I-feel-liberated!

6

Initially, I was terrified. But ultimately, I was proud to come out; because it wasn’t just some concept… it was about my feelings for this amazing woman. But now, I don’t feel liberated or like I’m on some great journey. All I feel is pain because you don’t want me.

I feel like the three liberal theories about black bloc–that they are entirely white dudes who are just partaking in some fun, that they are ‘outside agitators’ (another way of saying they’re white guys) that they are actually undercover police/right wingers–combines to make a single statement, that there’s no way that people could actually be angry, not poor people anyways, there’s no way that people from an area could feel alienated by their economic system, there’s no legitimate way they could be lashing out

We hung out, we got close, then you called me out for liking you and then I had the guts to admit yes, it’s true. And you told me that my feelings were real and that I deserve to be happy; and so I thought you meant that I deserved to be happy with you. Because then you convinced me to come out to my sister and I did. Because I was sure of one thing. And that was my feelings for you. Initially I was terrified, but ultimately, I was proud to come out because it wasn’t just some concept, it was about my feelings for this amazing woman. But now, I don’t feel liberated or like I’m on some great journey, all I feel is pain because you don’t want me.
—  Alex Danvers

I’ve been silent for a while and I guess I couldn’t find the words to talk about how the US Presidential Elections had affected me. I don’t live in their country, and I don’t have a vote. But I do recall November 8th, being swamped with homework that absolutely had to be done, and then pausing for a solid hour just watching the results trickle in.

And I know you all don’t read my blog for political commentary, which is why I wasn’t planning to say anything at first, but I realised everything we do is political. Not saying anything had as heavy a meaning as putting something out there. So to be able to at least shape what meaning gets out, I’m writing this.

A lot of my friends are left-learning, but I come from a very conservative community, so when I say this, I’m trying to understand how both sides thought about who they were voting for. And it’s this: Not all the people who voted for Trump are the racist, sexist, violent bigots who are the loudest. I’d say the reason the polls deviated the way they did from the results, were because a lot of people were too afraid to say they didn’t believe in Hilary Clinton and felt Trump was their only alternative.

There are a lot of conservatives who felt they had no other option because they didn’t support Clinton’s policies but wanted a change from the current system. It’s a shame that they felt they had to choose Trump despite the things he’d said and done, and not because of them. 

And understand not everyone who voted for Clinton did it simply because they were supporting a woman over a man. That’s not how it works. She had a platform, and though she represented the status quo, it was the safe option. So when liberals are upset and scared because of the strong acts of hate against them after the elections, it’s not because they’re exaggerating. That fear is real.

And now a lot of people will say that the acts of violence against POCs and the fears of all immigrants being deported aren’t things Trump gave out as policies, not things that he’ll do as a president. To which I say, okay, probably not. But these feelings of anger and blame were legitimised through his campaign. That’s what scary. Because the people on the fringe who previously would not have felt they could do these things, now feel they can.

It’s not the policies, but the culture of hatred and division. That’s what’s scary. 

And this division is what caused things to happen. Because the two sides couldn’t engage each other, because the left and the right began to typecast and label and shut down each other. And that’s probably what pushed people in the middle to the more extreme ends. It’s scary identifying as a conservative in the age when the word has been synonymous with bigotry, religious fanaticism, and being totally against giving people rights.

I would hope that Americans don’t end up further dividing because of this. My heart goes out to the women, LGBTQIs, POCs, and immigrants who now feel they don’t belong in their own country. To them I say the people who in majority voted for the candidate who stood for you are still there. The people who voted for her opponent despite their candidate’s flaws, likely as disgusted by what he’s done as you are, are still there. 

I quoted Sartre before and said, “Hell is other people,” and I truly believe that. But I believe in the contrary as well. America to me and to a lot of people still represents a country of opportunity, where by and large change happens for the better. I hope that all of you drown out those who hate, refuse to stand for it, and keep moving forward. 

Because feeling that animosity right now sucks. It shows that those feelings against everyone outside the “us” were always there but repressed. It’s a cultural shift that’s needed. I won’t lecture, because I don’t have the right, but I am one with all of you in the hope that you continue feeling safe and like you matter in your own country.

You know what meme I really wish would die already? The “Holistic Crystal Jill Stein” meme.

She’s a Harvard educated medical doctor for fucksake.

It’s just flippant and dismissive and it makes me really concerned that liberals are not learning why people don’t like them in the first place (I’ll give you a hint: it’s that very same dismissiviness and holier-than-thou attitude)

Oh my gods, what a wild ride. So I went outside for a walk after dinner, the weather was cloudy but fine. Ahead of me was bright and crystal clear. Then I turn around and it’s pitch black–It was all so sudden. In a few moments the wind was picking up rapidly and it howled with such intensity. Then it hailed so hard and everything went dark. The wind was almost knocking me over as I ran. I couldn’t see a thing. Ice was hitting my face and boy, did it hurt. To make things even more intense, a flash of white appeared and thunder boomed! 

Gosh–I barely made it home. 

Is it wrong to think of the experience as exciting? Is this what Skyrim feels like? Any minute I felt like a Frost Dragon would appear, literally. 

fjdkf I told my mom I’m bi in the parking garage about 2 minutes before she drove off to the airport and her response was, “Okay. You know I had a girlfriend once in grad school.” Mind you - my parents were supposedly dating long distance in grad school. So she’s like “well, your dad had a girlfriend too so don’t worry it wasn’t a Thing.” Anyways it was like….surreal? I really don’t know jack shit about my parents’ life before they had me and my sister. And then she was like “this isn’t a big deal, rose. As long as you’re happy, then your whole family will be happy for you. But maybe that’s just me being an east coast liberal elite!” and then we laughed and hugged and I said goodbye :-))) good stuff!

Lol that needy friend joke honestly reminds me of the stigma dropping a needy friend has on Tumblr

Like I understand most of y'all have/pretend to have conditions that explain the toxicness and can’t help the destructive behavior but nobody’s obligated to deal with it just because they’re “neurotypical”

Your friend can be as much of a fucking normie as you’d like but a constant exposure to a detrimental non-rewarding friendship WILL break them down. If hanging around your toxic persona is putting their mental and emotional health in jeopardy they have every right to leave.

i have an issue with that “serial killer vs shoplifting fandoms whoever wins gets a new guidance counselor” post

like it implies that the people who practically worship white nationalists/pedophiles/rapists/overall MURDERERS are comparable on the same level as people who steal petty shit from big businesses that have loss prevention. like… theyre not on the same level at all.

hell, i support shoplifting if the person who shoplifts is in need of it and in some other cases. but i wont deny that most people in the shoplifting fandom are bourgeois teenagers seeking thrills and material goods without any motive or justifying reason. im anticapitalist so yeah go ahead but more often than not youre just making yourself look douchey.

but still, these kids arent trying to make an angel out of dylann roof so i really dont like that post comparing the two groups

Of course my first contribution to the mchanzo fandom would be this monstrosity (the original comic was going to be about Mccrees native side of the family teaching him drinking games instead of ball games but then this happened)

Also if ur here for the Mchanzone I’m sorry my shitty oc is on the side there just ignore that

For liberals to think about

Make note that I am not a conservative; I am a leftist. This is not meant as an attack but as a criticism—and a call to leftism because I feel liberalism just isn’t good enough to meaningfully help people during this stressful time.

  • Liberalism does little to fight growing fascism and in fact tends to sanction it under the guise of freedom of expression.
  • Liberals focus on helping people through minimum alteration to the status quo—they like capitalism and the class system and the law. They are reluctant to change these structures themselves and opt to edit things within these structures.
  • Liberalism focuses heavily on ideas and not material realities. For instance: protests and voting do little but demonstrate ideas, instead of helping marginalized people in a quicker and more impactful manner (i.e. volunteering, local organizing to help the community, etc).

Leftists feel free to add on or reblog.

I feel like peak liberalism is burning New Balance shoes cause the CEO said Trump’s policies of bringing more manufacturing to America was a good thing, yet Nike have been using literal sweatshops for decades and no one cares lmao

Alex: No Maggie, we’re not friends. 

Maggie: Wow okay, I’m lost. What happened?

Alex: We hung out, we got close. Then you called me out for liking you and then I had the guts to admit yes, it’s true. And you told me that my feelings were real and that I deserved to be happy. And so I thought that you meant that I deserve to be happy with you

Maggie: Alex

Alex: No no, I’m not done. Because then you convinced me to come out to my sister and I did. Because I was sure of one thing and that was my feelings for you. Initially, I was terrified but ultimately I was proud to come out because it wasn’t just some concept it was about my feelings for this amazing woman. But now I dont feel liberated or like I’m on some great journey. All i feel is pain because you don’t want me

Maggie: Oh, Alex. That’s not why I…

Alex: Just save it. That’s not what is important right now