- has a fetish for Mon-Fri 9 to 5 jobs + benefits 
- traditional AF 
- this species is v endangered, please donate 
- has had the same goals and dreams since they were a fetus 
- productive member of society™ 

 ESTJ: YUPPIE
- working 27/9 on multiple projects, multiple jobs & multiple underlings to command
- getting more stuff done than you’ll ever do in your lifetime
- somehow has a neater desk than you but knows how to party it up when they’re finally off hours
- fav type of party is a networking party
- actually has time and money to Netflix 

 INTJ: COLLECTORS
- is on all the social medias but almost never posts
- knows all the tings but never really says it
- v secretive
 - will low-key become a billionaire overnight for starting a very important company that no one has heard of 

 ENTJ: YOUR BOSS
- is the only person who actually knows what they’re doing
- started taking on leadership roles since birth (re: shoved the doctor out of the way to cut their own umbilical cord)
- shows love via loud criticism – is only trying to help you help yourself
- so DONEEE with incompetence 

 ISFJ: MILLENNIAL MOM
- shares so many Facebook posts that fb definitely knows who they voted for/where they shop at/intimate details even they don’t know
- actually writes Amazon reviews (thank you)
- replies to all messages from fam within 30 seconds
- attends annual mom convention just to maintain their status (Level 10 Mom Friend™) 

 ESFJ: FOODIES
- has multiple social platforms to display their culinary skills (STATUS: black belt)
- charming AF but WILL throw shade if provoked
- hair is goals
- listed on Huffington Post as top 21 Pinterest users to follow 

 INTP: THE FUTURE™
- obsessed with the possibilities of the future
- topics all INTPs are pre-programmed to get excited about: AI, start-ups, technology, STEM jokes
- may combust when stupid arguments are portrayed as facts
- procrastination level: over 9000 

 ENTP: BROGRAMMERS
- speaks a foreign language invented by them
- beer parties & philosophical debates are always lit
- pretty WOKE actually
- Nerd™ 

 INFJ: MODERN HIPSTER
- had first quarter life crisis at 15
- your official therapist
- writes self-love/compassion/know-yourself/nostalgia posts for a website
- stares through a window from time to time looking contemplative 

 ENFJ: GRASSROOTS CHAMPION
- actually has their life together despite repeat quarter life crises
- persuasive AF
- “I do what I want, I don’t need your validation … but also I consider how it affects everyone around me and how I’ll be perceived”
- won Volunteer of the Year award every year for the last 5 years; got promoted to presenting the Volunteer of the Year award instead 

 ENFP: EXUBERANTS
- lives off of the Likes of friends and random Internet strangers
- needs social validation through an IV drip
- will most likely die of FOMO
- life motto: pics or it didn’t happen
- golden retriever but looks like a person (cute either way) 

 INFP: UNDEREMPLOYED
- Feelings™
- overqualified for all the jobs but doesn’t know what jobs they actually care enough to apply for
- posts are always either WOKE AF or self-deprecating
- hopes and dreams are on life support 

 ESTP: WANDERLUST™
- bucket-list longer than Santa’s list
- only has semi-naked pics on Tinder
- knows the most important words in every language (i.e. “what’s your phone number”)
- no honey, don’t call them; yes, they’re definitely seeing other people 

 ISTP: SHUT OUTs
- self-employed
- will low-key land a steady 6 figure job for being in the right place at the right time 
- moonlights as a hand model
- credit card ebills show 20% of income spent on Redbull/coffee 

 ESFP: YOUTUBE VLOGGER
- EXTRA AF™
- somehow amassed a HUGE following from weekly 10 minute videos about their day
- will fake their death if no one is paying attention to them
- actually really savage
- sparkly 

 ISFP: PROFESSIONAL SELFIES TAKER
- living embodiment of the word “aesthetic”
- hair/style/make-up/art is goals
- snapchat game is on point
- etsy is only their side hussle
- flower crowns filters 

MBTI personality types as otherworldly/supernatural creatures

ISTP: werewolf (or lycanthrope): Often referred to as children of the moon, werewolves are humans who, due to a curse or magic affliction, have obtained the ability to transform themselves into (fullform) wolves during a full moon.

ISTJ: vampire: A human-like creature with pale skin known to feast on human blood. Usually capable of taking the form of a bat. Afraid of the sunlight or sometimes of crossing over water.

ISFJ: brownie (or house elf): Household creatures that aid in tasks around the house in exchange for some milk, honey, biscuits or cream. They don’t like to be seen by humans so they work at night and spend daytime in the attic, in a warm corner or in hole in the wall.

ESTP: goblin: Mischievous and temperamental, small creatures gifted with magical powers and a greedy nature. They shall steal your jewelry and gold.

INTJ: Lilin (or succubus/incubus): Demonic, night spirits who appear in dreams taking the form of a woman or man and seduce their victims in order to engage into sexual activity with them. Repeated intercourse with a Lilin can cause serious health weakness or even death.

ESFP: poltergeist: Malevolent spirits responsible for haunting humans through physical disturbances like levitating and destroying objects, making loud noises and even harm humans. In their worst, poltergeists pinch, bite, trip or even hit humans.

ESFJ: Watcher (or Grigori): A fallen angel that according to the Books of Enoch fell for Heavens and dispatched to Earth in order to watch over humans. The offspring of a human and a Watcher is called Nephilim.

INTP: jinn (or genie): Sapient spirits with either a kind or benevolent nature. Usually invisible or in shadow form but also able to take many forms and possess human bodies. They travel ceaselessly and instantaneously from one place to another.

ENFP: fairy (or fae, fairie and fair folk): Small structured creatures that inhabit forests, lakes, mountains, rivers and springs. They fly with insect or butterfly wings or even on birds. They use magic to preserve and protect the nature and they sometimes swap human children with their own for unknown reasons.

ENTJ: dragon: Legendary, reptile creatures with many legs and strong wings. Most of them breath fire and live on the mountains, while other are rain and storm bringers.

ESTJ: Leviathan: A giant sea monster which lives in the depths of the ocean and attacks ships to feast on human flesh. Either reptile formed with horns or possesses many octopus legs (like the Kraken) or even giant crab claws.

INFJ: elf: Elves are intelligent supernatural human-shaped beings that possess great magical power, ethereal beauty and ancient wisdom. They either help, endanger or ignore humans. They inhabit forests, hills and mountains and on a misty morning or a starry night they can be seen from afar dancing in circles. Most believe that elves are immortal or live thousands of years, but one can never be sure.

INFP: ghost (or spirit, phantom and spectre): A ghost is usually a spirit of a dead person unable or unwilling to pass into the afterlife. They mostly choose to stay invisible and haunt humans and places they have been when alive. This meets the idea of the “unfinished business” of a ghost on Earth. Children are most likely to feel the presence of such spirits.

ISFP: wil-o’-the-whisp (or ignis fatus or Jack-o’-latern): It is described as an atmospheric ghost light (probably faerie related) which tricks travellers at night into following it and ending up deep into the woods, stuck in a swamp or even dead. 

ENFJ: unicorn: A legendary and rare creature with the shape of a horse and an origin of a magic land. Their most characteristic feature is a horn on the top of their head which possess the power to heal any sickness and render any poisoned liquid potable again. Even seeing a creature as such is said to be eternal luck.

ENTP: alien or extraterrestrial being: Space-originated life forms that inhabit planets other than ours. Gifted with great intelligence and a variety of other potential, are often accused of abducting human beings.

  1. read classics - I know from experience its a slow but steady climb when it comes to reading classics, but it’s a worth while experience to put yourself in world that so different from the world now but mirrors it quite the same. Reading classical opens you mind to how simple but complex the human race is. It might seem like chore especially if your not a reader but you can start by just picking a classical that ficinated you the most  and listening to it on audiobook first. After a couple times of listening on audiobook you’ll get used to rhythm of the language and it’ll be easier to continue reading on your own. Also, pro tips- if you really wanna kick it up a notch, write a short review for every classic you read to help retain the info. 
  2. expand your genres-  Everyones knows there’s a lot to be learned from movies, tv show and music but for most of us, once we learn what kind of genres we like we tend to never branch out and this limits our learning. You don’t have to like every genre but exposing yourself to different styles of music and movies teaches you tolerance and after a while of forcing yourself to do this, you might find your pallet start to shift.  
  3. watch youtube videos- This is one of my favorite ways to not only be entertained but to get a general overview of a certain topic, usually if it sparks my interest i’ll do a little further research. Youtube channels such as ted-ed, asap science, scishow and today i found out do an amazing job of giving you a little bit of knowledge about everything.
  4. listen to people who have different opions than you- I know this one is particularly hard one for most people, but your going to learn the least from having repeptive conversations with people with the same ideas as you. People with different opinions than you will have an impact on how you live your life wether you like it or not; its not your job to accept their ways of thinking but to understand why they think the way they do- you never know, you might just find that the other persons opinion has some merit and might make you more knowlegable about a certain situation. A great way to do this is to watch interviews, read articles about the opposing side of your opinion.
  5. Accept that you’ll never know everything- This is an important one, you may be thinking, how does this have to do with educating myself? well, I added this one because I truly feel like you can’t educate yourself without acknowledging your ignorance. A person who thinks they know eveything has no room to learn. One of the most powerful ways to educate your self is to accept that you are never going to be finished learning, this opens you up and makes you more receptive to lessons we learn in life everyday. So in short, if you want to be more educated, just live! we’re all life long students and that’s okay. 
"The Types Based on my Experience" - an ENFP

INTJ
- Has too many extra curricular
- Low- key brags about achievements
- Will and won’t hesitate to roast someone.
- They type of person to read during lunch
- Books.
- Just a little bit clingy, but in the best way
- “Let me sleep— I only slept an hour last night.”


INTP
- Talks to them-self sometimes
- Likes to make random google searchers
- Master at BSing
- Why do they know so much about obscure concepts and theories?
- My random facts buddy
- “Have you heard of cerebropathy?”

ENTJ
- Tries to control me (for the greater good I guess)
- Great at logic puzzles
- If there was an apocalypse— I would want to paired with them.
- Seems like they got their life together
- A bit of a neat freak
- Will not deal with your shit, but will still help you?
- “I need more coffee to deal with all of you people.”

ENTP
-FITE ME
- Is super intimidating at first glance
- Secretly a softy
- will not hesitate to start a debate
- loves politics
- If you tell them a fact they ask where you got it
- Likes to read Edgar Allen Poe and romance novels
- “ Are you sure? Where did you read that?”

INFJ
- Nice friend
- Poker face
- Everyone thinks that they have chill
- has no chill
- Loves cats and babies
- Great listener
- Has too many feelings and bottles them up
- “OMG!!! I LOVE MUGS!!! I LOVE PURPLE!!!! LOOK AT THIS ITS A PURPLE MUG!!!!”

INFP
- Easily flustered
- Will hate you and you will never know
- Once you know them— they’ll argue with you about their opinions.
- Anime nerd
- Wears over-sized glasses
- Gestures a lot when talking
- Roasts me about everything
- Has an unhealthy obsession for cats
- Self deprecation 101
- “ I don’t know what your tal- *gestures and hits someone with arm*- OMG!!! I am so sorry.”

ENFJ
- Identity crisis all day everyday
- Likes to do power poses
- Will do random acts of kindness
- Knits
- Soft
- Really imaginative
- Will do stupid stuff to make a sad friend happy again
- You can’t not like them
- “A toast to spongebob and Bob Marley.”

ENFP (not me— another ENFP)
- Loves to art
- Procrastinates kinda(?). It just takes them a long time to do their work
- Is very smol
- Low-key manipulative
- Great at fake accents
- Has the voice of an angel
- Awesome dancer
- “ Oh look, it’s a birb. *makes chicken noises*”

ISTJ
- Is in all my advanced classes
- Gets annoyed with me really easily
- Likes to bake
- Has ten sources to back up one fact
- Will binge watch Crash Course
- Secretly loves bird memes
- Determined
- “Baking is a science. It isn’t just measuring and mixing— it’s watching the chemical re- *rants about for ten minutes*”

ISFJ
- Literally a cinnamon roll
- Are too caring
- Seriously they are going to get hurt one day
- Mom friend
- When they get mad everyone freaks out
- Will fight you if you hurt their loved one
- “Are you okay? Do you need a band- aid? I have a first aid kit in my backpack.”


ESTJ
- Law and order
- Is practically the teacher
- Strong moral base
- Does not tolerate lying
- Can see your soul
- Loves dark chocolate and hot chocolate
- Eats the same thing for lunch everyday
- Will lay down the law
- “I just told them to kindly leave me alone because their fake personalities were annoying me.”

ESFJ
- Will appear out of no-where
- Social Butterfly
- EVERYONE knows them
- Loves to sing, but is sadly tone deaf
- Can do really intricate pranks and succeed
- Teachers pet, but not nerdy in any way
- “Hi! My name’s ESTJ. What’s your weight— I mean, name?”

ISTP
- Loves workshop
- Is great at video games
- Everyone thinks they listen to punk rock, but they actually listen to Country music
- Can be bossy
- Likes to wear flannel
- Is really chill
- “I had one job, to finish my homework. Did I do it? Nope.”

ISFP
- Can’t art
- Can write like there is not tomorrow
- Can also play piano really well, but they never took lessons
- Have eyes filled with wonder
- Great at makeup
- Has good fashion sense
- Thinks shoes are a social construct.
- They have a bucket list written
- Has great stories
- “I once went to an upscale hotel and hijacked the penthouse level with my friends.”

ESTP
- Loves to play pranks and do stupid stuff
- Is flexible af
- Laughs weirdly
- Has the best ideas
- Smart, but really lazy
- p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n
- “Move I’m gay.”

ESFP
- Acts like they had five cups of coffee
- Really likes unicorns
- Is a theatre kid
- Wait for it…. they never stop quoting Hamilton
- Great at lying
- Really, really funny
- Loves everything smol
- Everyone loves them
- “Bill Nye the science guy– history has its eyeesss ON YOOOOUUUUUU.”