I-just...-puns

Concept: The Pines family learns that Bill is now trapped in a statue that’s stapled to a tree and they all show up in the forest, stand around him and make endless “hanging around” jokes and tree puns.

“Welp, we finally got that three-sided jerk to leaf us alone.”

“He used to be so focused on world domination, I’m glad he managed to BRANCH out!”

“Ha! Good one, pumpkin!”

“Isn’t this a ponderosa? Looks like he finally found a Pine willing to put up with him.”

“Personally I think all this is a little over-ELM-ing.”

"Can you think of any way he might get out of this, Grunkle Ford?”

“No, Dipper. Frankly, I’m stumped.”

some amazing harry potter pick up lines that totally work:
  • i don’t need to cast accio to make you come
  • are we in charms class cuz you have me under your spell
  • you don’t need alohomora to unlock my heart
  • all the prophecies in the department of mysteries say i belong with you
  • is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me
  • hey girl…are you a dementor because you take my breath away
  • damn i must have had some felix felicis, bc I think I’m about to get lucky
  • you don’t need lumos to turn me on
  • hagrid’s not the only giant at hogwarts if you know what i mean
  • did you survive avada kedavra cuz youre drop dead gorgeous
2

A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours’ time by Mrs. Dursley’s scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley…He couldn’t know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: “To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!”