I wish you would just show up on my doorstep. Not with anything special, just you. And when I’d open the door, you’d smile. And while I’m trying to figure out what the hell you’re doing here, you’d tell me how hard the past months have been, how much you’ve thought about me, how much you regretted everything. And then you’d take me into your arms and ask me to forgive you, and I would without hesitation. Then you’d grab my face and kiss me the way you used to, and everything would be perfect again.
She would have scrubbed her skin raw had the sight of
blood not reminded her that she was not a hollow word, not an endless joke.
She was tangible flesh attached to bones that somehow
still managed to hold her head high, still managed to carry her weight as if
her accumulated baggage were composed of nothing but feathers. Laughter still
died under her gaze.
She was tired, exhausted,
on the verge of breaking to the point of a return that would be damaging, destructive, to her nurturing
personality upon which the world laid its foundations. The bitterness made
itself obvious, its roots spreading and tangling at a speed that had her
beating records yet to be settled.
Shiraz had become overwhelming sweet on her tongue, tasting
of too good to be true, of it’s me not you, of deja-vu – that had her walking barefoot down a memory lane of
broken glass that had once grasped time as sand.
Whoever had established hate as an emotion, as a
physical thing of existence residing precisely across the street from love,
had undoubtedly never fallen for anyone, for anything… had never, without a shadow of a doubt, felt unrequited.
There had never been space between the two – not a
step, not an inch, not a breath, let alone a boulevard where to conveniently abandon
unwanted memories from times of warmth that now had the sun tasting of ice.
When you opened the door to one, you opened the door
to them both – and they took, they claimed,
their space, as if royalty denied of a throne, starved of power, for far too long.
hi! i just reached 200 today which is wild considering this blog is only four months old! so i decided to thank all of my lovely mutuals, who made my dash even brighter with their presence. thank you so much!
also forgive the banner. i was away from my fonts so i had to make do.
this post not only go out to my mutuals but to everyone who/s every stumbled into my mess of a blog. thank you so so much! if there is anyone i missed, i am so sorry and remember that i love you this much.
More random thoughts on Amethyst-Jasper foils: in On the Run, Pearl tried to assure Amethyst that the CG consider her as the only “good thing” to ever come out of the Prime Kindergarten - that she was good despite where she came from.
Pearl: Amethyst, you’re not the mistake. You’re just the byproduct of a… big mistake. No, that’s not- I… I just never thought of this as you. None of this is your fault. You didn’t build this place. I-I’m sorry, Amethyst. I hope you can forgive me. You’re the one good thing that came out of this mess. I always thought you were proud of that.
How often was Jasper brought aware of how she was the only “good thing” to come out of the Beta Kindergarten - being good despite being from the embarrassment of Homeworld’s rush job? How often was she made to feel proud that she was allowed to escape because she was “better” than that place? Jasper’s lines towards Amethyst in Crack the Whip and Earthlings make more sense when put into the context of the probability of the Beta Quartzes being wiped out:
Jasper: Are you that desperate for troops, Rose? That you keep a defect like this?
Amethyst: I’m here to win!
Jasper: You were fated to lose - the moment you came out wrong!
Jasper: You never had a chance.
How often do you think Jasper was told her Beta sisters fell not because Homeworld did a lackluster job at building a Kindergarten, but they were predestined to fail because they were weak? That she had reason to be proud because she didn’t let the planet “ruin” her like it did them? I share the opinion of others that Jasper adopted a fatalist and ablest attitude to cope with losing her Kindergarten - better to blame them than Homeworld, who made her feel special for having earned her place in the order, than to have to deal with that trauma.
But despite her insistence on a dark and rigid sense of justice, it’s obvious it did affect her. Her confrontations with Amethyst were so personal in a way it was with no other Gem she’s interacted with except “Rose”. Jasper still hasn’t healed from what happened and instead took it out on Amethyst as a convenient stand-in.
I do speculate it’s going to be revealed that the CG attacked and wiped out the majority of Beta - it would explain perfectly why Jasper is the way she is in a way even more than the shattering of PD. Part of her growth will be learning that what happened, while strategic on the CG’s part, was not fated and was not fair.
And if it’s true, Amethyst will have the potential for growth too. How would she react to the knowledge that the CG attacked a Kindergarten full of Gems that looked like her? She was prepared to take on Jasper alone “for all the weird holes out there”, and just took it for granted to never question what happened to them. Pearl said she thought Amethyst was proud that she was the only “good thing” to come out of the mess - but how proud can she be once she realizes that had she been born looking like she does 500 years earlier, she’d have been an acceptable target? I mean I don’t doubt she and the CG would recover from it, but if Rose, Garnet, and Pearl did attack the Beta Quartzes - and then hid that from her just like they hid PD’s shattering from Steven - it’s bound to have an affect on her.
Ok, not really. There are many food blogs that have been hard at work on delicious and nerdy Halloween foods! I am not one of them at the moment D: And while I have had a really fun idea for a while now…it is not going to be posted today, like most of my normal posts would be, but this weekend. Possibly Sunday. I hope.
The reason for this? I’m currently waist-high in boxes getting ready to move to California!!! Yup, I’m moving out of state, though SO’s and my possessions will be making the trek out to southern California before I do. For this reason I have had literally no time to actually work on any of the recipes that I’ve been wanting to do (and if it seems like I’ve been doing the bare minimum for this blog for the past month and half, this is also the reason why). I hope you will forgive me?
This shouldn’t be affecting any recipes other than this one (of COURSE it affects this one, right?) but you all will be the first to know otherwise! In the mean time, starting tomorrow I will be reblogging some treats I whipped up last year!