I-am-a-dumbass

restingbitchfaceisnotsadface  asked:

"I can start with how I went to marine science camp as a kid and end with that time I accidentally brought a flamethrower into the county courthouse" --- PLEASE EXPLAIN IM SO CONFUSED D:

So, when I was a kid, my parents worked full time, so during the summer, my sister and I were enrolled in day-camp so we’d be adequately tired when we got home, and my FAVORITE  camp was Marine Science Camp, run by MSI on the banks of redwood creek, right off the San Francisco bay.  It was AWESOME: we got to dissect squid, there was a literal shark tank, which we got to fish leopard sharks out of and Tag Them For Scientific Research, ad we’d go out on the boat once a week and do things like haul a net full of fish out, use a scoop to study benthic creatures and look at plankton under a microscope.  I realize now we were essentially doing transects, dissections and other field/lab work for a bunch of grad students but it was FUN.  

I totally wanted to be a marine biologist when I grew up and would tell anyone who asked me what I was into about nematocyts and oceanic acidification until The Adult realized their mistake and fled.

At the same time, I was pursing an aggressive interest in the visual arts, which my parents heavily encouraged, becuase they are excellent parents and because it;s was a QUIET hobby unlikely to result in bodily harm, unlike my sister, who got into karate and Theater, which is a surprising dangerous combination.

But then i got to college and realized an issue with this plan: I, hands down, SUCK at chemistry.  I did okay in into becuase I’m great at taking standardized tests, and the teacher got suspended halfway through the semester for getting into a fistfight with another prof for poaching his grad student, but Organic Chemistry was a disaster.  I’ve never been good at arithmetic, and balancing chemical equations is something i need the dang molecule models for. So marine bio was a No-Go.

So I switched my major over to Art, which turned out to be kind of a disaster (the school managed to lose an entire semester of my grades because the Art Department kept really sloppy records and i ended up dropping out and resuming college elsewhere) and AMAZING, becuase I took a human figure drawing course with professor [REDACTED] who announced on the third day of class:  “SWEET THE FOOLS JUST GAVE ME TENURE.  CAN’T FIRE ME NOW, SO LEMME SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A FLAMETHROWER”

The thing she actually taught us was how to modify a culinary butane torch to empty the canister at a much higher rate than any manufacturer anywhere recommends, which gives you and AWESOME bigass jet of blue flame, but only lasts about 30 seconds per container.  She also showed us how to make bandeliers so we could carry multiple containers, “just in case”.

In more practical lessons, we were in class when the first gov’t shutdown happened, so we didn’t have money for models, so she oped to bring in various animals for us to draw instead.  there was the usual cats and dogs, but also chickens, horses, a farm hog, a 12-foot Burmese Python and a baby deer that had been abandoned on her porch.  It was really fun, both becuase animals are amazing, and becuase they don’t hold still, so you learn to draw REAL FAST, which is a skill that’s served me well since.

A few years later, I was summoned for Jury Duty, and had to show up at the courthouse for selection.  HOWEVER, I’d put my usual bag in the wash the previous night, so I grabbed my old school backpack to take with me because I knew I had a sketchbook in there to amuse myself with.

I forgot I also had my flamethrower in there.

I live in a pretty low-crime area, so the metal detectors are actually pretty far into the building- you don’t get scanned until you’re actually going into the courtroom.  So for about three hours beforehand, I was sitting in the hallway having a Nice Chat with one of the state park rangers and the CEO of the local call center.  We get called in, and as we walk through, my backpack sets off the alarm.

“Fuck.” I say abruptly remembering what would have set it off.

“Do you have anything metal in your backpack?” the security guy asks me.  I think he was expecting me to say glasses.

“I forgot that I have my flamethrower in here. I’ll just leave this outside.”  I explain, hoping I’m not about to be arrested.

“Please open your bag or leave it outs- your WHAT?”  Dude stops halfway through his routine.

“Flamethrower.  I made it in art class and will definitely be leaving it here.” I say, carefully putting my bag on the table, zipper open , and pointing at the small butane torch.  The guard looks at it, looks at me (pls note, I am small, white, feminine and conventionally attractive so YOU BET privilege was happening here), before deciding that Art People Are Dumb and waving me in after wanding me to make sure I hadn’t accidentally brought anything else in my pockets.

I was not selected for jury duty.

In other news, I still have it, and it still works.  I use it for mass-toasting creme brulee.

8

REVENUE OF THE SITH: anakin and padmé skywalker work for jedi incorporated, rival company of the notorious sith enterprises. when anakin, an accountant, realizes there’s money going missing, he does some digging only to discover that palpatine, the ceo, is behind it — and that he’s been hiding his alternate identity as sidious, the mysterious ceo of sith enterprises. palpatine blackmails anakin into keeping quiet, but the ugly truth comes to light when sith enterprises buys out jedi incorporated. can anakin redeem himself in the eyes of the friends and coworkers he’s betrayed? is it too late to save the company? and more importantly, is it too late to save anakin and padmé’s marriage?

monop-olly  asked:

Wait what happened with the gay uprising in your school???

Okay, story time.

My high school was a public school with only 3 people out of the closet. A couple of girls we all vaguely saw holding hands and kissing a few times but nobody knew them, and myself. 

When I started dating my girlfriend during my second year, I was pretty chill about it, I didn’t really care and her either, so we just did what every other couples did. She was still very private in her own way so people didn’t come to her that much, but I had the reputation to be a little too chill about it all. After a week or so, every two days someone would come to me to tell me they were bi or gay, a lot of my own friends did. One of my dude friends even wanted to talk to me in private so badly, I thought he was gonna ask me out and I freaked out… I only stopped screaming “PLEASE NO” when he yelled “I DON’T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU, I AM GAY TOO YOU DUMBASS” at me. All those people ended up befriending each other so in the end, we were a group of approximately 40 friends, with only like 5 totally straight people among us.

Our group of friends was very large so we were rarely all together, but when we were, well, we were kinda noticeable. So the other students started noticing too how girls and boys were holding hands and kissing, so other people started coming out in other groups and asked me about coming out stuff too. And it went on and on for a year. We started at 3 queer people and at the end of the year, the private High School of the same city was calling us The Gay High School.

Long story short, I was gay Moses in my second year of High School.

I’ve Never Been In Love Before (Owen Grady x Reader)

Originally posted by jurassicparkfilms

As requested by anon: could you please do one where reader is out in the park when I-Rex gets loose and is in the jungle with Zach and Gray & Owen’s going crazy & when he and Claire find them reader gets SUPER badly injured & Owen freaks the frick out because I need some protective/worried/loving angsty Owen in my life!

Owen vowed never to fall in love. He’d been hurt too many times in the past. Not by partners, though, but rather by the loss of friends during his Navy days and his family that had shunned him for joining in the first place. He was ashamed, in a way. After all, he was supposed to be tough and strong, and yet, under that sarcastic, laid back exterior that he’d built up, he was lonely, scared, and empty. And even worse, he’d been brought down to the point that he was afraid of something he’d never even experienced before: a meaningful, romantic relationship. His raptors offered him some comfort. A distraction. A small presence to ever so slightly fill that gaping hole within him, but he refused to allow himself to love creatures that would happily tear him to shreds if given the opportunity. No. Love was not an option for him in any capacity of the word.

And then you came along.

Keep reading

My baby’s older cousin (born 18 hours before mine, lol) is visiting from the east coast– TIL that having a baby doesn’t mean I know jack shit about how to comfort other babies 8);;;;

My poor little nephew was crying in a car seat and my go-to was, “Oh, h-hey man… y-you want a toy or, um, you want a toy?”

Wtf is he gonna say, “Nah, thanks I’m good” ?? ???

Bts Reactions:BTS taking cate of you at the beach or pool but end up getting sunburned (fun)


Anonymous said:
Honey, is very warm in Madrid and I was thinking of BTS reactions with s/o where they care so much that they forget things for themselves like they always bother s/o to put sunscreen but the boys end up getting sunburnt, etc.. What do you think, material for a reaction??

Very specific but here you go

Jin

Jin and You were laying at the beach, relaxing in the sun. You were lying down when you felt something on your back. You look back and see Jin rubbing more sun screen on your back.

Y/N-“Jin this is the 4th time you have put sunscreen on my back. I’m fine.”

Jin-Because I love you, and I need you to be safe

Y/N- Jin? Did you put on sunscreen?

Jin-


Originally posted by savethepeebees

Y/N-Jin your back! It is so red
You jump up and quickly grab a towel and throw it on his back
Jin-“Y/N OUCH!”
Y/N-“Jin let’s just go home, you are all burnt.”
Jin-*Trys to get up but winces* Let just relax here, can you please get me ice cream.“
Y/N-"Yes baby "You kiss his forehead and touch his back and walk away
Jin-"well this sucks.”


Originally posted by leojuseyo

J-Hope
——–

Grabbing the Sunscreen, You started to put some on my legs. Bending down in front of Hoseok , He started to wolf whistle making you blush.

Hoseok-Wow!THAT IS MY GIRL!

You-*Turn around and slap his forehead*Shut up Hoseok

Hoseok-“Let’s go to the water love”.*Jumps up and hugs you from behind*

You-Okay love*You grab his hand and walk to the water, kissing him*

Hoseok-“I love you ”

You-*After 20 mins in the sun , you notice his red arms* Baby did you put on sunscreen"

Hoseok-“No why, I feel fine baby. I told you not to worry ”


Originally posted by aestheticvbts

You-“Umm you are all burnt”
Hoseok-*Looks at his shoulders and smirks* I look cool
You-“You look like a tomato”
Hoseok-*Walks away but pulls you with him* At least you look fine
You-“Well i listened to you and put sunscreen.”
Hoseok -“Your ass distracted me.”
You laugh and start to pack  up the stuff and look at a dramatic Hoseok lying on the towel, pretending to die
Hoseok-“I’M MELTING!”* you are jimin*


Originally posted by aheavymassofblah

Rap Monster

Namjoon always nagged you when you two went to the beach. He was always rubbing Sunscreen all over you even your face.

You-“YAH stop , I can’t be all white in the face”

Namjoon smirks at you and winks , kissing you quickly.

Namjoon-“Well I can , but not on the beach”.

You-“I’m leaving ”*You smack his chest and run to the water

Namjoon -“Wait for me!”*Runs after you and twirls you around

You-“Namjoon Your sunscreen”

Namjoon-“I’m beautiful dark or light , I don’t need it”


Originally posted by jmins

After arriving home, Namjoon takes off his shorts ,Leading to you wincing.
You quickly look at him and pout. You kiss his cheek as he looks confused
Namjoon-“What?It is cold in here”
You-“I’m not laughing at you babe. I’m laughing at the sunburnt you recieved.You have a farmer tan”
Namjoon-“Damn It, I thought i would get it in tonight”
You-“It is gunna be a no from me dawg.Not with that Tan”
Namjoon-

Originally posted by rapnamu

Suga

You and Yoongi were at the pool, relaxing in the sun. All the Boys went to the beach , but your man doesn’t do the beach. You look at him and start to rub his back with sunscreen

Yoongi-“Don’t worry about me baby  , Go in the pool”

You huffed and looked at him,“You said I need to take care of you.”

Yoongi-“Yeah but that is when I am needy , but now go enjoy the pool baby, I’ll be right there”

You-“I hope you get burnt butthole”

Yoongi-I still love you


Originally posted by feelalpha

Yoongi fell asleep on the pool chair ,letting you swim in the pool by yourself.After getting tired, you climb out to see a red yoongi. You felt bad so you shook him and kissed him to wake up.
You-“Baby wake up”
Yoongi smiles and kisses you back , He turns on his back and wincing
Yoongi-“Ah fuck”
You-“I think we should just go, i’ll run a bath for you”*You help him up and he holds on to your back"
Yoong-“It is so smooth, I am such a good boyfriend making sure you were safe. I wish i felt the same love”
He acts dramatic making you roll your eyes


Originally posted by jeonbase

Jimin

You and Jimin finally arrive to beach , to see him get all happy makes you so excited. You two walk to meet his family , When his family invites him to a volleyball game. As you put your stuff down by his mom , You grabbed his sunscreen and rubbed it on his back.

He smiles and kisses you but grabs his hat and start to walk away.

You-“Honey you need sunscreen.”

Jimin-“Babe I am young, I am going to go play.”

You-“I’m young too, but I couldn’t leave without putting some”

Jimin winks at you and runs to the volleyball game.


Originally posted by itschiminie

Jimin mom-“He is going to get burn.”
You-*sit by here and hand her a drink*“ You are so right, ma'am . But he never listens to me. When we get home, he is going to say he is peeling and want to the doctor.”
Jim Mom-“He is your problem now, good luck.”
*you two laugh looking at your man, Playing and rolling in the sand*
You and Jimin said bye to everyone, and once you got in the car he wined
jimin-“Baby i need to go the doctor. I am peeling.”
You-“Jimin, I told you tha-”
Jimin-“I know i was wrong but i am dying”
You-“We are going home and you will sleep and i will rub aloe on you”
Jimin-“Yes love, you are the smartest person on earth. I bow to you”


Originally posted by remade-jimintensify

Taehyung

Taehyung wanted to go the hotel pool and meet all of bts there . You grabbed all of the supplies but before you left , he stopped you at the door.

Tae-“Excuse me , Your sunscreen”

You-“Excuse me sir, I am not 2 . I don’t need it”

Tae-“Excuse me,I am your man so turn around”

You huff and turn around. Tae rubs sunscreen all over your back and kisses your shoulder .

Tae-“Okay let’s go baby”

You smile and hold onto his hand , swinging and hugging until you reach the pool.

Originally posted by bangtanroyalty

You and Yoongi, Jin and Namjoon went to the pool lounge chairs and took naps. Tae and the boys were playing every game you can think about. After hours in the pool , Tae sits on your butt ,waking you up.
You-*Groan and look up at a red face tae"Baby your face
Tae-“Baby I know i am hot but -”
Jin-“No dumbass you are sun burnt”
Tae-“Okay first rude. Second, ouch! Baby help me”
You-“You look like deadpool baby , it is okay "You kiss him and he smirks. You start packing up and Tae looks at jin.
Tae-"She said i look like deadpool so ha!”
Jin-“Deadpool was burned dumbass”
Tae-



Originally posted by toughchim

Jungkook

You and jungkook were at the beach , relaxing and enjoying the breeze. Jungkook grabs sunscreen and starts to rub in on your shoulder.You smile at him and winked. Once he was done, You kiss him and bring him down to you. He smiles and kisses you and gets up.

You-“Wait i have to put some on you”

Jungkook-“oppa doesn’t need it , I am strong”. You roll your eyes and your stubborn man as he runs to bury taehyung in the sand.


Originally posted by officialwookkibby

After 2 hours in the beach, You see Jungkook walking to you slowly. You smile but when he comes closer , you see his chest red.
You-“Ah Jungkook I told you ”
You quickly grab the sunrelief cream and stand up and help him lay down.
Jungkook-“I feel like bacon”
You giggle and start to rub cream but he yells Jungkook-“NO NO ! I am going the car”. He gets up and start to the walk to the car. When you meet him there he is looking at the car shocked.
You walk to the seat and look at him confused.
You-“Why are you so shocked?”
Jungkook-“I just realized that we left tae”
You-“Fuck.”


Originally posted by baekon-stripss

anonymous asked:

I want to study science but I am a dumbass what do I do

Study science.

The dirty little secret is that we’re all dumbasses of some sort. We’re not all brilliant above it all geniuses who play chess for fun and have read the complete works of Marcus Aurelius. Most of us are only passable at math or stats or the other fields we don’t specialize in and we’re still kick ass scientists. Hell, personally I hate reading. Like I do not enjoy the act of reading for fun or profit, which is something that is pretty much required of Smart People™.

You can still be a scientist, if you really want. And if you want to pursue it you should at least try. You might find that no one else knows what they’re doing either.