I haven’t met someone that makes me feel complete. I should scratch that. When you enter a relationship you should already be complete. That being said, I haven’t met someone who adds value to my life. Perhaps, I am narcissistic in thinking that I’m too good for anyone. The fact of the matter is that fought hard to become who I am today. I thought hard to love myself. I was a flower who wanted to bloom, but people mercilessly stepped over me. I had to learn to forgive and love. Eventually, I became whole.
But, I have yet to meet that person who makes my sparks go off. Who tickles my fancy. Who challenges me in ways that I never been challenged. Who pushes the barriers of what can be done. You see, I’m a crazy dreamer. I want to push boundaries. I can’t have someone who is safe. Conventional. I need someone to who is able to look at a blank white canvas with me and see grounds emerge, streams of rivers and oceans.
Half of my humour is self-deprecating and the other half is self-inflating.
One minute it’ll be “flawless” as I walk into the room and then I’ll just point at a bin and be like “me.”
Like, wtf am I, a self loathing narcissist!?
How come mister doesn't have a little ? 😮 He's da perfect dadda!!
I get this question like every day…. so I will put things plain.
I am a lot to deal with.
I have agoraphobia. (look it up) combined with anxiety and paranoia disorders. this causes me to be extremely guarded, especially when it comes to most personal details about myself. It gives me great anxiety to reveal things… because I always think people are going to turn on me, come to get me, or otherwise take me from my safety.
My safety circle is a small radius that encompasses about a 3 mile ring around my house. I chose this house for specific reasons. its in the middle of nowhere, but close enough to everything I need that I can go out when appropriate to get it.
I have my groceries delivered. The guy delivers pizza and for 20 bucks he picks up my order and brings it to my house. He leaves it on the porch. No one but my brother and therapist have been in my house in several years outside of a few excruciatingly difficult events.
These problems are coupled with the fact that I am incredibly private.
most cant handle them and give up.
(I wasnt always like this,… and I dont always expect to be. I am working hard on it every day.)
At the same time, I am also very dominant… very intimidating.. and very critical. The one who captures my heart, has to deal with a lot. My Dom side often spills over into things… causing me to be cold, causing me to be stressful. I can be very selfish and such. I have high expectations.
I can be mean… I can be vicious even. And my irish blood doesnt take well to being crossed.
most cant handle my status…. including my “internet fame”…. I get propositioned, daily. I obviously get a lot of attention from lost littles.
jealousy is not something that can exist in the heart of the one who seeks to submit to me. But at the same time, once I am locked down.. I am very loyal. but.,.. most cant see the forest for the trees. So they make assumptions, pigeon hole me… turn me into a cliche’… and ultimately drive me away with their own self sabotage.
And thats a tremendous turn off.
I dont do jealousy. I dont do those who give me grief about things I cannot control. I cant control the actions, thoughts and emotions of other people. I am certainly not going to sit back and be blamed for them. I will run my blog as I see fit according to how it flows and moves me. At the end of the day, its still going to be there… no matter what.
I can be reserved… quiet… and pensive a lot of the time. I am a deep thinker and meditate. People often mistake this as disinterest. I am naturally in defense mode expecting that everyone has an ulterior motive (because usually they do)… and these thoughts, coupled with my paranoia… dont do well.
I’m not one to reveal much about my personal self, and thats something that you work for if you really care and want to know. How old are you Mister? Where do you live Mister? Whats your name Mister?
I’m not your traditional fly by night Daddy dom.
I have years of experience, mentor ship and education that I can credit myself to… and anyone whose been around here for more than 5 minutes is going to tell you exactly that I know what I’m talking about and I do it well. Some would consider me an ALPHA in the game, maybe even THEE ALPHA, and along with that status I expect a certain level of thought be put into how I am seen and perceived.
Yes I am completely narcissistic. I wont try to hide it. Yes I am selfish at times. ….. I’m a Dom. duh.
I have a lot of power that I could easily abuse…. but I also have this rare thing called standards and morals. Imagine that… hard to believe it actually still exists in our world, but it does. I’m not easy… and I dont think with my dick.
So figure that one out.
I am also one who has been around the block his fair share, I have owned subs and littles, I have been part of my local community, I have physically taught and trained many, I have studied this lifestyle at a collegiate level, and I have painstakingly crafted a blog in order to pass that wisdom and experience on to others in hopes that they might learn and succeed themselves.
I’m not one of these guys who sits around looking up the ddlg tag, getting my idea of it from porn, and then setting out to claim and conquer every girl I can in the process of trying to get mine and leaving them in the dust.
I have a genuine passion and caring for those in my community, daddy and little, and a great desire to improve the lives of each and every one I come in contact with.,
And if one little messages me telling me that they benefited even in the slightest way from what I do, that makes it worth it for me.
and I dont need a little to do that.
yes it would be nice, and maybe some day I will…
but the one who holds that title, who gives me her great gift of submission, is going to have to be extremely patient, hold no judgments or jealousy, and really take some time to figure me out and realize exactly the kind of opportunity she has sitting in front her… because the one who does that, is the one who is going to beat out all the others.
Everyone gets a shovel….
….. its what you do with that shovel that gets you to the goal.
Its just a shame that most end up using it to dig their own graves.
Our relationship is one built on ironies. The first of which was my intentions. I let it be known, early on, that I had no plans for a relationship. This was to be, I tried to stress, a series of casual hook ups. She would arrive late to my apartment, after hours of studying, and we would Netflix and chill long before I knew there was such a thing as “Netflix and chill.” We shared in our med school misery, enjoyed each other’s company, and the relationship flourished. Four years have passed now and casual is not how I would describe our relationship.
I was the first to say “I love you.” I was the first to offer to live together. I was the first to bring up marriage. On at least two of those topics I was initially rebuffed and her plans for “career first,” the mantra of many women in a male dominated field, guided our path. The idea of a man wanting marriage while a woman did not was hard to explain to my small town, catholic parents. Living together before marriage was hard for her to explain to her conservative, immigrant parents. Somehow, we both survived the experience.
The last year for us has been a struggle as we redefine our relationship in the face of real responsibility and 80-hour work weeks. We spend our days in different hospitals, frequently on different shifts. It is ironic that, despite both being doctors, our jobs do not overlap in the slightest, as she takes care of children and I spend my day with adults. Much of our conversation now occurs in the short window periods where we both occupy the same space - usually while simultaneously finishing notes or reading about a case for the next day.
Perhaps the greatest irony is that she some how believes that I am the better half. I am a flawed man in so many ways. I am moody, narcissistic, and a work-a-holic. I definitely do not deliver well on all the things she deserves. Meanwhile, she is brilliant, caring, and spends a fair amount of her time ensuring my needs are addressed. Her resolve and dedication to being a good doctor are inspiring. She forces me to be better in ways she does not understand.
She is not a princess and our relationship is far from a fairy tale. But she is an incredible woman who impresses me daily. This year has been full of difficulties and I often forget to count my many blessings. She is a blessing. She is my love. She is my future. And I could not be more thankful for that.
“What an equally narcissistic question, but truly I don’t mind. I admire confident people. But I dare say I’ll give your confident question a confident answer. You’re beautiful, just not as beautiful as me.”
Summary: Reader is alive! Reader
learns about the aftermath of the Civil War and has a serious discussions with
Tony and Peter.
A/N: This wasss all one fic, but I split it up because it was getting really
long and worked better in 2 parts. Hope you like it. This is the last part. Be prepared for a fluffy as shit
ending! (I hate endings)
I honest to god think both of my parents, especially my dad, could easily be diagnosed with NPD… but do you see me going around calling it narcissistic abuse?
No, because being abusive isn’t a symptom of NPD. Maybe they’re narcissistic, but that isn’t why they’re emotionally abusive/neglectful.
Abuse is abuse, whether it’s done by a narcissist or anyone else. It is yourchoice if you abuse someone. Sure some disorders can make it “easier” for you to do so, but you still make a conscious choice to be an abuser.
An abuser is just that: an abuser. It doesn’t matter if they’re a narcissist, bipolar, OCD, schizophrenic, or have any other mental health issue. These people can be abusive, but so can literally anyone else.
I am beyond fed up with this stigma.
Just because I am a narcissist does not mean I am like my emotionally abusive parents.