I-AM-IN-TEARS-AGAIN

Sweet Pea x Reader: Can I have this dance?

Request:
Yooo head canon that sweet pea falls for a ballet dancer from the northside cause that contest tho.


A/N: Honestly don’t remember a contest, was that season 1? The show is a bit of a disappointment to me at times so I blur some of it and I’m not about to go binge watch it… Who knows I made a contest though. I Hope I lived up to your guys’ expectations b/c this request has not stopped being requested. Merry Christmas have a sweet pea fic babes.


Words: 2355


Summary: Reader is a ballerina from the Northside, but her grandparents who used to be Serpents live in the Southside and that’s how she meets Sweet Pea.


Spoilers: It is a bit angsty bc I just wanted to try that out, but yall know I suck at angst.


Warnings: don’t think theres anything.


You’ve lived in the Northside of Riverdale for as long as you could remember, but you’d make the occasional visit to the Southside when it came to your grandparents who refused to move.


In those visits you ran into Sweet Pea and the occasional visit became more frequent. He was a Serpent so you both kept the relationship a secret. You remember the first time you met him while at your grandparent’s home and he helped your grandfather with the motor of his car.


“Why don’t you tell your grandfather and SP dinner is ready” your grandmother ordered.


“SP?” your curiosity peaked about the young man helping out your grandfather.


“Sweet Pea isn’t that just a great name?” your grandmother smiled.


“Sure is different” you chuckled walking out.


“Hey pops and Sweet Pea dinner is ready” you announced.


“Alright well finish this later SP come and eat” you all made your way inside.


You had a nice dinner, somewhat surprised of the Serpent sitting next to you.


“So when’s the contest Rina” your grandmother spoke the nickname shed given you since your first ballet class.


“Rina?” the serpent questioned.


“Like ballerina” your grandmother gushed with a smile.


“In a month nan” you answered her question.


It was getting late you finished helping your nana clean up after dinner as you grandfather finished up with Sweet Pea.


“Thanks for a great day nan, got to go” you placed a kiss on her cheek.


“Let me walk you out” she spoke as she opened the front door and gave you a hug.


“Bye gramps see you soon” you called as you gave him a small peck in his face because of the sweat.


“Why don’t you let Sweet Pea walk you up to the checkpoint” your grandfather cleaned the sweat of his face with a bandana.


“Just to make sure you get to the Northside safely” you nana continued.


“If I don’t agree to this, were gonna be here a while” you spoke to the tall serpent.


You both were walking as the sun was beginning to set.


“So how long have you known them?” you asked.


“oh um I just ran into them a while ago, I need the money and your grandfather needed my help” he answered.


“Don’t lie”


“I’m not I met-” you cut him off.


“I know my grandparents were serpents Sweet Pea”


“Okay then, question?”


“I may have an answer”


“How come you’re a ballerina? Or is that just a Northside thing?”


“Oh yeah we have a ballerina cult” you chuckled.


“And I thought you guys were boring” he chuckled back.


“My turn”


“Shoot”


“I need to know the story behind Sweet Pea”


“My parents really love their vegetables, but I wouldn’t be one to judge Rina”


“Its (Y/N) and Nan better never hear you say that or you’re doomed”


It was so easy to talk to Sweet Pea even more than some of the Northsiders.Since that night you went on your first date. Sparks flew and you understood more than ever the cliché of opposites attract.


You couldn’t be so different, yet so alike. You a ballerina from the Northside of Riverdale with a good income household. Him living away from home because of his dad, a gang member. You liked organization and he was a bit messy. You cherished classical music and he praised rock and roll. He was the night to your day.


You were hanging out one day when he asked once again why he couldn’t meet your parents.

“Sweets, my parents don’t even know that I know about my grandparents being Serpents, how do you think they’re gonna react about you” you spoke softly.


“Why did they hide that from you?” he asked.


“I guess they’re ashamed of it, I only know about my grandparents because I found a picture, but if I told my parents I was warned I probably would never ever see them again and my family had just made peace and I don’t wanna lose them again because of their past” he held your hand tight.


“They wanna keep me away from that world, but I’m already a part of it with you and I’m not ready to let you go sweets” you continued giving him a small kiss.


“If its any consolation my grandparents love you” and he smiled.
__
It was almost the day for the contest and your parents decided to have a small dinner over your grandparents for you. Just a regular family dinner or something close to that. Your parents rarely made their way to the Southside, so this was a good start to maybe telling them about Sweet Pea.


Everything was actually going fairly well until the door bell rang.


“I’ll get it” your grandfather stood up as the rest kept on your conversation.


“Oh hey SP, now’s really not a good time” you grandfather tried to get him to leave.


“Oh well I just wanted to see if (Y/N) was around” because of the contest you’d been spending a lot of time rehearsing than with him.


“And why would a Serpent need to talk to my daughter” you didn’t even realize your father had stood up from the table.


“SP is just a friend dad” you tried to cover yourself, but that hurt his feelings.


“Your friends with a Serpent?” he said as if he was superior.


“How could you allow this to happen?” your mother questioned your grandparents.


Then the arguments kept going and by the time you looked back at the door and your boyfriend was gone and you felt a huge weight in your heart.


They stopped arguing within each other and your father asked you something but you didn’t hear because of the mental battle you were fighting with yourself.


“(Y/N) why are you hanging out with the serpents?!” he spoke louder.


“I’m not! I was just tutoring him, so he can pass his classes” you lied once again.


“You don’t even go to the same schools” your father caught you in your lie, not like it was a good one anyway.


“God! Dad! Why do you guys hate the serpents so much?! Grandparents used to part of them!” you were tired of the secrets.


“You told her?” Your mother looked disappointed at your grandparents.


“She found a picture by accident” your nana answered.


“You’re not allowed here anymore” your father simply stated, but there nothing simple about this. You just let down the person you cared the most in the world and now you had to make it up to them.


“I’m not leaving until you tell me why? Why am I not allowed here? Why do you hate the serpents so much?!” you needed an answer.


“Because…” your mother spoke up but then went quiet.


“It better not be because you think they’re bad influence, I’ve met Northsiders’ worse than them” you wanted the truth.


“Because I have my reasons, that you don’t need to know” was all your mother said before she dragged your father out to leave.


“Its best you lay low for a little while rina” your nan hugged you.


“But I need you guys, I need Sweet Pea” a tear fell from your eye.


“We’ll always be here for you” your grandpa gave you a hug.


“Why can’t you guys tell me?” you asked.


“It’s not our story to tell babe” they spoke in sync.


“You will come to my performance though, right?”


“Wouldn’t miss it for the world” they escorted you out.
__
It had been a day. You texted, called and he wouldn’t answer. You couldn’t blame him, but you just needed to see him and talk to him.


You had a week left for the performance and you hoped he would show up since he inspired it. You had a solo piece choreographed up until you met him, a solo dance turned into a pas de deux (dance duet).  You had some friends from your ballet class, so you asked one to join you at practice, as you wanted it to be perfect.
__
The contest was now a day away and you couldn’t take it, this couldn’t be how you two would break up. He needed to know how you felt about him besides the masses of voicemails and texts you left him. You had to see him.
__
You made your way to the Southside and he wasn’t at his trailer, so you made your way to White Wyrm hoping he was there.


“Hey Toni” you called out the pink haired serpent.


“Hey (Y/N), Looking for SP?”


“Yes, is he here?”


“Ill call him out, its better you stay right here”


You waited for him, hoping he would actually come out.


“Hey im sorry, he doesn’t uh” Toni spoke, but you decided to go in the bar.


It smelled old and of course of beer and the moment you stepped in you could hear some whispering, some older men whistled.


“Hey girl want to go on a ride on my motorcycle”


“Leave her alone” Toni saved you.


“What are you doing here?” Sweet Pea came up to you.


“You wouldn’t answer my texts or voicemails” you spoke softly.


“There is a reason for that” he scoffed.


“I just came to invite you to my performance, and there’s a dance right after it, you could invite Fangs and Toni” you reached out for his hand, but he moved it away.


“Look (Y/N) we’re too different, it was only a matter of time you know before we had to breaku-” he was escorting you outside the bar now.


“I told my parents about you” you cut him off.


“Yeah, I know, I must be a great friend” he looked at the gravel on the ground.


“No, I mean you are, but you’re an even better boyfriend, I told them the truth” he was quiet walking towards his motorcycle.


“I miss you Sweets, I’m sorry, you don’t know how sorry I am” you started tearing up again.


“Let me take you home, its too late to be here alone” he handed you his helmet as he mounted his bike.


“I’ll just walk, I’m sorry” you walked away, not wanting him to see how you cried for him.


“Come on (Y/N), let me take you home” he was going very slow on his bike next to you.


“You don’t need to take care of me anymore” you cleaned your face with your jacket sleeve.


“If anything happened to you, your grandfather would kill me” he said which made you giggle and that giggle made him smile.


“Its fine, um I’m actually living with them for now so its not a long walk” you gave him a soft smile.


“What happened?”  he spoke with a dash of worry in his voice.


“They weren’t very happy with my boyfriend choice” you sped up your walk, talking to him was becoming torture.


“So, then I would actually die if anything happened to you” he tried to lighten the mood.


“Look uh, I hope you can make it tomorrow, you inspired my dance; but its okay if you can’t I totally understand” was the last thing you said before you made a run for it.


You cried yourself to sleep, not knowing when you knocked out. Your grandmother awoke you to start getting ready for the contest. You hoped your parents and Sweet Pea would actually show up and maybe you hadn’t fully lost them yet.
__
You were the last performance, you came onto the stage. You saw your grandparents and your parents at the very back, no Sweet Pea.

Your dance told the story of a girl that was alone, and then another dancer popped out, his character in a leather jacket and he made the girl happy and you could tell. It wasn’t just by her facial expressions, but the way she danced with him.


You got second place and Josie and Archie got first place. Everyone made it to the dance. Your grandparents hugged you and told you they were proud of you and they went to the dancefloor.


You looked around for your parents and maybe Sweet Pea even though you hadn’t seen him in the audience.


“Sorry you didn’t win, it was a hell of a dance” a familiar voice broke you from your thoughts.


“Didn’t think you would show up, I was hoping though” you smiled.


“Yeah well, this thing is rigged, you were better than them” he smiled back.


“I’m just happy you saw it, I didn’t see you in the audience”


“I wouldn’t miss it, at least not after I was your muse” you both laughed.


“You’re great inspiration Sweets” he went for your hand.


“You know we never actually broke up” the tall brooding serpent recalled.


You were so happy he showed up and that this wasn’t over for the both of you. He went in for a kiss, and that kiss felt so passionate that it relieved so much of the sadness you had been feeling.


“Sorry you didn’t win babe” he stated again pulling you in for a tight hug.


“Oh but I did, I got the best boyfriend ever” and he blushed, and up until that moment you didn’t know that Sweet Pea could blush.


“We never got a proper introduction” your father popped out of nowhere.


“Sweet Pea this is my dad, dad this is my boyfriend” you grinned.


Your father shook his hand and your mom gave him a small hug.


“Well its nice to finally meet the boy that is making our little girl so happy” your mom stated.


They actually kept a good enough conversation with Sweet Pea until they left to go on the dancefloor and you were so happy. They finally got over whatever it was that happened in the past and they accepted the two of you.


“Well I do believe this is a dance after all” Sweet Pea smirked.


“It is” you beamed.


“Can I have this dance?” he laid out his hand for you to take and you did and went to the dancefloor to dance.

____
TAGS: @sgarrett49 @casual-ellipsoidal @isis278 @stxrmqueen @imissyoualittlemoreeveryday @toofuckingfabulous @bugheadedarchie @rawrxbexjealous @oharchiekinz

Was absolutely flabbergasted today

The TV ozzy people called my diagnostician to see if they could interview him for the same show

Not only did he agree - he said that he was a big fan of our campaign to spread awareness of this condition in order to create acceptance and potentially pile in funding to the disorder from places like NIMH, but also, he said we were no doubt “going places” and he’s very proud of how far we’ve come

I am tearing up again thinking about it 😭 what an absolute honour!

Void - part 5

Series summary: Reader has lost her memory and Sam and Dean try to find a way to get her life back.

Summary, part 5: Cas drops by to help.

Characters/pairing: Reader x Dean, Sam, Crowley, Cas

Word count: ~2270

Warnings: angst, language, mentions of pain, fluff, Dean being adorable

Author’s note: We’re at the halfway point already! Darn!

For catching up: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4.

It’s here! A few hours later than I planned/promised, but I got caught up writing, so sorry (not sorry). I hope y’all like it!



Tags at the end - as always, if you want on the list, let me know!



You slept late, woke up feeling rested and very reluctant to leave the bed. Stalling, you reached for one of the books on the nightstand. Your bookmark was near the middle, so you opened it there and read a few lines. To your surprise you remembered the plot right away. Huh. How can I remember a plot to a book I’ve been reading three weeks ago but not the important things like family or friends? This dulled your mood considerably, working as a cruel reminder that things weren’t normal for you. Sighing, you put the book back, got up and headed to the shower.

You dressed comfortably in a light sweater and well-worn jeans, twisted your damp hair into a loose braid and wandered to the hallway. You had only a vague memory from last night about how to get to the library or the kitchen, so you ended up taking a wrong turn and getting lost. When you stood there in the corridor, trying to figure out your next move, you heard a distant bang. The sound repeated a few times and finally you decided to swallow your pride and seek the source of the noise. It was probably either Sam or Dean anyway - they would surely mock your sense of direction, but help nevertheless. You followed the rhythmic sounds and knocked on the door where they seemed to come from. No one answered, but the bangs continued, so you braved the door open and stepped in.

You stopped on your tracks to admire the sight in front of you. Dean was standing in a booth, stance wide, arms straight in front of him and firing his gun repeatedly to a target across the room. The cotton of his shirt was stretched across his shoulders, revealing a toned back. Now there’s a sight for sore eyes. You relished the brief moment when he’d held you yesterday. I wonder what it would take to get a redo of that. That’s when you caught yourself. Oh for chrissake Y/N/N, stop drooling! You scolded your thoughts for a few more moments, never removing your eyes from Dean.

Keep reading

Forever in our Hearts ~ Part I

Today, the last episode of Naruto Shippuuden and my heart runs is incredibly difficult, when I think of the feeling when I watch this episode till the End. My heart is a little bit broken about the End, but I am so happy that it ends with the Wedding of a great Legend.

But while most of the anime itself say goodbye, I am doing this mainly by the character that has shaped me most in the anime: Sabakuno Gaara. The great Story.

The series has shown so much to me since I started it in 2002. And my heart mades an Explosion the first Time I saw Gaara. God, that was … Indescribable.

Yes, this was the first time in Anime I saw him. And I just thought, Wtf is that? Who is this? He is great! Is he bad? No matter, he’s so cool! KYAAAH! ♥ It is totally nostalgic to think of it. Since I was still a child and then, even though I at this time guys still stupid, I was blown away by this guy and it is 10000% to this day. I really love him so much, I can really say he is one of the biggest parts of my life. I know, this is freaky but … Who cares, right? ♥

After I had known his abilities and his being, I felt compassion. He was alone and lonely and his father was a … sorry, asshole and guilt that he was that way. I never felt angry, no, I just thought to myself: I’m sorry and I would have liked to help him. Even after the fight against Shigure or Lee (Epic fight):

And then came the first, great milestone for me: the fight against Naruto Uzumaki. God, I sat with huge eyes in front of the TV and was so nervous. I was crying and crying, haha. But the end of the fight was incredible. Naruto has actually reached him and the moment when Gaara apologized to his siblings … PRICELESS! ♥

“Temari …? Kankuro …? I am sorry …”

When I saw him the next time in the anime, when he hurried to help Konoha … I mean, in between, he did not show up in the anime anymore and I always thought only: Man, when does it finally show up again? And when it was time … Nyah, my heart exploded xD He came to help Lee! SO AWESOME!

The next time he finally came back, in the Classic episode 216, when he was to become a teacher and the thing with Seimei came. When he managed to suppress Shukaku by himself and Konoha came to the rescue this time. ♥

Yes … That was in Classic and I watch these Episodes very often. I have many folders from Gaara (around … 6000 Pictures or more …) and specifically a folder with all the episodes in which Gaara occurred and have made of each pose a screenshot. Yes, I am sick but I love this guy ♥

And then came the beginning of Naruto Shippuuden and I thought at first: YAY, more Gaara, FINALLY! But what I was expecting, I did not even know. 
The lost battle against Deidara

the loss of his Bijuu .. 

and his death.

I cried for many days, when it was not yet known that he was to be revived. I was so angry and sad and depressed, I wanted really to die.
And then …

Just want to say: God bless Chiyo Baa-Chan for saving Gaara. (And Saving me … and many other Gaara Fans too.)

And then, when he returned to Sunagakure … I was crying bitterly for joy. The people respected him and missed him and were glad he was still alive. He had NOTHING DESERVES MORE THAN THAT. ;W; ♥

Nothing to say, right? Man, I am in tears again when I think about this. THIS-WAS-AMAZING! ♥

And then one of the most moving moments in all of Naruto: the handshake.

It was not just a handshake. It was friendship. It was peace. It was reconciliation and peace of the villages. It was amazing. It was proof of what a man Gaara really is. A incredible great person and Ninja AND Kazekage.

He will forever be in my heart. Gaara forever. And dont forget: 

Always believe it. ♥

WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE NOW

Me for all time, me forever:

Spare YOI Episode 12 thoughts, because I’m home at my parents place for the holidays and away from my graphics machine and thus unable to pour all my extensively overflowing YOIness into fanart or comics @_@

  • I watched this twice, once during the simulcast and then again later in the day once I’d calmed down, and I liked it a lot better the second time. The first time I was upset because it felt like Victor’s sudden return to competitive skating felt really counter intuitive to his inner monologue in episode 10. I’m still kind of iffy on this “I’m your competitor! But I’m also your coach! ..and I’m also your fiance!” have your cake-ism and eat it too-ism, but on 2nd watch I’m more ok with it because while Yuri urging him in that direction starts out as his own insecurity, by the end of the episode, it seems more about Yuri’s desire in the very beginning to be able to stand on the same ice as Victor as his equal. There’s obviously a skewed power dynamic at play in being coach / pupil and with your life partner you should always be an equal to have a healthy relationship. 
  • The opening scene: Victor is upset because the closest he’s come to a love declaration is kissing Yuri’s hand and telling him his request to take care of him until he retires is like a marriage proposal THEN telling him he hopes he never retires, only to have Yuri tell him right before the last night of the Final, hey dude, Ima retire after tmw k, thx for everything. Which, if you think about it, is a pretty big slap in the face emotionally- Victor’s intent was obviously “I want to be with you forever” and Yuri, in behaving this way, seems to have taken it more as something about Victor’s belief in him as a skater or… something?! No wonder he burst into tears! Then Yuri reads this all rather densely as Victor being upset about coaching / studenting?!? Poor Victor!!!! Victor’s romantic feelings for Yuri are pretty obvious but Yuri, despite also being in love, is clearly inexperienced and doesn’t know what to do with / about his feelings, and Victor realizes that if he pushes, Yuri will probably run away. 
  • Look, I’ll be honest, like most of you I was raring for this season to end with a wedding (I was hoping for Yuri’s win, a wrap up to his and Victor’s love story, and for season 2 to focus on Yurio with Victuuri in the bg) but clearly Yuri is not there yet, and for now I’m ok with the slow burn continuing to burn into proper, life-time sustainable warmth, though I continue to feel bad for Victor, because in my head canon, the time he’s spent chasing Yuri since last year’s GPF banquet is probably the longest he’s ever gone without having sex, since he’s now dating / engaged to / SOMETHING with an emotionally immature but adorable virgin marshmallow. 
  • Stay by My side and Never Leave Me pair skate, they change leads, canon confirming seke pair / switching just like actual real-life gay couples, I’m crying tears of joy 
  • Phichit on Ice please make a 5 min long episodes series spinoff about this here I am again crying tears of joy 
  • Hey, so, they live together in St. Petersburg now right? Right. RIGHT. 

What a gift these 12 episodes were, I will never again experience anything like the joy of seeing episode 10 for the first time, being completely convinced I hallucinated it, and immediately watching it again just to confirm. I haven’t really watched much anime since leaving Japan 10 yrs ago, in recent years if you’d told me if I’d have an experience like this I would have laughed at you, BUT LOOK AT US NOW. 

Can’t wait to get back at the end of the year and draw a bunch of stupid things to tide myself over until Season 2. In the meantime, I did fever-write yet another one of those ubiquitous “Victor’s POV at last year’s GPF banquet” fics last night as I was jitterily trying to calm myself down enough to go to sleep, so if you’re into that kind of thing, you can check it out here, I apologize in advance for everything and nothing.

UNTIL NEXT TIME. 

tagged by @mon-blanchetts and @direwolfpupy who are both kind and beautiful to share my fave jonsa-fic moments. thanks for tagging me!

ugh, where to start? I have too many fave fics!

A Revelation by Janina: I’m a sucker for angsty/fluffy Jonsa fics where they act married af without meaning to. I re-read this fic every other week. 

The next morning over breakfast when Jon attempted to kiss Arya on the top of the head as part of a good morning greeting, it felt wrong. Arya looked at him rather strangely too. Sansa, who was busy buttering his toast for him didn’t seem to notice. But when he passed by her, she tilted her head to the side, offering up her cheek, and Jon didn’t hesitate. He kissed it as he did every morning and stopped in his tracks behind her.

He stared at the wall, heat suffusing his cheeks.

“Jon?” she said gently. “Are you all right?”

He nodded hastily took his place at the table. He dared a glance at Arya and found her watching him with eyes narrowed.

Shit.

See? They’ve been married for years and they didn’t even know it

Winter Under Cultivation by @scullylikesscience: this WIP literally helped me through long night shifts at the hospital where I worked. It has lots of jaw-dropping awesome moments, but my favorite Jonsa moment is this one. 

“Your Grace!” he shouted down into the courtyard. “Two dragons! Two dragons in the distance are making for Winterfell!”

Gods be damned, he thought, closing his eyes and heaving a sigh. He could not believe it. But on second thought, he could.

But then another horn sounded to herald the arrival of yet another person or persons approaching the castle. It had sounded from the western wall, at the Hunter’s Gate. Who would be coming to the castle from the wolfswood? Perhaps a party from House Glover’s seat at Deepwood Motte, or wildlings had come down to Winterfell from their camps. But the guards started shouting even louder at the western wall, over the men still gathering at the southern battlements to watch the dragons in the sky.

“Lady Stark!”

“Lady Sansa!”

Jon gasped, and broke into a run. He raced to the western wall, dashing through small drifts of snow that had piled in the courtyard, running past the stables and kitchens, the Library Tower and the kennels. By the time he caught sight of the gate, he was wide-eyed and panting. The world seemed to blur and he realized he was crying. And then, through the tears, he saw her. She was being carried through the arched postern of the inner wall’s gate, in the arms of Jaime Lannister. A knot of fear tied tight in his stomach as he rushed forward. Why was she being carried? What had happened?

Sansa turned her head, relief flooding her insides having arrived at Winterfell, and she saw him quickly walking towards her. His cheeks had flushed pink and his eyes were wet. Her heart swelled, full to bursting, and removing her arms from around the knight’s shoulders, she reached for him. Jon then took Sansa from Jaime’s arms, holding her in his own. She buried her face in his neck, crying tears of relief. For a brief moment, his eyes met Jaime Lannister’s and held, before Jon turned away and began carrying her to the Great Keep.

Jaime stared after them. The look in the young king’s eyes had seemed almost maddeningly possessive, dangerous even, when he’d taken his sister from him. He continued to watch as Sansa kept her face to Jon Snow’s neck, holding onto him tight, as if the strongest bar of iron could not have pried her from his arms. An indescribable sinking feeling welled up inside. He turned to Brienne, who had come up to stand beside him. Somewhere behind them, he heard Bronn and Podrick arriving through the gate with Arya Stark and her two friends.

“Something tells me Petyr Baelish isn’t the father of her child,” he said to her in a low voice.

But Brienne merely stared after the king and his sister, and said nothing. She turned to the guards approaching them, and then walked over to her traveling companions. “May I present Arya Stark of Winterfell, youngest daughter of Lord Eddard and Lady Catelyn, safely returned home at last.”

The eyes of the men bulged, and then they started grinning broadly when they took in her boy’s clothing and the sword that hung from her hip. “That’s her, all right,” one of them laughed.

Joyful shouts of “Lady Arya!” filled the courtyard as more of the castle’s household emerged, stable boys and maidservants alike, rushing to greet the long lost daughter of Winterfell. She was then suddenly surrounded by hands, arms, and smiling faces. Tears fell from Arya’s eyes and laughter fell from her lips as she was lifted into the air and hugged by too many people to count.

As Jon walked towards the Great Keep, he looked back into the courtyard and saw Arya smiling and laughing. But then shouts of “dragons!” broke through the happy celebrations. He hurried inside and made for his council chambers on the ground floor. Once inside, they were greeted by the warmth of the fire crackling in the stone hearth. He set a tearful Sansa on her feet and closed the double oak doors, before turning back to face her.

She stood against the wall, her hooded grey-blue cloak hung in front of her, dripping wet from the melting snow. He rushed forward, his lips sealing hard and fast over hers before she could even finish saying his name. But he quickly pulled away. “Why did you run away, Sansa? Why?” he demanded as tears welled up in his brown eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I won’t ever leave you again. I promise.”

His lips then devoured hers with abandon, not holding back. Their blood heated and blazed, his desire threatening to consume him even as continued shouts of “dragons” now rang inside the Great Keep’s walls. He pressed his body to hers, but was immediately greeted with something wholly unfamiliar.

He broke the kiss and took a step back. He stared at her, at her hand now moving to caress her swollen belly. His throat tightened, and he choked on his words. His guts twisted so fiercely he thought he might be sick. Tears rolled down her cheeks as he helplessly shook his head.

“Jon,” she whispered tearfully.

“But it’s been near five months since…”

She nodded, swallowing. Her heart pounded in her chest, her insides fluttered. “A baby, Jon…”

I will never father a bastard. Never! He had spat the words out as if they were poison for all to hear. I will not father a bastard. I will not.How many times had he said those words to himself, to others?

Sansa took a deep breath. “At Greywater Watch, Howland Reed told us that…”

He looked up. “I know. I know who I am.” Tears pricked his eyes again. “And they are all about to find out now that Daenerys is here. She knows who I am. They will strip my title from me, and I will be banished from Winterfell. I have no right to be here. They will all abandon me,” he choked, his voice thick with emotion.

Her face crumpled in empathy, and moved towards him, taking his hand. “But I won’t. And your men won’t either,” she said confidently. “Cersei Lannister once told me that the only way to keep your people loyal is to make certain that they fear you more than they fear the enemy.” She shook her head, tears escaping and rolling down her cheeks. “She was wrong. Your men will be loyal to you because they love you. They won’t care what your name is. You need to place the same trust in them that they have in you.”

Jon sighed, and squeezed her hand. “Tyrion once told me that most men would rather deny a hard truth than face it. I am done with denials. I am who I am. I’m a bastard and an oathbreaker, motherless, fatherless. And if revealing the truth also means I will be friendless and condemned to be an outsider, silently dwelling in the shadows and forever barred from speaking my own name… Wherever I might go in the Seven Kingdoms, I would need to live a lie and hide who I am, lest every man I come across raises his hand to strike me down.”

“You will never be friendless,” whispered Sansa. “Wherever you go, you will have me.” 

I guess angsty-romantic stories are my drugs. Can’t get enough of them. 

I tag @trinuviel @rhaenys-stark @jaehaetargaryen @lcdyofwinterfell @letjonsnownap and anyone who wants to play! 

ps: feel free to ignore this if tag games are not your thing :)

Collab with Est!

Okay, this is another collab I did with @emetoandotherthings I’m not sure what to call this one… It’s more plot than sickfic, and there’s some omorashi at the end because Est wanted to try that out. I had a lot of fun doing it, I hope you guys enjoy it!

The scrap of paper curled at the edges as Aiden pawed at it, his fingers trembling as he looked down at the address scrawled on it. He looked between it and the number hanging outside the door, sure that this was the correct door. He didn’t know why it’d been today that the urge had gripped him - but he’d searched through piles and piles of his university work to find this tiny scrap of paper which was the only link he had to someone else in the world who shared blood with him. But now he was here, over one hundred miles from home, standing in a stairwell with his heart pounding in his mouth, wishing he’d just stayed in his living room.

The illuminated doorbell had a handwritten sign underneath the bell which said ‘Madhouse’; Aiden pressed it before he could change his mind, and tapped his foot on the stone floor while he waited - feeling so nervous he felt like he might throw up. Eventually the door creaked open and a pale face with dark hair framing it peered out of the crack.

“Hello?” The person said, looking Aiden up and down.

“I…” Aiden voice died in his throat, and he took a step back, trying to resist the temptation to turn and run. “I’m looking for… for Alistair R-Renfrew?”

“Oh, of course. Are you a friend of his..? I’m Julius. I’m his boyfriend,” the boy said, smiling at Aiden warmly. He turned back and called for Alistair, who appeared at the door a few minutes later, playing with the tangled ends of his red hair nervously.

“This boy asked for you,” Julius explained. Alistair fixed his brown eyes on Aiden, scrutinising him with a not too friendly look on his face. He didn’t smile.

“What do you want?” he eventually asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame.

Aiden stared, unable to speak, and he knew his mouth was hanging open. Alistair had the same kind of fire-red hair as he did and, much against his desire, tears burnt in the back of his eyes.

“I… uh…” Aiden looked down, trying not to let the emotion overwhelm him. “Are… are your parents Howard and Francesca?”

Alistair immediately tensed, gritting his teeth. “Unfortunately. And if they’ve sent you for something you can just fuck off right now,” he snapped.

“No!” Aiden shouted, a little louder than he’d meant; he saw the bristle in Alistair’s body language when he’d mentioned his parents - and wondered if he’d had a similar experience to himself. “It’s just…” Aiden took a deep breath, steeling himself. “Howard has a sister called Sharon…” The name clogged in Aiden’s mouth and he stopped, pressing his fingernails into the palm of his hand to try and stop them shaking.

Alistair raised his eyebrows, nodding. He was looking at Aiden like he was stupid. “Yes, I’m aware of that. My Aunt Sharon. Who I don’t like and who doesn’t like me.”

“I don’t either,” Aiden said, letting out a little chuckle; they had that in common. “She’s-” He screwed up his face, he found this hard to say. “She’s my birth mother.”

Julius gasped. Looking now, he could see a resemblance between the two. But before he could say anything Alistair’s face twisted with rage. “I knew my stupid fucking parents sent you! Did they pay you? What sort of an asshole are you, doing this? Don’t you know it fucking hurts?” he yelled, his cheeks flushing.

“No - wait! I don’t-” Aiden began, fear rushing through him, and he shook his head so hard he couldn’t see anything.

Alistair wasn’t listening. He shoved Aiden roughly away and slammed the door in his face so fiercely the walls shook. He stomped back into the living room, the rage on his face melting to reveal all the hurt and fear, all the things the anger had been masking.

“Why won’t they leave me alone? Why won’t they just stop and let me get on with my life?” he mumbled wretchedly, more to himself. He stayed pacing the floor, his hands gripping his sleeves tightly, breathing heavily. The panic was making him nauseous, and he swallowed hard.

Julius ran to him at once, gripping his shoulders. “Wait, Star. Please, think. Are you sure he’s not telling the truth?” he asked. Aiden’s face and manner had convinced Julius - he didn’t think he was lying. Alistair just scowled.

“Sharon doesn’t have kids! She’s never had any kids!”

“That boy said she was his birth mother. Sharon might have put him up for adoption or into care,” Julius said.

Alistair just shook his head hard. He didn’t want to accept it, but that was the type of thing that happened all too often in his family. But so what if Aiden was related to Alistair? No doubt he’d hate Alistair too, and he’d just be disappointed again.

That thought pushed him over the edge. He suddenly heaved and had to dash to the bathroom, falling to his knees and vomiting violently into the toilet. Julius was by his side at once, wincing and holding his boyfriend’s hair back - but he’d already made a decision. Once he’d got Alistair cleaned up and calmed down, he was going back to find Aiden.

Aiden leaned his back against the cold stone wall, breathing hard; he hadn’t expected that reaction. But as he slumped slightly, he felt stupid. What had he expected? For this boy to embrace him with open arms? He should have learned from when he met his birth mother - life was never full of roses, and people didn’t like being sprung upon. His eyes had filled with hot, angry tears, which spilled down onto his cheeks and he swiped away. He pushed away from the wall to go down the stairs, stumbling slightly as the tears obscured his vision.

The stairwell door clicked behind him as Aiden stood on the doorstep, the cold night air stinging at his nose and cheeks, clinging onto the pathways of tears which had trickled down his face. He stood for a long time, not caring that he must look like a mad person, standing crying on a doorstep. His heart was thumping in his chest and he couldn’t face driving back home right now. Sinking down onto the low wall right outside the door, he buried his face in his hands and sobbed.

This was always the way things went for him… down shit creek. All he wanted was someone, anyone from his family to at least take the time to tell him why they didn’t want him.

Aiden still had his head buried in his hands when a timid voice spoke from near to him:

“Hello?” Aiden raised his head from his knees and through tears saw the dark haired boy who had opened the door to him. “Aiden, did you say it was?”

“Yeah,” he sniffed, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. “‘m sorry… I didn’t mean to - I’ll go ‘n a minute, just…”

“Wait,” Julius’ hand shot out for a second, halting Aiden from moving. “You have to understand, Alistair’s parents aren't…” Julius frowned, as though he was struggling to figure out how to say what he wanted to. “They’re not great. And he doesn’t take too well to people mentioning them. It upsets him.”

“I didn’t mean that!” Aiden cried, shaking his head. “I really didn’t!”

Julius gave a placating nod, sitting on the wall beside Aiden and placing a tentative hand on his shoulder. “You know that. And I know it, because I believed everything you said from the start. But Star - Alistair - he doesn’t trust easily. And he doesn’t take shocks too well,” Julius explained. He paused and scrutinised the boy, his tear stained cheeks, his hunched body, his sad eyes. He felt a wave of sympathy.

“I know this might not sound desirable now, but I’d like you to come back inside. Alistair has calmed down, he’ll be ready to listen properly - and I know deep down he wants to connect with family. And in any case, I wouldn’t feel right about sending you home when you’re so upset,” Julius said, speaking quietly, his voice low and soft.

“I can't…” Aiden shook his head, feeling agitated. “Maybe I can… just leave my phone number, and he can contact me if he wants.”

Julius took Aiden’s hands, his grip loose so Aiden could pull away if he wanted. “You came here for a reason, didn’t you?”

Aiden looked up at Julius, scanning his eyes as though checking for a trap.

“You… you said Alistair’s parents weren’t great.” Aiden didn’t pull his hands away.

“They weren't…” Julius nodded.

“I didn’t know - cause Sharon put me and my brother up for adoption when we were born,” Aiden explained, taking shuddering breaths in, trying not to start crying again. “I haven’t even met that brother! I don’t know where he is! And Sharon doesn’t want to know me, she just wants to forget! And I… I just want someone - I don’t know anything about that side of the family! I don’t know where I come from, or who I am!” Aiden crumbled into tears again.

“You poor boy!” Julius cried, instinctively pulling Aiden into a hug, rocking him gently. “I’m so sorry. It’s unfair of Sharon not to give you information. But how did you find my Star? I mean, Alistair?” he asked, gently caressing Aiden’s hair as he wept.

“Ah…” Aiden looked sheepish. “Well, Renfrew’s not a very common name, so I facebooked it, and I found Alistair but I didn’t want to just message him, that’d be weird. So I took the name to my social worker and she gave me an address - apparently she had his name on file, but I had to ask for it.”

Julius smiled weakly. “After all that, don’t you want to come upstairs and talk to him?”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me though…” Aiden mumbled, looking down at his lap.

“I’m sure he does. When I said I was going back to stop you leaving, he didn’t try to convince me not to. He just panicked. He’ll want to meet you,” Julius said earnestly.

“Okay,” Aiden agreed, allowing himself to be pulled up from the wall. Julius beamed at him, leading him by the hand back up to the flat.

“Star? I brought Aiden back.”

Alistair was sat on the sofa now, biting his nails hard. His face was pale and tear stained and his eyes were red, but he was at least calm and quiet now.

“I’m sorry…” Aiden muttered quietly, he was shaking again as he stood at the edge of the sofa, watching the boy whose hair was exactly the same shade as his.

Alistair peered upwards, looking through his bangs at Aiden almost shyly. “I’m sorry. I was the one who yelled at you. Could we just…start over?” he asked. Julius, thinking the boys might need some time alone, slipped away into the kitchen.

“Please,” Aiden nodded, then he gestured to one of the chairs. “Can I…?”

“Yeah, of course.” Alistair waited for Aiden to sit, then took a deep breath. “So. You’re Sharon’s kid? Because she never told us she’d had any kids.”

Aiden swallowed, trying not to let it show how much that piece of information hurt him.

“I’m the eldest…” Aiden replied. “Aiden wasn’t the name she gave me though, I was Lee. And I have a younger brother, but I don’t know him cause he was adopted too.”

“They wouldn’t let you see him?” Alistair asked, looking annoyed. “He’s your fucking brother!”

“We were both adopted out to different families,” Aiden shrugged. “It’s just the way it works in the system.”

“Then the system is fucking stupid. But anyway…you wanted to see me? Why?” Alistair asked.

“I don’t know anyone… like…” Aiden shrugged, putting his arms out, “I didn’t know you existed until about 6 months ago! I kinda…” He intertwined his fingers and looked down at them. “Sharon might not want me… but I’d like to know about where I come from…”

Alistair cringed a little. “Well, fuck… Aiden… It’s not a family history you’d want. I actually cut contact with them.”

“But there’s still you…” Aiden mumbled.

Alistair blushed. It was awkward and embarrassing to be told something like that by someone who, blood relative or not, was still very much a stranger. But at the same time Alistair felt a little thrill inside him. This boy was family, and he wanted Alistair. He wanted to get to know him.

“Yeah,” Alistair smiled. “You’ve got me.”

“You… really?” Aiden sounded surprised, looking at Alistair, searching between each of his eyes checking to see how that they were both telling the truth. Then the tears came again, and he knew he couldn’t stop them; all thoughts of dignity left Aiden as he cried.

Alistair was a little flustered, and if he was perfectly honest he was fighting tears himself. He shuffled across the sofa to Aiden and awkwardly wrapped his arms around him.

“I can't… can’t explain how much that means,” Aiden was acutely aware of this boy’s arms around him and tried to pull himself together. “Sorry, I just… I don’t mean to.”

Alistair nodded, trying not to let his voice crack. “It’s okay. It’s…a weird situation. There isn’t a right way to react.”

“I didn't…” Aiden couldn’t help but laugh a little as he pulled away so he could see Alistair. “I didn’t think you’d be a redhead.”

Alistair smiled a little too. “That’s what Jules kept saying to me, while I was freaking out before. Stuff about how we have the same colouring.” He moved his head closer to Aiden’s, comparing hair colour.

“You can’t get much closer than that, can you?” Aiden smiled weakly; his tears had dried now. “Are you… do you mind if I ask you some questions? Like you can tell me to shut up and piss off if you want…”

“Yeah, of course. Well, let me hear them first. I assumed you’d want information,” Alistair said, looking a little wary.

“Oh…” Aiden’s eyes widened. “I didn’t expect you to say yes… um, I mean, are you an only child? Well, you answered the one about Sharon not having other kids… Do you have grandparents? Sorry, I’m just a bit stunned, I guess…”

“I have a brother, John. But we don’t get on. Grandparents on my father’s side are still alive. One has dementia, and if I’m honest it’s a bit depressing and embarrassing if I see her, because she calls me Lucy and doesn’t seem to remember that I’m male or that I’m her grandkid. I’m guessing Lucy was a friend or something, from what I’ve picked up… Anyway, our grandfather is mentally sound, but he doesn’t like me. Sorry, I’m not the best source with this. They all hate me,” Alistair said, sighing.

“Well we’ve got that in common, don’t we?” Aiden muttered. “I don’t exist apparently… But maybe we can be friends… or something?”

“We’re cousins! Of course I want to be friends with you. You actually seem like a good person, which is fucking rare in our family, mate,” Alistair said, rolling his eyes.

“Really?” Aiden said, grinning at the thought of actually being friends with his cousin - and this was his real cousin, none of that ‘you’re cousins cause you’re in the same care home’ stuff. “I think you seem pretty wonderful!”

Alistair raised his eyebrows. “You might be a nice guy, but you’re a bad judge of character.”

“I’m normally a very good judge of character,” Aiden replied, “I’m a - well, I’m training to be a nurse, I’m normally the person that gets people spot on.”

“Oh wow, you are? Oh wait, that made me think of a new question. How old are you?”

“I’m 21,” Aiden said, “how old are you? Your facebook wasn’t very clear.”

“Yeah, I haven’t been on that for years. I’m nineteen. You’re older.” He didn’t look too happy about that. Then he paused. “Stand up. Back to back with me.” Aiden stood, his heels touching the back of Alistair’s; he could feel his shoulders were slightly higher than Alistair’s, but it didn’t seem that Alistair was willing to accept that.

“Jules! Come in here!” Alistair called. Julius looked slightly confused to see the pair of redheads standing back to back. He assumed they’d be having a tearful reunion with lots of questions and comfort and hugging.

“Um…what’re you two doing?”

“Who’s taller?” Alistair said, standing up straighter. “Me or Aiden?”

“Aiden,” Julius replied instantly.

“Aaw, come on!” Alistair complained. “If he didn’t have his hair like that?”

“It’d still be Aiden, he’s a good two inches taller than you, Star.”

“Sorry,” Aiden grinned.

“Kit is bigger than me too! There’s only two family members I actually like and they’re both taller!” Alistair declared, flopping back on the sofa theatrically. Julius rolled his eyes at Aiden.

“This is an ongoing issue.”

“Ah…” Aiden nodded. “Sorry, there’s not much I can do about that one…”

“Star, you’ve just found you’ve got a long lost cousin and the first thing you do is see if he’s taller?” Julius asked, raising an eyebrow. Alistair huffed irritably.

“Not the first thing.”

“No, he answered my questions first!” Aiden agreed, nodding.

“Well, that’s something. Now, it’s getting late. You’re staying, Aiden?” Julius said, barely even remembering to frame it as a question.

“I… uh, no,” Aiden looked at the time on his phone; he hadn’t realised quite how long it’d been since he’d left Glasgow. “I don’t want to put you guys out…”

“Oh, it’s no trouble! We have people over all the time. Star brought home this lovely boy a few weeks ago, they’d been doing some drinking contest,” Julius said.

“R-really?” Aiden stammered, looking between the two boys. “I really don’t want to be a bother.”

“It’s not!” Julius insisted. “No doubt Alistair will want to ask you more questions tomorrow once he’s thought of some!”

“Yes,” Alistair nodded firmly. “There’ll be lots, I’m sure.”

“O-okay then,” Aiden said, “only if you’re both sure.”

“Of course! We’ve got a spare bedroom - our roommate bunks with her boyfriend a lot. But you could always hop into bed with us if you like,” Julius said casually.

“I… you just tell me where to go,” Aiden said, “I’ll sleep on the floor if that’s where you put me!”

“Well, will you and Star want to sleep with each other? You can catch up. It’ll be like a sleepover,” Julius said, his eyes shining at the thought. The idea of finding a long lost relative - especially one as sweet as Aiden - seemed amazing to him.

“Ooh, that’d be so lovely!” Aiden nodded. “Is that okay with you Alistair?”

“Yeah, why not?” Alistair said, trying to sound nonchalant. In actual fact he wanted to clutch on to this sweet cousin who actually seemed to like him. Sleeping together would make that easy.

“Oh super!” Aiden beamed. “Thank you so much, cuz.”

Alistair blushed, ducking his head almost shyly. “Y-yeah. Just…just get in the bedroom,” he muttered, flustered, before dashing off himself. Julius giggled and gave Aiden a wink.

Julius took Aiden’s hand and led him into the bedroom, showing him where the spare pyjamas were. “You’ll have to borrow Star’s, and they might be a bit small,” Julius said, and Alistair turned around from his seat on the bed and scowled.

“I’m sure they won’t be!” Aiden insisted firmly, although when he’d changed into them the trouser leg ended half way up his calf. “Thank you so much for this, Alistair…” Aiden yawned, watching his cousin closely. “Is there anything you want to ask me?”

Julius said goodnight, leaving the pair to it. Alistair leaned against the cushions on the bed, thinking. “God, there must be loads, but my mind keeps going blank. We’ll start with the easy ones. Do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend - Blake,” Aiden smiled, then his eyes widened suddenly. “Oh shit! He doesn’t know… sorry, can I call him?”

“Yeah, of course you can. You want to borrow my mobile?” Alistair asked.

“I’ve got mine, I just - sorry, I don’t mean to be rude,” Aiden apologised, pulling his phone out and dialling.

“It’s not rude. It’s nice that you’re not worrying your boyfriend,” Alistair said, leaning back and idly biting his nails while Aiden dialled.

“Blake, hey,  I’m sorry,” he spoke quietly over the phone. “No, no - nothing’s wrong, I’m just, I went to visit Alistair - Alistair, my cousin, you know? And I’m staying over. Yeah, everything’s fine. Yeah, I love you, bye.”

“Sorry about that,” Aiden said, putting his phone down. “I didn’t want him to worry, cause he would.”

“He sounds sweet,” Alistair commented. “How long have you been together?”

“He is very sweet - we’ve been together just over a year,” Aiden answered. “How long have you been with Julius?”

“We’ve been together for about nine months. But I’ve known him since I was thirteen,” Alistair explained.

“Oh, that’s lovely! He seems a total sweetheart,” Aiden said, “he’d get on with Blake, I know he would.”

“We’ll have to meet up properly. Keep in contact.” Alistair paused, suddenly looking bashful. “I mean…if you want to.”

“Please, like, I really want to,” Aiden nodded. “It’d be really good to have a cousin! I don’t have any other cousins!”

Alistair smiled at him. “Look, I’m not good at saying all that mushy stuff… But I’m really glad you contacted me.”

“I’m glad you let me come back up!” Aiden laughed slightly. “Thank you.”

“Sorry I shouted at you like before. I thought…it was some joke set up by my parents,” Alistair mumbled.

“It’s okay,” Aiden adjusted his head on his hand. “If it had happened to me, I probably would have done the same.”

Alistair started biting his nails again. “I don’t know how much Jules told you about my parents. But please, don’t try to make contact with them. They won’t care that you’re their nephew - just like they don’t care that I’m their son.”

“I’m sorry about that… I know exactly what that feels like, it sounds like it runs in the family, doesn’t it?” Aiden replied. “Sharon didn’t want me, your family don’t sound the greatest. Maybe we can change that trend?”

“I hope so. If I ever have kids, I want to treat them right. I promised myself that long ago,” Alistair said quietly.

“Me too,” Aiden nodded. “It’s not fair otherwise.”

“So you were adopted? Are your adoptive parents good?” Alistair asked.

“Twice… first time didn’t work out, and I went back into foster care,” Aiden explained. “But the second time, Lucy and Richard have been amazing… they’re so, so lovely. They didn’t need to keep me past 16 but they have.”

“Are you still with them now then?”

“I’m training to be a nurse at uni, but I go back there at holidays and stuff,” Aiden nodded. He couldn’t stifle a yawn. “They’d like you too…”

“They wouldn’t. I’m not good at meeting people. I always say something awful and fuck it up,” Alistair said, rolling his eyes.

“They would…” Aiden insisted. “I told Lucy to fuck off the first time I met her, and she’s still put up with me.”

“You did?” Alistair laughed. “Hm, I’m starting to see the resemblance between us.”

“It toughens you up, being in foster care,” Aiden muttered. “People think it’s like Tracy Beaker, or something, but it ain’t. It’s horrible. I’m glad I’m out of there now.”

“Funny, back when I was a kid I used to hope and pray someone would listen to me and I’d be put into care,” Alistair mumbled.

“And I used to wish someone would take me out…” Aiden looked across at Alistair, taking in the red hair and the pale skin that was so like his own. “I’m sorry… family maybe isn’t worth very much to both of us.” He reached out and grabbed his hand tightly.

Alistair squeezed his hand tight. “Yeah… It doesn’t sound like we had very fun childhoods.” He paused. “I’m kind of fucked up now. Just so you know. Like if I were you I’d get away from me while you can.”

“We’re all fucked up, don’t worry about that, you ain’t gonna scare me away,” Aiden replied. “I promise.”

“We’ll see,” Alistair mumbled. “You grew up in care. You know it’s smarter not to trust anyone.”

“I also know some people are worth the pain,” Aiden told him gently. Alistair bit his lip, suddenly choked up. He didn’t say anything, but he shuffled closer to Aiden and put his head on the older boy’s shoulder. Aiden rested his arm across Alistair’s waist, feeling the warmth of his head against him; he wanted to cling on, to hold tight, but he didn’t want to scare him away.

“You are,” Aiden whispered softly, “thank you.”

“I guess we should sleep,” Alistair said, whispering too. He had all sorts of meaningful things on the top of his tongue that he wanted to say, but for some reason he couldn’t get the words out.

“Yeah,” Aiden gave a tiny nod. “We can resume this conversation tomorrow morning.”

“Sorry. I keep…trying to say stuff. I want to tell you about how happy I am to find you. But it won’t come out right,” Alistair said. He was still whispering, but he wasn’t sure why.

“I know what you mean,” Aiden gave a gentle squeeze with his arm, “I’m so glad I finally got the courage to find you, I’m so happy.”

Alistair gave him a small smile, then pulled the duvet over them. “We’ve got so much to talk about… It’ll take forever to catch up.”

“We’ve got forever…” Aiden mumbled, closing his eyes; his head was still swirling, like he couldn’t quite believe what was going on, that this was really real.

Despite the shock, Alistair fell asleep quickly. As he slept he naturally moved towards Aiden, clinging onto him tightly. It was strange for Aiden - he couldn’t quite settle initially. Every time he began to slip off to sleep, he’d jolt awake with a start - realising where he was, and that the person next to him was his cousin, Alistair. Eventually he slipped into a strange sleep, just under the surface of consciousness.

The day replayed through in his head: from rummaging through his uni workings to find the address, to sitting outside of the flat for three quarters of an hour because he was too scared to go and knock on the door. Alistair yelling, and sitting on the cold wall outside; feeling the cold on the back of his thighs. His legs and thighs were cold. Even as he turned over in bed he felt the cold, and the damp, and -

“No - no… no!” Aiden’s throat strangled closed as he woke up, dampness all around his crotch and thighs; tears sprang to his eyes again as his heart thumped in his chest. “Oh god, no…”

Alistair grumbled restlessly as Aiden spoke, rolling over. “What..?” he mumbled, quickly drifting off to sleep again as soon as the words slipped past his lips.

“No, no Alistair, you need to get up… please?” Aiden burbled, trying not to let tears spill over his cheeks. “I - oh god, I’m sorry…”

Alistair was roused properly by the miserable tone of Aiden’s voice. He sat up, his hair a fiery tangle, rubbing his eyes. “What’s wrong..? Are you okay?”

“No…” Aiden pulled the duvet right up to his chin, his lip trembling as he was terrified to admit what had happened. “I - I…”

Alistair panicked a little, seeing he was about to cry. “Hey, it’s okay. Did you have a bad dream or something?”

“I - I think… oh god…” Aiden sniffed, then in a tiny voice he said: “I think I… maybe had an accident…”

Alistair’s eyes widened in realisation. His cheeks went a little pink. “Ah… Okay, don’t worry about it. It’s easily sorted.”

“Oh god… I’m so sorry,” Aiden’s face crumpled. Alistair shuffled over and awkwardly put his arms around Aiden.

“It’s alright. Nobody has to know about this,” Alistair mumbled, sounding rather flustered and embarrassed too.

“This… it hasn’t happened for ages… I’m so so sorry…” As soon as Alistair was out of the bed, Aiden bundled up the sheets into his arms, he stood looking at Alistair with his heart in his mouth.

There was already a mattress protector set up on the bed. Alistair glanced at it, and gave Aiden a weak smile. “It comes back when you’re stressed, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, how do you… oh,” Aiden’s eyes widened slightly.

“Yeah,” Alistair said, taking some of the sheets to help him. “I hate it. But Jules says it’s common with abused kids.” Alistair went still as he realised what he’d said.

“I’m yet to ever meet another care kid who’s not had an issue at some time,” Aiden said gently, then he gave a little nod. “I get it - I really do.”

“Come on. I’ll get the spare sheets. This will just be a secret…between family.”

“Really?” Aiden’s eyes welled up again. “Thank you…” He smiled weakly. “W - where is your washing machine? I’ll put these on…”

“I’ll show you. I hope you know how to use it. I haven’t got a fucking clue,” Alistair said. He led Aiden to a pokey utility room off the kitchen, the washer and the dryer nudging each uncomfortably in the small space. The spare sheets were stacked in there too, and Alistair grabbed an armful as Aiden dealt with the washing. He also handed Aiden more pyjamas too.

“You can clean up in the bathroom.”

“Okay,” Aiden clutched the dry pyjamas to his chest, “thanks.”  

When Aiden was in dry clothes, he bundled the wet ones into the machine too, closing the door and turning it on. Then he returned to the bedroom, to find Alistair kneeling on the middle of the bed with each hand at a corner of the sheet and his feet at the bottom corners.

“Are… are you okay?” Aiden asked, biting his lip to not laugh. “Can I give you a hand?”

“Yes!” Alistair cried, frustrated. “It’s not working! All the corners keep moving.”

“Okay, wait,” Aiden ran to the side of the bed, “you hold the corners on that side.” He told him, taking the corners from Alistair, lifting the mattress slightly and tucking the sheet in easily. He worked swiftly, tucking in the edges. Alistair watched and tried to copy, but he didn’t have the skills or the patience. His side didn’t tuck in properly, and he yanked it back out in a temper.

“Stupid thing!”

“Don’t worry,” Aiden hurried round to his side, taking the sheet from him, “I spend most of my time as a nurse making and re-making beds, it’s not easy!”

“I’m not good at this sort of stuff. House things. Jules always does that,” Alistair mumbled. “I’m pretty useless.”

“You’re not useless, not at all!” Aiden replied, perching on the edge of the bed. “Making beds isn’t everyone’s forte!  I think you’re pretty super from what I’ve seen…”

Alistair ruffled Aiden’s hair fondly. “Wait till you get to know me better! Come on, we should probably go back to sleep.”

“Thank you - for understanding,” Aiden murmured, climbing back under the covers. Alistair crawled in beside his cousin, cuddling close again.

“It’s okay. I know what it’s like.”

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When I first heard this song It was my Senior Year in High school. 2004, When I heard it I cried because I could relate so hard and Felt nobody would understand what its like to feel this way and then this song came out.  Its been My jam and theme song now for 13 years .

At the time, Asexual was still an unheard of term by Everyone. But this song helped me explain My asexuality though i didnt know at the time , what Asexual was. 

HOWEVER I NEVER saw the music video Until like 30 minutes ago. I am beyond moved to tears again over this Gorgeous Epic song for asexuality and I hope this video reasonates with you as much as it does me! 

Heres to My Closeted ASEXUALS this CHristmas MAY THIS SONG Give YOU EMPOWERMENT

@asexual-society @asexualmoments @asexual-pride @ifishouldvanish @fuckyeahasexual @theasexualityblog 

I am in tears once again. I just saw the letters the members of Shinee wrote and I am amazed at the amount of professionalism and strength they have. I wish for this year to be good to them and Shawol as they continue on for not only their fans but their loving member and brother.