Feeling warm (Hernan and Kirk headcanon #5)
Okay so I was scrolling through tumblr today and found this wonderful, wonderful art done by the unbelievably talented @scumashslanderson. Needless to say, the art preoccupied my mind the whole day, because it’s really amazingly done, it made my heart jump like crazy and I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. So this happened.
Kirk closes his eyes and turns his head towards the dark sky. He can feel the snow falling onto his face. He feels nothing. Kirk would’ve never thought he’d miss the cold, prickling sensation.
“What are you doing out here?” The voice pulls Kirk out of his own thoughts and he blinks before turning to face Hernan.
“Aren’t you supposed to be inside with your family?” He asks, quiet and as neutral as he can. Hernan is. He’s not around his family as often as he would want to be, Kirk knows that. He doesn’t want the man wasting his time out here with him, when he could talk to Valentina and the kids.
“You’re supposed to be inside too.” Hernan says as he comes closer, head leant to the side, a sign that he’s waiting for an explanation from Kirk and is not leaving without it. Not really the way Kirk would prefer to do this, but it doesn’t seem like he has much of a choice.
“I thought you might enjoy spending some time alone with them.” Kirk admits. Hernan frowns and Kirk can’t face whatever the expression will come. His eyes slip to the snow covering the ground around his feet and he takes a deep breath.
“I know what you’re doing.” He says quietly. “I’m okay. It’s not a big deal. I would be alright at the tower too.”
“Would you?” Hernan asks, his voice closer than before. Kirk’s not sure if he used his superspeed or if Kirk himself was just so distracted, but when he lifts his head once again, Hernan’s standing in front of him, and moving even closer. “This is your first Christmas without Tina and Magnus.”
Kirk knows that. Of course he does. He’s well aware of that. He knows that there won’t be any teasing from Magnus, any smiles from Tina. He knows there won’t be sitting in front of the fire, there won’t be those two pushing Kirk into opening the presents. There won’t be faking surprise (or as much as he was able to do that) while Tina and Magnus look all too proud with themselves.
No, that’s wrong. There wasn’t that for a long time now, not with Magnus… there wasn’t Tina for a long time, and once again Kirk wonders. Maybe, if Kirk noticed, Magnus would pick a different way for himself. Maybe if Kirk noticed, at least one of his friends would still be around. How could he not notice anyway? Tina was… Tina was everything at one point. She was the one that understood Kirk without him even needing to say anything. Tina was trying to help him, when Kirk was still hating the world around him, hating himself and Kirk let her down. She didn’t even get to have a normal funeral. Kirk should’ve noticed something was wrong. It was all his own fault and –
“It was not your fault.” Hernan frowns, his hand cupping Kirk’s cheek and frowning down at him. “There is no way you could’ve known.”
That’s not right. That’s totally and right and Kirk opens his mouth to tell Hernan just that, but the man swoops in, kissing him, the warmth of Hernan’s lips tingling on Kirk’s own, making his heart beat quicker in his chest and Kirk tells himself it’s Hernan’s hands that keep his face prisoner. All too soon Hernan breaks the kiss, before pressing their foreheads together, smiling down at Kirk and brushing his thumbs over Kirk’s cold cheeks.
“One day, I’m going to make you believe it.”
Kirk doesn’t doubt that. It feels like Hernan has this tremendous power over Kirk, commandeering his thoughts, steering them into so many directions. Kirk has no doubts that Hernan will manage to make him feel less guilty. And he fears that day already.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” Hernan pulls away, his hands disappearing in his coat and Kirk says himself he doesn’t miss their warmth already. Then they are back, and Kirk stares at the scarf Hernan’s tying around his neck. “Val asked me to bring this to you. It was supposed to be your Christmas present, but she thinks you look too cold out here.”
Kirk blinks and his fingers curl into the fabric of the scarf. It’s soft and warm, there are small bat symbols at the end and Kirk’s chest tightens.
“Why would she do this?” He asks, honestly confused. Hernan doesn’t roll his eyes at him, just smiles again.
“Because you’re family.” Hernan points out. He’s not trying to persuade Kirk, he’s just stating what he believes and it feels so overwhelming, that Kirk’s positive he can’t breathe. His chest’s still rising and falling though, his vision doesn’t black out and he swallows, before turning away from Hernan, telling himself it’s the strong wind that makes his eyes sting.
Kirk can feel Hernan moving up to him, his arms curling around Kirk’s waist.
“Should we go inside?” Hernan asks, and Kirk shakes his head, before leaning back against Hernan’s chest.
“Not just yet. I want to watch the snow for a moment.”
It’s impossible for Kirk to feel cold anymore. But he doesn’t remember feeling this warm ever before.