Emotional conflict

Right now, I feel really feminine, I feel good about myself and how things are progressing along the gender dysphoria side of things, even though I still hate how I look a lot of the time.

However, I hate my job, I hate working here, it’s a crap job for crap pay and I can’t even be myself here and they use my birth name and I want to leave so so badly. It makes me hate myself, drains all my energy away and makes me remember how much of a failure I currently am. I have so much potential to do so much more but if I stay here for much longer then I’ll never get anywhere in life or be the person I really am.

Being young, transgender, in need of money, and self-loathing is shit. Kill me.

there’s a dead girl inside me.

i can feel her rattling around,
her lungs choked with loss,
heart pounding like wardrums.

she had a laugh like summer rain
until the world tore it away.

(little girls who wish on stars
don’t last long on the ground.)

there’s a dead girl inside me
and i’m the one who killed her.