I-WAS-BORN-THIS-WAY-BABY

Rumor Has It

Originally posted by beeeellss

Author’s Note: This is a Happy Lowman Imagine based on Born this Way by Lady Gaga as requested by @thejulietfarciertlove. as well as imagine number 6 for MM6, and the last for day. I didn’t really know where to take this story and then it just kind of turned into this. I want to preface this by saying I know most everyone has been bullied about something at one time or another in their life, for me it’s always been my weight, so I wrote what is a real struggle for me and what helps me stay my most authentic self.


Rumor Has It

-XX-

It doesn’t matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
‘cause you were born this way, baby
My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir
“There’s nothing wrong with loving who you are”
She said, “'Cause he made you perfect, babe”
“So hold your head up girl and you’ll go far,
Listen to me when I say”

I’m beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Oh there ain’t no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Oh there ain’t no other way
Baby I was born this way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t be a drag ‒ just be a queen
Don’t be!

-XX-

She knew she was different. She always has been. Always will be, and until she met Happy, she embraced her differences. She’s rounder in places that society told her she should be thinner, she has no thigh gap to speak of, and when it comes down to it, she’s about as far from beautiful as you can get.

Yet she is unapologetically happy. She lives with a spirit so on fire that it’s contagious.

Or so she thought.

She stares at the women who fawn over Happy; women in impeccable shape walking on sky high heels that if she ever dared to wear would surely end in her breaking her ass, or neck, and for the first time since she was in high school she feels acutely aware of just how much she doesn’t fit in.

She feels herself shrinking, her usually outgoing personality dimming and when she’s certain no attention will be called to her she slips outside.

The air is uncharacteristically cool as she takes a breath. She’ll be fine, she knows that much, she just has to find her center again, that’s all. She rests against the wall of TM, fishing in her purse for a cigarette when she hears a group of girls giggling around the corner.

“Did you see what she was wearing?” one demands her voice dripping with disgust.

“Seriously, what does Happy want with two tons of fun anyway?” another asks resulting in a cackle of laughter that makes her stomach flip with shame.

“Rumor is he made a bet with some of the guys,” their voices drop to a whisper, “hundred bucks if he can get Miss Piggy into bed, double if he manages to get her squealing on tape…”

She fears she’s going to be sick, and because she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to keep quiet she presses a hand to her mouth as if she can hold the sobs that threaten and bubble at bay with her fingers. The group of girls pass eventually, of course not without taking a few more shots at her, and when she’s certain she’s alone she pulls the keys from her purse. She knows she should tell him that she’s leaving, but at the moment being anywhere near Happy makes her want to cry, and she refuses to give any of them the satisfaction of seeing her tears.

::

Candles flicker, casting shadows around her room, and with blurred eyes she watches the way the flames dance. She’s managed to leave the house only a handful of times since the party, and because just the thought of it makes her head and chest ache she closes her eyes.

It’s always amazed her how deep words can cut a person, and having been on the receiving end of harmful words for most of her life she would think she’d be used to it by now; but how does someone get used to be hating for simply existing? What do you do when the mere fact that you draw breath draws ire from just about everyone you meet?

So her thoughts turn dark; and she wonders what would happen if she didn’t exist anymore, if she just, disappeared…

“Liv, sweetie, open up,” the panicked voice of Venus, one of her nearest and dearest friends calls through the door, but she can’t bring herself to get up. “Sweet heart, we’re all real worried about you, especially Happy, why he’s just a mess over you darlin’.”

Her eyes close tight as against the tears that threaten. He’s been by almost every day since the party, rotating between pounding on the door and demanding she let him in, to begging for her to at least answer so he knows she’s okay, both requests going unanswered.

“Liv, I’m going to use my key,” Venus calls again, but she just doesn’t have it in her to care. She listens as the front door opens and closes, the familiar sound of Venus’ high heels beating a staccato rhythm on her floor, and then her vision is filled with Venus’ beautiful face.

Their friendship was quick, kindred and wild spirits recognizing each other upon introduction and because of that there weren’t many days that went by without at the very least a text or two exchanged between the two.

“Oh my little love,” Venus coos joining her on the bed, “I’ve been worried sick…”

“I was a bet V…” Liv’s voice breaks as she speaks, a tear rolling hot down her cheek. She thought she was all cried out.

She was wrong.

“What are you talking about sugar?” Venus asks at length as she brushes at the hair on Liv’s forehead.

“Girls at the party, said Happy had a bet going with some of the guys, hundred dollars if he got me in bed…” the words hitch as she speaks, “double if he got it on tape…”

“And you believed them?” Venus asks pointedly.

“You can’t look at me V and tell me you wouldn’t believe it…”

-XX-

Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (Hey hey hey)
I love my life I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (Love needs faith)

I’m beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don’t hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you’re set
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Oh there ain’t no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Oh there ain’t no other way
Baby I was born this way
I’m on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don’t be a drag ‒ just be a queen
Don’t be!

-XX-

She takes it one day at a time, fully aware that not every day is going to be great, and as weird as it sounds she revels in the small victories. Like making it to the grocery store again, or running to post office for stamps.

Venus stops by almost daily and while part of her wonders if she visits simply to make sure she’s still here, another part of her is thankful. She needs a friendly face and you don’t get much friendlier than Venus.

Her arms are full with bags of ingredients for the small dinner party she’s having, and when she steps onto her porch and finds Happy sitting, back braced to the wall, chewing at a toothpick it takes everything inside of her not to drop the bags in surprise.

She’s not ready to see him yet.

He gets to his feet, towering over her and when he reaches out she very nearly takes a step back until his hands clasp one of the paper bags in her arms, taking it so it will free up one of her hands.

“Thanks,” she murmurs sliding the key into the front door, and when it’s unlocked she turns to take her bag back only to find Happy standing uncomfortably close.

“I’ll bring this in for you.” He waits for no invitation as he brushes past her into her house, and taking a deep breath she calls on what little emotional energy she has, she’s going to need it if she’s going to survive seeing Happy again.

::

She’s aware that he stares at her back as she takes her time unpacking her groceries.

“You haven’t been around in a while,” his voice is a delicious rasp that sends a chill up her spine.

“Yeah uh, I’ve been busy,” she says offering a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Busy, hmm,” Happy murmurs as she carefully sets apples into the bowl on the counter. “Too busy to return a call, but not too busy to see Venus.”

“She’s my best friend,” her response is knee-jerk and she knows her voice gives away more than she intended.

“When are you going to tell me why you’ve been avoiding me?” he asks and because she doesn’t know how to answer, or where to even begin she just goes silent. The quiet stretches between them until finally the sound of the chair Happy was sitting in scraping against the floor fills the air. “I don’t have time for this.”

Fear fills her. Only it’s a different type of fear; one born from the idea that he’s going to simply walk away for good, and she’s never going to have the chance to find out if what they have-or had was real.

“They said I was a bet,” the words fall from her lips and turning she finds Happy frozen in the doorway of her kitchen, and with her eyes trained to him she watches him turn to her. His eyes narrow, jaw clenching tight.

“Who?”

“Some girls, at the party. They said you had a bet going with some of the guys, about getting me into bed. I’ll spare the actual words used to describe me…”

“And you believed them?” he asks disbelief ringing loud and clear.

“Look at me,” she says motioning to herself.

“I am looking, I have been from the moment I saw you,” he says closing the distance between them. “How are you going to let some gossipy bitches tear you down?”

“I’m not like them Happy,” she says shaking her head. “I will never be those girls. I don’t fit that world.”

“Says who, a few crow eaters? Fuck ‘em. You fit my world, and that’s all that matters,” he says hands coming to rest on her hips. “If I wanted someone like them, I’d have them. I want you Liv. I have from the moment I laid my eyes on you.”

“Happy…” her words are cut short by his mouth covering hers, and she feels the final broken pieces start shifting back into place.

-XX-

Don’t be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you’re broke or evergreen
You’re black, white, beige, chola descent
You’re Lebanese, you’re orient
Whether life’s disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'cause baby you were born this way
No matter gay, straight, or bi,
Lesbian, transgendered life,
I’m on the right track baby,
I was born to survive.
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made,
I’m on the right track baby,
I was born to be brave.

I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I’m on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I’m on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!
Same DNA, but born this way.
Same DNA, but born this way.

-XX-

brendon’s periscope recap (2/18)
  • brendon has to do a bunch of work in the studio, but he’s gonna do a q&a with us first
  • to himself: “god you’re so dramatic, brendon.”
  • “‘why is your forehead so big?’ i was born this way baby. theres just a lot of forehead.”
  • “i’ve been cleaning my diet. i’ve been getting ready for tour. i’ve got a few weeks that i can drink beer.”
  • favorite song off new album: death of a bachelor.
  • *shrieks*
  • *tunes shrieks*
  • favorite girls scout cookies: thin mint and samoas
  • “do i like sam smith? yeah. i really like his voice. i think he’s talented singer. dude can sing anything.”
  • “do i like demi lovato? yeah. i met her once. she was very sweet. just a sweetheart.”
  • “am i really hawaiian? i’ not haw i’m polynesian. i’m like a quarter, my mom is half.”
  • “do you like kayne west? of course. how fucking entertain has he been lately? personality aside, kanye west’s music is great to me. very original. he seems like a handful.”
  • “am i a feminist? yeah i am. i believe in human rights. i believe everyone should be treated equally.”
  • *reads femenazi in chat* hey fuck you!”
  • *with lisp* “yas queen yas”
  • last tv show watched: walking dead “it was fucking crazy…you can’t be that big of a pussy if it’s the end of the world”
  • favorite disney princess “I had the biggest crush on jasmine. i thought hat was what arabian are. disney white-ifies. everyone. disney makes everyone white. the media makes everyone a little more white. very strange.”
  • “do you shave your legs? no. that’s the hardiest part of my body. trust me. my body is asian and my legs are jewish. what the fuck. what am i saying.”
  • brendon took german for three years in high school
  • “would you ever want to be in a musical? i’d love to be in a musical. it’d be great.”
  • “have you seen hamilton? i haven’t seen it, but i’ve been listening to the soundtrack for the past month. it’s great”
  • “greatness comes from this forehead”
  • “am i a potterhead? no i’m a pothead, but i do enjoy harry potter.”
  • “i saw deadpool. holy shit that was good. i went into it thinking it was gonna be one thing. it’s hilarious. i think i laughed like every ten seconds.”
  • on ryan reynolds dick: “you see a shadow of his dick. yeah i’d pay to see that dick. i did pay to see that dick”
  • “have i seen teens reacts to panic? that was hilarious. i was laughing. i had a good reaction to it.”
  • “how long have i’ve been wearing glasses? since freshmen year of high school. so about fourteen year. half of my life.”
  • “do you like adele? who doesn’t like adele. she’s kind of like un-hateable. she’ so clever and pretty and talented. she’s just amazing.”
  • “people wish they had my forehead. it’s kind of funny people call me forehead.” 
  • *brendon says some offensive stuff that kind of makes it sound like he doesn’t enjoy people making fun of his forehead, but then takes it back*
  • on his weed he’s about to smoke: “it’s called candy land cookie”
  • on filming girls/girls/boys: “it was incredibly awkward. it was fun. but i was naked in front of people i didn’t know.”
  • “ellen is the coolest person. she’s such a positive person to be around.”
  • “i did three months of vocal lessons.” brendon has a vocal doctor and coach now.
  • “i try to smoke weed whenever i get nervous or whenever i go to bed. lately it’s been every day.”
  • “troye sivan: yeah yeah. that’s a talented guy. i like his voice”
  • on pillow talk: “yeah. it’s alright. didn’t blow my mind.”
  • “thoughts on ryan reynolds: i mean come on. he’s the shit. he’s funny, he’s beautiful, he’s talented.”
  • “do i like bernie sanders? yes.”
  • “favorite beatles album? it’s either white album or abbey road”
  • “can i read sheet music? i can, but i can’t sight read. it takes me a while to understand. but i understand theory”
  • “you guys are the best. thanks for watching me be a dick. love you!”
So that happened.

Went for a run (see: run/walk/wheeze/complain about side cramps/run again/nope, start walking again) yesterday and it was all well and good. I was rocking out to the Tangled soundtrack as I’m wont to do and then I realized I could no longer feel my car key bouncing around in my basketball shorts pocket. What was bouncing around though was my junk. Because it’s large. Noted. 

But seriously, fuck. Now I’m like 2.5 miles into this park run/walk/wheeze fest and I’m like, awesome, now I can’t get home. I call mi madre and I’m like, “Yo, qurl, we gots a major malfunction!” That’s not entirely true. In fact I prefaced telling her the bad news by saying something like, “Promise you won’t be mad and you love me no matter what.” It was strikingly similar to that whole soldier coming out to his father entirely through GIFs thing that’s been going around Tumblr (that’s what that was, right?) except without all the schmaltz or meaningful emotion. 

Long story short, she was a little mad! Soldier Dad took the news way better.

Today, in Ulta...
  • Friend who specializes in perfumes at ULTA: I like Fame by Lady Gaga, but it smells like black licorice after a while.
  • ULTA employee: It still smells good, though. Like saffron.
  • Me: -puts on Fame perfume-
  • Friend: Do you like it?
  • Me: It actually smells really, really good.
  • ULTA employee: Doesn't it?
  • Me: Yeah. People are going to be all, "What perfume are you wearing, it smells so nice!" And I'll be like "What perfume? I WAS BORN THIS WAY."
  • Friend: What.
  • Employee: HAHAHAHAHA.