As I sat in the dark
I felt that old feeling
The familiar sensation
The good friend called loneliness
Start slinking back to me
At first it whispered
Its presence filled the room
The cold emptiness washed over me
And brought the hole in my chest
The tear stained pillows
The sleepless nights
The endless worry
It dragged me down
And just when I gave in to the ache
And my shoulders started to shake
Aloneness grabbed me and kept pulling me deeper
Never to be brought back to the light.
who read about knights in shining armours and wanting to be one so bad
who was told that he was a wizard and his parents didnt believe the lady in the green hat for a long time but colin didnt need convincing
WHO CRAMMED HIS HEAD FULL OF EVERY BOOK HE COULD FIND ABOUT THE WIZARDING WORLD AND WANTED TO KNOW EVERYTHING
who could not stop talking about hogwarts the summer before his first year because ‘mum dad this is real im going to see unicorns and mermaids and see real life magic mum dad im going to learn to do these things’
'mum dad there’s this boy in this book called harry potter and he defeated the darkest wizard of all time mum dad he’s a year older than me MUM DAD WHAT IF HES AT HOGWARTS’
going to hogwarts for the first time and he’s tripping over his own feet at the platform and ’don’t worry dennis i promise i will take lots of photographs for you when i come home for christmas'
not being able to carry everything on his own bc he’s just so tiny and struggling to get his trunk and his things on the train but his camera falls out and this redhead girl picks it up for him with a bright smile
the sorting hat sitting on his head trying to work out what house he should be but colin has already seen harry potter and he already knows he wants to be a gryffindor so bad
taking lots of photographs of everything at hogwarts, especially harry potter, because he wants to remember all of this all and he wants to show this all to his little brother
getting petrified when he’s only eleven but he can’t remember any of it and he couldn’t go home for christmas or the easter holidays because he was lying in a hospital bed
learning that magic wasn’t always good and it was a hell lot dangerous than he signed up for but he doesn’t care
going home and telling his parents and brother that 'no its okay im okay i promise it was great’
telling his brother that he was going to be so excited until his parents told them that he should stop talking about it so much around his brother since the lady in the green hat said it was rare for even one wizard to appear in a muggle family, let alone two
colin not doubting for a second that his brother wasn’t a wizard
defending him to death ’no mum he’s a wizard just you wait i know he is’
getting told that wow indeed both of the brothers were wizards how extraordinary
OVEREXCITED COLIN AND DENNIS TOGETHER
'this is it dennis this is the dream we are both wizards we will be able to do magic’
telling dennis all about the great harry potter because can you believe it a real life hero we have a real life hero in front of us
staying up all night trying to bewitch the 'potter stinks’ badges into something better, even though his charm skills were one of the worst in the class
but he believed in harry, he really did
even when harry came back with cedric’s dead body and told the world that voldemort was rising again
signing up for dumbledores army because i am a gryffindor i can fight i can be a hero too
hearing his brother’s friend’s mother getting killed and this is not a game anymore this is something out of their control and they were probably going to die
grabbing his family before his sixth year and quick mum dad this is not the time anymore we are in danger you are in danger we need to hide
camping out with his parents and his brother to keep them safe
hearing the battle was about to start and ’im sorry dennis i need to go and fight, you stay here with mum and dad, keep them safe, but i need to go’
'colin you can’t, you will die, don’t go and fight’
'i have to im sorry’
neville passing colin in battle anD WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU WILL DIE COLIN YOU ARE UNDERAGE GO BACK
'with all due respect i am also part of dumbledores army and i will stay and fight and SOD IT this is my home too now that i am protecting’
him saving madame pince in the battle from getting hit by a killing curse as she tried to get more kids into safety and stunning death eaters
using the impediment jinx over and over again because that was the first spell he could ever truly master the best in dumbledore’s army when they were all practising two years prior
passing more older students and all they say is whilst they shout spells is 'what are you doing here you’re underage’
and he sees the green spell coming to hit him and he knows he cannot escape this so he just thinks of how he wanted to be a hero and how sorry he was to his parents and how you’re going to be okay now dennis i promise i died so you can live in this wizarding world in peace
his brother finding out he’s dead long after the battle is finished and crying and screaming and he was the only brother i got he was so brave oh god colin what did you do
his death being awarded order of the merlin: first class but it wasn't enough for dennis because thats my brother dead i cannot have an award replace my brother i cannot talk to him and hug him anymore he is dead dead dead
finally understanding all those years later why his brother chose to go back into battle and fight
I’ve already written and lost this post once today. I’ve poured my heart and soul out over it, and then proceeded to cry for half the day over losing something I’ve worked on for two hours.
However I find myself constantly overwhelmed by just how much feeling Yuri!!! On Ice is able to evoke in me. Just listening to one of the soundtracks I am one again overcome with tears and all these amazing, fluffy, warm feelings, so I’m giving it another shot and writing this post up once again.
I’m afraid I’m never going to find the words to express everything I feel perfectly, as I did this morning, and I don’t even remember all the points I wanted to make, but I sure as hell can look through the tears in my eyes and try to write up something half decent to maybe get half of my feelings across to like-minded people.
There’s So Much I could talk about regarding episode 8. However, I’m going to resume to the two major subjects that are making a fucking wreck out of my heart.
So ok, I’ve heard people in the fandom comment on how this episode was, let’s say, too ‘mellow’ regarding Viktuuri and The Gay, compared to previous ones. However nearly a day has passed, and with each passing minute I feel more and more awed by how much love this episode expressed.
We’re all used to the episodes up to now that have been in-your-face gay. This one wasn’t that obvious. Not only did it try to pay a bit more focus to the other skaters - but with this episode, we saw a different kind of love. Episode 8 was literally like a slow-release pill. While it wasn’t that obvious while I was watching, every single moment hits me stronger and stronger every time I remember.
Following last week, we didn’t get a direct acknowledgement of the kiss, and this is an unpopular opinion, but as far as I’m concerned - this is So Good.
So far, everything about their relationship had grown so steadily, so naturally. There was never one moment when BAM, one character fall in love. There was never one direct admission that ‘we are in love and we are together now’. Instead what we got was a relationship that developed, and grew so naturally,and seemlessly, that one day, with no direct statements needed, both the characters and the viewers simply Knew that they love each other.
So I’m SO GLAD that they didn’t go out of their way to acknowledge the kiss. Instead it was treated like it was nothing more than the obvious next, natural step in their ever-growing relationship. And for me, that’s so beautiful. Because knowing that about two weeks have passed since the cup of china, what we see now is not a love confession - we see a couple whose relationship feels domestic, and normal, and organic and relaxed.
Today, we’ve seen things that we never have before between them, and they seem more and more significant every single time I remember. They both act so casually, so in sync, their whole dinamic feels so domestic, like a married couple who have known each other for years and are perfectly in tune with how the other acts. They’re literally like two pieces of puzzle that slide next to each other so easily and perfectly, to the point where there’s no doubt that they’re made to be a pair.
They flirt openly. They display affection in ways that differ from the usual hugs they always shared. For the first time, every one of their behaviours is reciprocated. They act silly together, they act serious together. We see Viktor kissing his skate while Yuuri wears this ‘look at my silly boyfriend’ look where he would have once been flustered. We see Viktor actually answer him when Yuri does his possessive boyfriend thing. Twice this episode, we see Viktor kneeling in front of Yuuri. This has never happened before in the whole show - and it’s so important that it happens now, right on the tail of the previous episode, where for the first time, they finally reach equal grounds in their relationship once Yuuri calls him an idiot (that’s a discussion for another post, though).
We see the two of them the moment they both notice Yurio in his agape mode. With no preparation, with zero thought, they simultaneously make the proudest, silliest faces and proceed to cheer on the child, in perfect sync, and they’re so cute and amazing when they do.
We see them cheering in each other’s language - using each other’s specific favourite word like they’d spent so much time together that they’d picked up on the other’s verbal quirks. We see them do this in front of the cameras, in an adorable scene where they act together like a quirky couple and move like a tag team and where Yuri wears this fond, warm smile despite being whacked in the face.
We see Yuuri skating out on the ice, thinking about how nobody in the entire world wants him to win, about how the whole ice-skating world is basically against him at this moment - and despite expectations, not even for a second is he afraid or even slightly nervous. He’s actually excited - I’d even say Exilerated - about it. It’s him, taking on the entire ice-skating world, and he can’t wait for it. Because now he knows that he won’t lose something -someONE- he cares about to them. He’s so Confident and At Ease around Viktor, he is 100% determined to show the entire world, as well as Viktor himself, that their place is next to each other - whether as skaters or as lovers, it doesn’t even matter.
I’m honestly so happy with this episode, I’m purely overwhelmed with how much love there is between these two, and how healthy and wonderful and amazing their relationship has become.
Ok, guys. Hear me out. I love my angry kitten son, So. Much. He was so adorable and cute this episode I lost my shit, all those SMILES honestly just shoot me in the face and stop my pain. He’s amazing. So, hey, listen. Hear me out.
Yurio is a 15 year old, and an ice skater, right? Right. Honestly, he’s 15 and he’s so amazing and Determined. He’s giving it his absolute all in order to succeed at this one thing and once again I’m overwhelmed by how amazing he is in the way that he pursues this dream.
So anyway, for the past months, we’ve seen him struggle and learn and improve so much, and now here he is, going all Agape on their asses and looking like an actual fucking princess. Guys he’s so pretty.
This episode we Finally got to meet his grandpa, the figure he uses to channel his Agape. We see Yurio finally smiling and acting silly and that’s beautiful. However, interesting enough, even though Grandpa is supposed to be the main figure related to Yurio’s new skating, we’ve never once seen him next to the rink, even in memories. He’s always connected to warm moments, and walks and Home. What’s even more, of the two times we’ve seen him skate on Agape, not once was he actually able to channel the feeling of agape though his grandpa. It was a struggle for him to even remember his grandpa while skating.
On the other hand, for the past episodes, it seems the opposite is true for the other adults around him. The most obvious we have are Yakov and his ex wife, what’s-her-name. We see some of his training; we see him moving in with her for the sake of that training. We see these two adults treat him like a professional ice skater, as he is, and as he deserves to be treated because he worked so hard to be where he is today.
Following his gold medal in the junior grand Prix, even the rest of the ice skating world sees him like a professional. And that’s amazing.
Through all of this however, all of these people seem to forget that he is, in fact, also just a 15 year old.
And hey, guys.
Hear me out.
I love Viktor and Yuri. So. Much. You don’t understand. They’re amazing and cute and just. I love them.
Y’all remember the ‘hot springs on ice’ event, right? Of course you do. It struck me that, at that time, they had that contest between ‘the two yuris’. What was amazing at that time was that despite being around ten years older than him, Viktor and Yuri never once looked down on Yurio, never once treated him condescendingly or as if he was only a child. They both treated him with respect, took him seriously and acknowledged him as an ice skater.
However, as we’ve seen, the opposite is also true. In episode 8, Yurio has lashed out and thrown a hissy fit at them on more than one occasion. However both Yuri and Viktor only smiled in response, because they knew not to take mean remarks to heart. They knew he’s just a 15 year old with a lot of feelings, and they knew not to be hurt by what he’s saying and doing.
Instead we see their reactions when Yurio’s making his way out on the ice in full Agape mode. And what they do is proceed to put on the proudest, happiest possible smiles. They proceed to be happy for him, to even cheer him on - they’re the ones who wake him up when he’s growing towards a panic attack.
Despite the fact that, by all accounts, they’re supposed to be rivals in this contest, they cheer on him and support him as if he were their child.
I have no words to describe how wonderful this is, because they’re the first people who acknowledge him as an ice skater AND a 15 year old - little more than a child, really - without having one side overshadow the other, without acting as if he were a kid like his fangirls seem to, yet without forgetting that he still is young, and providing the emotional support that he needs. Even if Yurio can’t seem to see it yet, be cause he Has to Be Stong (a discussion for another post) they’re both there for him.
At the moment, he can’t channel his Agape peopperly thinking of his grandfather.
Guys, lis t e n
He can’t Channel Agape thinking of his grandpa. Meanwhile there Viktor and Yuri are, throwing so much love and support at him despite his prickly edges and hissy fits, throwing unconditional love at him-
gU Y S
WHat if Viktor and Yuri are his Agape. They’re the Only One we’ve seen who accept both aspects of him and shower him in unconditional love and pride and support. He refuses to acknowledge it, or if he can’t see it. They’re There, waiting for the moment when he’s ready to accept them.
He hasn’t been managing Agape because he can’t channel that feeling with the way he’s trying to now. He won’t be able to channel it that way, either. He needs to change his agape.
The ultimate Character Development for him would be to realise that he’s got so much unconditional love from a completely different source and he needs to accept it. -
What if the first time he manages to perfect Agape is only when he acknowledges Viktor and Yuri and and accepts their Unconditional Love? I have so many feelings about this, I’m so passionate about these three because they’re all amazing and their relationship is wonderful and I just.
Someone please scream with me because I have so many pent up feelings.
I’m also tired as fuck because I had a massive emotional breakdown not even halfway through this and I’m still really bitter that I can’t find the proper words to express my thoughts on these three children, so I still have a lot left in me to keep screaming about them for hours.
(Please scream with me someone)
So yeah, anyway, have this 2k word behemoth of a post with my thoughts on the main 3. I'ma go have some coffee now, hmu, byeEE~~