I-think-I-might-be-laughing-a-bit-too-hard

The Lucky One

Everybody’s favourite underrated characters for the Carry On Countdown


Keris

The strangest thing for me about falling in love with a girl was that it felt exactly the same as falling in love with a boy.  If I hadn’t known what that felt like, I might have never understood what I was feeling towards Trixie.

           We’d been friends for years, spending more time with each other than with our separate roommates, laughing and loving and simply being the two of us.  It was like the two of us together was a completely different thing from the two of us on our own.  We became a new entity, one that we preferred to our own selves.

           Although I might have taken it a bit too far. Because I fell.  I fell hard.

           And it took me years to figure it out.  Why I would instantly heat up when she smiled at me, why my stomach buzzed when we touched, why I would hear love songs and immediately think of her, why I daydreamed about kissing her and what it would feel like.

           But I didn’t tell her, because I also daydreamed about what it would feel like when she rejected me, told me she only wanted to be my friend, told me she loved me but not like that.

           Of course, there was the chance she would love me back.  I knew she was a lesbian, she had told me so years ago.  Incidentally, it was right around then that I started heating up when I saw her, getting jealous when she smiled at other girls.

           But the odds of her turning me down, of our friendship being ruined, were too high for me to ignore.  And I would rather spend my life keeping my love to myself and being with her, than not seeing her again.

           So I burned silently.

 ***

“Does Penny ever sleep in here anymore?”

           “Not really,” Trixie shrugged, “she just pops in to grab her books sometimes.  I practically have the room to myself.”

           “That must be nice.”

           “Well, of course,” she grinned at me, “it means you can sleep over all the time.”

           I looked down to hide my blush.

           “It also means,” she went on, “that I get to keep you all to myself.”

           “What do you mean?”

           “I mean, if I didn’t hold you captive in my room all the time, you’d probably go off and get a boyfriend or a girlfriend and leave me all alone.”

           I chuckled.  “Unlikely.”

           “That’s because you love me the most, right?” She flashed me her biggest smile.

           “Of course,” I said truthfully, saddened by the fact that she couldn’t know exactly how deep my answer went.

           Trixie flopped down on the bed next to me.  “Out of curiosity though, is there anyone you would want to date right now?”

           I tried to laugh but it came out a choke.  “What is this, Truth or Dare?”

           “Sure,” she agreed.  “Truth: do you like anyone?”

           “Can I chicken out?”

           “Nope.”

           I took a breath as subtly as I could, hoping I didn’t look as terrified as I felt.  “Yes, I like someone.  But it’s not going to work out for me.”

           Trixie’s smile wavered.  “Why not?  You’re a perfectly wonderful girl, beautiful too.  Who would say no to you?”

           I captured her words in my heart to replay later. “Someone who doesn’t like me back.”

           “How do you know?  Have you told them?”

           “No.”

           “Then you can’t know.”

           I shook my head.  “It’s a bit more complicated than that.  I’m afraid that if I tell them, and they reject me, that they’ll never talk to me again.”

           “I dare you to tell them.”

           I laughed.  “You can’t do that, I already told a Truth, you can’t Dare me on the same turn.”

           “Alright, fine, my turn.  But you should tell them, and if they say no, tell me who it is so I can go set them straight for you.”

           “I think setting them gay for me would be more effective,” I murmured before I could stop myself.

           She sat up.  “So it’s a girl then?”

           “No further questions,” I glared at her, smiling. “Your turn, Truth or Dare?”

           “Truth,” she declared without a thought.

           “Do you like anyone?”  I cursed myself inwardly for opening this door.  The last thing I needed was to find out she was in love with someone else. But the words were already out, and she was already grinning shamelessly.

           “Yes I do.”

           “Who?”

           “One turn, one question,” she told me, and I saw her cheeks turn pink.  “Truth or Dare?”

           “Truth.”

           “Who is it?”

           My stomach churned as I realized what kind of a corner I’d backed myself into.  Trixie wasn’t going to let me go without getting answers.  I’d either have to lie or tell the truth, and I honestly couldn’t say what I would do if it came to it.

           “I change my mind,” I fumbled.  “Dare.”

           “Alright,” she gave me a smug look.  “I dare you to tell me who it is.”

           “That’s cheating.”

           “Fine, then I dare you to tell her how you feel.  No chickening out.”

           “You can’t make me.”

           “Unfortunately, I can,” she said solemnly, “it’s in the Sacred Pact of Truth or Dare.”

           “How should I even tell her?” I tried to buy myself time, panicking more every second.

           “Just go up to her and kiss her on the cheek,” she shrugged, “girls love that kind of thing, even if they think it’s platonic. Then just go ‘hey, I think we should date’.”

           “Is that how you would do it?”

           “Yeah, probably.”

           “Then why haven’t you done it?”

           The smile faded from her lips.  “I guess I’ve been waiting for the right moment.”

           “Then I dare you to tell her,” I challenged, hating myself, feeling like I was giftwrapping her for another girl.

           She looked at me for a long moment, her expression solid on her porcelain-like face.  Then, abrubtly, she sat up and shifted nearer to me, until she was too close for me to see her clearly without going cross-eyed, too close for me to think clearly.

           It took me a second to process what was happening, and by then she had already kissed my cheek, slowly and soundly.

           She drew back, looked me directly in my wide eyes. “Hey,” she said softly, “I think we should date.”

           I couldn’t breathe, my hand went involuntarily to cover my mouth.  “This isn’t happening,” I whispered.

           “I like you, Keris,” she told me without batting an eye.  “I like you a lot.”

           “How do you do that?”

           “Do what?”

           “Just tell someone how you feel about them without any fear of them rejecting you?”

           “You deserve to know,” she shrugged, “the chips can fall where they may.”

           “Trixie?”

           “Yeah?”

           I leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

           When I pulled back, her eyes were shining, and I was speechless.  I couldn’t say the line she’d given me, I could only try to convey everything I was feeling through my eyes.

           “Really?” she whispered.

           “Really.”

           She giggled like she couldn’t believe her luck. As if she was the lucky one.  As if I’d ever been out of her league.  

           I was the one who’d been graced by a miracle.  I was the lucky one.

           When she kissed me, I couldn’t kiss her back at first because I was smiling too hard.

           But I recovered, and then I was kissing her like I’d been waiting my whole life.

i just found this and i think i might’ve just died a little bit inside, because i love peanut butter, and i wiggle my feet in my sleep, and i’m scared of darkness and i love decorating for christmas and sleeping late is my middle name. And i dont know if i’m perfect for him or if i am him :D