I-STOLE-THEM

the year is 2067. an elderly woman sits in a hover-rocker at the local care home. she’s nodding off to sleep when a voice says, “hey, i like your shoelaces.” the woman opens her eyes, confused. shoelaces? shoes stopped having laces decades ago. she stares at the grey haired lady in front of her for a long quizzical minute before it hits her. a large, dentured smile spreads across her face and she replies:

“thanks. i stole them from the president.”

When a Chaotic character gets a job as a Lawyer

CONTEXT: Our chaotic/good sorcerer is a from a High Elvin community that values law over everything else. The party has recently lost all their magic by enraging an overlevelled unicorn, so we travelled to the city. Our party consists of a weretiger and a Gnoll.

Sorcerer: Time to get a job!

Gnoll: what are you gonna be?

Sorcerer: …A lawyer!

Weretiger: Are you suuure about that?

Sorcerer: Yes

Trial 1: A man is accused of stealing another man’s nachos.

Sorcerer: oh, were those the nachos I stole? I fed them to my pet tiger.

Judge: Innocent! Nice work there, lawyer.

theories about The OA:

1. Elias (The FBI therapist):
//He planted those books under Prairie’s bed AND the violin in her closet. First of all, before Prairie went blind, she was russian, so she knew how to read in russian. Those books were english. So she knew how to read in russian (i’m assuming) and braille, and its not likely that she learned how to read that quickly after being found again. Also, she was playing her violin in New York when she met Hap. How did she bring it back home? So what was Elias doing at her house in the middle of the night? Some people think he’s working with the government to cover up stories about NDE’s, and some think he’s working with Hap to discredit her story.

2. Her real world friends are different versions or her captive friends:
// In the final episode, there is a scene where French looks at himself in the mirror and sees Homer looking back at him. They both have a cut on their forehead, along with the fact that they’re both athletes. In another scene Buck is walking to the house when he passes red flares in the road, along with a red backpack. Rachel describes her NDE being in a car accident, with a red backpack nearby. Could it be possible they’re versions of each other in different dimensions?

3. Rachel AND Hap are FBI agents:
// Something is off about her. At one point, all the plants in only her cell were dead. That has to be some kind of clue, but to what? Also, she is the only one unable to receive a movement. Hap doesn’t seem concerned about this, maybe because they both are conducting the experiment together. Maybe Rachel never even had an NDE, and is just gathering intel. The biggest piece of evidence for this is a scene in an office, where Prairie’s parent’s are talking to Elias (episode 7). On the wall, written in braille, its says RACHEL. It proves nothing honestly, but why would it say Rachel on the wall? It certainly means something. For this one, there’s barely evidence but it’s cool to think about.

These are just 3 of my favorites. I stole them from this website oops, but it gets me thinking and I thought I should share. If you haven’t watched The OA yet, go watch it. And feel free to write your own theories on this.

When We Collide (Part 15)

Pairing: Assistant!Y/N/CEO!Luke

Rating: NC-17

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

Summary: He is the definition of high class smart ass, swimming in Dom Pierre Pérignon champagne and has never seen the shadow of poverty. She is underprivileged, lives in a messy dorm room on sale and struggles working as an assistant after being thrown out of college. But how will they collide when Luke makes Y/N pregnant after a drunkenly one night stand?

When We Collide on Wattpad

“What are you doing here?” The confusion was written on your face once you opened the door to your dorm. You hadn’t expected guests tonight, it was Friday and you were supposed to be alone. 

Luke looked down at his feet shy as if he had forgotten the reason why, he almost looked like he wanted to be in disguise by the way he was standing against the door frame. 

“You said I didn’t know you.” He mumbled and ran a hand through his hair.

“So I’m here to learn every single thing about you.” 

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transwithaloveofpans  asked:

could you explain the post about shoelaces and presidents? it would be greatly appreciated thank you

Sure! Do you mean this post?

So, it started in a post in 2012 (or earlier, I don’t know the exact date). As the Urban Dictionary entry explains, you would say “I like your shoelaces” in public as a sort of secret code if you suspect there’s another Tumblr user there. And if there is another Tumblr user, they would reply “Thanks, I stole them from the president” to let you know they understood the message and are, in fact, a Tumblr user. 

I don’t think people do this anymore, and if they ever did, it probably wasn’t a very common thing to do. Maybe they did back in 2012 when the post was recent and Tumblr wasn’t as popular as it is now. 

I also don’t think there’s any deeper meaning to the phrases. “I like your shoelaces” seems like a pretty common and nice thing to say, and if it turns out the person you thought was a Tumblr user doesn’t recognise the ‘secret message’, nothing would happen. But then “Thanks, I stole them from the president” seems weird and specific enough that you would know they understood the ‘secret message’, unlike if they just replied “Thank you”. 

Then other posts appeared making references to the shoelaces and president posts:

overly chipper college professor: share one interesting fact about yourself with the class!

me: i do this quirky weird thing where i mind my own fucking business.

some badly disguised fed on this hellsite: reblog and tag with the illegal shit you did this week

me: so lemme tell yall about how i busted into a government facility on saturday to steal some office supplies and then bribed the guard dogs with treats til they loved me and then i stole them too

Misfits

Originally posted by dammithoshi


Pairing: Jungkook x reader [feat: Taehyung]
Genre: angst. smut. trouble makers au. 
Word Count: 4.2k

Jungkook, Taehyung, and yourself, live in a poor area of Seoul. The three of you grew up together in another small poor town, so once you moved into Seoul with Jungkook and Taehyung, living in another small poor area didn’t bother you, even though you WANTED to live in the city, but that couldn’t happen due to the fact that you do not get paid enough at your job, while Jungkook and Taehyung have a harder time keeping jobs due getting into fights or even stealing from their jobs in order to help provide for each other, but also causing trouble around the neighborhood. 

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Birthday Sex (M)

Requested: Anon asked: “ Hi💕can u please write a jimin oneshot with him surprising yn with birthday sex for her birthday??? If that’s not possible it’s ok😂 hehe thanks in advanced✨”

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Smut

Length: 1.3k words

WARNING: This is a smut!! If you are sensitive to this type of stuff, please do not read.

Summary (kinda): Y/N wasn’t expecting this on her birthday…

Disclaimer: This is my first fanfic/smut that I’m putting on Tumblr so I’m very sorry if it sucks. I’m really bad at writing smut but I put a lot of effort into this so hopefully you all like it.

Originally posted by mewchim

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God, did you hate your job. It was already bad enough that you needed to work on your birthday, but it made it even worse that it was probably the shittiest job anyone could have in their life. You worked as a magazine editor. Yeah, it sounded fun and everything but the people there are snotty and have their heads up their own ass. Not to mention they’re all practically the Devil’s offspring. Like that bullshit Tiffany pulled today with the designs, saying I stole them. Of course they believed her and that caused you into losing your bonus which you worked so hard for.

“What a bitch…”, you mumbled to yourself in the car as you were driving home from work. You just wanted to get home to Jimin as soon as possible and relax. You were planned just a small little date at home with him, considering you hated parties. And though you were only gone for a few hours at work, you really missed him. You just wanted to see his face, feel his body, hear his voice. You were hopelessly in love with him…

You turned into the driveway of your house but sat there for a minute. You gathered up all your thoughts. You took a deep breath and looked ahead at the house your boyfriend was probably waiting patiently in. This day will get better. You thought to yourself. It has to…

You regained your posture, grabbed your bag, and stepped out of your car. As you walked to the door, you were trying to think positive thoughts. Like how you and Jimin were going to have a blast tonight or that you were going to get that bonus again soon or how your life would change in a more better way over all. 

You opened the door to see Jimin. As you suspected, he was waiting patiently on the couch for you. He looked up to you and smiled that bright grin that made you melt. He got up immediately after seeing you and hugged you tightly as if he were a koala and you a tree.

“Happy Birthday, baby.” He spoke in your ear. You felt his breath on your skin and it made you blush profusely. It was amazing how he could make you blush or swoon over the smallest of things he does. You felt like a school girl.

While knowing his comfort was there, you smiled into his shoulder. It seemed as if all the pain and everything that went wrong today and the last couple days were gone. You both pulled apart and seeing Jimin face lighting up with such happiness helped you make the final decision that you weren’t going to tell him about what happened at work.

Jimin grabbed your arm and pulled you to the couch. “You sit here and I’ll go get the food.”

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Your birthday was definitely becoming better. You and Jimin were both cuddling on the couch while watching the movie he got. While you both were doing so, you could feel Jimin looking at you constantly. He had a hungry look in his eyes and you didn’t know how to react. You tried not to look because of how flustered you were but it didn’t stop him from looking at you like that.

Only a few moments later, you felt something on your thigh. You slightly moved your eyes to where your leg was only to find Jimin’s dominant hand gripping it tightly. You couldn’t help but look up to his eyes. As you did, Jimin moved his hand from your thigh and put it on your cheek along with the other one on the other cheek and kissed you roughly. Your eyes were as big as saucers now. Though you were surprised, you couldn’t help but kiss him back. Though you didn’t with as much force as he did, you still played along. 

You closed your eyes and melted more and more into the kiss, your cheeks still a crimson color. Jimin was never like this with you. He was always so shy and timid around you as you were with him. Never has he acted like this before. You tried to say to yourself that you didn’t like this side of him, but that would be lying. Actually, you loved it. You did love his sweet side but you loved his sexy and dominant side just as much.

You then felt Jimin’s hands suddenly move from your face to the hem of your shirt. He pulled your shirt off over your head and you gladly let him. You wanted him so bad…

Jimin then started to unclasp your bra while still continuing to kiss you with much force. Once he finally took your bra off, he broke the kiss and looked at your breasts with lust in his eyes. 

“God..you’re beautiful.” He breathed out. Jimin then tilted your head slightly to the side and started kissing and licking from your neck all the way to your breasts. You moaned loudly. You were embarrassed that you moaned so loud from just that, compared to the other things he was going to do to you.

You felt him smirk on your skin before he started to suck on your left breast while using his hand to massage the other one. Your head head fell back and you moaned. It then just occurred to you that he was doing all the work while you let him.

You sat up a little and started to take off his shirt. Jimin’s eyes widened at first, shocked but then he smirked. Once you took his shirt off, you mimicked him. You started kissing from his neck to his chest. You kept this up until Jimin seemed to get bored. He started to take off his pants and underwear. Once he did, you gasped at his length. 

“Pants. Now.” He demanded roughly to you. You looked up at him for a second before taking off your own pants.

You lay down on the couch while Jimin goes on top of you. He lines up his member to your entrance. As he enters, you moan in both slight pain and pleasure. Jimin grunted and continued to move, first slowly then a little faster.

You kept moaning louder, louder until Jimin couldn’t take it anymore. He attacked your lips as you eventually did the same. Jimin broke the kiss once again and groaned while moving his fingers through his sweaty hair.

He eventually went faster than before. “Oh, fuck Y/N…you feel so good.”

You moaned just from him saying that. You didn’t know how long you could hold on for. From looking at his sweaty face to hearing him moaning and talking dirty to you just added more to the pleasure he was giving you just now.

“Oh god, Jimin…ah.” You moaned to him over and over again.

“You like that, Y/N? You like how my dick feels inside of you?” Jimin felt like he could barely breathe that out. You felt so good to him, it was pushing him over the edge.

You moaned. “Yes, yes. It feels so good!”

He thrusted harder into you. “Oh god, Y/N. You’re so hot, it’s driving me crazy!”

You were definitely feeling over the edge now. “Ah, Jimin. I think I’m going to cum!”

“Go on. Cum all over my dick, Y/N…” Jimin grunted.

You tried to hold on until Jimin was going to cum as well but it was killing you. You were so close.

After a few more hard thrusts, Jimin grunted loudly. “Y/N, I’m going cum…god.”

Jimin then pulled out and came on your stomach. Jimin fell on top of you and you both panted frantically. 

Yep, your birthday was definitely becoming better.