To Sam and Dean Winchester, the word kiss meant stained blue lips and hot metal.
The first time they ever kissed was on May 2nd, 1998. It was Sam’s 15th birthday, and Dean was staying with him in a crappy little motel in a crappy little town in the middle of Iowa. Their dad was on a hunt, and he wouldn’t be back for 2 weeks.
Money in the Winchester family was cherished and only used when needed. The only money they had came from scams and pool games at bars where Dean showed off an illegal ID. And Dean had to hustle pool for an entire night to get money for Sammy’s birthday the next day.
When the kid got home from whatever school he was going to that month, Dean immediately took him back outside, ushering him into the Impala. Sam had complained that he needed to study, but he didn’t mind, not really. Because this meant that Dean hadn’t forgotten his birthday.
When they pulled into the 7-Eleven parking lot, Sam raised an eyebrow and laughed. Dean looked nervous, for once in his life. He just wanted to give his Sammy a special day, let the kid relax. Sam saw Dean’s face fall when he laughed, and he rushed to mend the damage.
“No, Dean, it’s fine. I love Slurpees!” Sam exclaimed, probably a little too excited, but Dean smiled again, and it was worth it.
Two minutes later, they stood in front of the Slurpee machine, Dean’s arms full of chip bags and candy. Sam was taking his time choosing a flavor, like he always did.
“Hurry up, bitch, you’re wasting daylight.” Dean nudged Sam, who glared at Dean, just to see his cocky grin and bright eyes looking back.
“Shut up, jerk.” Sam mumbled, taking a cup for himself. He decided on Blue Raspberry(a flavor that he found ridiculous, because it didn’t taste like raspberries, and there is no such thing as a blue raspberry), and Dean requested that he make it a double.
While Sam was filling up Dean’s, the slushy liquid spilled over the brim, and Sam jumped back as it spilled over his hand, and Dean just laughed.
“Shit!” Sam exclaimed, setting the cup down and shaking his hand before grabbing paper towels to get the rest off.
“Put a cap on that and let’s go, drama queen.” Dean snorted, and Sam’s cheeks flamed red as he capped off the overflowing cup and followed Dean to the register.
Dean drove out of town, his cassette tape blasting loudly as he sang along, off key as ever. Sam looked over at his big brother and smiled softly. Both brothers smiled like that at one another, but would deny it if they ever got caught with it lighting up their faces as they admired the other.
Dean finally stopped at the end of a dirt road that lead away from the main highway. The dirt road led to an empty yellow field that Dean parked right in the middle of. Nothing much was in Iowa, except for flat land and endless fields. The sky was almost completely clear and blue, and the sun was shining down, glinting off the black metal of the Impala.
“Why here, Dean?” Sam asked, and Dean just shrugged.
“Dunno. Just felt like getting away from town. I mean, I know we can’t ever do anything real or normal for your birthday…but I figured this would be okay. Little quality time.” Dean smiled, and Sam’s heart damn-near melted.
“Yeah, Dean. Yeah, of course.” Sam smiled and grabbed his Slurpee, getting out of the car. Dean followed with the snacks and his Slurpee.
“Hood?” Dean asked, and Sam nodded. They both put their hands on the hood at the same time, ready to boost themselves up, then withdrew them with an identical hiss. “Son of a bitch, that’s hot!”
“What do we do now?” Sam asked, and Dean scowled at the hood.
“Winchesters aren’t quitters, Sammy. C’mon, we’ll burn our asses off, but it’ll be fine.” Dean said, very sure of himself. Sam sighed and followed his brother up onto the burning hot hood. They both tried to contain the grimaces as well as they could, wanting to seem tougher than the other.
“Jesus Christ!” Sam proclaimed loudly, after holding in sounds of pain for as long as he could. Dean threw his head back and laughed, and all the sudden, Sam didn’t mind the heat as much. Almost didn’t notice it, as a matter of fact. Because he’d made Dean laugh, a real full-bodied laugh, and that felt better than anything.
“Quit starin’, bitch!” Dean said after a few moments, but he was grinning all the same. Sam just elbowed him and smiled back.
“Jerk.” He replied, and Dean laughed again.
The afternoon continued, and the two boys sat on the hot car and ate snacks and drank their Slurpees and laughed and talked. Sam felt an overwhelming sense of peace that he hadn’t felt in a long, long time. He was perfectly content, and he just let himself forget everything that wasn’t that car, Dean, and cold hands against hot metal.
When all the food was gone, the wrappers and empty cups in a pile next to a car, Sam lounged back on the windshield and closed his eyes. He had a lazy smile on his face and stretched out like a cat in the spring sunlight.
Dean watched his little brother with eyes full of wonder. He was sure his feelings towards Sam would never be reciprocated, but he still lived for the moments like this. The moments where Sam exuded a sense of calm and happiness, and it was because of Dean. He never felt better about himself than he did in those moments.
And Sam? Well, there was no place Sam would rather be than sitting next to his brother on the hot hood of the Impala in a random field near a tiny town in the middle of Iowa. Because the location never really mattered to Sam. All that mattered was Dean, because wherever Dean was, that was home.
If you asked either of them later down the line, they couldn’t have told you exactly what made the kiss happen. Maybe it was Sam finally letting his nervousness melt away, maybe it was Dean leaning down and sealing their lips together, more unsure than he’d ever been. Maybe it was both. Either way, the first time that Dean and Sam’s lips connected was on that Impala’s hood, in that field, on that hot day in the beginning of May.
Both of their lips tasted like Blue Raspberry, and Dean’s hand was soft as it cupped Sam’s head. The sun beat down on them, and Sam made a small, desperate noise that he would deny later. They were hot and desperate and nervous and amazed and happy and shocked all at once.
Dean’s lips were so soft as they pressed against his baby brother’s. He’d never kissed anyone like that. He’d never kissed anyone like they mattered to him more than anything else in the entire world. But this was Sammy. His Sammy, who he’d basically raised. His Sammy, whose smile was like looking directly into the sun. His Sammy, who was in his arms at last.
Sam was unsure, but he kissed back nonetheless. He poured all of his passion, frustration, and love into the kiss, pressed them against his brother with hardly any remorse. He poured every ounce of feelings he’d ever had towards Dean into that kiss. And Dean could feel it in the way that Sam held onto his leather jacket and wouldn’t let him escape. The way that Sam’s lips parted like all he wanted was to taste Dean.
They didn’t part from one another until their chests hurt from no air and they finally just had to see each other. They had to know what the other was thinking. Sam wouldn’t have been able to bear it if he’d seen pity or disgust in Dean’s gorgeous eyes. And Dean wouldn’t have been able to bear it if he’d seen fear or hurt in Sammy’s hazel eyes.
But they finally looked at each other, and all they saw was love and desperation. Both of them knew it was wrong, deep down. They knew it was incest, they knew that they shouldn’t want it. But they did anyways.
Because those boys were linked. Whether it was by their souls or their hearts or just their complete inablility to live without the other, they were linked. And it was as dangerous as it was beautiful. It was as amazing as it was twisted. It was as horrific as it was loving. It was as good as it was evil.
And in that moment, on that hot day, on that Impala’s hood, near that tiny town, in that grassy field, all that mattered was that they loved one another. And they were finally together, the way they’d always wanted to be.
Okay, this is my first time posting something of my own on this blog, I really hope you guys like it. This took way longer than it probably should have. I’m totally still learning and forming my style as a writer, this is just how I’m starting out. More writing should be on the way pretty soon!
(This is for Ollie, @golly-god, and I’m sorry it took so long!!)
this girl i know who’s younger than me apparently got married today. i watched several episodes of doctor who and drank a comically large slurpee as fast as i could without getting a brain freeze.
it’s cool. it was a pretty good day….
no but seriously, it was a really good day. :)
- got paid to do a girls makeup - spent quality time with ses - played with prudy - jumped on a bed and sang at the top of my lungs - bought my mama some pretty flowers - watched doctor who with my sister - drank the biggest slurpee 711 had to offer in record time