anonymous asked:

what would y'all recommend for a dry shampoo? looking for something affordable but effective, my hair looks oily if I don't wash it everyday but I wanna stop doing that

no drought from lush!! you can get the smaller size for like $7 or the larger size for $14 and you don’t need to use a lot. i have the larger size and i still haven’t even made a dent in it but i’ve had it for almost 6 months now


Not sure if I’m going out today or not. If I do I will dress cute. I’m not sure what Paige has planned out. Tbh I rather just stay in and sleep most of the day… just like yesterday^^ I’ll ask Paige when she wakes up, if we stay in I’m washing my hair, I don’t remember the last time I washed it and it really needs to be bleached again.

Hoes please listen up

I am the virgin friend of many hoes and since I can’t ho properly just yet I specialize in ho maintenance. I have an immense knowledge of skin and hair and let me tell you what you need to do to your body before you go and see your first draft pick, your geriatric sugar daddy, your main bitch’s father:

You need to set aside a day to wash your body. Have a full tank of hot water because me personally when I take a bath I take a shower too. I have taken two baths back to back when I’m ready to spa day which is probably why I do it like once every two years but anyways.

1. That pussy clean
Fill your tub with water. Get a ½ a cup of apple cider vinegar and dump that shit in there. Sit in there. It’s gonna get your pH right. Also, naturally wash your ass. This is a good time to shave your legs…
2. Bust out the coconut oil
Smear it on your legs. On your armpits. Shave em. I don’t advise shaving your na na with it because to be honest I had a bad experience in college and yeah. We’re gonna need another post for the real deal.
3. Use a scrub
If you like that Dead Sea shit from the mall go ahead and use it. If you’re a natural bitch like myself prepare a mixture of brown sugar and coconut oil. And of course vanilla extract because bitch, you are sweet. Run that scrub on your legs. Your armpits. Elbows. Knees. For you thick girls your thighs.
4. Drain the toxins
From your tub. Drain your tub. Rinse it.
If you don’t have time get in the shower and proceed normally. If you got all day and a banging album play that shit, watch House of Cards, watch Snapped and fill that tub back up.
5. Bath salts
Not the kind that people from Florida seem to really enjoy. Lavender is my favorite scent. Fill your tub up with hot water and throw those scented bath silts in there, put in that bubble bath and wash yourself. Sing to yourself. Love yourself. Figuratively. Or not I mean if you’re a ho you’re a ho. Sit in there until the water is warm and get out.
5. Some of you hoes are expensive ones and you wanna smear La Mer all over your body and you can go ahead but the best lotion I’ve ever had – I’ve tried every French, Swiss, Dutch, lotion on the market para my mother – is four dollars. Aveeno daily moisturizing lotion. Back when I was a sad ho my feet were so dry the caught on my sheets girl. I bought this shit when my lotion ran out and I forgot how good it was. I’m telling you my feet went back to being as soft as when I was born. No pedicure. I swear by it.

Bonus tips:
If you have that dry skin in your toenails, put baby oil on it daily. They will be no more.
If you’re thick and you have dark skin on the inside of your thighs rub coconut oil on it daily.
If your man ain’t shit rub coconut oil on him daily.
Prosper my hoes. Prosper.


“[About hair] I keep it pretty brightly colored so I use a lot of dry shampoo. I try and keep it clean, but I can’t wash it too much — so what I do is I wash my hair and then I whip my head out from the side of the curtain and I look in the mirror to make sure there is not dye all over my face. Which there usually is.”

As men, it is our responsibility to bring girls back to their proper place. To lead them into their natural roles as wives and mothers. We men do not choose or reward girls for their clown college degrees, their meaningless cubicle jobs, or their supposed “intelligence.” We reward them for their willingness to please us and make us happy, and in doing so make themselves happy. No amount of phony education or career “success” will scratch that deep itch in a girl’s soul: the desire to serve a man.

Manslation: Please don’t dig through my memorabilia boxes, or you will find my rejection letter from clown college. Not that I’m bitter about it or anything. Now put on this red nose and these floppy shoes. Um, for no reason. Oh, you remembered you need to wash your hair? That’s cool. So, how about a second date? No? Okay, I’ll text you later in the week to check. Just in case.