Another long day at work– just lying here– don’t want to go straight to sleep to get that day job hamster wheel spinning all over again (that’s a saying, right?)– so I’m just reading nerds crazy-overreact to Joss Whedon quitting twitter, like hysterically overreacting, which I just really am finding enormously entertaining.
It’s just all the Very Worst people on the internet going “We told you so” to the imaginary “SJWS” that live in their heads, at the top of their lungs, like Joss Whedon’s departure is somehow a sign of some kind of Dipshit Rapture where Shitheads inherit the Earth. And it’s them combined with the most “what does this all mean– the answer can only lie two miles up my own asshole” end of Twerp Culture, people who are just having some kind of nervous breakdown that their internet 24/7 twerp circlejerk somehow by some miracle went awry (even though that happens like every month– but this time it happened for some famous dude instead of some random vulnerable woman movie critic who’s usually the person taking things in the neck, so it matters this time…?). “We’re supposed to be the good people” – twerps, constantly, despite just PILES of evidence to the contrary, piles and piles and piles and piles.
Or just all the douchebag twerps who think having had some tiny modicum of success selling shoddy twerp crap to mentally under-nourished twerps makes them the Lecturer Twerps, like the twerps we all need to look to for guidance– “Finally, an opportunity for me to give a lecture from my Twerp Throne– finally, it is time for James Gunn to teach people about how to live proper lives. You’ve met James Gunn, film autuer– now meet James Gunn, inspirational lifecoach.” Imagine being tied up inside of a Wicker Man or on a pile of sticks, a pyre, whatever you call it, and just hearing “meet James Gunn” gently whispered in your ear before someone lights a match. That horrible terror not just that you’ll burn to death but that you might have to watch Slither before the smoke inhalation from your burning flesh knocks you out. Insult to injury!
My favorite was Joe Carnahan seeing Joss Whedon quitting twitter as an opportunity to remind us what a fucking macho dude he is (”Dear Fuckstick Fanboy & Girl” ooooh so macho muyest macho) because when you think of what kind of qualities a Macho Tough Guy Auteur has, “caring who they gets to tweet at” is definitely at the top of any sane person’s list. I hope defending tweets from fuckstick fanboys is the premise for Joe Carnahan’s next Jeremy Piven movie about being macho.
I just really love that THIS is the conversation about online harassment people want to have. Remember when video game nerds made a lady live in an elevator shaft last summer because she didn’t like Super Marios Bros enough or whatever? That was a bummer and all, but obviously Joss Whedon not telling people about how his farts smell is the real tragedy here– that’s one step too far. (Complete tangent: did you see those tweets of Jeffrey Tambor randomly asking airlines to help him with his life? What an adorable senile old man, and also someday we will all be old and so confused, so so confused, all will be confusion).
On the other hand, those sinister hooded women standing outside of Patton Oswalt’s home at all hours of the day, slowly raising their woman-fingers to point at him when he peaks his little round dumpling head out from behind his curtains– what’s going on with those ladies? Why won’t the sinister hooded women leave Patton Oswalt alone?? He just wants to be a guest actor on your C-rated television shows, and
minorities The American Taliban just had to go and ruin it.
And of course, comic people– I never understand those people, but a lot of that’s just me having a bad memory of stuff I never knew a lot about to begin with. Watching Career Nobodies freak out about the Scourge of Internet Harassment– but I keep thinking, “I thought the rap with so-and-so is he used to stalk people’s Livejournals to pick fights with them, if he didn’t like what you were saying about his comics online…? Am I thinking of someone else? Was that the story?” Like, I can only remember so much and I can’t remember if I got my weirdos straight, or if I’m confusing Dan Slott with someone else, or what the story was where when. I never really paid attention to that stuff that much to begin with– I was busy having opinions about flour brands when Dan Slott was having his career, deciding on which flour brand I want to use seemed like a mor worthwhile subject to have opinions about– so who knows. Don’t really trust comic people on this one, though…
I’m enjoying it all very, very much. I hope Joss Whedon doesn’t go and ruin it – his “it wasn’t the feminists– though they sure are awful– by the way, I totally am one” thing is so garbled, that I’m hoping this goes at least another week, at least. Never sleep again!