I was at the mall today and overheard this dude talking to two lesbian chicks. I hear him ask, “So which one of you is the guy in your relationship?” And the one girl looks into her pants and says, “It’s not me. How bout you? Are you hiding a dick in there?” Then her girlfriend looks in her pants and says, “Nope, I’m not.” Then the first chick looks at the dude and says, “Hmmm, guess that’s why we are lesbians.” And then I lost my shit.

Someone just reblogged one of my posts with the tag “Roomba lady.”

“Roomba Lady.”

Someday, I will be “Crazy Roomba Lady,” like a crazy cat lady, except with tiny not-too-bright robot vacuum cleaners and it’s all the same because I’ll be stepping on my pets and everyone will be coughing up hairballs anyway.

Someday I will be “Crazy Roomba Lady” and the fact that I made this post means that day is now.