I-STOLE-THEM

THINGS IVE DONE: RICHIE TOZIER EDITION

  • sang africa obnoxiously loud in the middle of my therapy waiting room.
  • filled a watergun with vinegar just to spite my brother after he kept spritzing the water in his mouth.
  • rickrolled my best friend 5 times in the same day.
  • sold a kid a baggie of powdered sugar and said it was cocaine, he came in pretending he had the biggest high of his life and i couldn’t stop laughing.
  • ate a whole six pack of chocolate pudding cups with just my tongue.
  • deepthroated a glass bottle just to prove that if i wanted to, I could fit a dick in my mouth.
  • purchased weed socks off amazon with overnight shipping.
  • searched up ‘spider porn’ on my dad’s computer just so that it showed up in his search history.
  • ran purposely into a girl taking selfies in the hall.
  • made a wall out of nothing but cans my grandpa gave us to block the entrance to our kitchen.
  • stole a trump sign from someone’s yard and beat the shit out of it with a hammer.
  • made dickedoodle cookies for christmas - which was literally just snickerdoodles cut out to look like distorted dicks with sprinkles.
  • chugged a whole bottle of chocolate syrup just for the hell of it.
  • woke up my entire family because I was singing toxic at 3 in the morning.
  • bought a santa doll for 5 dollars, and pushed it around town in a baby stroller.
  • told my sister that her cat ran away from home, because she ate my last granola bar.
  • liked a bunch of minecraft vore on my brothers youtube account so he had nothing but that in his reccomedations.
  • camped out in my closet for four days with 2 month old halloween candy and a six pack of soda, my mom still thinks i was at a friends house that weekend.
  • talked in nothing but pig latin for a week straight.
  • changed the vowels to a different vowel for every word i said because i had the opples and banonoos song stuck in my head.
  • stole my neighbors newspapers for a month and returned them with every single coupon and comic clipped out.
  • called up my uncle pretending to be the police and told him that his house had been robbed because he called me the q slur two nights beforehand, and he was gone for the weekend.
  • wrapped myself in cellophane and butter and skidded down a slip n slide, busting my head open on the fence.
  • ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich i found in my moms glove compartment, I still REALLY don’t now how old it was.
  • yelled nice tits at guys walking down the street out the back window of my moms car.
  • used my moms new panties as slingshots.
  • ate five warheads at once and drooled literally fucking everywhere.
  • told my best friend that all i wanted for christmas was to be exploited naked on the street painted as a Christmas tree, and for a hot second genuinely considered doing it before realizing that it was illegal.
  • gave my dad a package of dental dams for Christmas to eat my mom’s ass with because I overheard them whispering about it. they weren’t mine, I stole them from my friends side drawer.
  • donated ten individually wrapped gay pins to the Salvation Army because their homophobic.
  • told some kid I knew a real life porn star and photoshopped fake conversations with her to prove it.
  • catfished one of my friends girlfriends because they were cheating on him, but she found out because I said I wanted to eat mayo out of her cookie hole. anyways they broke up.
  • filled my basket up with hot water but later realized the laundry basket had literal holes and I got it fucking everywhere.
  • greeted the mailman by singing the lyrics of mr. mailman, give me my the mail in the tune of sandman for five months, and he quit our route.
  • convinced a little girl that i was vampire because my two front teeth are spiky as hell, she believed it instantly.
  • dropped my step moms playboy magazines in the library return bin so she could never find them.
  • literally stole somebody’s entire pencil case because they said that trans people are faking everything and she was stupid enough to leave 20 dollars in there.
  • wrote myself detention slips so i could go hang out in the mountains with my friends.

anonymous asked:

i really need advice, i find pictures for my blog on google usually and when i post them people say i stole them and i didn’t give credit.. but they are literally from just googling the st cast and i don’t know what to do, i just keep taking them down and now i barely want to post bc i’m scared they’re going to come for me):

Okay well are you reposting art, edits, or gifs that came up in your google search? Because you shouldn’t be doing that. I think maybe if you want to post photos get them from the casts instagram or check the source of the google image that you have taken and see if that does link back to someone’s blog and be careful about that also look at screencaps if you want to post pics from s2 just google stranger things season 2 screencaps and a website will pop up and they are free for you to use! There ya go!

concept: the year is 2034. i walk into work with coffee in hand. coworker is wearing cool shoelaces and i compliment them absentmindedly. they look me dead in the eye and say, “thanks, i stole them from the president.” scalding coffee leaks out of every one of my orifices and i hide in the bathroom convulsing for the rest of the day

the year is 2067. an elderly woman sits in a hover-rocker at the local care home. she’s nodding off to sleep when a voice says, “hey, i like your shoelaces.” the woman opens her eyes, confused. shoelaces? shoes stopped having laces decades ago. she stares at the grey haired lady in front of her for a long quizzical minute before it hits her. a large, dentured smile spreads across her face and she replies:

“thanks. i stole them from the president.”

transwithaloveofpans  asked:

could you explain the post about shoelaces and presidents? it would be greatly appreciated thank you

Sure! Do you mean this post?

So, it started in a post in 2012 (or earlier, I don’t know the exact date). As the Urban Dictionary entry explains, you would say “I like your shoelaces” in public as a sort of secret code if you suspect there’s another Tumblr user there. And if there is another Tumblr user, they would reply “Thanks, I stole them from the president” to let you know they understood the message and are, in fact, a Tumblr user. 

I don’t think people do this anymore, and if they ever did, it probably wasn’t a very common thing to do. Maybe they did back in 2012 when the post was recent and Tumblr wasn’t as popular as it is now. 

I also don’t think there’s any deeper meaning to the phrases. “I like your shoelaces” seems like a pretty common and nice thing to say, and if it turns out the person you thought was a Tumblr user doesn’t recognise the ‘secret message’, nothing would happen. But then “Thanks, I stole them from the president” seems weird and specific enough that you would know they understood the ‘secret message’, unlike if they just replied “Thank you”. 

Then other posts appeared making references to the shoelaces and president posts:

When a Chaotic character gets a job as a Lawyer

CONTEXT: Our chaotic/good sorcerer is a from a High Elvin community that values law over everything else. The party has recently lost all their magic by enraging an overlevelled unicorn, so we travelled to the city. Our party consists of a weretiger and a Gnoll.

Sorcerer: Time to get a job!

Gnoll: what are you gonna be?

Sorcerer: …A lawyer!

Weretiger: Are you suuure about that?

Sorcerer: Yes

Trial 1: A man is accused of stealing another man’s nachos.

Sorcerer: oh, were those the nachos I stole? I fed them to my pet tiger.

Judge: Innocent! Nice work there, lawyer.

theories about The OA:

1. Elias (The FBI therapist):
//He planted those books under Prairie’s bed AND the violin in her closet. First of all, before Prairie went blind, she was russian, so she knew how to read in russian. Those books were english. So she knew how to read in russian (i’m assuming) and braille, and its not likely that she learned how to read that quickly after being found again. Also, she was playing her violin in New York when she met Hap. How did she bring it back home? So what was Elias doing at her house in the middle of the night? Some people think he’s working with the government to cover up stories about NDE’s, and some think he’s working with Hap to discredit her story.

2. Her real world friends are different versions or her captive friends:
// In the final episode, there is a scene where French looks at himself in the mirror and sees Homer looking back at him. They both have a cut on their forehead, along with the fact that they’re both athletes. In another scene Buck is walking to the house when he passes red flares in the road, along with a red backpack. Rachel describes her NDE being in a car accident, with a red backpack nearby. Could it be possible they’re versions of each other in different dimensions?

3. Rachel AND Hap are FBI agents:
// Something is off about her. At one point, all the plants in only her cell were dead. That has to be some kind of clue, but to what? Also, she is the only one unable to receive a movement. Hap doesn’t seem concerned about this, maybe because they both are conducting the experiment together. Maybe Rachel never even had an NDE, and is just gathering intel. The biggest piece of evidence for this is a scene in an office, where Prairie’s parent’s are talking to Elias (episode 7). On the wall, written in braille, its says RACHEL. It proves nothing honestly, but why would it say Rachel on the wall? It certainly means something. For this one, there’s barely evidence but it’s cool to think about.

These are just 3 of my favorites. I stole them from this website oops, but it gets me thinking and I thought I should share. If you haven’t watched The OA yet, go watch it. And feel free to write your own theories on this.

Meant to Be (2)

Meant to Be Masterlist

Pairing: Prince!Bucky X Servant!Reader

Words: 1584

Warnings: Angsty I guess.

Summary: As the news of the King’s death spreads throughout the land, lords and ladies from the nearby countries swarm the castle to offer condolences to the queen and her son. As the prince mourns his father, he is met with the reality that he must now choose a wife and begin his reign.

A/N: Just posting it until I put the tags up. It takes a while but they’ll be up in a few minutes. Italics are flashbacks. Let me know if you want to be tagged HERE.

Keep reading