I-DONT-KNOW

“Why!” He yelled. “Why would you do that to me? I’ve been nothing but good to you. I get you food and pet you and please you and I do whatever you want me to. But I just want to know why you did it. Why you… You…” He stopped as the words just wouldn’t come out.

“Say it. Just say it. Say I cheated on you. Tell me what I did to you.” She raged.
“I.. I can’t. I can’t imagine you doing that to me.. But.. Why? ” he asked. Tears started to form in his eyes.

“Do you truely want to know why? Its because you are perfect. That is something that I’m not and never will be. You don’t have any flaws. You are tall, built, sexy, loving, respectful… I mean the fucking list just goes on and on. And me, I have my flaws. All of them. I’m not perfect, like you. I’m not skinny, I’m easily forgotten, I’m just an easy lay. I’m not meant to be in a relationship where someone actually loves me. I was put in this god awful earth to be fucked on the rare occasion and then to be forgotten like nothing fucking happened in the first place. That’s why I cheated on you. I know it was my fault. It was my doing. and… I’m sorry. God I’m so fucking sorry. None of tis would have happened, if  just walked away..”

She looked at him after her rant, but wouldn’t dare look him in the eyes. So she fixed her eyes on his t-shirt. She wore it all the time. It was his old plain grey shirt. They couldn’t even tell what the tag said because if how used it was. So god only knows where it came from. She could smell him, too. He never used any cologne. He had a natural earthy smell, like he had jut gone for a walk through the woods. She knew she would miss that.

He looked at her, trying to make eye contact. But he knew she wouldn’t. She never could. She didn’t have the confidence in herself. He looked past her holding back tears. He wasn’t perfect, but she didn’t know that. He had lied to her, saying he was going to work or to go hang out with friends, when really he was going to bars and clubs, hitting on other women. He never slept with them though. He couldn’t, knowing he was still with her.

“ Damn it. Why do you have to make things so difficult?” he laughed.
She looked in his eyes and tried her best to put on a smile.

“ I… I love you. I will always love you. But I don’t think I can be with you. I cant go to bed each night knowing that the woman I love so fucking much was in bed with another man. I… I cant live with that. I’m sorry, but I have to go.. I uhm,… ill call you, when I come to get my stuff from the apartment.” He kissed her forehead and turned to walk away. She gasped for air and watched him walk away. There was no fixing this. So she said goodbye.

She said goodbye to the one person who let her back and white world see color…