anonymous asked:

Okay forget stydia songs, retrograde by James Blake is a hella Lydia Martin S4 era song and it makes me so sad, she was so alone that season ugH



Absolutely I would love a Stydia AU where something like this happens. I don’t know if it’s 100% in character, but I could see it being finagled so that it does make sense.

Like. It’s after Allison died. After the nogitsune incident. And Stiles is a mess and Lydia’s a mess and they end up trying to take comfort in each other, because what else are they supposed to do? Lydia’s person is gone. And Lydia has always been Stiles’ person, the girl in this world who he most wants to stand next to. There’s a lot of long nights where they sit in Stiles’ bedroom in silence, switching off who gets to be the most broken that night. 

But the thing is, there’s something there. Lydia knew it before the nogitsune incident. So one night, after Stiles comes back into his bedroom from brushing his teeth and slides into bed next to her, she turns to him in the dark and presses her lips against his silently, innocently. 

He barely reacts. 

“Lydia,” he whispers. 

“I knew,” she says quietly. “I knew before he took you over. And then it got stronger, and he got stronger, and I hated myself for being too scared before.” 

“How long?”

His voice is too calm. 

“Since I kissed you.” 

His fingers find hers in the dark. 

“And you made me hold my breath.”

She wriggles closer in the darkness. Presses her forehead against his.

“I feel lost unless I’m with you.” 

And it’s terrifying, for Stiles, to hear her admit that in the darkness of his bedroom. Makes his stomach curdle, because there are a million things that are the best thing about Lydia Martin, and none of them are him. He just… isn’t one of them. 

“You shouldn’t,” he says, swallowing thickly. “You shouldn’t feel lost without me.” 

She frowns, drawing back slightly. 


“Because you shouldn’t… you shouldn’t have to need me.” 

Lydia watches him, her lower lip wobbling. 


“Lydia. I love you. Like, even when I was going around talking about how much I loved you, I didn’t even realize how much I did. That’s how much I love you– the extent of the way I realized I felt about you, when I was obsessing over it, when it was consuming me, doesn’t even scratch the surface of what was internal.” He sees the way her face falls a little, and he has to admit his concession, if only to protect her (even though it doesn’t save him.) “And you still consume me. More and more every day.”

“So be with me.” She says it breathlessly, hopefully. Like she already knows his answer. 

“I can’t.” 


“Because I’m messed up, I can’t… Lydia. I can’t expect you to pick up my pieces. I’m so fucked up right now. I killed your best friend.” 

“I’m telling you that I’m falling in love with you.”

He hesitates. Just one second. 

“You shouldn’t have to need me.” 

“But I do.” 

“But you’re… Lydia, jesus, you’re so fucking beyond that. You are so much better than anybody else on this earth, and you need to know that. You need to get back to a place where you know that.” 

“I don’t want to go to that place again. I like that I’m not there anymore.”

She sounds defensive. He wishes he could articulate what he meant.

“You don’t have to be alone again– not ever. You don’t have to be that person. But… remember what it was like.” 

“What what was like?”

“To not need anybody.” She stares across at him, still looking furious. “Christ, Lydia, I know you think you did but you didn’t need Jackson. You were fucking incredible on your own, and he was the baggage that was weighing you down. And I don’t want to be that.”

“You would never treat me like that.”

“I’m scared you’d treat yourself like that.” She inhales sharply. Stares at him using the light from the moon that is shyly peeking in through his window. “Be the parts of yourself that you loved again. And while you’re doing that, while you’re being strong, I’m gonna get better. I’m gonna try to get good enough for you.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” she whispers to him, voice small. And he hates that sometimes he makes her feel small. He wonders how many times he’s done it without realizing. Hopes this is the first one. 

“I’ll wait,” he says quietly. “Not just for you. Me, too.” She nods, a little shaky as she looks across at him, across the line that they draw together. “For both of us.”

anonymous asked:

Dispatch, what do you know??? Why aren't you telling us?? They're teasing us, Ami, they love watching us suffer! I'm convinced! :p

just an fyi, I bring up Dispatch ironically because the way they do their business is sketchy af and pretty sure them assigning reporters to stalk idols is not exactly the best nor most ethical way to do things. But they’ve had some pretty ridiculously humourous moments.

I remember back in the day (when dinosaurs roamed the Earth), I used to avidly follow the supposed relationship between Leeteuk and Taeyeon. And friggen Dispatch would fuel my fire like every other week, posting photos of alleged “couple items” they had. By the end of it all there was literally everything from earrings to bags to shoes to phone cases to god knows what else, and by the end of it all there was a list of like 30+ items, which is so ridiculous in hindsight XD

So that’s why nowadays when people go “YO. JIKOOK COUPLE SHOES.” I’m like “OI DISPATCH WHERE U AT.” because it’s the shiet they used to do, and probably still would do if it made them money.

Anyways, whatever it is between Jikook, I’m sure Dispatch doesn’t know, and only Jimin and Jungkook themselves would know ;) 

because if dispatch knew we would all know already 

found one of those online autism things and it’s kind of interesting. Like there’s a lot of questions that are like “I can tell when people say one thing and mean another” or “I can tell when my friends need comforting” and stuff like that, and for me at least it’s like, yeah I can tell I just have shit all idea what to do with that information, ya know? 

Like often I can tell when someone says one thing but means another but I don’t know what other thing they mean I just know that the tone means they don’t mean what they said. 

Or I can tell when my friends are upset and I’m supposed to comfort them, but I don’t know how to do that….

idk, anyone else get that?

I feel like, sometimes I play Vivian either too mean, or too bratty, or too heartless. I suppose before when I said she was incapable of love or friendship that was a lie. She is. But she just feels these emotions on a whole other level than we do. Like amplified by a lot. She’s super particular about romance/love because she feels it so immensely. So if she comes off as aloof, or doesn’t want to be around someone, it’s because she feels some emotion she’d rather not. She has more important things to do than fuss over the feelings of a mortal that she’ll outlive by thousands of years. Friendship is a bit tricky too, because she behaves very affectionately towards friends, and that can be mistaken for love. 

Another bit to point out. She does not care about the same things humans might. Appearances matter FAR less to her than they do for us. Because she doesn’t give a shit. She cares MUCH more about your actions, than if you’re an ugly ass corpse or a 9 ft tall gator man. I mean, all things considered, she isn’t really very pretty herself. The way I usually draw her isn’t really what she looks like. I do still need to draw it, but Vivian is barely considered humanoid.

Basically: Vivian feels emotions very deeply, and that scares her sometimes. She doesn’t care what you look like because she isn’t interested in how you look. The more chaotic you are, the more she’ll like you. And love is saved for those who tap into her aspect the most.

anonymous asked:

Chris I really need help. I caught myself last night praying to God, begging him to kill me, to just take me. With money problems and mental health problems, I'm so scared. I'm so lost I don't know what to do. I see a shrink but it's not helping.

Beautiful. You were praying to God. God has you on this earth for a purpose. You are needed. You are important. You are vital to the lives of others and you will fulfill so many amazing things while you are alive. You are supposed to be here. I love you, I believe in you. Things will look up. <3

anonymous asked:

How much do you think being naturally handsome or pretty helps with developing a sense of self esteem and being successful and content in life? I always feel like good looking people have it easier, are happier... I'm not sure why I'm thinking about this. It took me a long time to come to terms with my own looks, I suppose. 90% of the time I wouldn't want to change anything about myself. 10% of the time I wonder about things.

I love this question. I also hate this question 😬.

I struggle with self esteem. At least I think I do. I’ve actually had this argument with a couple of friends. They think I have zero issues with esteem because I’m honest and blunt and pragmatic and act without regard to how it will make others feel. But…. I cannot stand to see myself.

I dislike looking in a mirror. It pains me to see a photograph of myself. Like physically pains me. Embarrassment and anxiety kicks in. I dislike so much about my physical appearance and pretty much always have. Though, I am completely self aware of the fact that I’m not ugly.

I’m not exceedingly or extraordinarily beautiful either. Just kinda in the middle. I think everyone else is prettier, always. My perception of my inferior beauty compared to those around me does hold me back. I’m doing it to myself. I keep myself in the shadows and under the radar like I’m Quasimodo which means I am, surprise, surprise…. Overlooked. Less successful because I’m less ambitious.

So, while I sit in the shadows of my own insecurity, it does appear that those beautiful bastards out there dancing in the sunshine ARE happier and do seem to have it easier than me. You get where I’m going right?

To answer your question: it’s not that beautiful people have a higher self esteem and that life is easier simply because of their physical beauty, it’s that high self esteem makes their life easier and they feel beautiful.

It doesn’t matter if the world thinks you are beautiful. It only matters if YOU think you are beautiful. It’s an inside job and one that I suck at, big time!

Anyone else care to chime in?😀

For an anon :P

I didn’t get to answer your question because I had put the wring answer and had to delete it, so if you see this, here’s your answer:

I don’t know if you’re trying to irritate me, but I’m irritated either way. I don’t think my OCs look like Vivzmind’s, but if you really think so, care to give me examples? Cuz I really don’t see it. The last thing I would do to any artist is copy their style and their characters. I’d never do it and I hate to see others do it. And if you’re saying that they look like her OCs just because of my art style, you can’t just say that. Yeah I suppose my art style was influenced by her a little, but not ENTIRELY. A lot of things inspire me other than her.

Just please, don’t send asks like that just to irritate me. It’s annoying. It offends me to be told that I’ve copied another artist. I don’t do that. When you ask me things, please be reasonable and think before you speak. Thanks.

Everyone: *having fun with their OCs*

Me, continuing to latch on to one canon character after another: if you can’t make your own walking human disaster, store bought is fine

Every Episode of Miraculous Ladybug
  • Marinette: I'm gonna confess my feelings for Adrien
  • Alya: *is the perfect winggirl*
  • Adrien: *sparkles*
  • Chloe: *is a bitch*
  • Something: HAPPENS
  • Villian: *runs off crying*
  • Hawkmoth: Oohoho who's the most emotionally distraught person in Paris today
  • Hawkmoth: *does the butterfly thing*
  • Hawkmoth: Hey you should work for me
  • Villian: K cool
  • Hawkmoth: Also you've gotta fight these two specific people don't let me down.
  • Villain: *starts fuckin up Paris*
  • Marinette & Adrien: Oh shit
  • Adrien: *transforms*
  • Marinette: I've gotta be Ladybug but [other important obligation]
  • Marinette: *somehow does both*
  • Ladybug & Chat: *aggressively flirt while getting their asses kicked*
  • Chat: *Does the Cataclysm to varying degrees of success*
  • Villian: I'm gonna take your Miraculous now.
  • Ladybug: *does lucky charm and gets random item*
  • Ladybug: What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?
  • Ladybug: *Macgyvers the shit out of the problem*
  • Ladybug: *destroys the Akuma n waves goodbye to the butterfly*
  • Villian: What the fuck happened where am I
  • Ladybug & Chat: Fistbump!
  • Ladybug & Chat: Oh no we're running out of time I'm gonna go change back unless you wanna reveal identities no it's okay me neither
  • Marinette: Sorry I missed everything but [random excuse] Oh look all the problems are solved
  • Adrien: [same excuse] ahaha how crazy is that, right?
  • Marinette & Adrien: *Completely miss all indicating factors that the other is Ladybug/Chat*

For those unaware, this is in reference to the events that led up to the Dakota War aka The Dakota Conflict in 1862, where ‘Andrew Myrick, an Anglo trader, said “Let them eat grass, or their own dung” when the Dakota complained of late annuity payments and starvation.’ Many of Americans are unaware that this war happened at all, or the years of abuse Natives went through because Indian agents did things like withhold rations to force Natives to assimilate, or simply withed items that were supposed to go to Natives so they could get rich. (Things that were promised in the treaties to begin with)  They would also do other horrible things like make soup with rotting meat leftovers, getting many Natives sick. I read when they began deciding to butcher the animals in order to make soups for communities (to make sure there was more to take for themselves) when they threw out portions of meats not used such as entrails, if Natives went to take from those piles of materials that were simply being thrown out, wasted, they would shoot the Natives. Lets not forget the other deliberate campaigns of genocide such as settlers wiping out buffalo until the point of extinction simply to make sure Natives starved and attempt to destroy traditional ways. There was also the Dakota 38, the largest execution in US history, where even after that occured thousands of Dakota people, (including elders, women and children) were transferred on ships, forced to walk to prison camps like Fort Snelling, where over a period of 5 years many died due to the terrible conditions. Others were forced to read and write english just to keep in contact with their relatives and “convert” so not to be executed. 
I bring this up not to sulk about the genocide Natives have always faced, or to put our trauma up for consumption. I blog this as a reminder, that despite these horrible atrocities in history (and many others) , Oceti Sakowin people have been able to overcome and now the People are fighting to protect Mother Earth so that future generations can survive. This is not history repeating itself, this is the system of settler colonialism that Natives have been resisting and will continue to resist. In the past Oceti people were known to fight back after so many attempts to brutalize, starve and exterminate us. The only difference now in our response is that water protectors of Sacred Stone have been 100% peaceful, so as not to give settlers fuel to demonize us and do things in a good way, to unify all people. Many are willing to give up their lives to protect water. Greedy oil companies think they will command Natives to shut up, be quiet and drink oil without question. Looks like they have gotten a rude awakening.

juvia of the great sea.

twitter. instagram

but first, some music


So I’ve honestly had this drawing of Jonathan with his hair slicked back sitting on my computer for like a month because I had a couple other sketches that were going to go with it that I never got around to, so I said fuck it

The best part about this was that when I read the ask for the first time I could hear my dad watching Grease in the basement

italeteller replied to your post:I think it’s worth pointing out that Nabokov…

if I may derail, this “old authors using current times fanfiction language” thing is absolutely amazing. do you have any more?

Hemingway: drabble challenge, 100 word challenge, yes the title is included in the word count, fight me, angst, sad, baby shoes

F Scott Fitzgerald: idk what I’m doing, lol party fic, I’m supposed to be working on something else right now, the real otp is despair

Virginia Wolfe: stream of consciousness, tw: depression and anxiety, tw: food mention, not sure what else to tag this as

Sylvia Plath: esther is not like other girls, depression, suicide, hurt/comfort, fuck the patriarchy

Edgar Allan Poe: detective au, everyone’s a suspect, darkfic, this was supposed to be satire, I’m not sure what happened,

Shakespeare: historical au, for Lizzy <3 <3 <3, either everybody lives or no on lives I haven’t decided yet, dick jokes, puns, stole this from Marlow not even sorry lmao

Jane Austen: hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, true love, dancing!, slow burn, don’t worry they all get there in the end (:

I think the biggest thing gamers fail to recognize when discussing sexism in video games is presentation. This is the biggest reason why I can never see characters like Zangief even be remotely equivalent to female characters. Disregarding every other difference that sets them apart, when was the last time you saw the camera creepily do a pan across Zangief sensually massaging his breasts and ending on his stuck out ass? His walk cycle isn’t him wildly shaking his hips. None of his animations flaunt his body in the sense that you’re supposed to be attracted to him. And to top it all off I know that, if this actually happened, it would be done as a joke.