Get in the shower. Stand completely still, let the hot water run over you. Close your eyes. Feel your toes. Your ankles. Shins, knees, thighs, waist, stomach, chest, arms, hands, neck, face. Be in tune with every part of your body. You are here. You are a living, breathing part of the earth. You’re doing just fine.
I blame myself for the abuse i experienced. I grew up too fast and was asking for it. No one has ever just let me be. Verbal, emotional, mental and physical abuse follow me no matter where i go and how old i get. I may cause this but I don’t understand what i did that was so wrong other than to have been born. I don’t see how life will ever get better, how can it?
It doesn’t matter what I say because deep in my soul I know the truth. I can lie, tell myself and everyone around me that you don’t mean anything to me, that you never cross my mind. I can do that but I can’t believe it. I know it’s all a lie, I know the truth about your importance to me. You wronged me when I only did you right. I just can’t get it through my head. I’m working on it, really I am; but until then, sure, I can lie.
Imagine: Len and Mick rob a chocolate shop. Barry has no idea what’s going on, especially when they lead with: “Hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt.”
Len shrugs at him, “Lisa.” Barry lets them go home with four pounds of assorted chocolates. He doesn’t want Len and Mick to die just yet. There goes his salary for the month, but no one wants an angry Lisa after them.