I-WILL-NEVER-BE-OKAY-AGAIN

“Livia.” Julian’s voice rose, cracking and tumbling over itself like a wave breaking far out to sea. “Livvy, my baby, please, sweetheart, open your eyes, it’s Jules, I’m here for you, I’m always here for you, please, please—”

“And there in front of her was Julian, his eyes and ears closed to anything but Livvy, her body cradled against his. She seemed a drift of fragile ash or snow, something impermanent that had blown into his arms accidentally: the petal of a faerie flower, the white feather of an angel’s wing. The dream of a little girl, the memory of a sister reaching up her arms: Julian, Julian, carry me.
But the soul, the spirit that made her Livvy was no longer there: It was something that had gone away to a far and untouchable place, even as Julian ran his hands over her hair again and again and begged her to wake up and look at him just one more time.
High above the Council Hall, the golden clock began to chime the hour.”

—  Cassandra Clare “Lord of Shadows.”

i’m like… so mentally healthy right now like it’s wild. i’ll still feel sad and stuff but in a completely healthy way. 

when i was really bad mentally i never thought i’d be okay again and it would just piss me off when people told me i’d be okay one day, i mean it took a long ass time i got really bad in 2012, 2013 was hell year i literally blocked the whole twelve months out, ask me a thing about 2013 i will not fucking know it, and then i finally started feeling somewhat okay in early 2015 and then i still felt a bit off until like this time last year but since i’ve been like really really really good mentally like i’m not saying my life’s been fantastic w/ no bad shit happening but my mental health has maintained despite the bad stuff that comes w/ life in general… this is a completely pointless post but it’s somewhat therapeutic to write this down 

i just finished episode 4 and i am absolutely not okay
  • thranduil’s heart breaking when legolas stands against him and goes to ravenhill ʘ‿ʘ
  • thranduil immediately going to ravenhill after the battle and searching for legolas among the dead ಠ◡ಠ 
  • thranduil nearly crying when he sees legolas is alright ಠ_ಠ
  • thranduil pretending to be strong when legolas tells him he’s leaving ಥ_ಥ
  • ”your mother loved you. more than anything. more than life.” 
  • (╯ಥ_ಥ)╯彡 ┻━┻
A girl, a hero

When Eri woke, there was a moment of shocked disorientation that took her breath away. The room she was in was dark before her eyes, the surface beneath her not quite harsh and not quite soft.

 

For just a second, an agonizing long moment in time, she was back in her room, the one with the lonely bed amidst unused and unloved toys with which Chisaki and the others had tried to bribe her into trusting them. For a moment, the gentle, kind touch (“It’s alright now, Eri-chan”) was gone, gone, gone and she felt alone and cold and hopeless again.

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That scene was so heartbreaking and beautiful, because of course she wasn’t mad at him for what he did– she was just upset that he thought she wouldn’t. 

She thought they were past him hating himself and that he could talk to her but he still kept this from her because he’s so scared of losing his family, and Emma Swan, who’s been on her own all her life, wants him to lean on her when he’s hurting, wants him to share things with her and wants them to do things together. 

She knows that his past is going to haunt him, but she wants him to share it with her so that he can live with it, so that they can live. 

I’m ruined. They love each other so much and they’re both such broken characters who struggle with love and I will never be okay again.

3

YALL I AM NOT WATCHING THE FINALE TODAY I’M WATCHING IT TOMORROW SO IF YOU SPOIL ME I WILL PROBABLY NEVER GET UP AGAIN OKAY DON’T DO IT

Also! Happier note! I just hit 1.4k followers a day or two ago which is just, wild, and since both that and the end of season are happening about the same time, I want to do a celebration for the first time in like seven months so send me suggestions of what you’d like me to do!

ALSO HAPPY GUESS WHO GOT THROUGH JUNIOR YEAR HOLY FRICKITY F R I C K

Yes those eyebrows are drawn in my friend in the middle of class today said ‘imma give you eyebrows’ and here we are? Expression???? Also do you like my hair it looks fancy but it’s not lol

~dream of bellarke in your grave bbs i’ll see you there~

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Angst Starters ~ You Left Me Edition

[Alternative ‘I’m Sorry I Left’]

  • ❝How could you do this to me?❞
  • ❝Why now? After all this time, why come back now?❞
  • ❝You didn’t even say goodbye!❞
  • ❝What was I supposed to think? I woke up and you were gone.❞
  • ❝Do you know how many nights I cried for you?!❞
  • ❝Move on? How could I ever move on?❞
  • ❝Of course I moved on! I had no choice!❞
  • ❝I didn’t know where you went!❞
  • ❝I had to find out from your [mother/brother/sister/father/etc.]!❞
  • ❝You took a part of me with you on that plane/train/etc.❞
  • ❝I would have gone with you.❞
  • ❝I could never forgive you.❞
  • ❝How do I now you won’t leave again?❞
  • ❝You leave for [#] years and all you have to say is ‘Hey’?!❞
  • ❝He/She’s gone… he/she actually left.❞
  • ❝What do you mean he/she isn’t here?❞
  • ❝If you loved me you wouldn’t have left.❞
  • ❝Every time you crossed my mind it felt like loosing you all over again!❞
  • ❝I was a mess when you left, and you think we can just go back to how things were?❞
  • ❝You ruined everything. ❞
  • ❝This will never be the same, everything is different now.❞
  • ❝How could he/she have done this to me.❞
  • ❝Every time I think about him/her, I feel like I can’t breath.❞
  • ❝I feel like I will never be okay again, do you think this will pass?❞
  • ❝I keep thinking I see/hear him/her but then I remember he’s/she’s gone and it hurts all over again.❞