I-laughed

anonymous asked:

I hope you have the time to entertain yourself with watching the premiere of 5b so that you then take the time to write one of your awesomely hilarious reviews :) hope all is well!

Ah yikes, I don’t know anon!

a) From the interviews I’ve read, 5b sounds like an even bigger mess than 5a. For ten episodes there are twenty million plot lines crammed in: Theo and his zombie pack, Layden’s romance, Scott reuniting the pack, Lydia in Eichen, the dread doctors, Sheriff’s life, Parrish’s backstory/powers, the beast of blah blah, Argent’s return, Gerard’s return, Deucalian’s return, Kira’s fox powers, the skinwalkers, possible return of the nogitsune, and heavy emphasis on my two least favorite characters, Malia and Braeden finding the desert wolf. These writers must be huffing wolfsbane, because they continue to think that more plot = better show.

b) The characters break my heart at this point. Stiles is no longer the sarcastic, energetic, clumsy, animated Stiles I love from seasons 1-3a. There is a point where you can dump too much angst onto a character, and Stiles is a prime example of how you can ruin a character because “we just love giving Dylan emotional scenes!” I loved Scott in earlier seasons, but at this point he’s just frustrating, selfish, and boring. Derek is no longer around. Lydia’s sassy, independent, intelligent character has been tossed out the window to reduce her to nothing but a creepy love interest for creepy Parrish. And most of all, the Sheriff, whom I used to love and adore, is unrecognizable. He is angry, brash, out of character, and selfish. 

c) There are too many characters. When this happens, you dull the depth of everyone. The writers decided to dump in a bucket full of new, dull, flat new people: Liam, Hayden, Hayden’s sister, Mason, Parrish, Brett, Cory, Theo, Tracy, Braeden, and half a dozen kids who get randomly murdered. There is only so much screentime, and the only people I care about seeing are Stiles, Sheriff, Lydia, and Melissa, who now only get a fraction of screentime to make room for all the dumb newbies.

d) The show is so unrealistic at this point I can’t stand it. Jeff Davis always says, “it’s a show about werewolves, just go with it!” But NO. I don’t believe that these kids are perfectly okay after all the carnage, murder, possession, monsters, and death they’ve seen. I don’t believe that virgin, possessed, sleep deprived Stiles on heavy drugs would jump into bed with a coyote girl he just met. I don’t believe that Lydia is top of her class and is taking bio again. I don’t believe that Scott would trust Theo over his best friend. I don’t believe that Hayden, a 15-year-old, can legally work at an alchohol-serving club. I don’t believe that Stiles would be texting buddies with Braeden. I don’t believe that storylines like the details of Malia’s car crash suddenly change to give her character a morale boost. I don’t believe that Sheriff, who loves his son more than anything and is constantly reprimanding him for something as simple as swearing, would let a wild coyote girl sneak into bed with Stiles every night and scratch up his back, and then take said coyote girl out for pizza like good friends. I don’t believe that ten gruesome murders can happen at the high school in 5a alone, and the school still hasn’t been shut down. I don’t believe that Melissa, no matter how BAMF she is, can revive her dead son of 15 minutes with a single pound to the heart.

e) The show is not the same. It started out as campy, original, and funny, with heavy emphasis on family and friendship. The effects were cheesy but that’s what made it charming. It wasn’t the best show, but Scott was sweet and learning, Stiles was hilarious, Allison and Lydia and Derek grew as characters, we saw loving interactions between Sheriff and Stiles and Melissa and Scott, and themes touched upon like Sheriff’s drinking and Scott’s alcoholic father, Allison’s grief with her mother and wanting to be strong. Motel California’s suicide scene brought everyone to tears. Lydia and Allison’s friendship was the sweetest, and both were strong, independent female characters. We saw vulnerability in Derek when Boyd died, and tender interaction when Issac was injured and when Erica had a seizure. 

But for whatever reason the writers decided to toss that out the window, thinking that us viewers prefer random sex scenes, abuse of slow-mo, 10 cheesy villains crammed into one short season, an egregious amount of gore for a tween target audience, break ups and make ups and lying in unhealthy relationships, plot holes galore, telling plot instead of showing plot, cheesy overly-loud music for “dramatic” scenes, and dark themes that far outweigh the “funny” moments, which feel forced.

So I don’t know, anon. Watching 5a felt like a chore. It hurts to see the characters I love marred by crappy writing, and it’s unbearable to watch all the added screentime for the new characters I couldn’t care less about. I prefer to stick to fanfiction, which continues the story as we all wish it was in canon; Derek still around, Boyd and Erica still alive, Stiles in character, Scott as a good friend, Lydia as sass queen, and storylines that are creative, romantic in healthy ways, and entertaining as they are moving. RIP canon Teen Wolf.