hngg, i feel like i dont have friends anymore
charlie is kinda eh because of what happened i know he doesn’t hate me but i do know he still loves me and it makes me a bit uncomfortable and idk waht to do. anita is too distant she doesnt like that im gay i think idk. christian ,, sigh. kev as well. i mean there’s brian and antonio but like i dont tell brian anything and antonio is my best man tbh so yeah he’s my one friend. quintana and diego are… school buddies, partners in crimes but not like bffs idk ok
i wanna be friends with lucas because i miss him and im so in love with him stil but tbh im happy with what we have i just hope that when/if we skype i dont end up crying because i miss his pretty face and his soothing voice so much and he has caused me so much pain but i still love him
shalyn is awesome she’s probably my friend as well i just dont talk to her much i dont have much to talk about when we’re texting but idk yeah, also monica is my friend but we dont talk about much either
also jun is distancing himself and its probably the age difference he might think its weird that a 16yo messages him idk also legal stuff tbh. same thing with aki. tbh i think that aki just sees me as their //patpat child u be ok ily but not like friend eh idk
but yeah i feel so alone… i just, i wish i had someone i could fully be myself with again and i feel like this started when i came out of the closet and it kinda makes me wanna go back in the closet? but also idk how and… i dont want to.
this is me thinking again that i dont wanna be gay i wish i were straight that way things would be easier a lot of shit wouldnt have happened?
i really miss jun tbh he was like my best friend because it was so awesome cause he knew what to say and he was nice and awesome and we were friends but ??? idk what happened
im so sad i just want friends please i want real friends