I-wanted-him-to-seem-more-alive

Ok but it seems that Dominique has been really trying to be like Lois all this time.

We know that Lois was a clever boy and he suspected that his parents had Domi because he was cursed (at the point that made him pretty sad just see her), he even stated that his parents considered him already dead during that time, and though Domi never wanted to be like Louis (or it seems) when he was alive I wonder if his death pushed her to act more like him and fill the blank space he left because that was the point of her existence (and in somepoint she knew about this) and/or because Noe was so traumatized that in order to avoid pain on him she start pretending … 

However, unlike Noe I think she remembers Lois and I think his death hurt her as much as Noe, at the point she probably kind of gave up her own personality.

I am pretty interested on Domi right now.

Ceci’s acting in today’s episode (The Real World) was truly amazing! She made me laugh quite a few times. :D Loved her character’s interactions with Farkle.

Same goes with Amir! A few funny lines and a great talk with Riley at the end. Zay is such a beautiful and positive character. I want to see more of him!

Lucas was pretty bland today… I got a bit annoyed by all those ‘you need to apologize’ remarks towards Riley. It seemed to me as though Farkle and Maya had a better way of telling her to do so that wasn’t as cringy as Lucas’ method.

As for Riley… I am glad she finally opened the box of the Riley Commitee and grew out of it. I don’t blame her for being a ‘bad person’ for a day: what they did to keep her positivity alive was rather selfish and they simply mocked her when she attempted to do something bad. Riley is not a ‘perfectly okay with everything’ type of person (which might explain the huge clash in point of view between her and Lucas) and I understand why she ate the cookie (however, it still doesn’t excuse it was wrong). I find it sad that she had to ‘prove something’ to the group because they deemed her too good… Ah, these kids… They are all to blame. >_> Except Zay: he wasn’t there at the time of the mockery and I would’ve rather seen someone else suffer the consequences of Riley’s outburst. He wasn’t entitled to forgive her but he did anyways because he is understanding and kind. 

The little lesson with Auggie and Topanga was also pleasant. I loved it. <3

LONGING

“the one
who will jolt awake
all the unwritten
the unsung
and the unlived
in me.
i am waiting
for him.”
~ Sanober Khan

Longing is that ache, that unmet echo, those unfulfilled needs. It’s such a romantic notion. In poetry, everyone longs for everything else. Sometimes when we want something so bad, the joy of anticipatory longing is even more exciting than actual fulfillment. Certain people seem to be hopped up in this constant state, always with something to long for on the horizon–the next purchase, the next party, the next partner. Life eternally poised in possibility. What a way to feel alive, without actually doing any living.

Longing becomes its own orientation. Just as someone traumatized scans for danger and someone betrayed snoops for proofs of infidelity, so someone who has been deprived forever longs for something else. They can land the loving partner, the ideal job, the dream house and still get lost in longing. It’s an addictive mind-state. Oftentimes spellbound states of wishing during childhood provided an escape or distraction from harsh reality. Intense longing might be preceded by an inability to handle ambivalence, usually described as life seeming “so blah.” Longing is a cover-up for the inability to understand and express authentic needs.

Many times the needs underneath our longing remain unmet because we’ve never been able to articulate and share them. Early attempts might’ve been met with shaming, or perhaps we witnessed another’s rejection and came to the conclusion that honesty results in pain. To bring the source of longing into the light of awareness rewires the brain pattern that constantly longs for relief without ever taking the obvious actions that would bring relief. Acknowledging our true needs doesn’t guarantee they will be fulfilled, but moving beyond the fear that freezes us in a state of unfulfilled longing might elongate our capacity for inner peace.

- Alexandrea Katehakis, Mirror of Intimacy