Now or Never

Now or Never


word count: 2.5k+

summary: Bucky x reader College AU. You and Bucky have been dating for a while, but things aren’t going so great. You love Bucky and want to make the relationship work, but does he?

warnings: light angst, fluff

a/n: This is my entry for @jurassicbarnes writing challenge! Happy Blog-Birthday💕 Based on the song Now or Never by Halsey. Btw this is my first fic ever! Also english isn’t my mother tongue, sorry for (m)any typos! Also, why am I doing this to myself?
“I love you.”, you say, exhaling softly and closing your eyes. You wait to hear if he says it back. He doesn’t.

Long after you have fallen asleep Bucky wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you close. “I love you, too.”, he whispers. But you can’t hear him.

Two days later:

You’re in your apartment, which you share with your best friend Natasha, working on your assignment. Or that’s what you should be doing. But really you are just waiting for Bucky to call you back. Which he hasn’t so far. You are used to it though. An hour truly isn’t much. For his standards that is.

It’s been two days since you have last seen Bucky and you made plans two have dinner tonight.

After another hour it happens. Your phone finally rings. As you hear the beginning tunes of ‘Viva la Vida’ your head immediatly perks up and a smile makes it’s way onto your lips. Nat sighs and shoots you a pityful glance.

But when you look down at your cell, it’s not Bucky calling. It’s Steve, his best friend.

You already know what is coming. Bucky has done this a thousand times, using Steve to cancel his plans with you. You really don’t know why Steve still puts up with this. But then  again, so do you.

“Heey Steve.” You pick up the phone, your mood audible in your voice. On the other end you hear Steve sigh.

“I am sorry, Y/N. I really am.”, he says.

“You don’t need to be.” You swallow hard. You meant it. It’s not Steve’s fault.

“It’s just-”, Steve starts to explain, but you cut him off. “No need to make up excuses. I get it.”

“I don’t think you do.” You laugh. Now it is your fault, or what?

“Look, today is not a good day for Bucky.”

“And he can’t tell me that himself?”, you snap.

“Like I said, not a good day.”, Steve explains.
“I GET IT.”, you yell. You immediatly feel sorry for screaming at Steve like that. He definitely did not deserve it.

“Sorry.” You take a deep breath. “Just…, tell Bucky…” You swallow. “Tell him it’s fine. And-” Hesitantly you finish. “Tell him I am here if he needs me.”

“I will.”
“Bucky, you need to stop avoiding Y/N. She doesn’t deserve it.”, Steve says, his eyes piercing through Bucky.

“I am not avoiding her.”, Bucky growels, his stare just as intense as Steve’s.

Steve snorts. “You’re not? Then why did I just call your girlfriend to tell her that you don’t have time for her?”

Sighing Bucky breaks his stare. “You know it’s not like that.”

Steve gets up from to couch to grab another beer from the fridge. “I know that, but does she?” He opens the fridge door, to realize that there is no beer left. Using slightly too much force he shuts the door and turns around to face Bucky again, leaning against the fridge. “You cannot keep pulling shit like this and expect her to stay.”

Bucky inhales deeply. “I am not sure I want her to stay.”
“You should break up with him.”, Nat says, as soon as you end the call.

“What?!” You just stare at her. She can’t honestly mean that. She knows how you feel about Bucky and how much he means to you.

“I know you love him, but you need to brace yourself for the possibility that he doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore.” She carefully meets your gaze.

But you are not ready for this. So you go back to working on your assignment that you couldn’t care about less.
What Natasha said doesn’t leave your thoughts the rest of the day. Even now, lying in your bed that’s awfully empty without Bucky there.

For a while you just stare at the white ceiling.

Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore. You close your eyes, but you can’t stop the tears from falling. A sob escapes from your lips. You quickly cover your mouth with one hand, not wanting Nat to hear you cry.

You really don’t want her to be right, but can’t stop yourself from think ‘what if she is?’.
Were two years all you would get with Bucky?
There was a time where you actually thought he was the one. And you still do.

But being with someone does not fully commit to you, hell, who does not even make time to see you, is not the way to live.

How foolish of you to think that you could have it all. An apartment close to your dream college with your best friend, the perfect guy and a great relationship with him.

And Bucky was the perfect guy.
Handsome with gorgeos blue eyes that you could stare at for hours, if he would actually spend time with you. The right amount smart and funny, you could joke with him just as well as you could have a serious conversation. If he would actually talk to you. He was just… a little damaged. Which was probably why he was ignoring you right now.

It wouldn’t be fair for you to leave him now, just because he was going through a hard time. After all he had been there for you. And that’s what you want. You want to be there for him. But he doesn’t let you.
All of a sudden you are pulled out of sleep, your face and pillow drenched in water.

Confused you look around for the reason you awoke and find Nat standing next to your bed with an empty glass in her hand. She freaking poured cold water on you.

Nat smiles apologetically and shrugs.
“Get your ass out of bed. Now. We’re late.”
And with that she leaves.

Groaning you hoist yourself out of bed.
You roll your head to stretch your neck and lightly massage your shoulders.

You hadn’t slept well and now your whole body ached. ‘Good.’, you think. At least now your body matches your soul.

You don’t want to go to class today. You don’t feel well. ‘Not a good day.’, you think and laugh at yourself. But opposed to Bucky you really want to talk to him or just be close to him.
A light sob comes out. You take a deep breath. No time to cry.
After a quick shower and a cup of coffee you already feel a little better. Well enough to tackle a day of college.

You still needed to speak to Professor Coulson about that assignment. Since you hadn’t gotten anything done yesterday, you doubt it would be finished by tomorrow. But maybe you could convince him to give you more time.

When you arrive you and Nat part ways and head to your lectures. You round the corner and find yourself face to face with non other than Bucky Barnes.

Though you had been wanting to see him for the past few days, now that you are standing in front of him you don’t know what to say.

You immediatly start to blush and turn around. You shouldn’t be embarassed. But you are. So you start walking back only to realize that you are late and you have to get to class. Even if that means having to face Bucky.

Apruptly you halt your steps. Inhaling deeply you gather the courage to turn around.

He is still there. Just standing there, staring at you. Why doesn’t he say something.
He just looks at you with those blue eyes, the pain and sorrow visible in his gaze.

He does not look well.  His skin pale as ever, dark blue bags under his truly beautiful eyes. Neither one of you moves. You want to. You want to run away. Turn around and never look back. You want to run into his arms. Wrap your arms around him and never let go.

“Aghm.” A cough pulls you out of your mind.

You both break your stare to find Steve, who just emmerged from the men’s bathroom, leaning awkwardly against the door, looking like wants to be anywhere but here.

“Sorry to interrupt your staring contest, but we are all late to Professor Coulson’s class.”
The short walk to the lecture hall was… uncomfortable, to say the least. Neither of you says a word. You wouldn’t know what to say or talk about anyway.

Now you are sitting in the second row, gaze fixed on Bucky’s brown hair in front of you.  You can’t help but wonder if it is still as soft as always. You find yourself reaching out to touch it and quickly pull back your hand.

First you are late and now you cannot concentrate on what the Professor is saying. Great way to show Coulson you deserve more time.

“Now remember that essay we talked about is due ‘til tomorrow.” With that Professor Coulson dismisses the class.

You throw your notebook and pen into your bag, straighten out your skirt and make your way to the front.

“Y/N.” You hadn’t heard his voice in too long.

But you continue walking until you reach Professor Coulson’s desk.

“I wanted to- ahm- ask if- ahm- it would be possible to… maybe possibly hand in the essay the day after tomorrow?”, you stuttered, hands sweaty. Great, you couldn’t even form a coherent sentence.

“Are alright, Y/N?” Brows furrowed your professor watches you intently.

“It’s fine.” You brush a stray hair strand out of your face, twirling it as you do so. “I mean I am fine.” You swallow, masking up a smile that is so obviously fake you don’t even know why you tried. Dropping the smile, you knead your hands together, slightly cracking your knuckles.

“You have until Wednesday.”, Professor Coulon says, a small smile on his lips. “I hope you get better.” Leaning forward slightly he whispers: “I think James is waiting for you.”

You look over your shoulder and see Bucky, James,  leaning casually against the front row table, hands in the pockets of his jeans, gaze focused on the floor as if he was looking for for something. Right in that moment he looks up and his gaze meets yours. His lips curve up just the tiniest bit.

“Thank you, Professor.”, you say, before turning fully.

You start to walk towards Bucky, aware of every single stept you make. It feels like you have forgotten how to walk properly.

Bucky’s gaze never leaves you and that is part of the problem. The 5m from Coulson’s desk to the front row feel like 5km.

Too soon you reach Bucky and look up at him, now standing in his full height, hands leaving his pockets to hang awkwardly at his side.

His right hand slowly begins to lift and you lift yours to meet his in a very odd handshake.

“I was going for a hug, but I guess this is fine as well.”, he mumbles, gaze dropping to the floor again.

A nervous giggle escapes your lips. You let go of his hand, which you hadn’t noticed you were still holding, and wrap your arms around his waist, before you can think twice about it.

It feels so familiar. And good. It feels so good.

You rest your head on Bucky’s chest. You can hear his heart beating. Fast and hard.

He puts one hand on the back of your head, the other on the small of your back and pulls you impossibly closer.

“I missed you.”, he whispers, mouth grazing your ear.

Don’t you dare say something. Don’t you dare ruin this moment. But then you have never been the type to keep your mouth shut.

“You don’t have to.” You say quietly, head still pressed against his chest. “I am here. And will always be.”

Carefully you look up at his face, not sure if you whether you want to see his reaction.

His teeth are clenched together, lips pressed into a fine line, jawline more visible than usual.

When he sees that you are looking at him, his lips form into a tight lipped smile. “I know baby, I know.” He presses his lips to your forehead in a soft kiss.

You move your hands from his waist to the sides of his face and raise to the tips of your toes to place a kiss on Bucky’s lips.

All of a sudden you hear the door shut.
“Oh, you are still here.”, Coulson says, scratching his head. “Sorry to interrupt, but the next class starts in 5 minutes.” He walks over to his desk and sets his bag and a fresh, still steaming cup of coffee on it. “You might want to go somewhere… more private.”

Startled the two of you break apart. Keeping your head down you rush out of the room, mumbling “Sorry.” as you do. Bucky is right behind you, following your every step.
“Soo…” You come to a stop in front of a bank on campus. You sit down and pat the spot next to you, motioning Bucky to sit down, too. “Are we gonna talk about what happened?”

“What do you mean?”

You laugh. “Oh come on!” You stare at him, probably not looking as scary or threatening as you think.

“Don’t pretend you haven’t been avoiding me for the past two days!” Your voice comes out louder than intended. You cover your face with your hands, elbows resting on your knees. “I know you are going through a hard time, but… you could have at least texted.” The last part sounds more like a sob than anything else. At this point you are trying very hard to hold back the tears.

Bucky tears your hands away from your face. He grips your cheeks, forcing you to look at him. “I- I shouldn’t have done that.” He lets go of your face and looks down at his shoes.

Not being able to stop yourself, you brush his hair away from his face and behind his ear.

“It’s fine.” You try to reassure him. And maybe yourself. “Really, it’s fine. I am used to it.” At that you just have to laugh. You are actually used to your boyfriend ignoring you.

Said boyfriend’s head snaps in your direction. Wiggling closer, he puts his hand your thigh.

“You shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t-” He looks down at his hand that’s now drawing small circles. “I shouldn’t treat you like this.” His gaze wanders before settling down on yours.

“I am finally in my right mind. I love you, Y/N, and I need you. I have to stop pushing you away.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I was just so afraid. Still kinda am. It’s been so long since I- since I felt this way for someone.” He smiles. Not a small or tight lipped smile, but a genuine one.

A tear falls from your left eye. And that’s enough to break the damm. All the tears you had been holding back stream down your face and soon you’re leaning against Bucky’s shoulder, sobbing uncontrolably.

“Why are you crying?”, he asks, rubbing your shoulder soothingly. “I just told you I love you.” You can basically hear the giant smile on his face.

As Steve opens the front door to his and Bucky’s apartment he can already hear you giggling. Smiling he steps inside.

You are lying on the couch, head in Bucky’s lap, his hands gently stroking your hair.

“What are you watching?”, Steve asks as he examines the TV.

“Captain America.”, Bucky says, not looking up.

Giggling you point at the TV. “He looks so much like you, Steve!”

a/n: Can u tell I never learned where to put commas. All any of my english teachers ever said was: u don’t have to put as many commas as in German ‘cause there are literally like 10000 comma rules in German. Also I hope someone actually reads this hahaha if you read this pls let me know what you think kay?

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 301

Ermagherd guys. It’s been 84 years but the new season is finally here! And not gonna lie, I was about 50/50 excited and nervous for the new episodes to come out because ugh season two…

But I actually really liked the episode! I felt the things I was supposed to feel! I wanted to punch the people I thought I’d want to punch! I yelled a lot of things at Frank because I still hate him! My desire to smash the patriarchy grew three times! It went by really, really fast! Can they all go by this fast so it’s not like waiting 84 more years for Jamie and Claire to get back together? Cool.

Anywho, ramblings are under the cut. I split them up between Boston and Scotland just to keep it organized but I *loved* the editing of the episode. And the direction. Good job, new director guy!

(omfg i forgot how long i get when i write these things and also how fucking long it takes to like proofread and format once i’m sober…)

Keep reading

I still send out good morning texts when the clock strikes midnight. I remember how you thought it was silly of me to.

“It’s not morning yet. The sun isn’t up. I haven’t been to sleep.”

But it was still a new day.

I’d go out of my way to make sure you were the first person I said “good morning” each day because you were the person I wanted to great every morning with.

And one day your return messages stopped. And I hoped it was a fluke so I kept them going.

Until one day I, too, had to stop.


- I watched you lose interest in me in the way you could no longer say “good morning.”

( @readyfornothing )

[Camp Camp posting]

i wanna talk about how interesting Dolph is to me as a character.

This is Dolph. A lot of people in the fandom don’t like Dolph ‘cause at first sight he’s just a walking Nazi joke, and that is kinda true in some way. But as i said some days ago, good black comedy doesn’t just tell a joke, but also lampshade social issues. And this is exactly why i love Dolph’s characterization.

Dolph is the perfect example of how people discriminate others just ‘cause first impressions and how people look. Dolph IS NOT A NAZI, yet a lot of people don’t get that and keep treating Dolph as a disgusting human being.
“But he look like Hitler!” …And? That doesn’t make him the next Hitler’s revival. How people look means nothing, is how people act the important thing. You’re against discrimination, yet you discriminate this boy just ‘cause how he looks like? Can you see the hypocrisy here? “But he talk like a German!” Yeah, and it’s explained in S2E12 why, and anyways, i don’t see the Alt-Right assholes trying to emulate the German accent at talking. A lot of Dolph’s action are took out of context just ‘cause how he looks like. If Dolph didn’t look as Hitler and didn’t have a German accent, do we keep interpreting his actions as “Nazi-esque”? No. Can you think about how many people have this problem in real live, being judged just ‘cause how they look and not ‘cause how they actually are?

At the end, Dolph is just a kid who loves art with passion. That’s all, his action are not fascist-influenced, but we, as audience, interpret his actions like that, ‘cause that’s the joke after all, but at the end, does that fact make Dolph a complete Nazi? No.

crowley used to be a great villain, during which, in the previous of seasons of spn, he has killed hundreds if not thousands of people, turned them into demons, stolen their souls, killed sarah blake to prove a point, blew kevin’s gf/friend into a million tiny pieces in front of him and cut off kevin’s hand, forcibly possessed kevin’s mom, linda tran, who was traumatized by the whole event, and burned off her tattoo, and countless other things im sure im forgetting, all while being an all around conniving asshole and making sam and dean’s life a living hell but now he’s just a pain in the ass pointless character whom the writers use for comedic effect that often times falls flat and as a convenient plot device to cause drama for the winchesters

but yes sure im the heartless monster for wanting him dead bc he has a hamster lmao bye

Day Seventy

-I asked a man how he was doing. He replied, “I’m tired, and I don’t want to hear about you.” I appreciate someone who allows for no ambiguity in a conversation.

-A pair of elderly twins passed by me, dressed head to toe in identical outfits, making the same expressions at the same time. I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they were on their way to the set of a horror film. That being said, I am prepared to run if I see them again.

-A child stared at me. I stuck my tongue out at her. She remained deadpan. I was relentless. Eventually, as she was rolled away, she stuck her tongue out in return. This is my biggest accomplishment of 2016.

-As a woman was leaving, I said, “Have a good day.” She shouted at me that she was trying to. I am so sorry to have gotten in the way of her goal in this way.

-I was caught in the midst of an argument between an elderly lady and her granddaughter. The grandmother, telling the granddaughter that by owning a laptop, television, and cell phone, she was addicted to electronics and would surely go to hell. The daughter, unsure how on earth to respond to this. The cashier, furiously scribbling notes on every word exchanged. I am sure that this woman’s grandparents told her the same thing in regards to her stick and hoop and her sundial.

-An elderly man pulled his shirt up to his sternum. His reasons are unclear. His results, showing off his lacy black thong and unsettlingly hairless stomach.

-I was asked by a woman if we had been busy. I told her that we had been. She told me we would get busier. This is precisely the sort of motivation I was looking for today.

-A mother breastfed her child in my lane. No sins were committed. No children were corrupted. No boys became sexual deviants. A baby was fed. It is almost as if this were a natural occurrence and not a terrible act of debauchery. What a strange thing.

-A man bought a high-end breast pump alongside a Christmas card written to a grandfather. He specified that he would like them bagged together as they were going to the same person. I would very much like to meet them.

-Today I was told that Satan was going to crack open the Earth and swallow me up and that Hell would then split open after I suggested that while Christmas was important to Christians, other holidays and religions existed. I feel honored. I am sure this is not something Satan does for just anyone.

anonymous asked:

So if the got7 members had tumblrs, what kind of blogs do you think each would have?? Hope you have a good day xoxo

omg tysm I had a good night finessing a paper right before the deadline LOL. I hope you had/have a good day too :). Also considering i’m kind of a tumblr noob, i will try my best i promise


  • private blog where he rants about his feelings 
  • will not share with anyone, so does it reallyy exist? who knows
  • gets a lot of questions, so he pretty much runs an advice column that people seem to rely a little too heavily on 
  • no i will not choose ur outfit today, bye
  • black shirt, light wash jeans, and ultraboosts haaaaaayyyyyyyy~~


  • tried to do a moody all-white blog but he REALLY wanted to reblog Zuko with a glittery burn scar. this 
  • so the all white thing went to shit
  • ooo doggo with rainbow ombre
  • F
  • also often mass reblogs shit that seriously proves that ted cruz is the zodiac killer


  • low key running a got7 updates fan blog
  • nobody knows about it & followers always wonder how this blog always has inside scoop ha
  • is super interactive with his followers and they call him dad and he loves it so much
  • working on a secondary bopo blog ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ


  • king of sHiT p0sTs
  • highly inspired by the dennys blog
  • bio: “yes i am jinyoung, professional nightblogger. thx” 
  • has so many reply memes ready in his camera roll, waiting to be chosen 
  • finds shia labeouf memes soothing 


  • random af hodgepodge of memes, original music, inspiring text posts, pics of things that make him laugh
  • like a churro wearing a mini snapback
  • oh but he was doing an all pink aesthetic thing for like a solid 2 days last week
  • guys, i am worth 12 followers including you guys!!! sweeet


  • feminist blog with a grunge aesthetic
  • some original makeup tutorials based on requests
  • finds joy in reading the tags that followers write when they reblog his posts
  • ah yes, more compliments, mm yes
  • made a few bff mutuals & now they’re a full-on squad (youngjae watches from afar: i want)


  • one stop shop for dank memes
  • got legitimately tumblr famous for posting “reblog if dogs”
  • often rick rolls his followers 
  • good nitrogen hyungs (ot6: lol stop)
  • spoopy